Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 155 People

    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    I feel like I am incapable of letting myself to be truly happy. I need to be perfect, I need to always do the right thing -and if I don't, I get anxious. I feel like I don't...
    Laluna29 Laluna29 70+ 1 Response Oct 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am very self destructive. I eat too much...or used to...used to cut myself, had sex with numerous people & didn't know most of them...didn't really care at the time. I gamble...
    RubyLane RubyLane 41-45, F Sep 23

    Your Response

    Cancel
    *slams On Self Destruct Button* When i told people I was outta control. I really ******* meant it. I don't have a god damn care in this world today. i don't care if I walk outside...
    SouthernBella89 SouthernBella89 22-25, F Oct 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Simple as that. I finally found a word that I feel like can best describe me, in almost every aspect... I'm always the problem. I'm my own enemy, my own problem, my own reason, my...
    Theworldisminenow Theworldisminenow 18-21, F Oct 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I sabotage myself. Constantly setting myself up for failure. It's like I don't allow myself to be happy; happy endings never happen to me, so when I **** up, its no surprise. I...
    akahi akahi 22-25, F a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Every person have emotions inside of them. Just like me myself and I. I'm the type of person to bottled up my emotions and use other ways to express myself. I express myself...
    msunique1989 msunique1989 22-25, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    This is written as a comment for gypsyciganka's last post which was deleted and cannot find her account either. I will leave it here for an hour or two only with the hope she will...
    laughingsoul laughingsoul 41-45, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I would right now fall into the petite modeling but some day I hope to be a super model ya ya I know crazy life stressful always traveling but this is my dream so don't crush it or...
    livelovehopefree livelovehopefree 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I have a role model named Tupac Shakur. Tbh his lyrics taught me more about life than my parents did (they simply put me in situations where I had to reach myself). Through all...
    gow90 gow90 18-21, M 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ***** not worth it been there done that!! It take awhile to build a portfolio and don't think a top modeling agency is going to look at you just because you think your different...
    MsAnonymous1 MsAnonymous1 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Okay so I want to model but idk how to tell my parents so I made a presentation tell me what you think and be honest about it plz Modeling presentation I just wanted...
    livelovehopefree livelovehopefree 13-15, F 3 Responses Oct 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    DISCLAIMER; this is very long and I've changed the names :) In 2010 I started year 7 and within the first few months I made two main friends that I had intended to stick with me...
    chanelondon chanelondon 13-15, F 1 Response Sep 23

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My mum and dad, the only mum and dad I know, had 3 children of their own, all boys. Mum tried to conceive but kept miscarrying. Then a friend who worked at a clinic told her of...
    Ladygrey79 Ladygrey79 31-35, F 1 Response Sep 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Yes guys.. It's another post about how bad my life sucks... Firstly.. This isn't where I wanted to be at this age, I'm not smart, and I won't go to college, This isn't...
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response Oct 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Down to the deepest part of hell, a great nation descends, Lacking leadership and moral clarity, A population no longer capable of critical thought, Mindless drones being lead...
    johnny048 johnny048 46-50, M Oct 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I am sometimes anti-social but I don't want to be. I don't even realize I am doing it sometimes. I am uncomfortable in many social situations, so I do tend to avoid them when I...
    DisappearingStar DisappearingStar 36-40 3 Responses Oct 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I guess I'm kinda desperate if I'm posting my story to a bunch of people I don't know, but, I'm too afraid to tell anyone close to me really. So here goes nothing. These past few...
    wifitoasters wifitoasters 13-15, T 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A year ago I was diagnosed with Complex Trauma PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder with Moderate Episodes, and Anxiety Disorder NOS. All of this originated from physical, sexual, and...
    mjh8808 mjh8808 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    In the 80s , we had a very wise Policy that truly kept us from having to fight a Terrible War that would have destroyed all mankind Mutually assured Destruction MAD They...
    TsavoHunter TsavoHunter 36-40, M Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    After my first womanless beauty contest my mom started getting calls for me to do modeling work. Apparently there is a place for boys dressed like girls for catalogs and mall shows...
    sandybrandy70 sandybrandy70 41-45, T Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Lately I have been very antisocial. I used to go out and hang out with friends but as time went on that slowly started changing. Now I sometimes tend to use excuses so I don't have...
    Suzuya Suzuya 18-21, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't understand why some people look at glamour modelling as "trash" and "sleezy" .. I personally think it's art, I mean what harm Isit doing a photoshoot with your breasts...
    UnorthodoxSC UnorthodoxSC 18-21, F Oct 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I think that is one of the things that most attracted me to my wife 30 years ago, she was 16 and one of the most attractive girls I had ever seen, she just dressed in a pretty...
    mistermisery mistermisery 41-45, M Oct 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I just started webcam modeling a few months ago for some extra income. I can't do it as often as I'd like since it is a side job for now, but if I ever get a good following it...
    collykitty collykitty 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Hello, I am looking for amateur females who are 18+ and would like to get into modeling. I have sample pictures available on instagram. Direct Message me if interested.
    summertimeluv summertimeluv 26-30, M Oct 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It's Sadie Robertson and no it's not because she's famous it's because of her personality,she's a great model,and the girl can dance Just like I want in my life Can somebody...
    livelovehopefree livelovehopefree 13-15, F 1 Response Oct 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I will always help people and be there. God knows I love looking after people and helping them feel they have someone there and to talk to about their problems etc, but sometimes I...
    13Selene13 13Selene13 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Mean your butt be too big to be a model? Lol sounds like a dumb question. I'm just wondering because all models I see seem to be so skinny from everywhere and they don't really...
    dropdeadwilma dropdeadwilma 16-17, F 2 Responses Sep 23

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I haven't cut since last March. I tell other people I have recovered, but I refuse to tell myself that. It's just simply not true. Although I have refrained from self harm I am...
    FarrahRelates FarrahRelates 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 24

    Your Response

    Cancel
    10 years ago, I had so much self confidence. I was able to manage and tackle anything that came my way. I was a single young mother, owned my own home, had a great career and was...
    Jenn7791 Jenn7791 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm so selfish and stupid. Why can't I put others before me? I really disgust myself sometimes. My girlfriend does nothing but love me to death, but whenever a little something...
    StrawberryMilkTime StrawberryMilkTime 22-25, F Oct 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I want to design my own clothes and walk like a model, like a superstar I love the lights , camera and audience . I love wearing beautiful clothes that I design myself so I...
    ObedientWife123 ObedientWife123 36-40, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Being Silent is a practiced art, that is rare. It usually is not natural for people to listen to another and gather what they are really saying, on a profound level. Silence...
    Lexus45 Lexus45 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Most of the time I keep this feeling at bay. My days are full of activities, work, sports, cooking, drawing, swimming, reading, etc etc etc etc. I love so much about my life. Yet...
    meowmermaid meowmermaid 36-40, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    How many of us look into the mirror and hate what you see? Wait a second. Did you create yourself? No, you didn't. I made myself feel bad for years because of my appearance and I...
    ladybug96 ladybug96 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It's in the moral principles , in the willingness to learn , to criticize what is learned , to make mistakes and sometimes to learn from them. I don't support the "less good...
    Idese Idese 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 23