Heaven is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italiano
The mechanics German
The lovers French
And all organised by the Swiss
Hell is where:
The police German
The chefs British
The mechanics French
The lovers Swiss
And all organised by us Italiano's
I saw this story in the I love cats Group and it made me laugh so much I had to copy . paste and share it here:
My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the...
I was taking a walk one afternoon when I passed a tree with this sign, "Talking Dog 4 Sale". Being the curious type that I am, I went up & knocked on the door. A moment later I was looking at a middle aged man & a Beagle type dog sitting beside him. "I saw your sign on the...
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots.
" "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are pr0stitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but...
she will make greater. If you give her *****, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So...
isnt bout avoiding feelings..i think just wanting to feel ok.laughter is one of the best medicines ..when im sad i always try to find something to laugh or try to do something for others to smile.when others laugh is the best gift. :Pand something for above 14+hahaha :D
that is gay. We went out for dinner and drinks down by the beach. Then made it back to her boat. Now she has had a troubled past with her mother, as well as past relationships with girls. Well anyways I was on her boat we begin to lay down next to each other and I just felt like...
Let's brighten everyone's day with a few Chuck Norris sayings.....
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark OFF.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March31 to April2, no-one fools Chuck.
Chuck Norris tells his...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like...
from his neighbor:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I...
whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl insisted that it was possible because after all Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher...
Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago.The children are doing well...
and psychologically it uplifts your mood, mind and soul!Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing!Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, as well as help you to...
At age 4 success is. . .not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . .having a friends.
At age 17 success is . . .having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . .having money.
At age 70 success is . . .having a drivers license.
that it's going on in my life. Leave it to a 7 year old to make me laugh and brighten my day. We took our dogs out for a walk (we have 2 Boston terriers female/male) they were doing their thing and all of the sudden my male dog licks the females but, all of the sudden i hear a...
it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years.
You will be a donkey. “The donkey answered: “I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years...
I just wanted to share some of the laughs I've been having this evening.
I'M NOT ANGRY......WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT !
feeling very lonely, so God asked, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Adam replied that he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion – a woman. ‘This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every...
i feel like im watching that scene in finding nemo, when the crab is out of water, and all the seagalls are chasing it and saying "mine, mine, mine...." this pertaining to when just about any female posts something and all these dudes jump on that post......just sayin lol
and make me feel good, however due my current personality i only gets a tummy paining laugh around every 6 months not less . Not bad for a depressed lousy face. Im surprised that we deprseed people also have a few good times. But sadly I can't recall those events as i also want...
im always generally a funny person.. i always have funny stories to tell as a lot of weird things constantly seem to lavitate towards me. i cant go a day without something funny happening to me lol
i find laughter to be so therapeutic.. nothing better then a good laugh..
but played many sports. When he got to a different high school, he became bullied partly for his size among other things. He dropped all sports and withdrew socially for the entire first year.
Every morning when I come downstairs, they don't know what to expect. I am jumping...
Humor heals in so many ways. It combats fear, as it loosens anxiety’s death grip on your heart and every other living organ. It comforts and relaxes. And recent studies indicate that humor also reduces pain and boosts a person’s immune system.
“Laughter dissolves tension...
was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that...
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.
The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing...
stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled!
Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?”
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out...