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I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 31 People

    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M Sep 23, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Chuck Norris doesnt do the ice bucket challenge. Chuck Norris does the HOT LAVA BUCKET CHALLENGE.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20

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    Chuck Norris's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 28

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    Much controversy surrounds Area 51, which is also known as Chuck Norris's playground. Those flying saucers are similar to our model cars and planes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 4

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    Demons don't hunt Chuck Norris.. He is hunting them!!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 28

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    When he enters his living room, the television turns on to watch Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 30

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    Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 31

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    When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 3

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    Spongebob is Chuck Norris' old lufa.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 3

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    Chuck Norris bites frost.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 4

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    Chuck Norris is not allowed in an airplane because every piece of him is a lethal weapon and can't pass the security gates.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 4

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    Chuck Norris deleted his Facebook account and created Fistbook.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 6

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    Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 6

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    The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 8

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    When Chuck Norris is done with his workout, his gym equipment needs ice packs and Ben Gay.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Chuck Norris wanted the biggest, baddest, safest, vehicle out there, which is why he now runs every where he goes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Chuck Norris doesn't break bricks. They fold under pressure.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Chuck Norris makes everything magically delicious.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Chuck Norris could make the impossible POSSIBLE. You're stuck in the middle of the ocean? There's no need for 911, when you can just whisper 'Chuck Norris' and he's there to help...
    LolitaChrisbell LolitaChrisbell 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 8

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    Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, Chuck Norris' beard grew a man. That man was Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 29

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    When a zombie bit Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris didn't turn into a zombie. The zombie turned into Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 3

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    Chuck Norris doesn't catch colds...but colds can't catch Chuck Norris, either, because nothing can catch Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    "I AM CHUCK F*CKING NORRIS!!! I SPIT MORE BLOOD AND GORE THAN FORTY SCORE ON YOUR PUNY CIVIL WARS, B*TCH!!! I SPLIT THE UNION WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK!!! I WEAR A BLACKBELT ON THE...
    KonekaiReangashi5666 KonekaiReangashi5666 16-17, F Sep 1

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bow to the Queen, the Queen bows to Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 21

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    When Chuck Norris is at the beach he doesn't get tanned the sun gets Chuck Norrised
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 21

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    A man once asked Chuck Norris how much he benched. Chuck Norris sighed and roundhouse kicked him through a wall and said "I don't bench, I wall".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 22

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    When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 22

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    The Pope once tried to bless Chuck Norris. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 2

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    When Chuck Norris plays Hide-And-Seek, it's not called that anymore. It's Hide-And-Don't-Get-Roundhouse-Kicked-In-The-Face-Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 6

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    Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a golf ball. It went so far it dissapeared. It showed up minutes later when it hit Chuck Norris in the back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 7

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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes, it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 7

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    Chuck Norris invented the nunchuks but came to realize that he doesn't need weapons. They were originally called Non-Chucks after Chuck discarded it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 2

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    Satan himself is a massive Chuck Norris fan, but Chuck made him member #777 just to **** him off.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    What doesn't kill Chuck only makes him stronger. Chuck Norris is immortal.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 19

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    Bruce Lee didn't defeat Chuck Norris. Chuck hit Bruce with a Delayed roundhouse kick that was so fast that Lee only felt the impact a year later!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 29

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    Chuck Norris appeared on Deal or No Deal. The banker offered Chuck 2 million after the first case.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 6

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    Chuck Norris allowed Bruce Lee to kill him in "THe Way Of The Dragon" but Chuck ended the deal by returning the favor, FOR REAL.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 8

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    Human beings are roughly 60 percent water. Chuck Norris is roughly 80 percent whiskey, and the other 20 percent is barely restrained fury.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18

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    Scientists say dinosaurs are extinct due to a comet. Others say Chuck Norris wanted to test his roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 1

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    Walker, Texas Ranger and Lone Wolf McQuade are afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    To deter crime, homeowners are removing their Brinks Home Security signs and putting the name Chuck Norris on their mailbox.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Chuck Norris made Tom Petty back down.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Calvin Klein always used to wear Chuck Norris' discarded slacks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Chuck Norris owns property in the Uncanny Valley
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18

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