I Struggle With Self Hatred

but I don't hate myself. Its old stuff from my past haunting me. 1,503 People

    I feel disgusted with myself much of the time.

    It's how I feel when I allow exhaustion to wipe long periods of my consciousness away and I wake up feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of self loathing. In fact my dreams are so full of self hatred that I hate sleeping.
    Pleiotropic Pleiotropic
    46-50, M
    Mar 27

    I have had a long and hard struggle with self

    hatred. I grew up in a family of 9 kids. I seemed to always be the most sensitive. It made me feel as tho something was wrong with me from a very early age. I went into a severe depression at adolescence. and struggle with it to this day. I have had sexual abuse in my childhood...
    iowateri8309 iowateri8309
    2 Responses May 17, 2015

    I don't know why I'm

    so self destructive.. Last year I really abused my body. I drank a lot of alcohol and took drugs. I treated some lovely people like crap. It was my first year separated from my now ex wife. However I see that as a poor excuse. Im clean of drugs... Only since 31st December. I...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Jan 9

    Ever since I put a weave in I have felt like a

    phony. I don't feel like me. I feel like I made myself into something that fit everyone's standards but my own. My friends and my ex boyfriends said I looked better with long hair and I'd change it so they thought I was pretty enough. Not that it changed anything they still...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Mar 31

    I never hated myself more

    than when I read the message telling me I was the reason she changed. There was no blame on her part, it wasn't said to make me feel bad. It was almost said as a compliment, and that is what kills me inside....knowing that when something happens to her, it was me that put her on...
    kk1874 kk1874
    31-35, F
    1 Response Apr 11

    do you ever just stand in front of the mirror

    and have no idea who your looking at? I used to be pretty happy about myself, take photos wear whatever I wanted. now I walk around in guys tops and jeans ect cause none of my clothes fit me and I can't take a photo without wanting to cry at the disgusting leftovers of a person...
    stargirl1998 stargirl1998
    18-21, F
    Feb 8

    There is no better time to hate yourself

    than when you're alone. I am chronically alone. Left under all circumstances. Which just gives me more reason to hate myself because I'm alone, and somehow that's my fault.
    Wildpurplesky Wildpurplesky
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 30

    Ive always dealt with self hate

    and suicidal thoughts. One day ill end it all though. 😔😔😞
    Lovely8907 Lovely8907
    16-17, F
    4 Responses Mar 27

    I've recently moved and decided to use an old

    wardrobe, that I had when I was a kid, in my bedroom. It had been out in storage so we were cleaning it up... There were some cute stickers stuck inside one of the doors, but also there we're tell tell signs of my self hatred. I had scratched the words 'I hate myself' into the...
    Orangerocket Orangerocket
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Sep 17, 2015

    The thing is there are a lot of pretty girls

    out there. They're pretty and they don't even try. They don't wear makeup and they don't have to spend hours doing their hair. It's all natural. You know what's even worse? They're pretty d*mn intelligent too. And they're funny. Guess what, to top it all off, they all seem to...
    BeautifulMistake21 BeautifulMistake21
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Aug 12, 2014

    I hate myself and I don't know how to fix it

    instead I take it out on the people who love me :(
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Dec 3, 2015

    It is sooooo hard for me to not compare myself

    to others. When I do, hard to remember to be appreciative for the good not hateful for not having the better. Is this hard wired in me? Can I change it? I know all humans make mistakes but that gives me little comfort. How can I teach someone to love themself when I may not...
    Nuancecomm Nuancecomm
    31-35, F
    1 Response Mar 27

    :( it's not easy to escape

    for me... my parents are always like "Only you can stop this." My only response is anger, I feel like yelling "EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!" But don't, because my dad tries to control me, my every emotion, my attitude, my life...
    AnonWesker AnonWesker
    1 Response May 15, 2015

    You look in the mirror

    and you ask yourself what happened? How did something **** up in my brain so bad? Why am I the worst person I know? I ******* hate everyone but no one more than myself.
    JerseyClyde JerseyClyde
    18-21, M
    Mar 27

    i hate myself , i tried soo hard,

    worked so hard to get into a good MBA college, failed miserably in all those entrances, my father is going to retire from his job, he is struggling with paying the loan of our new house plus my grandmother is extremely ill, my father is going through a lot and my failure in...
    pompydutta pompydutta
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 4, 2015

    Iv been this way for about almost 2 years.

    I end up being so sad and feeling useless to wishing I could be somebody else, I hate being me. The worst part about it is when there's absolutely no one to talk to some nights I consider suicide. "My easy way out". Someone want to talk?
    isaiskayla isaiskayla
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 4, 2015

    I've gotten so used to being used

    and ignored it just doesn't even phase anymore.
    wreckofagirl wreckofagirl
    22-25, F
    Feb 9

    I have so many scars

    and I've tried to kill myself so many times and I've been in the hospital so much. I hope my whole life won't be like this, or else my life won't be that long.
    rawerimadino rawerimadino
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 30

    boy do I ever. People says bad things.

    you take everything to heart. How can you not when everyone picks you a part on how you look on the outside. I keep wondering what I did to deserve this shell I was given. I hate to know that my outside appearance don't match how I feel in the inside.You get treated better when...
    boo864 boo864
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    On days where I find myself surrounded by those

    who seem to have everything, I end up feeling as if I'm drowning in my thoughts. I can't place the underlying cause/reason for the negative emotions I have towards myself, but maybe I can't move forward until I know what it is that keeps me from doing so. The issue is finding...
    MaliciousInternet MaliciousInternet
    13-15, F
    1 Response Jan 30

    Which is stupid, considering how much

    confidence I have. Anxiety attacks are rare now. I maybe have one a few times a month. PTSD, will torment me for the rest of my life. Oh well.. I guess? At least I kicked my severe anxiety for the most part. Lovely alcohol. Oh how wonderful you are until I have to go a few...
    NoRegretsAndNoRemorse NoRegretsAndNoRemorse
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Aug 2, 2015

    It scares me how deep

    and power my feelings of self loathing can be but I'm determined to overcome this.
    AmeliasDay AmeliasDay
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 1, 2014
    martatkm martatkm
    16-17, F
    Nov 25, 2015

    every month like clockwork all I hear is what's

    wrong with me what I did wrong what I'm not doing enough every time I look in the mirror all I see is what's wrong wrong I just want to put an X on my reflection my mind can't rest the one I love say I don't love him I'm wrong wrong wrong I'm doing it wrong every month no...
    boxgirl1987 boxgirl1987
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Nov 29, 2015


    When did I lose my safety rope? Since then I've fallen off the edge, Into my own mind And I find Myself in here. The truth of human nature is revealed, And I can't help it. Drop the code known so long, Find a new purpose in this life. Since you left, I learned to hate...
    BloodRedShadow BloodRedShadow
    Sep 21, 2013

    My appearance, my personality,

    and overall everything. I'm overly sensitive and lack emotion at an inconvenient time. I'm loud sometimes. I'm too quiet sometimes. I can't approach anyone because I'm scared. I think everyone is talking about me when really no one cares. I'm either too logical or too...
    CyanideY CyanideY
    70+, F
    5 Responses Feb 7

    I just feel like a rat in a cage.

    Learning the history of the human race, I am so ashamed of being human. Knowing what those in power are doing around the world, massacre after massacre all for profit and power to make more profit, I hate that I am a part of it. I hate the way I was raised/brainwashed, I hate...
    NeonBlueMidnight NeonBlueMidnight
    26-30, M
    Jan 4, 2015

    I want to be numb I don't want to feel any more

    pain I don't want to argue with myself in my head if I'm truely this bad piece of **** needy ***** I'm told I am every day.... I'm sitting in the bath room cause I'm tired of trying to communicate and he gets in my face head buts me pokes me in head.... I'm driving myself nuts...
    Brokenwingz1986 Brokenwingz1986
    26-30, F
    1 Response Mar 27

    "If You Knew" by Joel Faviere They think

    you're crazy. They think you're mad. They call you stupid, worthless, tell you you're not worth it. And now you're walkin' back to a place you call home, But you feel so alone. The same hurtful hits, it's your darker place. In your virgin ears, the remarks they make. And if...
    SW33TdArkness SW33TdArkness
    18-21, F
    Jan 30

    I'm sick of myself...

    everything about me I just start to hate so much.. I feel disgusting all the time. I look gross etc. I'm sure if my online friends met me in person that'd think twice.
    mentallyhigh mentallyhigh
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Oct 20, 2015

    It's an on and off kinda thing.

    I hate almost everything about me. I hate the fact that I am caught up in society's idea of beauty, looking at ads and magazines saying "I wanna be you" "I wanna look like you" Being jealous over my friends, over my eight year old sister. I hate the stupid things to. Like...
    KiraAnkoku71 KiraAnkoku71
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 24, 2014

    I have an over active imagination on top of

    poor opinion of my physical features. the combination takes its toll on the psyche which only adds fuel to the fire and boosts the self loathing. I may smile and laugh, say everything is fine, but under the calm surface the waters fester with old wounds and stagnate thoughts.
    Zurea Zurea
    26-30, T
    Aug 9, 2015
    k710 k710
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Mar 27

    I can't help but hate myself

    when my partner and I try to be intimate but my own self consciousness prevents me. I end up curled in a ball crying as he tries to comfort me.. It always makes me feel horrible that I can't offer all of myself to him when I want to. Each time i end up hating myself more and...
    littlelynne littlelynne
    18-21, F
    Jan 30
    ACyanideSurprise ACyanideSurprise
    18-21, M
    1 Response Sep 7, 2014

    not really struggle anymore.

    .. I've come to the realization that I'm never really ever going to love or even remotely like myself ever. simple as that
    fuzzyball056 fuzzyball056
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 1

    I am constantly reminded

    that I'm not good enough. What I say or do are not what people want. I've never had someone to truly vent to, normally I'm told to look at the other side and not to get so upset. Sometimes I just wish that my mother would hug me when I'm crying and upset, even if I'm wrong let...
    Eyeofbeholder Eyeofbeholder
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 12

    So many people have died around me; my Granddad,

    my dad, my best friend. I can't help thinking that everyone crosses my shadow is doomed to have a short life and i hate myself for thinking that i'm a harbinger of Death. :'(
    MyLifeIsStrange MyLifeIsStrange
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 30

    Self hatred has been my constant companion most

    of my life. I wouldn't really know what to do if I felt normal. And recent events have shredded the little bit of self esteem I had tried to build up. Just served to remind me that I'm not enough. Don't know why I let myself forget that
    nothingandno1 nothingandno1
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jan 30

    Even though im not hispanic,

    i wish i was as beautiful and happy as selena quintanilla was. She was definitely everything that i wish I could be.
    animegirl63 animegirl63
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 22, 2015

    Adversity I hear makes you stronger.

    But I seem to have regressed into a loop of indulging the darkness that resides within me. I take responsibility for my actions. I own them. I wish I hadn't but I did and I have. The burden of my mistakes and sins have become too heavy and yet that is my cross to bear. The...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jan 6, 2015

    I feel like I talk too much,

    especially around my crush. When I wanna sound smart, i think i end up sounding like an idiot. The things i say only sound insightful in my head.
    lilbadu53 lilbadu53
    13-15, F
    3 Responses Nov 18, 2015

    I have a very severe stutter from an odd birth

    defect and out drives me crazy in social situations. if I speak slowly and enunciate to cut down on the stammer it distorts my voice so I don't sound like myself. But if I try to talk like I want to talk, like everyone else, it gets bad enough that it's hard to understand me and...
    CherrybombBetty CherrybombBetty
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Mar 20

    I just get can't get out of this,

    I've always hated myself and the way I look, I just wish I could change or at least stop thinking like that. Plus, it's not just the way I look, it's also everything else. I dunno, I dislike myself very much :/
    ACyanideSurprise ACyanideSurprise
    18-21, M
    1 Response Oct 1, 2014

    I'm struggling with a family issue

    that I've caused. I have struggled with addiction & drinking for years & after 2 years I had a slip that caused me to miss a family event. I didn't go because of course I drank the night before but also because I fought with my sister that bashed me to my mom & media places. I...
    please1980 please1980
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jan 4, 2015

    currently working on it.

    but its there so much of me and yet through every pound of me.... there's not a single part i love.
    IkIlLeDyOuRsOuLaNdAtEiT IkIlLeDyOuRsOuLaNdAtEiT
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Apr 1

    Where to begin...I don't believe I know exactly

    why I self loathe or self hate, I COULD hazard a guess but I don't like letting myself off the hook. I face up to things. Is it nature? Is it nurture? Was I born this way? A defect? A blessing? I cannot tell...all I know is it terrifies the soul from my heart when it grips me...
    followthewhiterabbit followthewhiterabbit
    22-25, F
    Jan 30

    i live day to great feeling ok

    but when i try to fix something and i dont suseed i get angry with myself feeling useless and feel like i cant do anything right and im good for nothing which brings up what my mother drummed into me then i rember the past id rather forget
    Jbj1 Jbj1
    31-35, F
    Aug 6, 2015

    I hate the way I seek out pain I hate the way I

    deny the gain I hate my braces, nose chin and cheek I hate the way I cut my hair I hate the way people seem to stare I hate the judgement from myself I hate I can never reach the highest shelf I hate the way the scale sways I hate the way my grades decay I hate the compulsion to...
    xsnowhite1012x xsnowhite1012x
    1 Response Nov 7, 2015

    Why do we feel so deeply about things

    that tear us apart? Is my life always going to be this way? Will I ever be able to find inner peace and meaning in my life, or are am I doomed to forever ride this roller coaster of emotions. I love so many people on this earth so why is it so hard to love myself. Our minds can...
    Jessicahash Jessicahash
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Mar 30
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