There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to close it down because no one dared cross Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him. And gets seconds.
Michael Jordan was recently asked who he thought was the greatest basketball player in the world.
The Swiss all own a Chuck Norris Army Knife.
All of Chuck Norris' limbs act as natural particle accelerators.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Even Force majeure is powerless against Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has no friends on Facebook. Just enemies.
Chuck Norris won the Tour-de-France on a big-wheel.
Chuck Norris was named valedictorian of his high school on the first day of his freshman year.
Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
Chuck Norris can play the guitar....with his eyelashes
Chuck Norris can become invisible by telling light to not reflect off of him.
Chuck Norris once won a karaoke contest humming
On every continent of the world, there is a sandwich named after Chuck Norris. On the North American continent it's the Knuckle Sandwich.
Chuck Norris can fly a car underground.
My kids and I love him. He was awesome in The Expendables!
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first...
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
Chuck Norris eats out only at buffets; no one serves Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Santa... Santa believes in Chuck Norris!!
A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris' pet piranha, Steve, likes to catch fresh Rainbow Trout for Chuck.
Chuck Norris thinks outside the box,then roundhouse kicks the box into oblivion.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made...
When Chuck Norris comes into the room, he does not turn on the light - he turns off the darkness.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why Curiosity finds no signs of life there.
Bigfoot is just Chuck Norris not shaving on a nature hike.
Chuck Norris can pat his head, rub his stomach, and roundhouse kick you at the same time.
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Toll takers PAY Chuck Norris to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.
Chuck Norris did not play high school or college football, thus sparing hundreds from injury.
Noah had two of everything and ONE Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Q: What's the difference between REM and Chuck Norris?
A: One sings "Everybody Hurts", the other just hurts everybody.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris speaks in capital letters.