Post
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community. Please click away if you do not want to see this content, or if you are not of age. To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Think Chuck Norris Facts Are The Shit

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 33 People

    The Top 103!

    Yes, i copied and pasted them! ENJOY!! and have a good laugh! 1.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits 2.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 3.) There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 4.) Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 5...
    luscious36ds luscious36ds 41-45, F 11 Responses Jul 17, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chuck Norris Is A *****

    a conservative republican who got his *** kicked by bruce lee
    promethius50 promethius50 46-50, M 1 Response Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris is the reason NWA ran Straight Outta Compton
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When Chuck Norris crosses the steet the cars have to look both ways.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris went looking for a rabbit in a forest. He came out with a bear and the bear was saying "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room, the bears not dead it's just afraid to move.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When Chuck Norris does a push up, he doesn't push up. He pushes the world down.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, but Chuck Norris beats all three at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Paul Bunyan may be able to knock down a whole forrest with one swing of his ax but Chuck Norris can take out a whole forrest with one roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a horse in the chin and from then on, its decendents were known as giraffes!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    God didn't make all men equal, but Samuel Colt did... then God made Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris is the reason why the chicken crossed the road.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his den. The bear isn't dead- just afraid to move.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 8