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I Things Not to Say During Sex

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 70 People

    My List

    Did you shower? I forgot my pill. I am not ready, yet. Laughing I have said, what you can't find it? You smell. You stink. It maybe a bit messy, its my time. Hold on. I hear someone. Are the kids coming home today? I forgot to lock the front door. Don't throw your clothes on the...
    Shelia4all Shelia4all
    46-50, F
    6 Responses Apr 3, 2013

    Here Goes

    Are you going to answer that? I forgot to mention that I'm a virgin, oh, btw, looks like there's a lot of blood on you. So, you've seen eachother naked? How big was his penis? Is there something wrong with my dog licking us? Slap my breasts! That was a tap, I said SLAP...
    V8fusion V8fusion
    26-30, M
    1 Response Mar 9, 2010

    Let's Have Some Fun

    Alright guys i thought this might be silly and fun. How many things can you think of not to say during sex?  On second thought let's turn out the lights
    redheadsrule redheadsrule
    36-40, F
    67 Responses May 12, 2009

    Umm

    iam i a better lover than your ex?
    lunnas lunnas
    41-45, F
    May 15, 2009

    Ok - These Are Not To Be Repeated

    1) "susan!" - so how is your sister anyway I wasn't in the mood after all of that anyway 2) "Caroline" (her best friend), so is she keeping busy lately? Believe it or not, I just kept going even though I got a bit of a strange look = mumbled something else and then pretended I...
    DeepForest DeepForest
    46-50
    Oct 11, 2010

    What About....

    On second thought, let's turn out the lights. Is this your first time? -- Yes, this afternoon! And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend! What tampon? Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl
    26-30, F
    8 Responses Sep 20, 2010

    Sex Faux Paux, Deja Vu...

    He said on the first major time we were together at the point of my ******, "Who's (crush's name) now, huh babe?" Twice, with two separate loves. what was I meant to reply?
    TheRealWoman TheRealWoman
    31-35, F
    7 Responses May 14, 2009
    Simpfan Simpfan
    56-60, F
    2 Responses May 14, 2015

    Not Now....

     I had one guy ask me, right when we were really, really, hot and heavy and the Big O was coming straight at me....  "Wow.. like, think how weird it would be if your father walked in on us right now..." Dude... that was NOT the time to bring that image...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Jun 2, 2009

    Don't You Dare!

    For the record, I have never had any on the list said to me...but was in a silly mood and felt like compiling a list. Don't you go to the gym? Remind me to call my wife later. Maybe we shouldn't have eaten dinner first. Will you make me breakfast in the morning...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses Sep 7, 2010

    Keeper Of The Stars

    it was on a company covention that i met marie, we enjoyed each others company had a few drinks , spoke of our respective marriages, danced the night away. it was a beautiful moonlit night 100 yards from the beach, god i hadnt felt so refreshed and exuberent in a long time, as...
    wiseriser wiseriser
    51-55, M
    10 Responses May 26, 2011

    Keeper Of The Stars

    it was on a company covention that i met marie, we enjoyed each others company had a few drinks , spoke of our respective marriages, danced the night away. it was a beautiful moonlit night 100 yards from the beach, god i hadnt felt so refreshed and exuberent in a long time, as...
    wiseriser wiseriser
    51-55, M
    1 Response May 26, 2011

    Don't Talk With Your Mouth Full!

    I couldn't help it!  Okay, here's some great examples of what NOT to say.Is that it?You remind me of my Dad/Mom when you do that Well what are we going to do with the rest of the hour?Keep the change.How do you like your eggs... scrambled or fertilized?SEED MY HOLE...
    BlasphemousAngel BlasphemousAngel
    31-35, M
    4 Responses Jan 23, 2010
    DamoLFC DamoLFC
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Sep 29, 2015

    How About...

      Oh, I thought those were bigger You taste funny, did you have garlic or onions for lunch.. Oops, I thought you were someone else.. Sorry, I didn't mean to put "that" there..   *Hopefully, I am not repeating what others have said..  
    luvmc11 luvmc11
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Sep 24, 2010

    The Worst:

    Yawn! Seriously, that has to be the worst. Runners up: Done yet? What's for dinner? I need to answer the phone. Can we turn the light off?
    2nice 2nice
    46-50, M
    Oct 1, 2013

    Here Are Just a Few.

    "Blue I think I will paint the ceiling blue" "Honey did you lock the back door" "What's your name again" "I want a baby"  
    ablmu65 ablmu65
    41-45, M
    54 Responses May 14, 2009

    Some Things Are Better Left Undone And Unsaid During Sex

    1. Are you in yet? 2. Are we almost done? 3. Can we hurry this up-the race (or football game) is about to come on! 4. Announce "I have to fart" and then stop to do it (yes he really did that) 5. Can you please be a little quieter, I'm trying to hear the tv?! 6. Move over...
    greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72
    41-45, F
    22 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    What Not To Do

    "What time is it?" (in the middle of sex) giving him directions by saying, "my ex did this and it felt really good." "Are you all the way in?" "Here use this instead", as you hand him a vibrator or ***** that is twice his size. That's ok six inches is average......(I actually...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses May 24, 2011

    I Actually (Apparently) Said This Once...

    I did tell my wife when we got married to NEVER start a conversation with me when we were getting into bed. I am typically asleep 5 mins BEFORE my head hits the pillow LOL. I fell asleep one night on our lovesac. My wife decided she was in the mood and she came down in much less...
    1234TBibbs 1234TBibbs
    36-40, M
    1 Response Oct 3, 2013

    I Do Not Want to Hear This Again!!!!!!!!

    The backdoor that my 7yo stepson & in-laws use is 10 feet from our bedroom & during the day or evening when we make love it is almost a given everytime we make love...... *Bam bam bam* "Momma open up I know you are in there", "Lowanda; I know your home the...
    Snookybear Snookybear
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jun 4, 2009

    Heard/ Said

    Done yet? I'm getting sore. Hurry; sportscenter is about to come on. Don't even joke about that. Why would you ever want to try that? That's sick. I don't have any fantasies. I'm not saying I don't get horny. I'm just saying I don't need it like you do. Ummm...ok...  I guess...
    thwya thwya
    41-45, M
    4 Responses Dec 3, 2010

    Just A Few

      What’s that smell? Did you lock the door? Let’s turn off the lights! Pass me the remote! Would you just hurry up, we are paying by the hour? Try not to leave any stains on the bed. You don’t have the keys to these things...
    fungirlmmm fungirlmmm
    46-50, F
    17 Responses Sep 19, 2010

    Hahaha Here's One For Ya!!

       Right in the middle of the carnal act MS looked at me and with lust in his voice said " I want to **** CC" and continued the ******** act!!! Lol I guess I should explain who CC is... she is a very close friend of mine, someone who I...
    BlueHaze09 BlueHaze09
    31-35, F
    8 Responses May 12, 2009

    Oh ****, I See What You Did There!

    Most **** ups are done without intention. 1. How long do you plan to be "almost there"? 2. You need to shave. I can't find it.  3. Did I tell you Aunt Martha died in this bed?  4. Oh Rick, oh yes baby! Oh right, I'm with a girl this time. 5. Come on... Those **** HAVE to be...
    Fr0z3nY0gurt Fr0z3nY0gurt
    70+, F
    5 Responses Oct 16, 2013

    Mood Killers

    "I'm only keeping the TV on for background noise" Saying ANY incorrect name.
    MrsKateBrown MrsKateBrown
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Sep 21, 2010

    Fancy A Quickie?... Er No

    After approximately five minutes: Him: 'You're making me ***' Me: 'Don't stop it feels soooo good' Him: 'But you feel so warm and juicy I just want to explode' Me: 'And you feel so hard, carry on ******* me, please!' Him: 'one, two, three, four... fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty...
    applesncinnamon applesncinnamon
    26-30, F
    1 Response Dec 6, 2010

    **** **** ****

    I should probably do the dishes. How's your ailing Grandma doing? Do you smell that? I hope the kids don't come in. Have you started yet? Your arm fat jiggles funny. Thanks for getting me started. I'll just finish this myself now, thanks.
    ALLEVERWNTD ALLEVERWNTD
    31-35, M
    Jul 26, 2013

    Never Say This

    "Hang on, I need to cough up a fur ball, be right back".
    neonshades neonshades
    51-55, M
    Mar 10, 2010

    Here We Go

    1. Okay, let's just get this over with. 2. Have you gained weight? 3. I have to take this phone call. 4. Tell me that you want me to stab you. 5. Ask me to burn you. 6. Can the dog join in? 7. Is it in yet? 8. My ex used to do it this way...do it like that. 9.Want to watch...
    Zarifa Zarifa
    18-21, F
    5 Responses May 4, 2013
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