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I Think Kids Say The Funniest Things

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 658 People

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    Last week Ma was watching my 4 year old niece while Sis was at work. To preoccupy the niece, Ma had her start her Christmas list..gifts to give and recieve. For her young age, this girl is very observant. She decided Aunt Em needs a kitchen clock. When I was told this, I looked...
    emerald emerald 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 22, 2011

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    ***I read this in a Reader's Digest.

    Thought it was sooo funny, I just had to share. I can't recall the exact wording, but you'll get the gist. :) A mom came home from work one day and put her bag on the floor. Her 4-yr old daughter walked over to it and removed the stethoscope from within. The mom...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 9 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    Six-year old Blueberry has a talk with her

    grandmother: "Are you going to die, grandma?" Blueberry asks. Surprised, her grandmother says, "When I am very old. Why do you ask?" "Please don't haunt me, grandma."
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 1 Response Nov 25, 2014

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    I asked my 4 year old nephew to marry me

    and he laughed and said no... :(
    daisyjane17 daisyjane17 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 25, 2014

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    I heard the jangling of chimes

    and the heavy glass door swung open. The cold wind followed behind me as I walked inside, almost like it wanted to accompany me into the room. I was at the Wormhole, the best coffee shop in all of Chicago. It was especially crowded during the winter, when lotsa people were...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 20

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    EBestest EBestest 22-25, M Aug 25, 2014

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    My precious Amanda said she's ugly,

    fst nosey btch and said say the word I'll scratch her eyes out for what she did to you. ..haaaahaaa
    thatpartisfinished70 thatpartisfinished70 51-55, F Jul 24, 2014

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    How To End A Phone Call I don't like

    receiving phone calls and ten-year old Raspberry knows it. And so when her father called and I was feeling a bit grumpy, Raspberry gave me this advise: "Mommy, just say 'I love you' to your husband. He put his ***** in you." Massive cringe.
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 Jul 8, 2014

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    High School Musical..

    . My youngest daughter brought home an information sheet about our local high school's upcoming musical. They were having a casting call for their rendition of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and she wanted permission to audition. A few days passed, and...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 11, 2014

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    Gingers.

    We did the letter G today, and g sounding words.Me: What or who is all around us that begins with the sound g...?Ashleyana: Gingers.
    MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes 26-30, F 8 Responses Oct 3, 2012

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    Ok so long story short I was a volunteer in a

    vbs pre k class. We were playing freeze tag and I was running around with this one little girl because he didnt really understand the game, this is how my explanation went: Me: "when you are it, you run around an try to tag people and when they get tagged they are frozen in...
    redhouse97 redhouse97 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 20

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    My little cousin told me she'd rip my eyes out

    because they were pretty and shes jealous cuz hers are brown. I let her watch to much horror movies.
    jesikahluv jesikahluv 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 1, 2014

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    Was at the store standing in line

    when I had to sneeze I turned to see the little boy behind me staring at me Me: is there something wrong why are you staring Little boy: you sounded like pikatchu I like pikatchu I was unable to hold my laughter in this little boy was adorable
    brenda4696 brenda4696 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    A Plea For A Brother I'm not sure what the

    school have been teaching ten-year old Raspberry when she recently begged for a baby brother. "Mommy, the pathway is rotting. The egg cells are dying. You need Daddy to put his ***** to make a baby brother! Mommy, please! The egg cells are dying!"
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 Jul 8, 2014

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    Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to

    make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 26, 2014

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    Opera

    When my niece was about three years old, I used to babysit her a lot.Admittedly, I'm a pretty kooky person and am not ashamed to say a bit silly.I had been singing opera as we played together,"FI-GA-RO! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!"The next day I heard my niece burst out in song, "My...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F Jun 28, 2013

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    A small boy was lost,

    so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Chips and beer."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 2

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    HappensForAReason HappensForAReason 13-15, M Aug 16, 2014

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    I am a Pre-School Teacher

    and these past two weeks we have been reviewing Nursery Rhymes. Today I asked the children if they could name one rhyme. This adorable little 4yr old girl says, "Little Miss English Muffin" I laughed and she corrected with "Little Miss English Muffet"... So dang cute :)
    Daydreaming2 Daydreaming2 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    For The Love Of Hookers

    I when my oldest son was around 5 years old we were driving in the car and out of the blue, he started saying "Mom Mom... I love hookers!!" I think I spit out some of my coffee, at that moment....thinking oh my what has his father been saying. This made me laugh, I asked him...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses May 14, 2013

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    A friend was telling me about going with her

    sister and 5 year old niece to drop something off at the house of the sister's neighbour. The child had never visited before, and was looking around curiously when they entered the house. "Where are the pigs ?" she asked. The neighbour, puzzled, asked, "What do you mean ?" The...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 6 Responses Jul 6, 2014

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    my kids do and say the funniest things.

    sometimes it's stupid and odd. but most of the time it's funny
    jenniebaez1992 jenniebaez1992 22-25, F Jan 20

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    Nobody Loves Me

    My six year old daughter, aka Blueberry, recently got frustrated with something and openly declared, "Nobody loves me. Only my crush!"
    mareliberum mareliberum 26-30 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    ValhallaAwaits ValhallaAwaits 22-25, M 1 Response Oct 1, 2014

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    My kids keep me laughing all the time with the

    things they say... My youngest was upset with me tonight because I told him the dreaded word "no" he strongly dislikes this particular word so after we got home, it had been about fifteen minutes... He came back to my bedroom and said "Mama, I just wanted to let you know that I...
    Lovinu0429 Lovinu0429 36-40, F 3 Responses Apr 9, 2014

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    When my cousin was little she said she like

    "choppeded" (as in chop-ted) ice in her drink.
    OzarksTrucker OzarksTrucker 36-40, M Aug 25, 2014

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    A "Pinch" Of Humour

    As I drove the family mini van (aka: mom's taxi) around town to do errands, my children were squabbling in the back. My youngest daughter yells at her older sister, "Stop pinching me!" I holler out to my oldest daughter, "Stop pinching your sister!" She retorts, "I'm not...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 2 Responses Aug 13, 2013

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    That awkward but funny moment

    when a little 4-5 year old tells you they have a bf/gf. Hahahahaha.
    Faiithh Faiithh 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 22, 2014

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    Curiousity Baffled The Aunt

    A few months ago, I babysitting my nieces. Alice who is 11 and Bree who is 8. Bree, well, the best way to describe her is, she zany little kid. I didn't have half as much character as she does when I was her age. We were sitting at the dining room table, drawing sea shells...
    JustBernieGirl JustBernieGirl 31-35, F 6 Responses Nov 8, 2011

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    My 3 Year Old Sister Had An Imaginary Friend

    Named Papootz. At Some Point My Grandma Calls Papootz A 'Him' And My Sister Says. Papootz Isn't A Boy. And My Grandma Asks What Papootz Is And My Little Sister Says "He's A Girl Grandma"
    Eriannaa Eriannaa 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 1, 2014

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    I was preparing dinner

    when my son in second grade, showed me a calculator with a 12- digit number then he asked, "Mom, would you like that much money?"I joined in the fun, " Of course!"Then he said animatedly, " I will invent a money machine so you can have all of them!"I  smiled at him.His...
    4BlackForest 4BlackForest 36-40, F 5 Responses Jan 27

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    In school one day, a teacher asked my

    six-year-old son why his handwriting wasn't as neat as it usually was. "I'm trying out a new font," he explained.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 14

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    Letters To The Pastor The following are

    actual questions written to pastors from children across the world. Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 25

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    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY HOW DO YOU

    DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 24, 2014

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    Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young

    daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, *'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'* Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 29

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    Mommy can we do the thing?

    My daughter says putting her hands up in the shape of a v. My heart smiles as I make the top of the heart with my own hands. We look at each other through the middle and say "I love you always and forever." Somedays my heart melts. ❤️
    Missjayne1 Missjayne1 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 25, 2014

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    I Took My Five Year Old Granddaughter To The Grocery Store....

    I took my five year old Granddaughter to the grocery store, our daughter is currently separated and planning on getting a divorce.   The kids are still trying to understand what this all means, and what it means to them.  It is sad for them.  Yet, the marriage wasn't good, and...
    Coas Coas 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 12, 2013

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    I'm a single mom - its been just kiddo (now 10)

    and I, for the last four years. I work two jobs, usually can barely keep myself going, but I insist on having one night a week for me to socialize. Usually kiddo comes along - we hang out at the local game store, play Magic: The Gathering, and D&D. Well, I'm the only female in...
    iFortiTude iFortiTude 31-35 2 Responses Feb 23

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    I'm pregnant with my 3rd child

    and one day my 2 children a little boy and little girl were touching my belly and asking questions and my daughter said "mummy why is the baby in your belly" and before o can say anything my son says " the baby is in mummys belly because when mummy and daddy kiss the baby got...
    leahlovesyou leahlovesyou 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 20

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    On The Verge.....

    11 years old is awkward for him. He so wants to be a man and all that comes with it......but he is stuck in a childs body. His brain is incredible. He absorbs and understands at an incredible rate. I have no idea where he heard it but upon completing check out at the local...
    awhitedot awhitedot 36-40, M 4 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    The teacher was warning the class about the

    dangers of going to in cold weather improperly dressed. "There was one a boy," he said, "who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn't put a coat or scarf on. He caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia... and he was sick for two weeks!" The teacher paused...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 6

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    A friend hosted a dinner party

    for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The uncle checked his tie, felt his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 6, 2014

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    Lmao...period!

    Today, my nephew who lives with us got a small cut on his leg and was bleeding. The first thing he yells is "KATIE I STARTED MY PERIOD!!" I wonder when he'll find out that a period isn't every time you start bleeding. I laughed so hard I almost peed...then later in the day I had...
    katie729 katie729 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 7, 2011

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    A Lesson in Empathy My 7 yr-old son

    and I were talking about my father who has been very sick for the past year, and incidentally acted quite "grumpy" at times. I was trying to explain empathy to my son, and told him that he should try and put himself in Grandpa's shoes. He said, "Well, they would be...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 3 Responses Feb 11, 2014

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