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I Think Chuck Norris Is the Man

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 103 People

    The Empire never found the droids they were

    looking for. Chuck Norris would have.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 26, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 21, 2014

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    In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to

    sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 1, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 18, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 16, 2014

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    When he enters his living room,

    the television turns on to watch Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 30, 2014

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    Kimbo Slice copied Chuck Norris' beard.

    When confronted, Kimbo's beard simply fell off and spotaneously combusted.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 5

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    Chuck Norris is not allowed in an airplane

    because every piece of him is a lethal weapon and can't pass the security gates.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 4, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 6, 2014

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    The Dos Equis guy is not exploring the world.

    He's hiding from Chuck Norris!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 4, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris falls over,

    the ground needs a band-aid.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 3, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris enters the restaraunt,

    he doesn't order. He demands.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 10, 2014

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    A duck’s quack does not echo.

    Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 30, 2014

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    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's

    computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 28, 2014

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    Chuck Norris got set on fire.

    The fire had to stop, drop, and roll.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 18, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't wish on stars,

    he gives them demands.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 25, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 29, 2014

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    They once named a street

    after Chuck Norris, but they had to close it down because no one dared cross Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 22, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't wear sunscreen,

    the sun wears Chuck Norris-screen.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 8, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    The Boubonic Plague didn't wipe out almost half

    of Europe. . Chuck Norris did.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 16, 2014

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    Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award

    for Acting because HE IS NOT acting
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    When Bruce Banner gets mad,

    he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 5, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris goes to bed,

    he checks the closest for Bruce Lee.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9, 2014

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    Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris

    with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 6, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    Chuck Norris’ PC doesn’t have a Recycle bin

    – because when Chuck Norris deletes something, there’s no chance of it coming back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 18, 2014

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    Chuck Norris threw a grenade

    and killed 50 people. Then it blew up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 26, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesnt do the ice bucket challenge.

    Chuck Norris does the HOT LAVA BUCKET CHALLENGE.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 31, 2014

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    Beginner, Easy, Medium,

    Hard, Expert, Intense, Impossible, Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris'

    computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually

    brought the practice dummy to life.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 14, 2014

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    The mountain didn't go to Mohammed.

    It would have for Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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    Chuck Norris's calendar goes from March 31st

    to April 2nd because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 21, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris is done with his workout,

    his gym equipment needs ice packs and Ben Gay.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    Santa Claus fired all his elves

    and hired Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 29, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is actually the best bodyguard in

    the world, too bad he is self employed
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 29, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 19, 2014

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    Chuck Norris wanted the biggest,

    baddest, safest, vehicle out there, which is why he now runs every where he goes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 13, 2014

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    Before they met Chuck Norris,

    the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 20, 2014

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    Demons don't hunt Chuck Norris.

    . He is hunting them!!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 9, 2014

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    Related Experiences

    Oliver Peck was hired to tattoo Chuck Norris, but knew no tattoo needle could penetrate Chuck Norris’ skin, he used three hairs from Chuck's beard.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago