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I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 31 People

    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M Sep 23, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Chuck Norris doesnt do the ice bucket challenge. Chuck Norris does the HOT LAVA BUCKET CHALLENGE.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20

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    In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 1

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    Chuck Norris can send a text message with his mind.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28

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    Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for Acting because HE IS NOT acting
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 28

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    Chuck Norris is actually the best bodyguard in the world, too bad he is self employed
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 29

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    The mountain didn't go to Mohammed. It would have for Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 30

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    Chuck Norris can win the Daytona 500 in a sail boat.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31

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    When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he checks the closest for Bruce Lee.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    Rhythm is a slave to the Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    The Dos Equis guy is not exploring the world. He's hiding from Chuck Norris!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 4

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    All this started with Vin Diesel Facts. They were changed to Chuck Norris Facts because Chuck Norris Facts are so much more realistic
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 5

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    Chuck Norris does not know Pain--Pain knows Chuck Norris, as it is roundhouse-kicked in the face daily by Chuck.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 4

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    Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no protection from Chuck Norris. source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/chucknorrisjokes.html
    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M Aug 6

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    They stoped making Chuck Norris movies because you don't watch Chuck Norris he watches you
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 30

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    Chuck Norris won the 2014 Pulitzer Prize for his 874 page short story called "Me, Chuck Norris".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3

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    Chuck Norris Breakfast: 1 nails, 2 scorpion tail, 3 deadliest spider venom, and 4, more Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bow to the Queen, the Queen bows to Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    When Chuck Norris is at the beach he doesn't get tanned the sun gets Chuck Norrised
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    A man once asked Chuck Norris how much he benched. Chuck Norris sighed and roundhouse kicked him through a wall and said "I don't bench, I wall".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Some people call me weird because I wanted to be like Chuck Norris. So yeah from your opinion do you think I'm damn weird ? and sometimes I imagine I'm Darth Vader
    windyblue windyblue 18-21, F Aug 10

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30

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    The Chuck Norris-approved Chucknopoly is the world's only board game that is potentially fatal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    Satan himself is a massive Chuck Norris fan, but Chuck made him member #777 just to **** him off.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    What doesn't kill Chuck only makes him stronger. Chuck Norris is immortal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 19

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    Human beings are roughly 60 percent water. Chuck Norris is roughly 80 percent whiskey, and the other 20 percent is barely restrained fury.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18

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    Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 28

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol, only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28

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    Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 29

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    Chuck Norris holds birth certificates in all 50 states.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 29

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    Einstein invented the therory of relativity- Chuck Norris invented the therory of kick-***.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 29

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    Chuck Norris can unring bells.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30

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    Chuck Norris' lawnmower is equipped with a battery of hellfire missiles.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30

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    My family love to watch chuck Norris together, so much so we named our dog after one of his characters!
    squirllykid squirllykid 46-50, F Jul 31

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    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Gilligan's Island gang back to civilization.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31

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    Chuck Norris shot 17 on an 18 hole golf course.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 31

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    Chuck Norris once seized and ransomed 5 letters of the Russian alphabet. The letters spelled "surrender."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31

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    Chuck Norris invented the microwave when he roundhouse kicked a metal box.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 1

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    Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was government issued.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 1

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    Chuck Norris doesn't make phone calls, he shouts.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 1

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    Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier in a rowboat.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    Chuck Norris can swim undisturbed, through shark infested waters with 2 pockets full of chum.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    Can Chuck Norris kick it? Of course he can.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 2

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    Chuck Norris can swim undisturbed, through shark infested waters with 2 pockets full of chum.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3

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    Superman has a Chuck Norris tattoo.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 3