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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 164 People

    Me Too - I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    Like Today - I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    Its Just What I Do - I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    Like Right Now - I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    And I Feel One Coming On - Please do not do this to me... Please. Your silence could not be more ominous and you have me wide awake, worried sick and staring into the abyss at 4.48...
    LonelyDude77 LonelyDude77 36-40, M Nov 11, 2013

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    Can't Think Of A Title. - I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some...
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    So I can get pretty self destructive. When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

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    Sometimes... - I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode - There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 22-25, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Boom! - I'll make this short and sweet.Yes I am guilty...I feel happy with what I've got, then suddenly it's not enough.I'm not talking about material things... They simply don't...
    PhoenixM4 PhoenixM4 46-50, F 4 Responses Aug 30, 2013

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    I Self-Destruct - I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    It Will Pass - I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This - I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    sometimes i ask myself why im enjoying doing bad things , why i cant control myself and take good decesions ....
    AlbertOlami1 AlbertOlami1 18-21, M Mar 27

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    I'm so ******* unsure of myself
    Destrxctive Destrxctive 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    I've been cutting for three years now and I feel so lost. I beat myself up beause I know I am not worth it at all and I just want I curl up and throw myself out of a window. I'm...
    lllie lllie 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 27

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    All Things Run In Cycles - The Path Through The Darkness If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that ALL things run in cycles. Funerals and weddings and...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 1 day ago

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    Have to go talk to my parents today. They already know but I told them I wasn't ready to talk. Now I have to go and explain myself but honestly how do you explain it? How do you...
    anon1995 anon1995 18-21, F 9 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I was a cutter for several years and I haven't done it In 5-6 years. I hid it for a long time and it was one of the hardest things to overcome. It was my escape from reality and it...
    kbg1992 kbg1992 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Not currently, but when I was growing up I did a little modeling. Don't get too excited, this was nothing fancy at all, no magazine ads or anything like that. My mom had a friend...
    massagechick85 massagechick85 26-30, F 7 Responses Mar 25

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    I am probably one of the weirdest people you will meet. I wouldn't say I'm creepy weird... I would more say that I am annoying weird. I am not afraid to make weird animal noises...
    JamiLynn23 JamiLynn23 18-21, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    I tell myself everyday that I'm the one in control. I can tell myself what to do and when to stop. But really that's a joke. That's my mind trying to convince myself that its okay...
    mmccarth mmccarth 18-21, F Apr 7

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    Have you ever felt like your driving force in your mind made a bad turn? You off the right road and somehow got lost? Negative self talk can do damage to self esteem. It can have...
    aries3296 aries3296 46-50, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I started self-harming at the age of 12 years old, but it didn't turn into a problem, or serious enough to remember till I was about 13 years old or so. I was in a dark place at...
    NYSlilAngel NYSlilAngel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    I self harm. Ill admit it. No I wasn't raped (that is sad though. If that has happened to you I'm sorry) No I'm not bullied or abused. I'm not writing this to get sympathy. I just...
    blackbird96 blackbird96 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 30

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    I feel sad and depressed constantly and the littlest thing will bring me to tears sometimes but I never no why. I never talk to anyone because I know they won't ever understand...
    sm1ttay sm1ttay 13-15, M 6 Responses Apr 6

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    I don’t care about people properly. I won’t give in to it. There are people who matter to me, but the moments where I feel like I’d do anything for them are rare and...
    Ridiculousity Ridiculousity 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I started when I was 6.. Lol grew up into this ugly flower.. Lol sorry ..low self esteem...It was fun back then but then they started to try to make me look ten, but my mom yelled...
    PrimadonnaAnnie PrimadonnaAnnie 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    I'm watching Star Trek XII aka Star Trek Into Darkness, for the umpteenth time and felt like sharing my thoughts. Star Trek has been around since 1966, covering half a dozen shows...
    orincowboy orincowboy 26-30 Mar 25

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    I wake up every morning feeling useless and pointless and irrelevant. The only reason I haven't off'd myself yet is because I wouldn't want to make my parents feel like they...
    eMojave eMojave 16-17, M Mar 31

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    I went to an art school for my college education. I had to work my way through school and the jobs I found weren't paying much. One day I saw a sign that the school was looking for...
    artonthebrain artonthebrain 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    I want to start out saying that I love and care about my husband, but he has been driving me crazy with what I consider selfishness lately. We have been together for 7 years and...
    cmsjay cmsjay 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 5

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    For you (many, girls), who cut yourselves. Please remember that some of us love you, care about you. ----- Food for thought (an article from Psychology Today) ----- Sax on Sex...
    Karll Karll 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Ah, there's nothing quite like waking up to the muffled sounds of your own sobbing... I sometimes wake up crying, though it happens less frequently of late. It is not every night...
    Lullacus Lullacus 18-21, F Apr 7

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    Sometimes when I see a woman dressed modestly I find it more of a turn on than if she'd be dressed imodestly , as if I have to use my imagination to imagine what is being covered...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Mass media and social media have a large impact on the vast majority of society; influencing the way we think, behave, socialise and our standards towards the rest of society...
    Elge1 Elge1 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    I pose nude for drawing, painting and sculpting classes at several local colleges. I think a lot of people think it is sexual and I assure you it is not. I did get aroused the...
    artonthebrain artonthebrain 41-45, M Apr 6

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    That night I was scrolling through tumblr. I recently searched up the words skinny, thigh gap, anorexia, collar bones, death, self harm,....etc. I decided I would film what goes...
    MorbidRainbow MorbidRainbow 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I self harm. I've been self harming since i was 11 years old i am now 14 and i am slowly starting to recover. A year ago i attempted suicide and nearly succeed, but my best mate...
    jayspiller1 jayspiller1 13-15, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I decided to put this down as story... since it covers a lot... All I think about is what can go wrong... it is hard to try when you know how destructive a relationship can be. I...
    Sparrowhawk1161 Sparrowhawk1161 51-55, M 12 hrs ago

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    I live in a very competitive place, surrounded by people who are doing so much with their lives, and it overshadows my meager accomplishments. I try my hardest at something, and...
    shadow553 shadow553 16-17 1 Response Mar 29

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    Ever since this girl first walked into our school for the first time, I couldn't take my eyes off her, and I know I probably wasn't the only one gazing at her beauty. Through my...
    elugo123456789 elugo123456789 18-21, M Apr 7

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    I am a 15 year old Jewish, Orthodox girl. I was born 3 months early in Manchester, England. From the time i was a baby i have had a very hard life. I lived in fear every day of my...
    phobia1998 phobia1998 13-15, F 3 Responses Mar 22

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    Soo I don't have a name for it... But yeahh Anger is a sign of depression they say that with alittle treatment you'll be okay. But one day when everything is gone and black and...
    olivias78 olivias78 13-15, F 3 Responses Mar 23

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    I'm not going to go into much of the background, but the experience is something I've kept inside of me and is dying for a release. It began when everyone around me became so fed...
    borderlinesymmetry borderlinesymmetry 13-15, F a week ago

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    Well we all go through that phase of, "The world hates me! I'll never fit in! I'm a freak!" Well I went through that and sometimes feel that I still am. My experience is self...
    vanmaury vanmaury 13-15, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I have ambitions. I have dreams. I have desires. I know that I must take action to change my life but I don't know which direction to take. There are certain things that are...
    455cargirl 455cargirl 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 20

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    Life is cruel sometimes but you have to push through- you'll be all right :) People have bullied me and hurt me before- and it still greatly impacts my self-esteem today. But you...
    calmingmelody calmingmelody 13-15, F Mar 27

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    I work for a modelling company called Bareface out here in Dubai, and am looking for new models, from anywhere around the world. Potentially getting the job would allow an all...
    Orsoeus Orsoeus 18-21, M Mar 30

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    Sometimes I cut all the time and it comes in in fazes. Like I will be happy for about a week or two then all of a sudden I will become really depressed and start to cut. Recently I...
    fxiries fxiries 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 2

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    Always have had low self-esteem. When people say I'm beautiful or pretty I automatically shut it down. I look in the mirror and see so many flaws and things I wish I could change...
    93rp 93rp 18-21, F 2 Responses a week ago