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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 155 People

    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

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    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

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    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    I am destructive. Everything I care about I destroy. I seem like answer understanding person but in the end I am only pain and suffering. Don't bother with me. Don't trust me- don...
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    I trick myself into thinking nobody likes me and then because of that I act weird and thus nobody likes me
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    Usually, just when I get bored, tired or distracted. Bored. Like when I'm watching a movie or show I'm actually uninterested in and am only doing so because someone I care/cared...
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    I crave the destruction those around me. Often enough I feel waves of hatred just rippling through me, I get chills of disgust and the urge to hurt and destroy the few...
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    I used to. Not so long ago i was there,. I used to cut, i used to scratch my skin off, pull or cut parts of my hair off. It was a way to destruct myself from the emotional pain...
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    Hi, my name is evaleigh and I am new to this site. I just have a lot going on in mind right now, and I wanted to type it all out. I am a 16 year old teenager currently living in...
    evaleigh evaleigh 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 8

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    Man, why am I such a hypocrite. After all that hard time not falling into temptation for 8 months. Well I got a box cutter and did two small ones on my wrist. Im glad I didnt go...
    nekokitty13 nekokitty13 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 12

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    Wow. True. It was destroyed by a drunk parent. And i cant find lasting. Due to memories of the destruction And meds dont help. Nor does climax. And therapists...
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Aug 14

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    All my life, I've felt like I'm second-rate, that the people around me (friends, family) are more interesting, more intelligent, more attractive, funnier, stronger, kinder, and I'm...
    JHeit JHeit 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 16

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    I want to nude model, I feel like it would boost my self confidence,
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    It's very complicated to explain why I think people come into your life for a reason. I was once in an abusive relationship for over a year, from July 2010 to December 2011. He...
    Gemz2411 Gemz2411 18-21, F Aug 6

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    I'm lucky to have a family that supports me modeling :) It puts a smile on my face seeing them stand there cheering me on. Modeling isn't all easy as it sounds, it's more then just...
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    I believe people people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes to make us feel better and lift our fallen and battered spirits. To bring and laughter. To make us realize that...
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    violeteyes814 violeteyes814 16-17 Jul 31

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    Sometimes I GIVE UP...I do. :( It's so sad, because they are usually the things that make life worth living. So who is the real winner here? Not me when succumbing to fear, self...
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    I sometimes cut my self just because I like the look of blood and on rare occasions because I want to feel physical pain instead of the emotional pain I bottle up inside all the...
    Brok3nSoul Brok3nSoul 22-25, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    19 weeks clean today...that's right!! Every week I just get more excited!! I can't believe I'm almost at 5 months...last time I made it 4 and I lost it all...this time is different...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 4

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    I remember the first time i self harm that time i was realy stress out and don"t know what to do that"s why i selfharm at first i would selfharm at a visible place because i...
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    It's confusing. I don't consider my selfish but I get angry and upset when I drop my own personal issues to help any of my close friends with their problems. I can seriously bring...
    WeldingPenguin WeldingPenguin 18-21, M Aug 3

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    I have suffered with the big D for 5 years now. It started with a car accident. An accident caused by a change in a disability. Epilepsy. Is it selfish to feel down because a...
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    Sometimes I feel worthless, unwanted and unloved, especially unloved. For the last few weeks it's getting more often. But why is that? Don't get me wrong, not everything in my life...
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    I had wrote about this earlier this morning then deleted it... when I self harm which isn't alot I usually burn myself on my right arm. So I burned myself with a lighter a couple...
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