I am disappointed that I had to cancel my appointment with a certain female non-lesbian lover companion of mine.
We must reschedule. When is okay for you?
I kissed you.. so now.. I must kill you.
(lol wtf @ my comment)
We are running away to San Francisco to get...
Me: *Going inside the house to fetch a beer*
Nora: *Following me, feeling weird at a party where she knows no one but me*
Random Guy: *Coming after us* Hey, girls!
Me and Nora: *Turning around*
Random Guy: Hey, girls! I was wondering, just by the way you two are...
Me: I confused a dead bird with a straw yesterday. O.O
Darcy: hahahahahaha omg xD
Nora: What.. the... hell?
Me: I asked myself the same thing. Spencer and I were walking over south yesterday and I saw this straw right on the floor by my side of the sidewalk. I was about...
"Jessica, my dear, we've found a possible cure.
Let me go down the list of things that have conspired this 'late' morning.
Things I have learned from Jessica:
Apparently machine guns 'squirt'. Epic verbal fail.
I got to lay on her kitchen floor singing Bad Religion's You...
Nora: *Touching my cheeks* Damn, I can feel your blood vessels... *Starts to go into all this talk of technicalities and blood flow, heat, etc etc etc*
Me: *As lost as a wilderness camper* Um, Nora?
Me: Wouldn't it be easier to say, "I can feel you blushing"?
Me: *Going on and on for some reason about the gruesomeness of my nightmares and describing the guts, cannibalistic stuff and torture methods in graphic detail and other mumbo jumbo about being paranoid a crocodile will sneak up behind me and bite me in the *** of all places...
Mother: *Walking into room* What's your deal?
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Mother: Why do you keep screaming?
Me: *Confused as hell* What are you talking about?? I wasn't screaming!
Mother: I heard you. You've been screaming for five min-
I get a very loud hiccup at...
Me: Spicy peanut butter pizza... Where the bloody hell have you been all my life?!
Katie: What the heck is that?!
Me: *Taken aback* Um, well... It's... Spicy pizza with, um, peanut butter on it...
Katie: Oh! I see.
Me: *Dumbfounded, wondering what the heck was so...
At school, we had this thing called the F-List, which was basically a two hour detention after school where you were forced to be on if you were failing any classes so you can get your work done.
Well, I was on it and I wanted to seek out and get to cooking class. Then after...
Nora: (Speaking to Jessica about going to her house on Monday to give her technical support and telling her the CD won't be there that soon):
Idk if I'll come on money.
Me: Money, lmao!!!!
Excuse my turn to be sick-minded, but "come on money." XD
Me: I had a dream that you & I kidnapped an Australian hippie guy who we then road tripped to Vegas with. Oh, and he married us there in the backseat of a rusty old pick up truck & doped us up on weed calling at a Hippie-Style marriage from his small town in New South Wales...
Again, in her words:
"We should be a straight lesbian non-sexual couple. There. I said it. Also, we can date whoever we want. I stole this idea from someone else, just for the record. XD It's just.. I want some arm candy to flaunt.
LOL This might be the best and worst idea I've...
Nicky: My responses may be slow today.
Me: So... There was a girl... And there was this guy...
Me: And they both lived happily ever after when they kill each other.
Nicky: WHA??? Where's the body???
Me: Six feet under in...
NOTE: "Mandi" is Nora's dog.
Contains insane abnormal twistedness. Viewer discretion is advised.
Nora: I love how Spencer absent mindedly walked us into oncoming traffic XD And how I spit/laughed out tea thinking about something you said a few seconds before. And how we...
In Nora's words:
"I'm inside the grocery store looking at person products when I hear someone approaching, so I quickly put the item back, which ends up knocking a few more items off the shelf as the person nears. I begin scampering away, when I look to my side, and make...