on 07:30PM at Oct 9th, 2008
WHO ARE YOU? Are you a good person are you bad? Do you live in a fantasy world? I am really not sure who I an thourghly but I am getting a closer look at my self the more I look into my soul the more I see the good bad the anger the greed in some ways its scary and other its enlightening. I am a liar I lie about stupid irrelevant things. I perceive myself as something I am not. I think it makes living life easier in some ways. Lying to yourself does it make life easier or does it make it harder later on when the game of life catches up with you? Why can’t we be completely honest with our friends and family and ourselves especially? Honesty, wow how profound being honest to ones self is an exhausting chore. When you stop and take an audit of what you are. Who you are and what you were what you think you are and what you actually have become from all your experiences through all the travels through the journey of life.
When I think back in life when I was with certain people I always conformed to what they were as far as their social status or if they were a drug addict to basically to any degree whether it was right or wrong I would some how find a way of justifying it. It seems very hard to have your own ideas your own life. Having your own ideas in far as in the terms of life and your choices. That takes work I really believe that it is so much easier to glide through and live vicarisly though others then do for yourself. Eventually things thoughts feelings pain catches up with you. Do you know your own pain or do you feel your mental ailments when it’s too late? When all the mental pollution that we created for everyone that we come into contact with in our lives. All the hurt…So many people hurt by my actions from when I was a child and still continuing and I am not sure if it will ever stop. Being hatefull, having hate is that something we are born with or is it a feeling of reaction learned behavior? Hate and pain are such close emotions.
Having your own life is so much harder then it sounds. Having your own complete identity .Not living for someone or living for everyone else.Living just for your self doing certain things on your own I think I have done a little of that in my life .I think I have gone back and forth from time to time depending where I was mentally physically and spiritually.
Do you have these thoughts??
on 09:44AM at Oct 10th, 2008
Deep stuff...but your insight is showing! Wisdom is earned. Even the Dali Lama had to earn his back after birth. If you don't acknowledge mistakes and mis-steps...you don't learn the lesson in the loss. I try to think of it this way...Maya Angelou says, "I did the best I could with what I knew, and when I knew better I did better." The great thing about modulating yourself to others identities when you are young is it PERFECTLY teaches you what you are not. You try on an identity...like you try on a coat. If it doesn't fit...you move on. But you always have an understanding of those for whom that identity does fit. It gives you greater perspective on humanity. That makes you REAL. When you understand the breathe of humanity and you know where you don't fit...you are that much closer to your PURPOSE.