With all that is new and old . with all that is past and present I am no longer straying from my plans.
I have had a suicide plan since I was 18 I never went through with it in hopes that things would get better even now I still I walk though the same lines of hell I have been in...
Is it ok to hate someone?
A year and a half ago I met a guy and yes a guy. we talked and we flirted it was cool. 1st time someone flirted with me.
So I asked him out about 3 weeks after that ... a week later I introduced him to a friend... 2 weeks later they tell me they are in...
You're are great.
I would totally date you.
You're so sweet.
I need you in my life.
People say these things to control me. To keep me in there bubble.
But it's all a lie isn't it .
in this dream I see I am looking up at a mural of myself. My hands are our forwards as if I am telling myself to come home. I see words on the right side I see pain , suffering, death.
On the left side I see sadness, alone, hopeless
over my head I see worthless, useless, alone...
I don’t I have never had real friends. Just them. They were my real friends and family. No one else.
everyone else is just a liar. No one cares.. No one would care if I died. Or even cry. It’s so funny we get sad over a person you met 30 seconds ago me I tell how I feel...
1) I am to you young.
2) I am to old (yep got this at 21)
3) I am black
4) I am not black enough (yep this was said to me)
5) I show lack of emotion (changed)
6) I show to much emotion (sigh)
7) I am not smart enough
8) I am funny but they can't take me seriously
9) I am fat
So once again I feel ignored. Rejected and just plain not wanted. I made these friends but in at the same time I feel like the way my old friend treat me. They talk to each other and they play around and I'll say it they hit on each other and once more I feel left out.I'm so...
I don't have a fancy cell phone to show myself being sad.
I don't have a good cam to catch myself crying.
I don't have the mental ability to explain my self in full detail
and I don't have the time to keep feel this in every aspect of my life.
I don't have someone in my life to...
I am trying to be happy. I am trying to take all the negative and just smile. But I see everything getting worse and I am having a hard time breathing.
I'm scared and I think I am going to have to really end soon because finding reasons to keep going is more painful than...
Only when I sleep does the pain of the world wash away.
Only when I sleep does it all vanish.
Only when I sleep does my mind go quiet .
Only when I sleep does my heart feel at ease.
Only when I am sleeping do I feel any peace
Only when I am sleeping do I feel free
I am so tired...
On Saturday I had a my bosses basically tell me that they hate me and the only reason the keep me around is because I do good work.
Well hate is a strong word they say i'm very anti social and way to submissive which is a short list of what they said. I was so mad and looking...