Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 149 People

    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    Being the bomb isn't usually fun.
    issom255 issom255 22-25, F 7 Responses Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    i have bad thoughts almost all the time i am afraid from the future afraid to live life i want to change i want to be happy and not afraid to live life at its fullest any words of...
    anazi anazi 26-30, F Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't make good choices...
    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter 18-21, F Jan 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Last night, I cut open the same scar I used to constantly dig into with a pencil sharpener blade. It had been over a year since that scar was open. Then I cut the toe out of a sock...
    blackspikex blackspikex 18-21, F 33 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Shanghai SBM LM series Vertical roller mill for medium to large-scale production has a strong ability to adapt, with crushing mill, screening classification, a number of features...
    mhah mhah 22-25, M Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    What to say to a self harmer in public if you see one? Nothing. Just be nice. The only time I will talk to someone I do not know about self-harm is if they are a cutter or are...
    spudlydudly spudlydudly 22-25 Jan 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My BOYS with a SUPER BOWL selfie!! I LOVE them!!!! GO PATRIOTS!!!
    Donna717 Donna717 36-40, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My friend Gina sent me this selfie of herself boot shopping. She did buy new boots dying to see her this weekend to see if these are the leather boots!
    Donna717 Donna717 36-40, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Sometimes I wonder what is the point of me. I can't remember the last time I felt truly wanted. I know I have family and friends that love me, and I know they would be there for me...
    rycbar10 rycbar10 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel
    1:30am in the morning, here I am sat in a dark, silent house reflecting on my past, my regrets, my guilt and the ‘what I would have done differently’ scenarios. However...
    deathfromabove1066 deathfromabove1066 22-25, F Jan 18

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When I get new clothes I love to model them for my fiancee. She enjoys seeing me so happy in my women's clothing and compliments my sense of style. it surprises her sometimes that...
    Doviov Doviov 41-45 3 Responses Jan 19

    Your Response

    Cancel
    *photo attached* I recently got back into modeling(: So, expect a lot more photos!
    reckless21 reckless21 16-17, F 5 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    https://m.facebook.com/v2.0/dialog/share?app_id=303653856476164&display=touch&e2e=%7B%7D&href=http%3A%2F%2Fmodelvote.co.uk%2Fview-entry%3Fid%3DJSwzYFMsMzBgCmAK&locale=en_US&next...
    GiveMeHell GiveMeHell 16-17, F Dec 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Not quite a selfie but I like the eye make up I had done when I went for a modelling day in London
    strawberryblonde89 strawberryblonde89 22-25, F 5 Responses Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My wife is a shy and modest women; always dressed cute, but sexy (as her job requires it): dark mini-skirts, dark pantyhose, light blouses with generous décolleté...
    bluezbooy bluezbooy 41-45, M 13 Responses Jan 22

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I know my own thoughts and my feelings... not as much as 'knowing', more like 'sensing'... I can hear my thoughts, can feel my feelings, probably, most likely, better than most...
    SimonFlarerington SimonFlarerington 22-25, M Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I've self-harmed for over a year! I remember crying my self to sleep with my thighs burning, I remember the blood dripping as I cut deeper, feeling like no one loves me. Everyday I...
    ElissaAcosta ElissaAcosta 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Some are beautiful and sometimes wear the most irresistible outfits
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I've gotten to the point when I don't even really eat anymore. I rarely eat breakfast because I'm not a morning person and I have class during breakfast time. I sometimes eat lunch...
    lizygurl lizygurl 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Hate is just too strong of a word for this case. I just...have known her - Mary - for most of my life. We've never really fought, though we banter and debate with one another all...
    Ewoo Ewoo 16-17 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    *Trigger warnings are in the post* I started self-harming in early 2008. I stopped in late 2011. So four years. I was in highschool then, and finished highschool in 2012. I...
    Nomnomk Nomnomk 18-21, F Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    One of those days where I just can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. It's especially disheartening because I try so hard to look good and I put a lot of effort into my...
    brimc7 brimc7 16-17, F 6 Responses Jan 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Sometimes I adore myself and feel like I am queen of the world. But other times I feel like a complete screw up who can't do anything right. Hell, I AM a complete screw up who can...
    Cgyan Cgyan 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I used to. Sometimes I still want to.. But I can't. I've tried many times to kill myself but thankfully no success. My 2 little sisters self harm as well. (They're 12&13!!) I'm...
    Gabrielaaaa99 Gabrielaaaa99 13-15, F Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I've modelled since I was 2 and a half. However, I feel pressured into it....I want to do something more courages and ambitious, something, more, well, ME...different. My mother...
    Thelittledancer Thelittledancer 18-21, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    i went to my cousins agent because my cousin is a model and i told him i wanted to be a model and he laughed in my face told me i should follow other dreams and and i would would...
    ilovemyhaters ilovemyhaters 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    10 years from now I keep having an image pop up, in my mind. I'm sitting down at a computer, it seems, or maybe I'm writing something on a piece of paper. I look occupied, but...
    TheAnonymousINFx TheAnonymousINFx 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    He's a song-writing genius who changed music forever and has inspired so many great bands aswell (e.g. Sex Pistols). I own their self-titled album and love it so far. These guys...
    Darkstar101 Darkstar101 13-15, M Jan 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    every lasting fight with my mind, over my body. its like a battlefield over middle. only with advance modern weapons. the bombs dropping all around, the small arms fire suppressing...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I started self harming myself in 7th grade. I am now in 8th grade, and have to admit that I still do. I first started because, well, I honestly kind of just wanted to try it out...
    davetheestrider davetheestrider 18-21, T 1 Response Jan 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate myself more and more every time I see my wrist. When I first cut, I thought that it would only be that one time, but boy was I wrong. I cut again...and again...and again...
    miscellanious miscellanious 13-15, F Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I hate myself more and more every time I see my wrist. When I first cut, I thought that it would only be that one time, but boy was I wrong. I cut again...and again...and again...
    miscellanious miscellanious 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Nowadays, people absolutely HAVE to have their long nails on, (whether they're fake or not), and have them perfectly updated and manicured, and their hair has to be dyed a certain...
    HannahMarieX HannahMarieX 18-21 Jan 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't think you want to hear this right now, but it does get better. You have to look at your achievements and positive outcomes... You can be like your role models and achieve...
    blueworldsapart blueworldsapart 13-15, F Jan 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    What does it mean when a girl takes a selfie with a bent peace sign by her eye?
    Ashthewolf7601 Ashthewolf7601 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago