There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to close it down because no one dared cross Chuck Norris.
Michael Jordan was recently asked who he thought was the greatest basketball player in the world.
The Swiss all own a Chuck Norris Army Knife.
All of Chuck Norris' limbs act as natural particle accelerators.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Even Force majeure is powerless against Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has no friends on Facebook. Just enemies.
Chuck Norris won the Tour-de-France on a big-wheel.
Chuck Norris was named valedictorian of his high school on the first day of his freshman year.
Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
Chuck Norris can play the guitar....with his eyelashes
Chuck Norris can become invisible by telling light to not reflect off of him.
Chuck Norris once won a karaoke contest humming
On every continent of the world, there is a sandwich named after Chuck Norris. On the North American continent it's the Knuckle Sandwich.
Chuck Norris can fly a car underground.
Chuck Norris has won many a contest merely by showing up.
The Empire never found the droids they were looking for.
Chuck Norris would have.
Chuck Norris correctly predicted the result of Super Bowl XLVIII in 1952.
Chuck Norris can send a text message with his mind.
Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for Acting because HE IS NOT acting
Chuck Norris is actually the best bodyguard in the world, too bad he is self employed
The mountain didn't go to Mohammed. It would have for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win the Daytona 500 in a sail boat.
Chuck Norris eats out only at buffets; no one serves Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Santa... Santa believes in Chuck Norris!!
A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
They stoped making Chuck Norris movies because you don't watch Chuck Norris he watches you
Chuck Norris' pet piranha, Steve, likes to catch fresh Rainbow Trout for Chuck.
Chuck Norris thinks outside the box,then roundhouse kicks the box into oblivion.
Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made...
Chuck Norris' favorite chewing gum are bullets.
Toll takers PAY Chuck Norris to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.
Chuck Norris did not play high school or college football, thus sparing hundreds from injury.
Noah had two of everything and ONE Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Q: What's the difference between REM and Chuck Norris?
A: One sings "Everybody Hurts", the other just hurts everybody.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris speaks in capital letters.