I Think Kids Say The Funniest Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 903 People

    I heard the jangling of chimes

    and the heavy glass door swung open. The cold wind followed behind me as I walked inside, almost like it wanted to accompany me into the room. I was at the Wormhole, the best coffee shop in all of Chicago. It was especially crowded during the winter, when lotsa people were...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Jan 20, 2015
    EBestest EBestest
    22-25, M
    Aug 25, 2014

    My little cousin told me she'd rip my eyes out

    because they were pretty and shes jealous cuz hers are brown. I let her watch to much horror movies.
    jesikahluv jesikahluv
    22-25, F
    1 Response Oct 1, 2014

    Mommy can we do the thing?

    My daughter says putting her hands up in the shape of a v. My heart smiles as I make the top of the heart with my own hands. We look at each other through the middle and say "I love you always and forever." Somedays my heart melts. ❤️
    Missjayne1 Missjayne1
    36-40, F
    Mar 25, 2014


    We did the letter G today, and g sounding words.Me: What or who is all around us that begins with the sound g...?Ashleyana: Gingers.
    MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes
    26-30, F
    7 Responses Oct 3, 2012
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Sep 23, 2015

    my kids do and say the funniest things.

    sometimes it's stupid and odd. but most of the time it's funny
    jenniebaez1992 jenniebaez1992
    22-25, F
    Jan 20, 2015

    The teacher was warning the class about the

    dangers of going to in cold weather improperly dressed. "There was one a boy," he said, "who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn't put a coat or scarf on. He caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia... and he was sick for two weeks!" The teacher paused...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 6, 2015

    My 3 Year Old Sister Had An Imaginary Friend

    Named Papootz. At Some Point My Grandma Calls Papootz A 'Him' And My Sister Says. Papootz Isn't A Boy. And My Grandma Asks What Papootz Is And My Little Sister Says "He's A Girl Grandma"
    ChocolateCloud ChocolateCloud
    18-21, F
    Oct 1, 2014

    High School Musical..

    . My youngest daughter brought home an information sheet about our local high school's upcoming musical. They were having a casting call for their rendition of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and she wanted permission to audition. A few days passed, and...
    Unjusted Unjusted
    41-45, F
    1 Response Feb 11, 2014

    Six-year old Blueberry has a talk with her

    grandmother: "Are you going to die, grandma?" Blueberry asks. Surprised, her grandmother says, "When I am very old. Why do you ask?" "Please don't haunt me, grandma."
    mareliberum mareliberum
    Nov 25, 2014

    Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young

    daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, *'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'* Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 29, 2015

    In school one day, a teacher asked my

    six-year-old son why his handwriting wasn't as neat as it usually was. "I'm trying out a new font," he explained.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Feb 14, 2015

    A Lesson in Empathy My 7 yr-old son

    and I were talking about my father who has been very sick for the past year, and incidentally acted quite "grumpy" at times. I was trying to explain empathy to my son, and told him that he should try and put himself in Grandpa's shoes. He said, "Well, they would be...
    Unjusted Unjusted
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Feb 11, 2014

    Nobody Loves Me

    My six year old daughter, aka Blueberry, recently got frustrated with something and openly declared, "Nobody loves me. Only my crush!"
    mareliberum mareliberum
    2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

    I took my niece with me

    when I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. She pulled a chair right up next to the dentist so she could see what the woman was doing. The dentist started using floss and my niece questioned, "What's that? Why are you doing that?" The dentist nicely answered, "I'm...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Jun 1, 2015

    ***I read this in a Reader's Digest.

    Thought it was sooo funny, I just had to share. I can't recall the exact wording, but you'll get the gist. :) A mom came home from work one day and put her bag on the floor. Her 4-yr old daughter walked over to it and removed the stethoscope from within. The mom...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll
    46-50, F
    6 Responses Oct 13, 2014

    I can't even post what my son said without

    getting flagged even though Tweety Bird used to say it all the time but adults have dirty minds and this one is for kids?? not like the others I've stumble upon
    sjroo00 sjroo00
    31-35, F
    May 30, 2015


    When my niece was about three years old, I used to babysit her a lot.Admittedly, I'm a pretty kooky person and am not ashamed to say a bit silly.I had been singing opera as we played together,"FI-GA-RO! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!"The next day I heard my niece burst out in song, "My...
    Unjusted Unjusted
    41-45, F
    Jun 28, 2013

    My 3 yr. old grandson was talking to me

    when in mid sentence he burped. He quickly covered his mouth and said, "Excuse me, Grandma, my mouth farted!"
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jun 25, 2015

    A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring

    page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 25, 2015

    Letters To The Pastor The following are

    actual questions written to pastors from children across the world. Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jan 25, 2015

    Was at the store standing in line

    when I had to sneeze I turned to see the little boy behind me staring at me Me: is there something wrong why are you staring Little boy: you sounded like pikatchu I like pikatchu I was unable to hold my laughter in this little boy was adorable
    brenda4696 brenda4696
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 10, 2015

    My 4 year old daughter reading her book: Mommy,

    is the singular form of the word nurse nur? Lol :D
    tamedkitty tamedkitty
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 22, 2015

    Curiousity Baffled The Aunt

    A few months ago, I babysitting my nieces. Alice who is 11 and Bree who is 8. Bree, well, the best way to describe her is, she zany little kid. I didn't have half as much character as she does when I was her age. We were sitting at the dining room table, drawing sea shells...
    JustBernieGirl JustBernieGirl
    31-35, F
    6 Responses Nov 8, 2011


    DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 24, 2014

    My kids keep me laughing all the time with the

    things they say... My youngest was upset with me tonight because I told him the dreaded word "no" he strongly dislikes this particular word so after we got home, it had been about fifteen minutes... He came back to my bedroom and said "Mama, I just wanted to let you know that I...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Apr 9, 2014

    Teacher: Why are you late,

    Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, "SCHOOL AHEAD. GO SLOW!"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 30, 2015

    I love when kids get in trouble.

    Kids always try to blame someone else. After they know they did it & got busted. Kids are funny.
    lorrena19 lorrena19
    22-25, F
    2 Responses May 31, 2015

    A "Pinch" Of Humour

    As I drove the family mini van (aka: mom's taxi) around town to do errands, my children were squabbling in the back. My youngest daughter yells at her older sister, "Stop pinching me!" I holler out to my oldest daughter, "Stop pinching your sister!" She retorts, "I'm not...
    Unjusted Unjusted
    41-45, F
    Aug 13, 2013

    A friend was telling me about going with her

    sister and 5 year old niece to drop something off at the house of the sister's neighbour. The child had never visited before, and was looking around curiously when they entered the house. "Where are the pigs ?" she asked. The neighbour, puzzled, asked, "What do you mean ?" The...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Jul 6, 2014
    ValhallaAwaits ValhallaAwaits
    22-25, M
    1 Response Oct 1, 2014

    For The Love Of Hookers

    I when my oldest son was around 5 years old we were driving in the car and out of the blue, he started saying "Mom Mom... I love hookers!!" I think I spit out some of my coffee, at that moment....thinking oh my what has his father been saying. This made me laugh, I asked him...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses May 14, 2013

    My 9 year old nephew loves Queen

    and Freddy Mercury Today as I dropped him off at school he asked me if Freddy Mercury died because he had AIDS in his penis...
    alice0493 alice0493
    22-25, F
    1 Response Sep 18, 2015

    I'm pregnant with my 3rd child

    and one day my 2 children a little boy and little girl were touching my belly and asking questions and my daughter said "mummy why is the baby in your belly" and before o can say anything my son says " the baby is in mummys belly because when mummy and daddy kiss the baby got...
    leahlovesyou leahlovesyou
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jan 20, 2015

    Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to

    make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 26, 2014

    A small boy was lost,

    so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Chips and beer."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 2, 2015

    I'm a single mom - its been just kiddo (now 10)

    and I, for the last four years. I work two jobs, usually can barely keep myself going, but I insist on having one night a week for me to socialize. Usually kiddo comes along - we hang out at the local game store, play Magic: The Gathering, and D&D. Well, I'm the only female in...
    iFortiTude iFortiTude
    1 Response Feb 23, 2015

    On The Verge.....

    11 years old is awkward for him. He so wants to be a man and all that comes with it......but he is stuck in a childs body. His brain is incredible. He absorbs and understands at an incredible rate. I have no idea where he heard it but upon completing check out at the local...
    awhitedot awhitedot
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Jul 11, 2013

    The box with the new pool cover in it had been

    sitting on the edge of the patio for two days. Tonight we decided to wrestle it out and see what we've got and how it's going to work. My eight year old grandson let out a whistle of delight when some little creepy crawly bugs scurried out of the carton. He smushed a few...
    1HelluvaMessGma 1HelluvaMessGma
    61-65, F
    Jun 27, 2015

    I Took My Five Year Old Granddaughter To The Grocery Store....

    I took my five year old Granddaughter to the grocery store, our daughter is currently separated and planning on getting a divorce.   The kids are still trying to understand what this all means, and what it means to them.  It is sad for them.  Yet, the marriage wasn't good, and...
    Coas Coas
    51-55, F
    1 Response Jul 12, 2013

    My 11 year old granddaughter "hey grampy,

    a friend at school said that there is supposed to be an alternative universe where, in it, if your a boy you look like a girl and if your a girl you look like a boy!" She is quite intuitive! Or is it just a sign of the times.
    JoanieNewHampshire JoanieNewHampshire
    61-65, T
    3 Responses Aug 8, 2015

    I was preparing dinner

    when my son in second grade, showed me a calculator with a 12- digit number then he asked, "Mom, would you like that much money?"I joined in the fun, " Of course!"Then he said animatedly, " I will invent a money machine so you can have all of them!"I  smiled at him.His...
    4BlackForest 4BlackForest
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Jan 27, 2015


    Today, my nephew who lives with us got a small cut on his leg and was bleeding. The first thing he yells is "KATIE I STARTED MY PERIOD!!" I wonder when he'll find out that a period isn't every time you start bleeding. I laughed so hard I almost peed...then later in the day I had...
    katie729 katie729
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Apr 7, 2011

    Ok so long story short I was a volunteer in a

    vbs pre k class. We were playing freeze tag and I was running around with this one little girl because he didnt really understand the game, this is how my explanation went: Me: "when you are it, you run around an try to tag people and when they get tagged they are frozen in...
    redhouse97 redhouse97
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 20, 2015
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