At age 4 success is. . .not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . .having a friends.
At age 17 success is . . .having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . .having money.
At age 70 success is . . .having a drivers license.
"I have worked for many years to develop an acid that would eat anything and I finally did it.” So I invested everything I had and could borrow into it.
“You must have made a fortune,” commented his friend. “No! I lost all my investments. I couldn't find anything to...
that I always visit while in Chicago. The bartender is hilariously charismatic .
Me: - what's new George?
Bartender: - Do you really want to know?
Me: - of course!
BT: - Well.... I shaved my scrotum .
One of the few instances when I did not know what to reply .
but played many sports. When he got to a different high school, he became bullied partly for his size among other things. He dropped all sports and withdrew socially for the entire first year.
Every morning when I come downstairs, they don't know what to expect. I am jumping...
and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
Heaven is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italiano
The mechanics German
The lovers French
And all organised by the Swiss
Hell is where:
The police German
The chefs British
The mechanics French
The lovers Swiss
And all organised by us Italiano's
If your'e talking & the person listening is either nodding away, not giving eye contact, or asking who? Then most likely your talking too much. Just like right now I'm long winded with what I wrote that I've lost interest in myself. Lol Learn to laugh at life but most definitely...
Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.
The young farmer’s wife gave them a tour, a cheese making demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats...
skimping by thinning his paint excessively.
Nevertheless, he lands a big job painting a church.
He's almost done when a major storm comes up. It washes all the paint off.
Midst the thunder and lightening, a loud voice is heard, REPAINT, and REPAINT, THIN NO MORE!
if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"
it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
I just wanted to share some of the laughs I've been having this evening.
I'M NOT ANGRY......WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT !
after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," replied...
lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but...
I saw this story in the I love cats Group and it made me laugh so much I had to copy . paste and share it here:
My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the...
town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.
After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to...