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I Sometimes Go Into Self Destruct Mode

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 150 People

    Its Just What I Do

    I can't stop it, i push people to the very limits when i don't even mean to or want to, its a natural reaction, and im only getting better at it. Right now i think i've got to the point where i've pushed so many people away there is no one left. And i hate myself. I don't know...
    DarkShadeOfGrey DarkShadeOfGrey 26-30 2 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    Like Today

    I wish I could just crumple myself up and hurl myself into the nearest trash can. I'm a horrible, worthless person.
    SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 27, 2010

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    It Will Pass

    I doubt that anyone switches to self-destructive mode just for fun. Everytime i switch to that, its because im forced to, but not from only one part of my entire life, there have to be a few more to make me do this to myself...and usually there is a lot of such things... About a...
    misunderztood misunderztood 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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    Me Too

    I've been sleeping all day. I want to go out an buy a box of cigarettes.
    WinterSkies WinterSkies 18-21 Jan 22, 2011

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    There Are Times That I Think Of This

    I some times think of hurting my self. I just don't know why I would think of it. I guess that i have a hard time with my self. That I think about hurting my self. Then I think about the guy that I like. That seems to make me feel a whole lot better. I guess that i have a hard...
    acjf acjf 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2010

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    So I can get pretty self destructive.

    When i get this way I find myself desperately seeking approval from people who just take and never give back what I need from them. This can be a partner, friends and jobs and work colleagues. I have come to the realisation that it's because I care about people. I want them to...
    Gooner70 Gooner70 41-45, M Jan 11

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    Sometimes...

    I'm not always self-loathing. I don't always have a low self-esteem, or feel worthless all the time. There are days when I feel pretty. There are days when I love my hair, my smile, my body. There are days when I love my talents and I can do anything. But then, there are those...
    DarkAngel123 DarkAngel123 18-21, F Mar 20, 2011

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    Like Right Now

    I am feeling pretty crap. It's one of those transient but regular occurrences in my life. My response is to withdraw and go "whatever". I become careless and slightly reckless. All I want to do is numb my mind and not think anymore, so out come the sleeping pills to hurry...
    Louey Louey 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 16, 2008

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    I'm In Self-Destruct Mode

    There are days when I go into self-destruct mode and whenever I do this, it always affects my studies and my work. And sometimes, I get to the point where I think dying is the best option. Haven't consulted or told anyone about this, but I think i'm depressed. Clinically...
    Scheherazade88 Scheherazade88 26-30, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Can't Think Of A Title.

    I have been belittled so much I have not a scrap or shred of self worth left. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself, but if I ever get cancer or some other treatable disease, I will definitely >not< get treatment just so I can die all that much sooner.
    katnipkitkat katnipkitkat 41-45, F Feb 15, 2011

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    I Self-Destruct

    I self-destruct… My worst enemy is myself. I self-destruct when it comes to relationships. And when I was in one, I never noticed. First comes the fights over nothing Then the accusations Then the truths or the reality of the relationship, And finally the tears and then...
    hateme92 hateme92 18-21, F Jul 10, 2013

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    But That's Life

    And that's then the razor comes out, and I feel no longer in control as I become numb.
    BehindBlueEyes11 BehindBlueEyes11 18-21, F Feb 6, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    When I screw up I feel hatred towards myself, I have to fight off those self hate words. When I am rejected by a guy-- and only by a guy I like-- I feel anger and wish to hurt them...
    Sleepydwarf Sleepydwarf 46-50, F Dec 13

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    Its hard to describe how real the darkness is. I feel like im in a daze of self destruction and self hate. I just dont see how it can get better, after almost two years of not...
    Pigmaginny Pigmaginny 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Working experience:� fourteen many years working experience while in the HVAC area of services, set up, Handbook J & D calculations"Unexpected Rust" Device is 3 months aged...
    Anthony1604hzs1 Anthony1604hzs1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    I gave into selfish ways... Relapse after a month of being clean... Though not deep... Just enough to feel it... Marks on my ribs. But don't think it's enough to scar...
    MrCutBleedSmile MrCutBleedSmile 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 1

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    Being a model would be awesome. Id never be able to become one though. I wish it was easier to get into that line of work!
    xxmonkeynessxx xxmonkeynessxx 18-21, F 12 hrs ago

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    when i was little i was horribly bullied. one day he tried to strangle me it got to that point. i was only young about 4 or 5 and since then i've always had incredibly low self...
    makeitsomeday makeitsomeday 18-21, F 6 hrs ago

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    Self esteem issues are real! In fact they are more real now, than they have ever been! Living in a society obsessed by Image! Image! Image!, a society where the world is at the tip...
    pristee88 pristee88 22-25, F Dec 2

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    When you look into her eyes You see happiness. When you notice that she smiles To much, When you notice she laughs To much, You take one more look Into her beautiful eyes. Then...
    ButterflyAnnabel ButterflyAnnabel 16-17, F 1 Response 55 mins ago

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    It is really hard not being able to talk to someone that will understand you or at least know you enough to comfort you. The only person close to that is my mother but it is hard...
    jellyrolls34 jellyrolls34 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 18

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    Aye. I feel that way a bunch of times. Because I kept unintentionally getting other into trouble and so.
    FriendlyDragon FriendlyDragon 13-15, F 7 hrs ago

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    Self sufficiency is not the ability to take a selfie. That doesn't count!
    nvcowboy2 nvcowboy2 46-50, M 54 mins ago

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    {If you reside in a colder setting, electric powered-powered heat pumps are fantastic together with your oil- or fuel-fueled furnace like a Hybrid Heat® Option, which may result...
    Alexander6935esh5 Alexander6935esh5 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Tips on how to Wire a Carrier Heat Pump Thermostat A Carrier's heat pump process relies on its thermostat to work the condensing unit's reversing valve. A heat pump takes...
    Logun617p1yt2 Logun617p1yt2 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Trane XB: Trane XB heat pumps are cost-effective, entry stage models that deliver fundamental effectiveness that is sort of dependable.Packaged heat pumps pack all the key...
    Nathan4702xky2 Nathan4702xky2 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Everytime the device shows “Essential MALFUNCTION” the Sears tech would just reset and Check out the stress after which proclaims the method is okay. Regrettably the...
    Ryan4715izr0 Ryan4715izr0 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Then I made a decision to transform OFF the unit. Currently early morning the outside temperature was about forty five along with the indoor was about 67 And that i turned Around...
    Anthony1604hzs1 Anthony1604hzs1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {This unit is just not definitely worth the funds, in addition to a contact to the organization is worthless. I highly advocate (not at any time getting any variety or model of...
    Ryan505m0vr1 Ryan505m0vr1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Get rid of the fuse with the electrical panel and inspect it. Whether it is blown, switch it by inserting a completely new a person into the fuse slot. If you do not have a...
    Logan3691wjw1 Logan3691wjw1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    This is something I have never had- self confidence. I have always measured it by the way people around react to my actions. I have always let people decide my worth and guess what...
    angelcares angelcares 22-25, F 15 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    And this my dearies is a work selfie, pretty plain and makeup less...with a who the fudge gets up at 4a....and the men at work still ask me to marry them :) they are senile you...
    orchids2blu orchids2blu 36-40, F 9 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    So many default restrictions on who you can contact it's ridiculous. These members want to be contacted ... look at what they write. Unfortunate that they don't know how to change...
    ivibrate ivibrate 51-55, M 17 hrs ago

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    As much as i hate them, but the reason why, they really tick me off because they think that they're too big for their own boots and they feel as if they can come around and give me...
    agdnn agdnn 26-30, M 8 hrs ago

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    there is this one person that texts me every now and then to "check in" on me. I say I'm Okay It's easy to lie in a text. sometimes I want to type the truth " I feel like I'm...
    fragmentsoflife fragmentsoflife 22-25, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    {Everytime the unit shows “Important MALFUNCTION” the Sears tech would just reset and Check out the pressure and then proclaims the system is okay. Regrettably the method...
    Daniel6814zmz2 Daniel6814zmz2 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Expertise:� fourteen a long time expertise during the HVAC industry of company, installation, Guide J & D calculationsone. I rewired to the initial wiring within the Air...
    Joseph9257jwj6 Joseph9257jwj6 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Carrier reserves the best to discontinue or transform any specification or style and design without the need of prior see or obligation. Operator's GuideThings like starting...
    Ryan505m0vr1 Ryan505m0vr1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {The compressors have by now been changed 2 times and many miscellaneous complications Inspite of being with a yearly upkeep agreement. The outdated furnace in the home lasted 25 a...
    Ryan505m0vr1 Ryan505m0vr1 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 14

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    {Everytime the unit shows “Important MALFUNCTION” the Sears tech would just reset and Check out the tension after which you can proclaims the program is fine...
    Ryan2693yly2 Ryan2693yly2 31-35, M Dec 14

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    {We've been dedicated to protecting your privateness. The data you enter on our web page is held in confidence in between you and us and it is accustomed to method your buy and...
    Jamys726n0sm9 Jamys726n0sm9 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 15

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    I dont remember the last time that I felt good or happy about myself. Im not a girl with overweight problems but neither Im skinny model. I've never saw myself at the mirror and...
    Bella1314 Bella1314 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 28

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    Today has been an easy day. There were no emotional highs or lows, and my attempts to rein in the 'the boy' as I call it has been relatively successful. I am referring to my self...
    pretender2687 pretender2687 26-30, M 1 Response Dec 8

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    I do drugs, alot. dont judge me please. I find that certain chemicals make me able to enjoy life by being able to just lay in be, close my eyes and go on a mind trip, not like acid...
    Dissociator Dissociator 13-15, M Dec 10

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    i would like to admit to god and to the public, i am not a great person. it is not easy to be a really kind person and i admire people with such kindness and patients . i do too do...
    minniekoala minniekoala 22-25, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    My thoughts are my treasure I am attach to be and prefer to be alone I don't feel sad because I have my thoughts with me I knew it's not good by sometimes I think being a thinker...
    SamanthaGaudia SamanthaGaudia 13-15, F 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    sometimes i will randomly release my cell number, so i dont have to be bothered. i have been super antisocial lately i just want it to be me myself and my thoughts.
    SelinaKyle1 SelinaKyle1 18-21, F 2 Responses