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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 147 People

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    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11, 2014

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    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

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    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    Every time that I'm with someone I'm just feel like they don't want me there and I sometimes think I'm better alone
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    To me it honestly seems like most people today are selfish. I can even admit that I am selfish in some ways. I think it's fine to be selfish sometimes but only to a small extent. A...
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    As a black woman, admitting this to myself, realizing that this is something I truly feel and taking steps to attend to this matter is a hardship. I hate to admit to such a thing...
    Nevermorn8 Nevermorn8 22-25, F 1 day ago

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    Being can sometimes be destructive ... You and your thoughts ... Dont let ur mind wander too far and it does get out ... Leave ... Watch some funny clips ... Call a friend...
    rb47 rb47 31-35, F 3 days ago

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    I am a recovering alcoholic and trying to get clean from cocaine, legal, and weed. I enjoy talking to men 30+ years older than me. My favorite thing to do is drive 120 mph on the...
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    I'm not really sure where to start. If anyone manages to get through all of this experience then well done to them. I have a girlfriend, whom I love, and she loves me. I moved to...
    Tomgerine Tomgerine 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    I haven't self-harmed in two months. (Since I was last institutionalized for trying to commit suicide..again.) I've been self harming for a few years now and I've never went more...
    MeaninglessMemories MeaninglessMemories 13-15, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Spending as much time as I have in isolation over the years, it's been the habit to dig deep with my introverted self to calculate, analyse, decipher and evaluate the inner...
    SolitaryFriend SolitaryFriend 31-35, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    My sense of self is fleeting. I don’t know who I am. I walk past mirrors and can’t even recognise the person looking back. I find her hideous. I hide away. I wear my hair down...
    lookingatstars lookingatstars 18-21, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Hey love..., Your life is going to be a roller coaster but you're a strong girl, just keep holding on. I want you to know that everyone is beautiful in their own way and that if...
    MeaninglessMemories MeaninglessMemories 13-15, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    i used to think of myself attractive and i do remember that like yesterday..i was one of those teenage guys who would do my hair for more an than an hour to make sure it looks...
    LegendBattles LegendBattles 26-30, M 6 days ago

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    Many people do not consider this self-harm, but I mostly harm my mouth. It's intrinsic and it feels right, I tried cutting and it does not. The other day I bit the tip of my tongue...
    Chrossy Chrossy 22-25, F Jul 20

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    One Saturday I went shopping and my now bf, then a friend, came round that evening for dinner. Another male friend was already at my place and told the newly arrived that I had...
    000Camilla 000Camilla 31-35, F 6 Responses Jul 19

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    Limitless Love I have always been a girl to always have friends & boyfriends at her side at all times. In reality, I believe the reason for this behaviour was because I loved the...
    Outlawbabes Outlawbabes 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 19

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    I am in the mood sometimes to take them and sometimes I'm not but how is this one?
    trew5432 trew5432 13-15, M 4 Responses Jul 19

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    Do Not Marry These Spoiled Self Entitled Creatures!- In 1999,my wife took our two young children(age 4 and 7) and fled back to her native United States illegally while I was away...
    DivorcedEuropean DivorcedEuropean 41-45, M 1 Response Jul 18

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    And I never really got into it or when I tried it was like they wanted me to pay to do it, and I thought that was stupid. I easily saw myself as a child modeling it's always been a...
    IntoxicatedFairy IntoxicatedFairy 18-21, F Jul 18

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    That's the way it is...it too shall pass...the passion, the obsession...and then the destruction. You got what you wanted; it was yours all along... Why was there a need to hurt...
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    yes I do. He is selfish whenever I needed help. He thinks his so at everything. He doesnt take my advice or such. arghh im so pissed off. We are never so close though we share some...
    faye08 faye08 18-21, F Jul 14

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    adriannag0416 adriannag0416 13-15, F 3 Responses Jul 13

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