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I Think Kids Say the Darndest Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 131 People

    After the christening of his baby brother in

    church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home and I wanted to stay with you guys."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 13

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    Two Things Necessary!

    My niece's five year old daughter never ceases to amaze me. She wanted to spend the Easter vacation with me and kept insisting that she should. For the final time I told her that it has already been arranged and that she HAS to go to her dad's house (parents separated). Her...
    chocomint chocomint 51-55, F May 13, 2013

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    Santa Is OLD

    My 9 year old daughter and I were walking in the store last week, and she must have been thinking Christmas. She brought up her Christmas dress last year (was a Mrs. Claus style), and told me Santa loved it.  I said how do you know that? She said because it reminded him of Mrs...
    ANewCreation4Him ANewCreation4Him 36-40, F Oct 14, 2013

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 4, 2011

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    My Precious Big Son

    I did not realize at that time that my first son used to observe me intently. He was not attending Preschool at the time, which he started at 2 1/2 years ... but was a little over 2. He has always been a bit chatty. As a matter of fact he talked before he walked. This particular...
    chocomint chocomint 51-55, F Feb 13, 2013

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    My Son Did Not Say This But Did It! Accidental Exposure!

    When he was about 7 months old, my son really embarrassed his Daddy. My wife had  breast fed little Mike from birth. She would pump extra milk for out on the town events. On Sunday in church, he is really acting up, my wife was out of town on business. So before services start...
    abigguy4u abigguy4u 56-60, M 9 Responses Jun 14, 2011

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    YOU Never Know What a Child Will Say Next

    Kids Say  The Darndest Things! ThESE ARE STORIES OF ALL THE KIDS IN MY FAMILY.  ...
    JUSTENTICEME JUSTENTICEME 31-35, F 7 Responses May 10, 2009

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    You Speak Funny!

    I remembered this today!!! I was in North Carolina a few years ago and a little girl, after listening to me speak, innocently enquired, "What's wrong with you?" I promptly replied, "Nothing." She insisted, "Yes ... something is wrong with you. You speak funny." It was...
    chocomint chocomint 51-55, F 6 Responses Apr 12, 2013

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    Fun In Church

    When my oldest was about 2.5 yrs old, he learned to say words, and form sentences. He was very proud of his new found abilities. one day in church, the Pastor is talking and my son says "daddy, I know what the F word is" I am panic stricken, I try to divert his thought, no good...
    abigguy4u abigguy4u 56-60, M 7 Responses Jun 9, 2011

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    My Mini Is So Freakin Funny!

    My 3 year old is so freaking funny! She is way to smart for her own good, and the things that come out of her mouth are priceless: December 7, 2012 Just picked up Shawn's friend Aiden. This was their convo as we left: Aiden: bye mom Shawna: yep say goodbye to your mom and...
    ebnyflower ebnyflower 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 2, 2013

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    Children Say It Bluntly

    Naturally children are very honest sometimes what they say is embarrassing when they repeat what they hear. But most of the time its sweet, and enjoying. One day i was angry with a friend, and i said she isn't very nice, and i don't know if i like her. The next day that friend...
    peachfuzz68 peachfuzz68 41-45, F Mar 1, 2012

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    My Son Has A Question

    The other day my ten year old son just come up to me and asks "Mom what does **** in your pants mean?" I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. He had no idea what was so funny. I had no idea what to say to him. So he says "Does it mean like you pissed in your pants or something...
    howsab howsab 31-35, F Sep 17, 2012

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    Freaking people out is cool!

    This past weekend I went to Colorado to visit my uncle, and he has a six year old granddaughter who lives with him. She totally creeped him out. There was a tornado warning, and when the tornado sirens came on my cousin said that everybody was going to disappear. My uncle...
    LivvieDestroyerofSocks LivvieDestroyerofSocks 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 10

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    Turning 9

    My daughter turned 9, and she informed me that now, she has to put her 8 year old life behind her and start living her 9 year old life. When asked what that entailed, she said, I don't know!  I haven't lived it yet!Love her to death! lol
    ANewCreation4Him ANewCreation4Him 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 3, 2013

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    What?

    My daughter came up to me one day and asked if i was a **** in high school. I don't even think she really knew what the word meant. I said no of course then my son chimed in with "I don't care if mommy was a **** I still love her!" LOL
    howsab howsab 31-35, F Jul 13, 2011

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    Christmas

    One never knows the value of Christmas until they are able to see it through a 9 year old's mind. Yesterday, my daughter said to me, "Mom, Christmas is pretty close, isn't it?  Thinking it's still a quarter year away, I said, "well, there's still a ways to go."  Looking...
    ANewCreation4Him ANewCreation4Him 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 21, 2013

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    Kids Say And Do The Darndest Things Lol!

    My daughter has a lovely fabric head band on and a blanket as a cape, it's sometimes hard to understand her and my son thought that she just said that she needs a beer you silly!!! Lol, then she corrected him and said no I need my gear and she turned around with a stuffed...
    Jesusfoundme Jesusfoundme 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 27, 2010

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    Too Much Time Spent Playing, "plants Vs. Zombies"

    If you are religious, you may want to stop reading this now..... My daughter turned 8 a few days ago. Last week she was asking me who the first human being was. I have explained to her in the past the process of evolution, and the difficulty of identifying the first person...
    accomplice accomplice 41-45, M Aug 18, 2011

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    Daddy's Language

    I feel a tap on my shoulder.  I turn around to see it's Mrs. V, my daughter's French teacher.  She exclaims..."Your daughter is adorable!"  "Oh boy, what did she do?" I ask sarcastically.  Mrs. V knows that my daughter is bi-racial, so she asked her if there was another...
    Mahal1023 Mahal1023 46-50, F 2 Responses Jul 19, 2011

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    My Nephew

    "Washing machines don't die, that's what people do!"
    AltF4 AltF4 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 21, 2013

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    I'll Work On It, Ok?

    My 6yr old was at the table the other night, rambling on and on as kids do, my husband and I partially collecting bits of info, while trying to have our own conversation (yeah, right!) He's been getting frustrated with me b/c I cannot possibly retain every single sentence that...
    Imaginemolly Imaginemolly 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 10, 2011

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    What Do You Say To That?

    Most of my stories are religion based. I will apologize ahead for that, not because I am ashamed of my views but because my views are pretty radical and I recognize that many people do not share my views.When my middle daughter was very small I was teaching my young family to...
    btrflysfound btrflysfound 41-45 Sep 8, 2011

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    "ain't That Some S***!"

    I was visiting one of the girls I grew up with, one with more children than what I can handle for more than a couple hours at a time. The other day when I popped in she had some extras running around, and apparently kool-aid was now in short supply. The eldest daughter came in...
    StillMeJustDifferent StillMeJustDifferent 31-35 Jul 6, 2011

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    A Little Bit Of Each

    A few days ago my 8 year old asked if she was like me. I told her yes.  She has all the best parts of me and all the best parts of her daddy in her.  She doesn't know the facts of life quite yet- but you can see her brain working when she makes comments like these:"Ooooohhh...
    ANewCreation4Him ANewCreation4Him 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 23, 2012

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    My Face Is Red More Than It Is White...

    So the title pretty much says it, but it is either red from embarrassment, laughing, or because I am absolutely ready to explode. I am mommy to an 11 year old and 4 year old and they keep me on my toes, you can see some of their funny antics over on my blog, and I am sure I will...
    hisbetterhalf143 hisbetterhalf143 31-35, F May 15, 2013

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    YOU Never Know What a Child Will Say Next

    Kids Say  The Darndest Things! ThESE ARE STORIES OF ALL THE KIDS IN MY FAMILY.  ...
    JUSTENTICEME JUSTENTICEME 31-35, F 2 Responses May 10, 2009

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    Kids Say The Darnest Things

    This story has adult content. A true experience though When I was posted to the Middle East, I bought a Toyota Landcruiser for my daily use. I bought the top of the range vehicle and was very proud to own my first 4 wheel drive. I called my car *Complete Luxury Interior Truck...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Oct 10, 2009

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    First Day Back At School

      A 2nd grade class was walking thru the lobby & 2 boys was making loud quacking noises.  The school secretary reminded them they have to be quiet in the lobby.  Their teacher now embarrased asked "were you making quacking noises in the lobby?" One boy said "it wasn't me...
    dare2love dare2love 56-60, F 2 Responses Oct 21, 2011

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    According To My 3 Year Old

    Boys have wienies, Girls have hair!
    LG76 LG76 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 30, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    It's ComingThere are certain inevitable things parents would want to delay. It really didn't happen but this may as well be the prelude to the actual thing.Today, 10-year old...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 Jun 27

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    A few months ago I picked up my grandaughter at school. And she insisted we had to go to the nearby kids ball pool. I just said No but she kept telling me We must go. Finally I got...
    pacodad pacodad 70+, M 3 Responses Jun 27

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    I love how little kids get words of a song mixed up. I love how they are honest when a lot of adults are not. I would love to have 2-3 children one day with my soul mate I am...
    musiclover210 musiclover210 22-25, F Jun 28

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    Kids are smarter than adults are a lot of the time.
    gardengirl17 gardengirl17 22-25, F Jul 2

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    I met my new students yesterday, they shocked when they saw me, (idk why lol). And i thought i could control them well but i couldnt.. They kept asking me:" Mr. Lindberg do you...
    JamesLindberg JamesLindberg 22-25, M 3 Responses Jul 8

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    Me: Megan did you just toot? Megan: no mommy don't you know girls don't fart? Me: oh really ? Megan: yeah and girls don't poop either! Me: oh so what was that think I used to...
    Ilyme Ilyme 31-35, F 1 Response Jun 27

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    I work with children. It's rewarding but also very draining. But, it's times like the one I'm about to tell you about that make it very much worth it. I was going through a hard...
    ahsiyah101 ahsiyah101 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 27

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    A Note on A Test Paper I felt bad when ten-year old Raspberry got only one correct answer out of the ten questions. But I felt worse when I read a note under the written score...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 1 Response Jul 7

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    How To End A Phone Call I don't like receiving phone calls and ten-year old Raspberry knows it. And so when her father called and I was feeling a bit grumpy, Raspberry gave me...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 1 Response Jul 8

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    My precious Amanda said she's ugly, fst nosey btch and said say the word I'll scratch her eyes out for what she did to you. ..haaaahaaa
    thatpartisfinished70 thatpartisfinished70 46-50, F 1 Response 21 hrs ago

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    Grade Reactions Ten-year old Raspberry comes home, giddy with joy. She presents her test paper with four mistakes and exclaims happily, "I only got four mistakes!" Six-year old...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 11 hrs ago

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    My son was almost 5 years old, when he asked me what a mnemonic is. In order that the reader in the English-speaking countries understand better the humor of the later following...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    A kid i know told me "up is up and down is... Sometimes up cause some people live in Australia! They walk upside down on their hands and one time... A little boy fell of the earth...
    Error404nameunknown Error404nameunknown 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 27

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    Is there another? While watching some Disney movies, 10-year old Raspberry suddenly turned to me and asked, "Mommy, is there another brown-haired Disney princess?" She then...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 Jun 27

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    What is 6 + 0 ? Six-year old Blueberry pouts and cries, "That is so hard!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 1 Response Jun 29

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    My son was five years old, as following funny thing happened: My wife and I went for a walk with our son. My son went between us on our hands when he suddenly let go of my Hand...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 5 Responses Jul 2

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    So my little God brother ask me y is he so short and i said, Because your parents are short and he said "Or also because he didn't have enough pieces to complete me"💙 -It was...
    najee35 najee35 16-17, M 2 Responses Jul 2

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    Knowing Everything "Mommy, you know everything," six-year old Blueberry told me one day. "No, I don't," I reply. "What is 2 + 3?" she asks. "Five." "What is 3 + 3?" "Six," I...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 2 Responses Jul 3

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    My stepsister told her teacher that we don't have any money LOL
    hornewrecked hornewrecked 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    Help Me Search Today, six-year old Blueberry approached me to help her type something on Google. I asked, "What are you searching for?" She nonchalantly answers, "How to...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30 3 Responses Jul 5

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    Yesterday was the 4th, so we all went to my aunt and uncle's place for the 4th, well I just love hearing my uncle's stories, he tells them sooo well, omg it is like your all most...
    jennylovestosmile jennylovestosmile 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 5