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I Think Kids Say The Funniest Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 318 People

    I Took My Five Year Old Granddaughter To The Grocery Store....

    I took my five year old Granddaughter to the grocery store, our daughter is currently separated and planning on getting a divorce.   The kids are still trying to understand what this all means, and what it means to them.  It is sad for them.  Yet, the marriage wasn't good, and...
    Coas Coas 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12, 2013

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    My six-year-old grandson called his mother from

    his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. “But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplacable.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 31

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    Is there another? While watching some Disney

    movies, 10-year old Raspberry suddenly turned to me and asked, "Mommy, is there another brown-haired Disney princess?" She then shook her hand in front of me and said, "No offense to Belle [of 'Beauty and the Beast']."
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Jun 27

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    How To Flush The Toilet: 101

    This morning my ten year old woke up to find that her 15 yr old sister had once again clogged the toilet up in the bathroom they share. So she wrote her a letter..... (we are a family of letter writers you see) Dear (name removed), I am going to tell you how to flush. First you...
    lohla lohla 31-35, F 22 Responses Apr 30, 2013

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    My precious Amanda said she's ugly,

    fst nosey btch and said say the word I'll scratch her eyes out for what she did to you. ..haaaahaaa
    thatpartisfinished70 thatpartisfinished70 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 24

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    On The Verge.....

    11 years old is awkward for him. He so wants to be a man and all that comes with it......but he is stuck in a childs body. His brain is incredible. He absorbs and understands at an incredible rate. I have no idea where he heard it but upon completing check out at the local...
    awhitedot awhitedot 36-40, M 4 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    Yesterday was the 4th,

    so we all went to my aunt and uncle's place for the 4th, well I just love hearing my uncle's stories, he tells them sooo well, omg it is like your all most there, but when my uncle and his sister my aunt was little they was in school like normal, this one girl in class said she...
    jennylovestosmile jennylovestosmile 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 5

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    For The Love Of Hookers

    I when my oldest son was around 5 years old we were driving in the car and out of the blue, he started saying "Mom Mom... I love hookers!!" I think I spit out some of my coffee, at that moment....thinking oh my what has his father been saying. This made me laugh, I asked him...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses May 14, 2013

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    Letting A Kid Answer The Phone

    I just witnessed a weird phone conversation between my five year old Blueberry and my hubby... Hubby: Hello? Blueberry: Hi Daddy! Hubby: Hi [Blueberry]. Where's your Mommy? Blueberry: She's dead. Hubby: Okay. (ends call)
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Nov 9, 2013

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    Face

    My 5 year old daughter was accidentally hit by her big sister on the cheek. Upset, she cried,"You hit my face! You hit my beautiful face!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 2 Responses Feb 12, 2013

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    Egg Of Justice

    5-year old aka Blueberry shows me a plastic egg. It's the Egg of Justice, she says. What does it do, I ask. "It fries!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Nov 4, 2013

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    One of the students got a new baby brother a

    few months ago and he told us his baby brother's name was Nate. When talking with his mother, she said the baby's name was Andrew. We asked him why he told us his name was Nate, he said, "Well my mom named him Andrew but I named him Nate." You can't make this stuff up.
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F Apr 4

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    Curiousity Baffled The Aunt

    A few months ago, I babysitting my nieces. Alice who is 11 and Bree who is 8. Bree, well, the best way to describe her is, she zany little kid. I didn't have half as much character as she does when I was her age. We were sitting at the dining room table, drawing sea shells...
    JustBernieGirl JustBernieGirl 31-35, F 6 Responses Nov 8, 2011

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    Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to

    make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Mommy can we do the thing?

    My daughter says putting her hands up in the shape of a v. My heart smiles as I make the top of the heart with my own hands. We look at each other through the middle and say "I love you always and forever." Somedays my heart melts. ❤️
    Missjayne1 Missjayne1 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    How To Cook

    My 5-year old daughter aka Blueberry asked me if I could do a milk powder recipe she loves so much. I tell her I can't and she says, "It's easy, Mommy. [You can] use your brain!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Nov 4, 2013

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    (I work with the same children every day.

    ) I was holding one of my girl's hands, when one of my boys got jealous. He came over and hugged me and said, "Mine." I asked, "What's mine?" And he replied, "You are," with a big smile. "Are you saying she isn't allowed to hold my hand? Only you are?" "Yeah." "That's not...
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    Lmao...period!

    Today, my nephew who lives with us got a small cut on his leg and was bleeding. The first thing he yells is "KATIE I STARTED MY PERIOD!!" I wonder when he'll find out that a period isn't every time you start bleeding. I laughed so hard I almost peed...then later in the day I had...
    katie729 katie729 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 7, 2011

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    During March Break I took two of my children

    and three of their friends on an outdoor adventure. The kids were chatting and joking with each other, as we were hiking through the woods. Suddenly, my 10 yr-old daughter's friend walks up to me and asks, "Is it true that you can get pregnant from your bone marrow?" Taken by...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 23

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    A Lesson in Empathy My 7 yr-old son

    and I were talking about my father who has been very sick for the past year, and incidentally acted quite "grumpy" at times. I was trying to explain empathy to my son, and told him that he should try and put himself in Grandpa's shoes. He said, "Well, they would be...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 11

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    High School Musical..

    . My youngest daughter brought home an information sheet about our local high school's upcoming musical. They were having a casting call for their rendition of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and she wanted permission to audition. A few days passed, and...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    Heard On A Bus

    I was riding a city bus a few years ago when this woman was standing nearby talking to her 5 or 6 year old son. He was bragging about how he had a girlfriend and wanted to buy her presents and stuff. Mom: You won't be able to buy her anything without money. Son: How do I get...
    MissVida MissVida 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 22, 2011

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    Gingers.

    We did the letter G today, and g sounding words.Me: What or who is all around us that begins with the sound g...?Ashleyana: Gingers.
    MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes 26-30, F 8 Responses Oct 3, 2012

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    A friend was telling me about going with her

    sister and 5 year old niece to drop something off at the house of the sister's neighbour. The child had never visited before, and was looking around curiously when they entered the house. "Where are the pigs ?" she asked. The neighbour, puzzled, asked, "What do you mean ?" The...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 6

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    Prescription Santa

    Last week Ma was watching my 4 year old niece while Sis was at work. To preoccupy the niece, Ma had her start her Christmas list..gifts to give and recieve. For her young age, this girl is very observant. She decided Aunt Em needs a kitchen clock. When I was told this, I looked...
    emerald emerald 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 22, 2011

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    Watching

    I was watching something on the television when five year old aka Blueberry sat next to me and changed the channel to cartoons. I quietly changed the channel back. Outraged, Blueberry told me, "Mommy, you're fired!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 11, 2013

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    My kids keep me laughing all the time with the

    things they say... My youngest was upset with me tonight because I told him the dreaded word "no" he strongly dislikes this particular word so after we got home, it had been about fifteen minutes... He came back to my bedroom and said "Mama, I just wanted to let you know that I...
    Lovinu0429 Lovinu0429 36-40, F 4 Responses Apr 9

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    That awkward but funny moment

    when a little 4-5 year old tells you they have a bf/gf. Hahahahaha.
    Faithlovee Faithlovee 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 22

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    Abigail, Enviably Unfiltered

    my four year old niece has the ability to make me laugh like no one else. she of course balances that with the ability to enfuriate me like no one else. lolone example:"becca....you see this sticker? im gonna crunch it up and put it in my belly button and by tomorrow morning its...
    justbittersweet justbittersweet 22-25, F Oct 6, 2011

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    I Divorced My Son' Father When My Son Was Two...

    It never occurred to me he had no memories of us ever being together. It was never anything I kept to myself or didn't talk about.  However, one day when he was about 6 or 7 he asked me if I liked to downhill ski. I said, "When I was married to your Dad we used to go skiing a...
    Coas Coas 46-50, F Jul 12, 2013

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    My Daughter

    My husband was talking to our five year old daughter, aka Blueberry, when he called her "my daughter". Blueberry's jaw suddenly drops and says, "You forgot my name, didn't you? It's [Blueberry], not daughter!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Oct 29, 2013

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    A Plea For A Brother I'm not sure what the

    school have been teaching ten-year old Raspberry when she recently begged for a baby brother. "Mommy, the pathway is rotting. The egg cells are dying. You need Daddy to put his ***** to make a baby brother! Mommy, please! The egg cells are dying!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    How To Make Smores....A 4 Year Old'S Recipe

    Take two graham crackers, put on some chocolate, catch a marshmallow on fire.....and, "wa la" you have smores! LOL
    LG76 LG76 36-40, F 2 Responses Feb 28, 2013

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    Nobody Loves Me

    My six year old daughter, aka Blueberry, recently got frustrated with something and openly declared, "Nobody loves me. Only my crush!"
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    How To End A Phone Call I don't like

    receiving phone calls and ten-year old Raspberry knows it. And so when her father called and I was feeling a bit grumpy, Raspberry gave me this advise: "Mommy, just say 'I love you' to your husband. He put his ***** in you." Massive cringe.
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    A "Pinch" Of Humour

    As I drove the family mini van (aka: mom's taxi) around town to do errands, my children were squabbling in the back. My youngest daughter yells at her older sister, "Stop pinching me!" I holler out to my oldest daughter, "Stop pinching your sister!" She retorts, "I'm not...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 5 Responses Aug 13, 2013

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    A very dirty little fellow came in from playing

    in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 7

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    Opera

    When my niece was about three years old, I used to babysit her a lot.Admittedly, I'm a pretty kooky person and am not ashamed to say a bit silly.I had been singing opera as we played together,"FI-GA-RO! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!"The next day I heard my niece burst out in song, "My...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2013

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    "Michael Jackson turned white,

    he didn't turn brown again, then he went up to the sky, then he played for the broncos and the eagles, then he went to jail." "Honey, I think you're confusing Michael Jackson and Michael Vick." "Ohhhhhh." I swear this is real haha
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F Jan 30

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    Don't Place Your Arm On My Shoulder

    My nine year old daughter, aka Raspberry, was walking back to the house with her father after buying some ice cream. Casually, her father placed his arm on her shoulder to make sure she doesn't get lost. However, eyeing the bystanders, Raspberry suddenly whispered to her father...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F Oct 24, 2013

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    A friend hosted a dinner party

    for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The uncle checked his tie, felt his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 6

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    Moon

    One week ago, my nephew said: " I was at home. I looked outside and I saw the moon. But it was during the day: The moon was wrong! "
    slib slib 18-21 1 Response Oct 10, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    Kids are smarter than adults are a lot of the time.
    gardengirl17 gardengirl17 22-25, F Jul 2

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    I met my new students yesterday, they shocked when they saw me, (idk why lol). And i thought i could control them well but i couldnt.. They kept asking me:" Mr. Lindberg do you...
    JamesLindberg JamesLindberg 22-25, M 3 Responses Jul 8

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    A Note on A Test Paper I felt bad when ten-year old Raspberry got only one correct answer out of the ten questions. But I felt worse when I read a note under the written score...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 7

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    Little Emma returned from the birthday party and her mother asked: “Did you say ‘thank you’?” “Well, no,” replied the little girl. “Y’see, the girl ahead of me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    My wife, my two year old son and I visited our friends. They had become parents a little more than three months ago of a sweet little daughter named Michelle. Previously...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    My cousin is pregnant with twins (one boy, one girl) she's due to give birth at some point in the next few weeks and she wants to decide on names. Are there any suitable...
    projectgwyn101 projectgwyn101 16-17, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    My son was five years old, as following funny thing happened: My wife and I went for a walk with our son. My son went between us on our hands when he suddenly let go of my Hand...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 5 Responses Jul 2

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    So my little God brother ask me y is he so short and i said, Because your parents are short and he said "Or also because he didn't have enough pieces to complete me"💙 -It was...
    najee35 najee35 16-17, M 2 Responses Jul 2

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    Knowing Everything "Mommy, you know everything," six-year old Blueberry told me one day. "No, I don't," I reply. "What is 2 + 3?" she asks. "Five." "What is 3 + 3?" "Six," I...
    thelonewood thelonewood 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    My stepsister told her teacher that we don't have any money LOL
    hornewrecked hornewrecked 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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