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I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 31 People

    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M Sep 23, 2012

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    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Chuck Norris’ PC doesn’t have a Recycle bin – because when Chuck Norris deletes something, there’s no chance of it coming back.
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    When he was cool, it was the Ice Age and now that Chuck Norris is hot, we have Global Warming.
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    Chuck Norris' brain is connected to the internet and can clear the web by blinking.
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    During a power outage, Chuck Norris kick started the generators at Hoover Dam.
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    Beginner, Easy, Medium, Hard, Expert, Intense, Impossible, Chuck Norris.
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    Chuck Norris had a pet monkey. We know him as King Kong.
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    When Chuck Norris stares at the sun.....it blinks!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 15

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    The Boubonic Plague didn't wipe out almost half of Europe. . Chuck Norris did.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 16

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    Chuck Norris is too cool to get hot, and too hot to get cool.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 17

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    When Chuck Norris swings a sword, the air bleeds.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 21

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    Chuck Norris doesn't wish on stars, he gives them demands.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    A new thrill seeking adventure is waiting til Chuck is done talking and saying "Cool story, bro". So far the world record is at "coo..", before death.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 8

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    Chuck Norris ordered all these peoples here to post Chuck Norris Facts or he would roundhouse kick them ...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 11

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    They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 3

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    911 dials Chuck Norris to see if there's any emergency he hasn't resolved yet. Chuck Norris usually laughs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 4

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    Cloning Chuck Norris was a sucess, they cloned a smaller Chuck Norris named Arnold Shwartsneger.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 8

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    Did you hear about what Chuck Norris did to the guy who threw him in the lake? Just kidding... NOBODY throws Chuck Norris!
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Oct 8

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    The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 17

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    When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 18

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    If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris misses you with the round-house kick, he'll falcom pawnch. but he doesn't miss.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 18

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    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Oscar the Grouch didn't always live in a trash can. He owed Chuck Norris money but didn't pay and Chuck roundhouse kicked his dumpster.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 10

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    Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 13

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    Supernovas aren't the reason stars exist, but when Chuck Norris gets angry, he blows up a part of the galaxy, weird they're billion of miles apart.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 2

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    There are no plate tectonics. The Earth crumbles and moves beneath Chuck Norris' feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 3

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    When bullets are fired at Chuck Norris, he deflects them all by roundhouse kicking them.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 9

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    Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks are so fast, he literally CAN kick you into next week!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    When Chuck Norris' chidren use the line, "But DAD said I could do it," it works.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 30

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    Chuck Norris uses his own Facebook, it's called "Roundhouse Kick to the Face-book"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 30

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    The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Chuck Norris holding a flashlight.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 30

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    NASA did land on the Moon. This happened at the same time as Chuck Norris stared at the Moon. That's why the Moon was acting weird at the time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 30

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    Chuck norris can paint the town red, with blue paint
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 30

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    Thunder and lightning were named after Chuck Norris' fists.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 1

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    When Chuck Norris goes to the DMV, he doesn't have to take a number.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    Chuck Norris visits the volcanoes of Hawaii for a hot tub bath every now and then.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    Some men cut themselves shaving, Chuck Norris makes razorblades go rusty.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 1

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    If there was a game about Chuck Norris nobody would play it because every time you opened it up it would roundhouse kick you'd be to scared to play.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you HE decides when you will feel the impact .
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    Chuck Norris ended the Cold War. Ronald Reagan only helped.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    The Candyman can, but Chuck Norris can do it better.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 2

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    Chuck Norris taught Gordon Ramsey how to cook.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 2

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    They had to include Chuck Norris on the cast of Expendables 2, otherwise, he would have kicked the ***** of Stallone, Statham, Swarzenegger, Couture..
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 2

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    Chuck Norris was originally going to play Leonidas in 300 but he kept kicking the Persian over the pit into outer space.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 2

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    The Bird Is The Word Because Chuck Norris Didn't Want To Be The Word.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 2

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    Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 3

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