I Silly Jokes 1

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 65 People

    Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?

    A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 22, 2014

    Beethoven's Chicken Q: Why did Beethoven kill

    his chicken? A: It kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
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    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 25, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 18, 2015

    Q. Why should we be encouraged by the story of

    Jonah and the whale? A. Because Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right. Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible? A. When Noah took Ham into the ark. Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks? A. Quackers...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 18, 2015

    Q: What happens when a ghost haunts a

    theater? A: The actors get stage fright.
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    61-65, M
    1 Response May 21, 2015

    Q: What do you get when you cross an octopus

    with a cow? A: An animal that can milk itself.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 22, 2015

    Q: Did you hear about the farmer

    who ploughed his field with a steamroller? A: He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 1, 2015

    Q: Did you hear about the man

    who lost his whole left side? A: He's all-right now!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 17, 2015

    Q: Where does a sheep go

    for a haircut? A: To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 18, 2015

    Q: Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean?

    A: He wanted som arr and arr.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 18, 2014

    Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands

    over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Billy used to do the same things," the older woman replied, "but I broke him of that pesky habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth!"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 26, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 24, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 3, 2015

    Q: If athletes get athlete's foot,

    what do astronauts get? A: Missile toe!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 18, 2014

    Flea Jokes What is the most faithful insect?

    A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them! What insect runs away from everything? A flee! What is the difference between a flea and a wolf? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie! What to you call a Russian flea? A Moscow-ito! Two fleas...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 1, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 12, 2014

    Q. Why don't anteaters get sick?

    A. Because they're full of anty-bodies!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2014

    Q: What has a bunch of little balls

    and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 25, 2014

    Refrigerator Man A woman goes to a psychiatrist

    and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!'' ''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.'' ''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 2, 2015

    Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down

    a rabbit hole? A: A hot cross bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 7, 2015

    Q. What should you do to a red elephant?

    A. Quit telling it dirty jokes.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 26, 2015

    Q: what do you call a guitar that's made of

    sodium hydroxide? A: A base guitar.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 25, 2014

    Fred & Saddam Q: How is Saddam like Fred

    Flintstone? A: Both look out their windows and see Rubble.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 25, 2014

    Q: Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?

    A: Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 7, 2015

    Q: When a knight in armour was killed in

    battle, what sign did they put on his grave? A: Rust in Peace!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 11, 2015

    Q: Why did the boy carry a clock

    and a bird on Halloween? A: It was for "tick or tweet"!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 2, 2014

    Q: What would you get

    if you crossed a rabbit with a bumblebee? A: A honey bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 10, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 5, 2014

    A witch joke Why did the witch join the

    football club? Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper! A witch joke What do you call a witch that climbs up walls? Ivy! A witch joke Why was the witch late for the party? She'd lost her witch-watch! A witch joke What happened when the witch...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 7, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 20, 2014

    A man is driving down a country road,

    when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 2, 2015

    Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?

    A: With a tuba glue!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 18, 2014

    Q: Do you know why dogs don't dance?

    A: They have two left feet!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 3, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Sep 5, 2014

    Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?

    He's still looking for a crypt writer though!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 19, 2014

    Q: What do you get

    when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar? A: A leap year!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 9, 2015

    Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of

    hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls? A: Because they couldn't spell their names!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

    Q: What's yellow and goes up

    and down? A: A banana in an elevator.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 19, 2015

    A man goes into a pet shop

    and buys a talking dog for 50 pounds. He then shows the dog to his friends and challenges them: "I bet everyone this dog can talk." His friends all take the bet, only to find that the dog will not utter a word, however hard it is encouraged, and the bewildered owner reluctantly...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 16, 2015

    I've got some Carefree gum,

    but it hasn't kicked in yet. I'm worried.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?

    A: Because he was a DOUBLE CROSSER!!!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 20, 2014

    Q: What's the fastest fast food?

    A: Lamb-burger-inis.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 26, 2015

    Q: Who did the zombie take out

    for dinner? A: His GHOULfriend!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Mar 29, 2015

    Q: What do you call a boy named Lee

    that no one talks to?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 16, 2014

    A woman took her dog to the vet.

    She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 27, 2014

    Q: What happens if you see twin witches?

    A: You won't be able to see which witch is witch!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 2, 2014

    Q: What are the strongest days of the week?

    A: Saturday and Sunday. All the rest are weak days!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

    After reading the morning headlines about the

    recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, Sir, stock...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 18, 2014

    A noise woke me up this morning.

    What was that? The crack of dawn!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 25, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2015

    Q: What stories do Ship Captain's children

    like to hear? A: Ferry Tales.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 13, 2015

    Q: Why are frogs so happy?

    A: They eat whatever bugs them
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Sep 25, 2014

    Q: What is an astronauts favorite key on

    the keyboard? A: The space bar!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 11, 2015

    Q: What did the cobbler say

    when a cat wandered into his shop? A: Shoe!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 9, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 31, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 4, 2015

    Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?

    A: Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 6, 2015
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