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I Think Chuck Norris Is the Man

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40 People

    He Has to Be the Man - His career survived this ad
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 3 Responses Apr 1, 2009

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    Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    CN Is Cool -  This isn't my story but it's a great Chuck Norris story.  I thought I had won a trip to Hawaii, but come to find out the trip was for my boss, not me.  ...
    rw5453 rw5453 56-60, M 1 Response May 29, 2009

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    Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response a week ago

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    I Used to Love His Movies - He was really cool.
    LordVoldemort LordVoldemort 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 16, 2009

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    Gesture - No one on EP will ever get the roundhouse gesture Only Chuck Norris can have the roundhouse gesture and Chuck Norris does not need EP to give it to him If Chuck Norris...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 5 Responses Apr 5, 2009

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    Chuck Is the Man and He Can Beat Up Bruce and Tom - Chuck Norris would roundhouse Bruce Willis and Tom Selleck at the same time
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 10 Responses Apr 5, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 8

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    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 26

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6

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    Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 28

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    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Chuck Norris is the reason NWA ran Straight Outta Compton
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 25

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    When Chuck Norris crosses the steet the cars have to look both ways.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 25

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    Chuck Norris went looking for a rabbit in a forest. He came out with a bear and the bear was saying "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 26

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    Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 27

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    When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room, the bears not dead it's just afraid to move.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    When Chuck Norris does a push up, he doesn't push up. He pushes the world down.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, but Chuck Norris beats all three at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 31

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    Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

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    Paul Bunyan may be able to knock down a whole forrest with one swing of his ax but Chuck Norris can take out a whole forrest with one roundhouse kick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

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    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a horse in the chin and from then on, its decendents were known as giraffes!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 1

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    Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    God didn't make all men equal, but Samuel Colt did... then God made Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 2

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 3

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    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 4

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    When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 5

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    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 6