Heaven is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italiano
The mechanics German
The lovers French
And all organised by the Swiss
Hell is where:
The police German
The chefs British
The mechanics French
The lovers Swiss
And all organised by us Italiano's
I saw this story in the I love cats Group and it made me laugh so much I had to copy . paste and share it here:
My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the...
after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," replied...
and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den...
who had a hernia operation three days before.
The doctor asked the man why he had not gotten out of bed.
"I hurt," the man said. "You don’t know how it feels."
"I know exactly how it feels," the doctor said. "I had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work...
highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign...
for a washer and dryer set, I am going to look for a model without the sock monster option. I have been saving socks for years in the hopes that the sock monster will set their match free. But no such luck. Damn you sock monster! Damn you!
I was taking a walk one afternoon when I passed a tree with this sign, "Talking Dog 4 Sale". Being the curious type that I am, I went up & knocked on the door. A moment later I was looking at a middle aged man & a Beagle type dog sitting beside him. "I saw your sign on the...
At age 4 success is. . .not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . .having a friends.
At age 17 success is . . .having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . .having money.
At age 70 success is . . .having a drivers license.
with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired...
but played many sports. When he got to a different high school, he became bullied partly for his size among other things. He dropped all sports and withdrew socially for the entire first year.
Every morning when I come downstairs, they don't know what to expect. I am jumping...
looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that he is "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, he decides to use a deaf person for the job so that even if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police...
isnt bout avoiding feelings..i think just wanting to feel ok.laughter is one of the best medicines ..when im sad i always try to find something to laugh or try to do something for others to smile.when others laugh is the best gift. :Pand something for above 14+hahaha :D
it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Let's brighten everyone's day with a few Chuck Norris sayings.....
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark OFF.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March31 to April2, no-one fools Chuck.
Chuck Norris tells his...
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots.
" "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are pr0stitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
she will make greater. If you give her *****, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So...
i feel like im watching that scene in finding nemo, when the crab is out of water, and all the seagalls are chasing it and saying "mine, mine, mine...." this pertaining to when just about any female posts something and all these dudes jump on that post......just sayin lol
if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"
and Boca Raton the other day (south of Jupiter) when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it, too, was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the...