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I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 31 People

    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M Sep 23, 2012

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    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jul 17, 2012

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    Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
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    The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way.
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    When Chuck Norris is done with his workout, his gym equipment needs ice packs and Ben Gay.
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    Chuck Norris wanted the biggest, baddest, safest, vehicle out there, which is why he now runs every where he goes.
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    Chuck Norris doesn't break bricks. They fold under pressure.
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    While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
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    Chuck Norris makes everything magically delicious.
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    Chuck Norris got set on fire. The fire had to stop, drop, and roll.
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    Chuck Norris can put the batteries in backwards and STILL make it work.
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    When he was cool, it was the Ice Age and now that Chuck Norris is hot, we have Global Warming.
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    Chuck Norris could make the impossible POSSIBLE. You're stuck in the middle of the ocean? There's no need for 911, when you can just whisper 'Chuck Norris' and he's there to help...
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    When a zombie bit Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris didn't turn into a zombie. The zombie turned into Chuck Norris.
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    Chuck Norris doesn't catch colds...but colds can't catch Chuck Norris, either, because nothing can catch Chuck Norris.
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    "I AM CHUCK F*CKING NORRIS!!! I SPIT MORE BLOOD AND GORE THAN FORTY SCORE ON YOUR PUNY CIVIL WARS, B*TCH!!! I SPLIT THE UNION WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK!!! I WEAR A BLACKBELT ON THE...
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    The Pope once tried to bless Chuck Norris. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
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    When Chuck Norris plays Hide-And-Seek, it's not called that anymore. It's Hide-And-Don't-Get-Roundhouse-Kicked-In-The-Face-Chuck Norris.
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    Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a golf ball. It went so far it dissapeared. It showed up minutes later when it hit Chuck Norris in the back.
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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes, it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
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    Chuck Norris spelled backwards is Chuck Norris.
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    A man once asked Chuck Norris how much he benched. Chuck Norris sighed and roundhouse kicked him through a wall and said "I don't bench, I wall".
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    The Matrix once had to take the red pill to escape from Chuck Norris. It failed. Nothing can escape from Chuck Norris.
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    Chuck Norris invented the nunchuks but came to realize that he doesn't need weapons. They were originally called Non-Chucks after Chuck discarded it.
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    Chuck Norris is only scared of one thing - Mamma Norris!
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    Chuck Norris appeared on Deal or No Deal. The banker offered Chuck 2 million after the first case.
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    Chuck Norris allowed Bruce Lee to kill him in "THe Way Of The Dragon" but Chuck ended the deal by returning the favor, FOR REAL.
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    Scientists say dinosaurs are extinct due to a comet. Others say Chuck Norris wanted to test his roundhouse kick.
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    Walker, Texas Ranger and Lone Wolf McQuade are afraid of Chuck Norris.
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    To deter crime, homeowners are removing their Brinks Home Security signs and putting the name Chuck Norris on their mailbox.
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    Solar flares are a myth... it's really Chuck Norris' flashlight.
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    Chuck Norris once broke the law, they are still trying to put it back together.
    Dante12345 Dante12345 16-17, M a week ago

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    Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
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    Chuck Norris has Schindler on his list.
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    Chuck Norris can play PS3 games....... ON A PS1
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