Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150 People

    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    I am the type of person that would try anything once. I like everything that is bad for me physically and emotionally. I think it has to do with the fact that i am my worst enemy...
    neptunemermaids neptunemermaids 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I sabatoged my favorite relationship because I could trust and wait patiently. Now I'm sad and lonely. I can't love myself. I am dangerously brave and spontaneous. I like being...
    soullover13 soullover13 31-35, F May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    its time to go. no more fighting for what will never happen.
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 17

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I sometimes find myself surprised that I didn't self-harm earlier on in my life because there’s so many reason why I would have; a) because giving myself physical pain could help...
    lunightandday lunightandday 18-21, F 2 Responses May 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Sometimes I want to be left alone... Crawl into my shell and have peace
    youaretheonlyexception youaretheonlyexception 26-30, F 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There are numerous older men in the world who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to...
    norahcc11 norahcc11 26-30, F 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It appears that I have done it again, only this time hurting another and not just myself. Ive started to see a pattern developing (maybe I always did it?), that when 'He' hurts me...
    MissTerious4 MissTerious4 36-40, F 9 Responses May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Its happening again. At the moment my self esteem, as I've realised over the years is faltering and recently flatlinning. These days its just barely beyond functioning. I've lived...
    lass1 lass1 41-45, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    So in my dream, I had a baby and things were going smoothly then suddenly the baby started crying and I went into panic mode and then I was like, "nope, I don't have to deal with...
    AEHeroine AEHeroine 18-21, F 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I can't have a crush because I'm so afraid of being rejected. all the boys I talk too, I friendzone because somewhere in the back of my mind, I just know that it never would have...
    lackofsanity lackofsanity 13-15, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Leather skirt selfie:)
    JennyTom JennyTom 36-40, F 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I was hospitalized twice this year, both times I was able to sneak in razor blades and other "sharps". It seems sometimes I really want to get better but other times I sabotage my...
    TickleMeCell TickleMeCell 16-17, T 1 Response 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Terminator and the movie 9 are all true. Humanity's blind pursuit for technology just might be the end of us. The extinction of humanity might be our fault. Our pursuit on creating...
    Hispan Hispan 13-15, M 3 Responses May 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I cut myself recently and felt relief it felt amazing idk but sometimes I feel like I might do it to hard or to cut to much i try to do moderation like cut and color on my arms...
    Corneredblades Corneredblades 13-15, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I seem to need constant reassurance and that leads me to flirt (sometimes in an over-the-top way) and send out the wrong signals. I work in a field that necessitates a lot of...
    Suerob1006 Suerob1006 26-30, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't know if I can say I hate everything about modern society, but much of it impels want to isolate myself. I sometimes feel a bit like Holden Caulfield, picturing everyone as...
    AitchKay AitchKay 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Aaron, pictured here, was an aspiring model that needed a break to get into the business. I offered to take various photos of him to make his portfolio to hand out to agencies...
    beachfoot12 beachfoot12 22-25, M 1 Response May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    "You're being silly" It scares me to think of the amount of people unable to express themselves because of the emotionally repressed masses. Haven't we all gone through something...
    YimYam YimYam 22-25, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The Spring semester is winding down and I have only one more undergraduate art class modeling assignment for the term. With the end of the semester I will have been modeling as an...
    1957model 1957model 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I recently turned 30, and I have self harming since 12 yrs of age, on and off. I've gone months to years without insistent. However, self harming s always there like a companion...
    Emmy508 Emmy508 26-30, F May 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My mother has borderline personality disorder. It's all or nothing, black or white to her. You have to give her attention and she is constantly taking and editing selfies. She is...
    angelique422 angelique422 22-25, F 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Got a good question from a guy who asked me how to become a model and how modeling really is... Ok, let me tell you: Either you get noticed by an agent or you submit your...
    FreakingLlamas FreakingLlamas 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Hi im justin im 14 and i have been bullied for 3 years right now im on 8th grade but next year im going to high school and im scared i really cant stand it no more i wanna kill my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Apr 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Mineh Ishida has earned a strong reputation as an online marketing and web design expert who has been connecting businesses and people through technology for more than a decade...
    MinehIshida MinehIshida 36-40, M May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I no longer cut or burn myself, but I still do other harmful things like picking at my skins and scabs, pulling out my hair, biting my lip until it bleeds, digging my nails into my...
    NaturallyPeculiar NaturallyPeculiar 18-21, F 1 Response May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I woke up this morning and realized that I don't have many friends or a girlfriend, because I have low self esteem and self confidence, I have always known there was something...
    JodyValero JodyValero 18-21, M 1 Response May 12

    Your Response

    Cancel
    after much deleiberation i finally plucked up the courage to try life modeling. Picked a small place out of town as i am quite unique i didn't want to be reconginsed. Not going to...
    dwarfmodel1 dwarfmodel1 31-35, M May 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    This past spring I was chosen by a photographer to be a representative and face for her company. I never thought of myself as model material, however as part of my journey to love...
    PrincessKayleigh PrincessKayleigh 16-17, F 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I had a massive modelling gig today! And possibly maybe moving to LA for a swimsuit company! So stoked! Big time may come sooner than I thought! Still at school so I will have to...
    rubyroo15 rubyroo15 18-21, F 16 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    i want to be a model. i would model riding clothes (western) and swimwear. i think it would be cool to model swimwear on horseback at the beach, something different.
    kaylee13 kaylee13 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 29

    Your Response

    Cancel