I Roundhouse Kicked Chuck Norris And Lived To Tell The Tale

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 22 People

    Oscar the Grouch didn't always live in a trash

    can. He owed Chuck Norris money but didn't pay and Chuck roundhouse kicked his dumpster.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 10, 2014

    Never enter into a battle of wits with CN.

    If he cannot outwit you, he will take you out of the game with an explosive roundhouse kick to the skull.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 15, 2015

    Chuck Norris can perform a whip kick,

    side kick and roundhouse kick simultaneously. With the same leg.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2015

    Einstein's theory of relativity is wrong.

    Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks CAN exceed the speed of light.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 7, 2015

    The earth can't be destoryed by a meteor

    because 1. No meteor would dare go near Chuck Norris 2. If one did he would roundhouse kick it back to space.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2015

    Chuck Norris invented double rainbows: he

    roundhouse kicked a normal one in half.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2015
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    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 30, 2015

    Contrary to popular belief,

    Chuck Norris invented electricity, the Theory of Relativity, and the Roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 16, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 3, 2015

    A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be

    released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2015

    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Gilligan's

    Island gang back to civilization.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 31, 2014

    The Rock quotes: Can you smell what the rock is

    cooking. Chuck Norris doesn't have to say anything he just simply roundhouse kicks you into summation.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 8, 2015

    One day, Chuck Norris was

    so angry he roundhouse-kicked a mountain, and it exploded. Coincidentally, that mountain was Mount Saint Helens.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 29, 2015

    The asteroid belt was

    once a planet,but that's before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 16, 2015

    Chuck Norris was once asked "what would you do

    for a klondike bar?" He politely took the klondike bar and roundhouse-kicked the guy through the ozone.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jan 14, 2015

    Chuck Norris will never be on The Apprentice

    cuz' The Donald knows that chuck would fire Him!...wait for it...with a round house kick to the face.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 15, 2015

    When Chuck Norris makes a roundhouse kick he

    may appear to be moving around. What actually happens is, he just makes the world move around him.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 18, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 27, 2015

    Chuck Norris invented a language

    that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 28, 2014

    If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant,

    the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 6, 2014

    Chuck Norris performed an autopsy using two

    roundhouse kicks and a nail clipper.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 19, 2015

    Someone gave Chuck Norris a chocolate cookie

    once, he roundhouse kicked it, destroying the Nestle Tollhouse factory
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Mar 21, 2015

    Law of Gravity doesn't apply to Chuck Norris,

    he enforces it...with a round house kick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 5, 2015

    When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you,

    double rainbows are formed in the arcs of his kicks.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 12, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 16, 2015

    Death came for Chuck Norris,

    but Chuck didn't want to go, so he round-house kicked Death and now they play poker every other Thursday
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 10, 2015

    I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg.

    ..now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 7, 2014

    One summer day, Chuck Norris was grilling

    steaks in his backyard when Bobby Flay approached him and challenged him to a Throwdown. Six hours later, surgeons were successful in reducing the swelling in Bobby's brain caused by a perfectly placed roundhouse kick to Bobby's temple. Prior to surgery, Bobby's head swelled up...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 10, 2014

    The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda

    Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 11, 2014

    If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could

    power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 1, 2015

    Every time Chuck Norris smiles,

    someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 14, 2014

    Mess with Chuck Norris,

    you get roundhouse kicked.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 7, 2015

    Every hurricane is a Chuck Norris

    roundhouse-kick gone horribly right.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 5, 2014

    Chuck Norris can't just roundhouse-kick.

    He can squarehouse-kick. And trianglehouse-kick. Did we mention the tornadohouse-kick?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 5, 2015

    Some say that the Zombies are dead people

    turned alive. Another Theory is that the Zombies are people survived a Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 14, 2015

    The helicopter was invented

    after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 8, 2015

    Who would win in a fight between a bear

    and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 25, 2014

    Lucifer did not fall from heaven

    because he sinned. In fact, he was round-house kicked by Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 21, 2014

    Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new

    dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 22, 2014

    Many things misteriously came true the day

    Chuck Norris made a pig fly with a roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 29, 2015

    Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris

    with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 25, 2015
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    1 Response Jul 13, 2015
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    1 Response Jul 16, 2014

    I once did a report on Chuck Norris.

    The paper roundhouse kicked me in the face.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 10, 2015

    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the

    preferred method of execution in 16 states. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 8, 2014

    New Wikileaks cable realesed the only possible

    defence against Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick. It says: RUN!!!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 21, 2015

    Once someone forgot to stand up

    when Chuck Norris entered the room. Chuck roundhouse kicked him into the man behind him creating a nuclear explosion.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 29, 2015

    Jean-Claude Van Damme

    once attempted to throw a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. He was immediately arrested for Fraud.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 2, 2015

    Chuck Norris roundhoused a golf ball.

    It became the only recorded hole in one on a par 5 in history.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 20, 2014

    Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can

    smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 18, 2014

    Chuck Norris won't rock your world,

    he will roundhouse kick it to another universe.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 14, 2015

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris

    that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 7, 2015
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