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I Use to Be a Self Mutilator

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 49 People

    Scars of Betrayal

    Well the first time I cut myself was after I read a book about a girl who cuts. I was fully intrigued for some reason and wanted to do it, so the next time I was angry or sad I did. And it was the worst thing I have ever done to myself. Because I was hooked. I did it...
    BlazzinBebe88 BlazzinBebe88 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 21, 2008

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    I

    its still so tempting i dont know how long i will last. when i started cutting i guess i kind of built myself up to it, got brave enough. one day i stepped on a mirror in my room and instead of cleaning it up, i left it there. it layed there on that floor for a month...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 3, 2009

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    When I Was Younger

    I started cutting after breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, I'd kinda been curious and it made me feel better, after that i would whenever i was sad or angry at myself. I haven't in a while and now i look down at my leg and i hate my scars i never know...
    hotmess713 hotmess713 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    A Long Short Story

    The first time I cut was the first time I heard that no one cared about me. All the family and family friends we're talking around me but would never offer me any criticism. It wasn't the only reason but it was the final push. I didn't even know what I was doing, like I was...
    SequoiaCM SequoiaCM 18-21 3 Responses Apr 27, 2010

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    Maybe?

    I do it time to time... like years in between so does that count as I used to be? Probably not... oh well
    CrazyHappySad CrazyHappySad 26-30, F Jun 12, 2012

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    Too Old to Be So Messed Up!

    To say that I used to be a self-mutilator isn't 100% accurate. I sort of still want to.  I just realized that picking at scabs is considered to be self-mutilating.  And I am a picker.   I started self mutilating when I was very young.  It stopped...
    toooldforthis toooldforthis 51-55 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Used To

    I used to cut my self about 4 months ago. Thanks to one of my good friends, I quit. I used to take long baths, and go in there with a plastic knife, and cut my self. I still have scars to this very day, but always stressed of people finding out. Every once and a while I cut my...
    toughchick101 toughchick101 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2010

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    8-|

     I used to do it almost every night when i was 12. I stopped at the age of 16, and sometimes I do miss it. It was just so calming for me at the time, but it now breaks my heart to see it on other people. I feel ashamed for putting my mum and dad and my little sister through...
    thegirlwiththefatcat thegirlwiththefatcat 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

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    Endurance- Poem

    Endurance A knife lays beside me, Robbing my veins, My ghost lies inside me, Bringing me pain. My soul is reaching for happiness,but it is too far- So my fingers are leaving me with yet another scar. My eyes aren't crying, There searching for hope- My blood is draining, To help...
    TheSunshineheart TheSunshineheart 18-21 Nov 23, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    I used to have really low self-esteem and was really shy back when I was in primary school, I still am though but not as bad as it was before. I would always look down when I walk...
    Monstaar Monstaar 18-21, F 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I grew up in an abusive home that left me angry, insecure, and utterly self-destructive. I spent my youth alternately raging against the machine and looking for ways to ruin my...
    PPDog PPDog 41-45, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I need more self love in my life, all this negative energy is soooo not cool. I have such low self worth and self hate that I just expect everyone else to hate me too. Nobody can...
    glitterme23 glitterme23 18-21, F 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    My selfies always seem so damn dramatic for no reason 💀
    XxMisguidedxGhostxX XxMisguidedxGhostxX 13-15, F 4 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    My wife destroyed my self esteem. Married 17 years. She had nothing. Put her through college. Put a roof over her head. Brought her 3 Mercedes in that time. Took Her To Europe...
    bigrobery62 bigrobery62 51-55, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I have self harmed since I was about 15 and it has steadily got worse. I hate the pain of self harm now although I think I used to use it to calm me down. It's better to feel...
    LinkinParkMuse LinkinParkMuse 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    Use A Life Jacket And Its Ok
    goodnites25 goodnites25 22-25, M 5 hrs ago

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    This is my hand. I am healing, but it used worse. This is self-harm. I do it only when in moods of extreme fear, but I guarantee that it would have gotten worse. But I stopped...
    HappyHeart555 HappyHeart555 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 21

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    Just last year I had a really bad depression where I ended up self harming... & the depression is starting again . But this time I promised myself that I won't self harm. I will...
    Davidthree Davidthree 13-15, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    It may sound a little..(dont know the word now.., arogant?).. I was already tired of it the first time I heard it. Taking a pictures of yourself is a very old thing to do. But...
    mirkwood86 mirkwood86 26-30, M 1 Response Mar 10

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    I struggle with the right things to say in almost any situation. I think I have lost a good part of my mind, and I'm trying to figure out how to get it back. Maybe writing...
    EpilepticOne EpilepticOne 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 4

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    I don't do it very often, but if I'm stressed out and/or really upset (usually when I'm crying) I scratch my arms with mechanical pencils. I've recently been using this sharp thing...
    xCrowSong xCrowSong 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 11

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    I mess up sometimes, I do. But I am so much better than I used to. 'I haven't self harmed in over half a year (minus some minor mess ups, maybe 3-5 times.) I'm scared of it getting...
    bluecupcakes bluecupcakes 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 20

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    My bf and I been in a long distance relationship, for more than two years now. I believe that we have gone through many things just to get this far. We met once and in two weeks we...
    crisseth crisseth 18-21, F Mar 4

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    life sucks sometimes, ive been aelfharming on and off since the ending of 6 grade cause of bullies, now im in 9th grade. i used to cut on my lower lower leg/ankles so no one would...
    SpideyAlyx SpideyAlyx 13-15, M 1 Response Mar 7

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    Self hatred happens on a daily basis with me. I hate myself to the extent where I don't want to be around anymore. I used to get bullied as a kid, but I doubt that's what started...
    adeelakhan101a adeelakhan101a 13-15, F Mar 7

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    I used to cut myself but now I don`t. I used to be sad but now i`m not I used to want to die but now I don`t I used to think my life couldn`t get any worse and it did but Life...
    loveryley15 loveryley15 13-15 1 Response Mar 9

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    I used to cut a lot in my high school years. One time it was so bad I had to wear gauze and duct tape, it bled for 3 days, I was very lucky it healed without having to tell my...
    XsOfTheSoul XsOfTheSoul 18-21, F Mar 12

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    I guess it's an issue that stems from childhood, and has sort of followed me ever since. I was bullied in primary school. Looking back on it now, it probably wasn't as viscous as...
    DropsofJupiter1 DropsofJupiter1 18-21, F 9 Responses Mar 22

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    Yes I agree to this but there are people don't know how to use this lines admire people who have self respect most there self they don't know how to respect by there own.
    verlaidamendoza28 verlaidamendoza28 56-60, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    Mark:What your first name means:Swedish Male Warring.Shakespearean Male 'Antony and Cleopatra' and 'The Tragedy of Julius Caesar.' Mark Antony, roman triumvir and Cleopatra's lover...
    expressomarkie expressomarkie 46-50, M 6 days ago

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    When I was younger, 14/15, I was a person who used to cut on a daily basis. In the beginning it was for attention from a guy. However it started to feel good. It went from that to...
    TheGiverofLove TheGiverofLove 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    My name is Morten I live in norway I am married to Janni and together we have two childre a 4 year old girl Ida who is 4 years old and a 3 year old boy named Peter both me and my...
    Morten777 Morten777 26-30, M 3 Responses Mar 14

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    I use to not feel self conscious about myself until someone pointed out that my boyfriend was a lot skinnier. I feel like a fat ugly troll now.
    Headlights Headlights 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5

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    It has been escalating . The other night I wrapped my body from my ankles to my chest in a thick layer of duct tape. If that wasn't enough I used a whole role of tape to encase my...
    misstinabondage2 misstinabondage2 18-21, T 5 Responses Mar 10

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    I still don't feel anything at all and I have cut my self so bad I bleed so bad I passed out and im only 11 and I have scars
    mckena7 mckena7 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 11

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    As it turns out, the experience of pain causes the production of endorphins, giving you a feeling of bliss. Selfharm isn't so weird when you think about it. You manually encourage...
    absenceofsound absenceofsound 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 15

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    Consciously, I know I have a lot of things to do. I plan them out in my mind how I want the next day to go. Then the following night I have trouble sleeping. I read somewhere that...
    MeTheMightyMe MeTheMightyMe 26-30, M Mar 24

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    For all the suicidal and self harming people out there. Stay strong please stay strong, life is full of ups and downs so some day life will give you all an up and you all will be...
    demonswithin demonswithin 18-21, M 6 days ago

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    I'm 30. I live alone. But yet my parents control me. I can't drink, self harm or see my husband. I have a mental illness, I have been in hospital many times. My parents threaten to...
    sarahk85 sarahk85 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I'm 30. I live alone. But yet my parents control me. I can't drink, self harm or see my husband. I have a mental illness, I have been in hospital many times. My parents threaten to...
    sarahk85 sarahk85 26-30, F 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    I've... Broken... And I realize it... I don't see value in other people anymore. I legitimately want to be rude, mean and overbearing just to cause others pain which I've begun to...
    WytW0lf WytW0lf 22-25, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    You are the only people who know about this, im never telling anyone in person, ever. Okay two weeks ago, during PE class, she wore a tshirt into PE where you can see her wrists...
    imme163 imme163 13-15, F 3 days ago

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