lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but...
story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And...
looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that he is "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, he decides to use a deaf person for the job so that even if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police...
from his neighbor:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I...
At age 4 success is. . .not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . .having a friends.
At age 17 success is . . .having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . .having money.
At age 50 success is . . .having money.
At age 70 success is . . .having a drivers license.
and goes to Heaven.
God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
for a washer and dryer set, I am going to look for a model without the sock monster option. I have been saving socks for years in the hopes that the sock monster will set their match free. But no such luck. Damn you sock monster! Damn you!
I saw this story in the I love cats Group and it made me laugh so much I had to copy . paste and share it here:
My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the...
I just wanted to share some of the laughs I've been having this evening.
I'M NOT ANGRY......WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT !
Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.
The young farmer’s wife gave them a tour, a cheese making demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats...
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots.
" "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are pr0stitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
that I always visit while in Chicago. The bartender is hilariously charismatic .
Me: - what's new George?
Bartender: - Do you really want to know?
Me: - of course!
BT: - Well.... I shaved my scrotum .
One of the few instances when I did not know what to reply .
if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"
after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," replied...
"I have worked for many years to develop an acid that would eat anything and I finally did it.” So I invested everything I had and could borrow into it.
“You must have made a fortune,” commented his friend. “No! I lost all my investments. I couldn't find anything to...
it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
but played many sports. When he got to a different high school, he became bullied partly for his size among other things. He dropped all sports and withdrew socially for the entire first year.
Every morning when I come downstairs, they don't know what to expect. I am jumping...
If your'e talking & the person listening is either nodding away, not giving eye contact, or asking who? Then most likely your talking too much. Just like right now I'm long winded with what I wrote that I've lost interest in myself. Lol Learn to laugh at life but most definitely...