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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 163 People

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    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

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    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    And I Feel One Coming On

    Please do not do this to me... Please. Your silence could not be more ominous and you have me wide awake, worried sick and staring into the abyss at 4.48 am.You know who you are. Do not comment here but respond via our usual means. I hope you are ok.
    LonelyDude77 LonelyDude77 36-40, M Nov 11, 2013

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    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    Boom!

    I'll make this short and sweet.Yes I am guilty...I feel happy with what I've got, then suddenly it's not enough.I'm not talking about material things... They simply don't matter.No, I mean when it comes to my heart.I feel like I give too much, that too much is expected of me...
    PhoenixM4 PhoenixM4 46-50, F 3 Responses Aug 30, 2013

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    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 22-25, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    I am an organic machine searching deep inside myself- for the script inside my psyche- to self destruct. My programming is hyper aware now and I need to shut off all the internal...
    faintking faintking 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    sometimes i ask myself why im enjoying doing bad things , why i cant control myself and take good decesions ....
    AlbertOlami1 AlbertOlami1 18-21, M Mar 27

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    I'm so ******* unsure of myself
    Destrxctive Destrxctive 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    I've been cutting for three years now and I feel so lost. I beat myself up beause I know I am not worth it at all and I just want I curl up and throw myself out of a window. I'm...
    lllie lllie 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 27

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    All Things Run In Cycles - The Path Through The Darkness If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that ALL things run in cycles. Funerals and weddings and...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 a week ago

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    My favorite band of all time would be.. Mindless Self Indulgence. It's weird how they have a HUGE fanbase but you'll never hear them on the radio or see them on TV. I guess it's...
    adorea adorea 70+, F 15 hrs ago

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    I love self harming to see my blood sometimes when I cut and don't see blood I get angry and frustrated...
    Rishay Rishay 16-17, F 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    Not often. Just when I have a really bad day, which have been less and less. But I think about it a lot and sometimes I just want to but I have enough self control to say no...
    heyguysss heyguysss 13-15, F 4 hrs ago

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    I model for different clothing lines and it's taking a toll on me! I am fit & thin, but the pressure to be underweight is ridiculous. My doctors say my weight is just right and...
    AFM1021 AFM1021 22-25, F 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I don't think I'm awkward "sometimes", I'm pretty much awkward all the time lol I enjoy being awkward and and making situations awkward. Since my adolescent time my friends...
    Merarim Merarim 22-25, F 14 hrs ago

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    I want to be loved and cherished , I'm married but sometimes feel so very alone , my husband has depression , this makes me feel very sad , I'm trying to stay positive , but...
    Jill666 Jill666 46-50, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    #day8 isn't it? You see it's been a while but my story must go on. Last time was self harm, this time I'm just having a rant about a certain thing that really, REALLY pissez me...
    shadowgem shadowgem 13-15, F 6 hrs ago

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    Not currently, but when I was growing up I did a little modeling. Don't get too excited, this was nothing fancy at all, no magazine ads or anything like that. My mom had a friend...
    massagechick85 massagechick85 26-30, F 7 Responses Mar 25

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    The emptiness inflicted, the trouble taken to see through the lies. Is it worth it? The betrayal of a friend, I am the friend. I am who giver. Not taker. The soul is...
    MrFlaymz MrFlaymz 41-45, M 15 hrs ago

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    They finally pushed me over the edge. The staff at the boardimg school think the devices i use keep me awake at night. They took all but one. that one was in my book bag. I went...
    devinprater devinprater 18-21, M 1 hr ago

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    I have Bipolar disorder and I used to cut and burn myself to cope with my depression and erratic mood swings. I used to carry a cigarette lighter around everywhere and carried and...
    ThatAwkwardGuy ThatAwkwardGuy 16-17, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I get bullied in school. They call me horrible names and do horrible stuff to me. So a few weeks ago I thought to my self that I've had enough so I got a sharper from school and...
    TMonsterx TMonsterx 16-17, F 5 hrs ago

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    I get bullied in school. They call me horrible names and do horrible stuff to me. So a few weeks ago I thought to my self that I've had enough so I got a sharper from school and...
    TMonsterx TMonsterx 16-17, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    I get bullied in school. They call me horrible names and do horrible stuff to me. So a few weeks ago I thought to my self that I've had enough so I got a sharper from school and...
    TMonsterx TMonsterx 16-17, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    I tell myself everyday that I'm the one in control. I can tell myself what to do and when to stop. But really that's a joke. That's my mind trying to convince myself that its okay...
    mmccarth mmccarth 18-21, F Apr 7

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    Have you ever felt like your driving force in your mind made a bad turn? You off the right road and somehow got lost? Negative self talk can do damage to self esteem. It can have...
    aries3296 aries3296 46-50, F 1 Response Apr 13

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    I've always wanted to be a model. I've been told I have the body and face for it but when I look at my self-harm scars my dreams die and I know I could never be a model.
    NemoNoMore NemoNoMore 16-17, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I started self-harming at the age of 12 years old, but it didn't turn into a problem, or serious enough to remember till I was about 13 years old or so. I was in a dark place at...
    NYSlilAngel NYSlilAngel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    I self harm. Ill admit it. No I wasn't raped (that is sad though. If that has happened to you I'm sorry) No I'm not bullied or abused. I'm not writing this to get sympathy. I just...
    blackbird96 blackbird96 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 30

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    I feel sad and depressed constantly and the littlest thing will bring me to tears sometimes but I never no why. I never talk to anyone because I know they won't ever understand...
    sm1ttay sm1ttay 13-15, M 4 Responses Apr 6

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    It's pathetic and sad at the same time. I'll start off with the most important point and the thing that keeps me up at night about him. He has a son and I really don't think idiots...
    mahnouls mahnouls 16-17 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I'm watching Star Trek XII aka Star Trek Into Darkness, for the umpteenth time and felt like sharing my thoughts. Star Trek has been around since 1966, covering half a dozen shows...
    orincowboy orincowboy 26-30 Mar 25

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    I wake up every morning feeling useless and pointless and irrelevant. The only reason I haven't off'd myself yet is because I wouldn't want to make my parents feel like they...
    eMojave eMojave 16-17, M Mar 31

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    I went to an art school for my college education. I had to work my way through school and the jobs I found weren't paying much. One day I saw a sign that the school was looking for...
    artonthebrain artonthebrain 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    I want to start out saying that I love and care about my husband, but he has been driving me crazy with what I consider selfishness lately. We have been together for 7 years and...
    cmsjay cmsjay 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 5

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    Mass media and social media have a large impact on the vast majority of society; influencing the way we think, behave, socialise and our standards towards the rest of society...
    Elge1 Elge1 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    For you (many, girls), who cut yourselves. Please remember that some of us love you, care about you. ----- Food for thought (an article from Psychology Today) ----- Sax on Sex...
    Karll Karll 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    I pose nude for drawing, painting and sculpting classes at several local colleges. I think a lot of people think it is sexual and I assure you it is not. I did get aroused the...
    artonthebrain artonthebrain 41-45, M Apr 6

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    Ah, there's nothing quite like waking up to the muffled sounds of your own sobbing... I sometimes wake up crying, though it happens less frequently of late. It is not every night...
    Lullacus Lullacus 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 7

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    Sometimes when I see a woman dressed modestly I find it more of a turn on than if she'd be dressed imodestly , as if I have to use my imagination to imagine what is being covered...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    I really really want to start cutting again, but I cant because my boyfriend will blame him self or will tell my mom but I need it bad ive fallin back to it but I need it home can...
    innocentangel101 innocentangel101 16-17, F 17 hrs ago

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    I don't self harm but if you need help i would :)
    rocky1maged rocky1maged 16-17, F 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    That night I was scrolling through tumblr. I recently searched up the words skinny, thigh gap, anorexia, collar bones, death, self harm,....etc. I decided I would film what goes...
    MorbidRainbow MorbidRainbow 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 11

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    I self harm. I've been self harming since i was 11 years old i am now 14 and i am slowly starting to recover. A year ago i attempted suicide and nearly succeed, but my best mate...
    jayspiller1 jayspiller1 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 15

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