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I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 31 People

    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M Sep 23, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 4

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    They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to close it down because no one dared cross Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 16

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    Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him. And gets seconds.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 28

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    Michael Jordan was recently asked who he thought was the greatest basketball player in the world. His answer? Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 1

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    The Swiss all own a Chuck Norris Army Knife.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 2

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    All of Chuck Norris' limbs act as natural particle accelerators.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 6

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    Even Force majeure is powerless against Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 7

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    -Chuck Norris has no friends on Facebook. Just enemies.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 8

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    Chuck Norris won the Tour-de-France on a big-wheel.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9

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    Chuck Norris was named valedictorian of his high school on the first day of his freshman year.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 10

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    Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13

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    Chuck Norris can play the guitar....with his eyelashes
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18

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    Chuck Norris can become invisible by telling light to not reflect off of him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Chuck Norris once won a karaoke contest humming
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    On every continent of the world, there is a sandwich named after Chuck Norris. On the North American continent it's the Knuckle Sandwich.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Chuck Norris can fly a car underground.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    My kids and I love him. He was awesome in The Expendables!
    Nuovinzi Nuovinzi 41-45, F Jun 28

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    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 30

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    Chuck Norris eats out only at buffets; no one serves Chuck Norris and lives.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 8

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    Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Santa... Santa believes in Chuck Norris!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 9

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    A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11

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    Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Chuck Norris' pet piranha, Steve, likes to catch fresh Rainbow Trout for Chuck.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 1

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    Chuck Norris thinks outside the box,then roundhouse kicks the box into oblivion.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 5

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    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11

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    When Chuck Norris comes into the room, he does not turn on the light - he turns off the darkness.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why Curiosity finds no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Bigfoot is just Chuck Norris not shaving on a nature hike.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 28

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    Chuck Norris can pat his head, rub his stomach, and roundhouse kick you at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 29

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    The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 29

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    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 30

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    Toll takers PAY Chuck Norris to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 1

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    Chuck Norris did not play high school or college football, thus sparing hundreds from injury.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 2

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    Noah had two of everything and ONE Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 2

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    Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 3

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    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
    oOMissDiorOo oOMissDiorOo 13-15, F Jul 3

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    Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4

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    Q: What's the difference between REM and Chuck Norris? A: One sings "Everybody Hurts", the other just hurts everybody.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 5

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    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 6

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    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 6

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    CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 6

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    Chuck Norris speaks in capital letters.