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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 159 People

    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

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    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

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    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    And I Feel One Coming On

    Please do not do this to me... Please. Your silence could not be more ominous and you have me wide awake, worried sick and staring into the abyss at 4.48 am.You know who you are. Do not comment here but respond via our usual means. I hope you are ok.
    LonelyDude77 LonelyDude77 36-40, M Nov 11, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    Okay...I really have no idea of where to start but here goes.. I have everything I could ever want a loving partner, good home, well paid job etc. And yet I have still managed to...
    hannahj26 hannahj26 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 28

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    I think I am nothing and nobody and worthless, and I hurt the people I love and try to drive them away to prove I am hateful and mean and worthless. I can't not do this. I will...
    wundayatta wundayatta 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 6

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    This post might be long but I do Hope some people read this. I'll try to make it as short as possible. keep in mind this is NoT a love story maybe it was intended to be once but I...
    rukesh3 rukesh3 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 16

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    I have totally messed up my life. I am going no where in life besides mental hospitals for the last three and a half years. I'm never going back to one again..willingly that is. I...
    blahlahblah599 blahlahblah599 16-17, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Selfish, and Very Proud! Of course I'm selfish. Everyone is selfish if you really think about it, I'm just going to be upfront honest with you about the fact that I'm selfish and...
    FR3DR1CKA FR3DR1CKA 16-17, F Jun 28

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    From all the cold and heartless things I've seen happen around the world i find my self doubting that god ever existed. why would a man with such great power sit by and ignore all...
    FrostyMethod FrostyMethod 18-21, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    I'm a boy and sometimes I would like to grow female breast!!!!
    JordanRocha JordanRocha 18-21, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    Like 5 days a week I feel better alone, away from the world... Everyone just seems soo focus on themselves it's like you try to talk to anyone surrounding you & it's all about them...
    presseve presseve 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I was just on the phone with my partner. He didn't notice he'd been talking about what he wants to get for himself. Time ran out he had to leave for work not realising i hadn't...
    imshiela34 imshiela34 31-35, F 5 hrs ago

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    Every day seems to get a little darker. The emptiness inside my soul is the most lonely place I can be. Lonely and alone are two different things. I want to be alone but am tired...
    Opti1956 Opti1956 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 4

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    I started cutting my freshman year of high school, in a crowded student center, unnoticed. At the time, my boyfriend had let me down. It was such a SMALL thing, but it got to me. I...
    thecellist thecellist 18-21, F Jul 17

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    I am a model, and i am here to make a difference. I am a model and blogger for Modern Day Venus Institute. We are an online magazine dedicated to softening the light on sexuality...
    TeddyBearTweaker TeddyBearTweaker 18-21, F Jul 3

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    I am a pacifist. I like to get high sometimes. I don't support America being the world's police force. I like 60's and 70's music. I believe in peaceful protests. These are a few...
    RaverFan RaverFan 41-45 4 Responses Jul 4

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    I started self harming around a week ago. it's amazing how a few cuts can turn into 100. I started with a few on my legs, then a couple of minutes later my whole leg was bleeding...
    silentgirl1234 silentgirl1234 13-15, F 4 Responses Jul 3

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    Have you ever just felt so upset, and you're crying so hard that you're shaking and no noise comes out? Have you ever just wanted to run the blade across your skin because its all...
    dyingalittleinside97 dyingalittleinside97 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 4

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    I wanna be a model but I have self harm all over my left arm and it sucks :/ I'm also too short :/
    Angrysalads Angrysalads 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 10

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    It was a couple of years and he is a good friend. I was going though a bad time and lacked self confidence. I heard from a friend that he really wanted me to model for him and I...
    TamaraTheWorld TamaraTheWorld 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 11

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    It's weird to complain about that. My mother was a psychologist and she worked hard on me since I was a child to make me confident and have great self steem... and she was...
    tuttyfrutty tuttyfrutty 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 11

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    I've always wanted to be a model but I'm scared to send photos because I don't want to be rejected and I struggle with self confidence any advice
    kenziebear kenziebear 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 18

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    My story can be quite a long one, but to sum it up semi-quickly I had started cutting myself on my 16th birthday. I truly can't remember what had caused me to start, I just know...
    LostInALife LostInALife 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    It's okay to be selfish sometimes. We are all only human and that means that we have faults. Acknowledge it, deal with it and move on. Besides, a little selfishness keeps us...
    Nuovinzi Nuovinzi 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 28

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    I wake up in morning wishing i never did. I sit up in bed and look at my phone no texts like always making up friends in my head. Fall back to sleep by crying sometimes i feel like...
    beautifulreject beautifulreject 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 28

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    Ralph Lauren de la mode est devenu l'un des meilleurs choix des personnes qui collectent des vêtements de marque. ralph lauren homme À ce jour, cette ligne de...
    daisy01gladys daisy01gladys 26-30, F Jul 18

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    I am tired of being empty and dark inside. The aloneness is almost overwhelming. Alone and lonely are different. I want to be alone, but I am tired of being lonely. I do know that...
    Opti1956 Opti1956 56-60, M Jul 4

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    Obtention légitime Pandora solde est un pandora hearts superbe achat car il est construit à partir de la meilleure excellente ainsi que transmis à travers serré examen de d...
    xdhfjtgr xdhfjtgr 22-25 Jul 7

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    Female Fashion Model Measurements: BEFORE the year of 2000: Couture & Lingerie - Catwalk & Prints: Height: 5'-9" to 5'-11" (175cm to 180cm) Bust: 33"-34.5" (84cm**-88cm) Waist...
    GlennVN GlennVN 36-40, M Jul 12

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    Female Fashion Model Measurement Req: BEFORE the year of 2000: Couture & Lingerie - Catwalk & Prints: Height: 5'-9" to 5'-11" (175cm to 180cm) Bust: 33"-34.5" (84cm**-88cm...
    GlennVN GlennVN 36-40, M Jul 12

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    Female Fashion Model Measurement Req: BEFORE the year of 2000: Couture & Lingerie - Catwalk & Prints: Height: 5'-9" to 5'-11" (175cm to 180cm) Bust: 33"-34.5" (84cm**-88cm...
    GlennVN GlennVN 36-40, M 1 Response Jul 14

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    Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a Victoria's Secret model. I started reading the requirements to be a model and it hurts me to know that every model must be a giant. I'm a...
    ThatDarnKatz ThatDarnKatz 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 15

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    I thought I let my fiancé tell this in a guy's perspective. We had this conversation after witnessing young girls, probably only 16 years old, walking around our neighbourhood...
    EllaAfter EllaAfter 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Push Models is one of the most prominent event staffing companies, highly acknowledged for providing reliable and attractive promotional models as well as brand ambassadors for...
    anderson299 anderson299 26-30, M 4 days ago

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    Established in 2004, Push Models is a trusted event staffing company that caters to businesses throughout the United States and Canada. So far, they have served a multitude of...
    anderson299 anderson299 26-30, M 4 days ago

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    It be wonderful to take a woman skinny or chubby and turn her into a beautiful BBW web model.
    bignatbreastluver bignatbreastluver 46-50, M Jul 2

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    Sometimes I like my selfies... Sometimes.
    DepressingKayla DepressingKayla 16-17, F 5 Responses Jul 12

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    I'm a shy person. I want more self-confidence. well, I had joined a theater club in my school to boost up my self-confidence. It worked tough, but sometimes I think I'm still lack...
    gytriajeng gytriajeng 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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