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I Think Kids Say The Funniest Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 482 People

    That awkward but funny moment

    when a little 4-5 year old tells you they have a bf/gf. Hahahahaha.
    Faiithh Faiithh 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 22

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    I asked my 4 year old nephew to marry me

    and he laughed and said no... :(
    daisyjane17 daisyjane17 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 25

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    Is there another? While watching some Disney

    movies, 10-year old Raspberry suddenly turned to me and asked, "Mommy, is there another brown-haired Disney princess?" She then shook her hand in front of me and said, "No offense to Belle [of 'Beauty and the Beast']."
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 Jun 27

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    (I work with the same children every day.

    ) I was holding one of my girl's hands, when one of my boys got jealous. He came over and hugged me and said, "Mine." I asked, "What's mine?" And he replied, "You are," with a big smile. "Are you saying she isn't allowed to hold my hand? Only you are?" "Yeah." "That's not...
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    Elementary students in the class I help with.

    I laugh every day :) Teacher: So then the Puritans left England and sailed to America. James: To get away from Hitler?! The next day: James: I want to go on the Titanic. Teacher: You can't, it's on the bottom of the ocean. James: Have you ever been on the Titanic...
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F 3 Responses Oct 11

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    My kids keep me laughing all the time with the

    things they say... My youngest was upset with me tonight because I told him the dreaded word "no" he strongly dislikes this particular word so after we got home, it had been about fifteen minutes... He came back to my bedroom and said "Mama, I just wanted to let you know that I...
    Lovinu0429 Lovinu0429 36-40, F 3 Responses Apr 9

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    Mommy can we do the thing?

    My daughter says putting her hands up in the shape of a v. My heart smiles as I make the top of the heart with my own hands. We look at each other through the middle and say "I love you always and forever." Somedays my heart melts. ❤️
    Missjayne1 Missjayne1 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    Nobody Loves Me

    My six year old daughter, aka Blueberry, recently got frustrated with something and openly declared, "Nobody loves me. Only my crush!"
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    My precious Amanda said she's ugly,

    fst nosey btch and said say the word I'll scratch her eyes out for what she did to you. ..haaaahaaa
    thatpartisfinished70 thatpartisfinished70 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 24

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    Totally, I know a kid

    that got lost in the beach. So he went to the guards telling them : My parents are lost!!!
    amIstarryeyed amIstarryeyed 36-40, M 2 Responses Oct 1

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    Opera

    When my niece was about three years old, I used to babysit her a lot.Admittedly, I'm a pretty kooky person and am not ashamed to say a bit silly.I had been singing opera as we played together,"FI-GA-RO! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!"The next day I heard my niece burst out in song, "My...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2013

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    Can you be my mom? No sweetie I can't.

    Why? Because you already have a mom and if she knew you asked me that she'd be upset. I want a step-mom. So you want your mom and dad to break up? No no no. I just want two moms, my real mom and you. How about I'm just Ms. Xxxxx like usual okay? Okay. I'm not sure what to make...
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 6

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    My six-year-old grandson called his mother from

    his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. “But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplacable.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 31

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    A "Pinch" Of Humour

    As I drove the family mini van (aka: mom's taxi) around town to do errands, my children were squabbling in the back. My youngest daughter yells at her older sister, "Stop pinching me!" I holler out to my oldest daughter, "Stop pinching your sister!" She retorts, "I'm not...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 13, 2013

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    During March Break I took two of my children

    and three of their friends on an outdoor adventure. The kids were chatting and joking with each other, as we were hiking through the woods. Suddenly, my 10 yr-old daughter's friend walks up to me and asks, "Is it true that you can get pregnant from your bone marrow?" Taken by...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Prescription Santa

    Last week Ma was watching my 4 year old niece while Sis was at work. To preoccupy the niece, Ma had her start her Christmas list..gifts to give and recieve. For her young age, this girl is very observant. She decided Aunt Em needs a kitchen clock. When I was told this, I looked...
    emerald emerald 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 22, 2011

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    Yesterday was the 4th,

    so we all went to my aunt and uncle's place for the 4th, well I just love hearing my uncle's stories, he tells them sooo well, omg it is like your all most there, but when my uncle and his sister my aunt was little they was in school like normal, this one girl in class said she...
    jennylovestosmile jennylovestosmile 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 5

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    ***I read this in a Reader's Digest.

    Thought it was sooo funny, I just had to share. I can't recall the exact wording, but you'll get the gist. :) A mom came home from work one day and put her bag on the floor. Her 4-yr old daughter walked over to it and removed the stethoscope from within. The mom...
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 8 Responses Oct 13

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    My 3 Year Old Sister Had An Imaginary Friend

    Named Papootz. At Some Point My Grandma Calls Papootz A 'Him' And My Sister Says. Papootz Isn't A Boy. And My Grandma Asks What Papootz Is And My Little Sister Says "He's A Girl Grandma"
    Eriannaa Eriannaa 13-15, F 1 Response Oct 1

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    Ok so after school today,

    the kids did their homework and then the girls wanted to watch a movie. I suggested a few then I suggested Camp Rock, "Yeah! Camp rock! Camp rock!" Anastasia (9) said. "Yeah mum, camp rock is BAE!" Alexis (5) said. "Yeah, BAE!" Gracie (3) said. "Who da bae?" Bella (2) asked...
    mumsnineangels mumsnineangels 36-40, F Oct 1

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    My little cousin told me she'd rip my eyes out

    because they were pretty and shes jealous cuz hers are brown. I let her watch to much horror movies.
    jesikahluv jesikahluv 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 1

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    A friend hosted a dinner party

    for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The uncle checked his tie, felt his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 6

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    HappensForAReason HappensForAReason 13-15, M Aug 16

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    Curiousity Baffled The Aunt

    A few months ago, I babysitting my nieces. Alice who is 11 and Bree who is 8. Bree, well, the best way to describe her is, she zany little kid. I didn't have half as much character as she does when I was her age. We were sitting at the dining room table, drawing sea shells...
    JustBernieGirl JustBernieGirl 31-35, F 6 Responses Nov 8, 2011

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    EBestest EBestest 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 25

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    A Plea For A Brother I'm not sure what the

    school have been teaching ten-year old Raspberry when she recently begged for a baby brother. "Mommy, the pathway is rotting. The egg cells are dying. You need Daddy to put his ***** to make a baby brother! Mommy, please! The egg cells are dying!"
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 Jul 8

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    I Took My Five Year Old Granddaughter To The Grocery Store....

    I took my five year old Granddaughter to the grocery store, our daughter is currently separated and planning on getting a divorce.   The kids are still trying to understand what this all means, and what it means to them.  It is sad for them.  Yet, the marriage wasn't good, and...
    Coas Coas 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12, 2013

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    My favorite (7 year old boy) asked me a

    question one day: "Do you love someone?" I knew what he meant and I immediately had my answer. "Yeah, my mom, my dad..." "Ohhhh." He sounded relieved. I think he was expecting me to say 'my boyfriend' or 'my husband.' I thought it was the cutest thing when he looked...
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 4

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    When my cousin was little she said she like

    "choppeded" (as in chop-ted) ice in her drink.
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M Aug 25

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    Gingers.

    We did the letter G today, and g sounding words.Me: What or who is all around us that begins with the sound g...?Ashleyana: Gingers.
    MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes 26-30, F 8 Responses Oct 3, 2012

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    A friend was telling me about going with her

    sister and 5 year old niece to drop something off at the house of the sister's neighbour. The child had never visited before, and was looking around curiously when they entered the house. "Where are the pigs ?" she asked. The neighbour, puzzled, asked, "What do you mean ?" The...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 6

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    How To Flush The Toilet: 101

    This morning my ten year old woke up to find that her 15 yr old sister had once again clogged the toilet up in the bathroom they share. So she wrote her a letter..... (we are a family of letter writers you see) Dear (name removed), I am going to tell you how to flush. First you...
    lohla lohla 31-35, F 20 Responses Apr 30, 2013

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    A Lesson in Empathy My 7 yr-old son

    and I were talking about my father who has been very sick for the past year, and incidentally acted quite "grumpy" at times. I was trying to explain empathy to my son, and told him that he should try and put himself in Grandpa's shoes. He said, "Well, they would be...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 11

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    Heard On A Bus

    I was riding a city bus a few years ago when this woman was standing nearby talking to her 5 or 6 year old son. He was bragging about how he had a girlfriend and wanted to buy her presents and stuff. Mom: You won't be able to buy her anything without money. Son: How do I get...
    MissVida MissVida 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 22, 2011

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    High School Musical..

    . My youngest daughter brought home an information sheet about our local high school's upcoming musical. They were having a casting call for their rendition of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and she wanted permission to audition. A few days passed, and...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    For The Love Of Hookers

    I when my oldest son was around 5 years old we were driving in the car and out of the blue, he started saying "Mom Mom... I love hookers!!" I think I spit out some of my coffee, at that moment....thinking oh my what has his father been saying. This made me laugh, I asked him...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses May 14, 2013

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    My baby cousin seems to pronounce all 'SSS'

    sounds as 'shhh', mind you she's only two. But my uncle gets a kick out of her saying SIT lol. She recently had to welcome a baby brother and she isn't to keen on him. She'll normally try to make a quick getaway pulling her moms hand and saying and waving bye when someone's...
    MSCris MSCris 18-21, F Oct 1

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    A very dirty little fellow came in from playing

    in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 7

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    On The Verge.....

    11 years old is awkward for him. He so wants to be a man and all that comes with it......but he is stuck in a childs body. His brain is incredible. He absorbs and understands at an incredible rate. I have no idea where he heard it but upon completing check out at the local...
    awhitedot awhitedot 36-40, M 4 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    ValhallaAwaits ValhallaAwaits 18-21, M 1 Response Oct 1

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    How To End A Phone Call I don't like

    receiving phone calls and ten-year old Raspberry knows it. And so when her father called and I was feeling a bit grumpy, Raspberry gave me this advise: "Mommy, just say 'I love you' to your husband. He put his ***** in you." Massive cringe.
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 Jul 8

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    Lmao...period!

    Today, my nephew who lives with us got a small cut on his leg and was bleeding. The first thing he yells is "KATIE I STARTED MY PERIOD!!" I wonder when he'll find out that a period isn't every time you start bleeding. I laughed so hard I almost peed...then later in the day I had...
    katie729 katie729 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 7, 2011

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    Moon

    One week ago, my nephew said: " I was at home. I looked outside and I saw the moon. But it was during the day: The moon was wrong! "
    slib slib 18-21 1 Response Oct 10, 2011

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    One of the students got a new baby brother a

    few months ago and he told us his baby brother's name was Nate. When talking with his mother, she said the baby's name was Andrew. We asked him why he told us his name was Nate, he said, "Well my mom named him Andrew but I named him Nate." You can't make this stuff up.
    Dreamer32 Dreamer32 26-30, F Apr 4

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    Alternative To Cussing

    My son knows he is not allowed to cuss so lately when he gets angry he'll go around yelling "Oh Bob Saget!" like the Tourettes Guy. It's so hilarious. It makes me laugh every time he does it. Then when he sees me laughing he forgets about whatever he was mad about and begins to...
    howsab howsab 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 7, 2012

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    Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to

    make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 26

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    Related Experiences

    Lucas: daddy am i stwange Me: no why would you ever think that Lucas: kids say that sometimes Me: well those kids don't have any right saying anything about you they don't know...
    singledaddy101 singledaddy101 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 13

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    Life is a Carnival Yesterday my sisters and I took our kids (ages 7 thru 12) to a local fair. The cousins enjoyed each other's company as they hopped from ride to ride with...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 30

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    I remember turning to my then 1.5 year-old, who had been driving me mad with his fiddling and ranting at the breakfast table and saying "Oh just pipe down now; sometimes you're...
    jenga1 jenga1 46-50, F 2 Responses Oct 6

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    Me: Jake what are you doing? Jake: (4yr old) planting donuts! I walk out to the back yard and jake is pouring a box of cheerios in a hole he dug cx
    Allofthemeanpeople Allofthemeanpeople 16-17, F 2 Responses Sep 22

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    Bookmark... My 4-year old daughter was busy trying to catch my attention as I was reading a book. Finally, she asked me: "How can you be reading when you're quiet?" "I read...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 11 Responses Sep 29

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    conversation when i had to take Lucas to to the hospital for dialysis treatment and my brother Dylan was getting a blood test (its the same department) so while were waiting to be...
    singledaddy101 singledaddy101 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 4

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