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I Use to Be a Self Mutilator

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 49 People

    Used To

    I used to cut my self about 4 months ago. Thanks to one of my good friends, I quit. I used to take long baths, and go in there with a plastic knife, and cut my self. I still have scars to this very day, but always stressed of people finding out. Every once and a while I cut my...
    toughchick101 toughchick101 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2010

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    A Long Short Story

    The first time I cut was the first time I heard that no one cared about me. All the family and family friends we're talking around me but would never offer me any criticism. It wasn't the only reason but it was the final push. I didn't even know what I was doing, like I was...
    SequoiaCM SequoiaCM 18-21 3 Responses Apr 27, 2010

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    Too Old to Be So Messed Up!

    To say that I used to be a self-mutilator isn't 100% accurate. I sort of still want to.  I just realized that picking at scabs is considered to be self-mutilating.  And I am a picker.   I started self mutilating when I was very young.  It stopped...
    toooldforthis toooldforthis 51-55 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Maybe?

    I do it time to time... like years in between so does that count as I used to be? Probably not... oh well
    CrazyHappySad CrazyHappySad 26-30, F Jun 12, 2012

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    8-|

     I used to do it almost every night when i was 12. I stopped at the age of 16, and sometimes I do miss it. It was just so calming for me at the time, but it now breaks my heart to see it on other people. I feel ashamed for putting my mum and dad and my little sister through...
    thegirlwiththefatcat thegirlwiththefatcat 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

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    Scars of Betrayal

    Well the first time I cut myself was after I read a book about a girl who cuts. I was fully intrigued for some reason and wanted to do it, so the next time I was angry or sad I did. And it was the worst thing I have ever done to myself. Because I was hooked. I did it...
    BlazzinBebe88 BlazzinBebe88 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 21, 2008

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    I

    its still so tempting i dont know how long i will last. when i started cutting i guess i kind of built myself up to it, got brave enough. one day i stepped on a mirror in my room and instead of cleaning it up, i left it there. it layed there on that floor for a month...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 3, 2009

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    When I Was Younger

    I started cutting after breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, I'd kinda been curious and it made me feel better, after that i would whenever i was sad or angry at myself. I haven't in a while and now i look down at my leg and i hate my scars i never know...
    hotmess713 hotmess713 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Endurance- Poem

    Endurance A knife lays beside me, Robbing my veins, My ghost lies inside me, Bringing me pain. My soul is reaching for happiness,but it is too far- So my fingers are leaving me with yet another scar. My eyes aren't crying, There searching for hope- My blood is draining, To help...
    TheSunshineheart TheSunshineheart 18-21 Nov 23, 2011

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    All of my past disorders mainly started from self harm. My anorexia, started with me refusing to eat, because it was physically painful, and if felt right. But later it became an...
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I use to self-inflict pain upon myself physically but at some point I found emotional pain more painful. Emotional self-infliction is something more controllable than physical; no...
    BriarRose96 BriarRose96 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I've been falling out of feeling, out of reading, out of dreaming, I feel nothing, at times food does not appeal to me, I can't sleep, You know. I just keep listening to music, and...
    FirefallRose FirefallRose 16-17, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I use to be extremely addicted to self harm I wanted nothing more then to feel a blade cut through my flesh. it was more when I was losing control in my personal life that I began...
    emovamp emovamp 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I was twelve years old when I took a razor to my wrist for the first time. That is the moment in my life I wish I could change because little did I know that one simple act could...
    kait52 kait52 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Today I decided to go for a swim, and as always I caught a few people staring at my scars. I used to be really insecure about them, but now I realize that there is absolutely...
    nycgirl19 nycgirl19 18-21, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Even if I do 'recover' from self-harm, even if I never did it again - not that that would happen - I'm never going to undo it. The scars on my skin will fade, but I'll never be...
    kaleidoscopic21 kaleidoscopic21 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I hate my life. I am born into a semi wealthy family, however, money has nothing to to with this (maybe a little). I grew up thinking life is wonderful, and that I will experience...
    itshouldhavebeenezbb itshouldhavebeenezbb 13-15, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I haven't self-harmed in a month but the urges are strong this time.. I don't know what to do . I might actually give in /.
    anagapesis anagapesis 16-17, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    So today is my Birthday. I started cutting 2 years ago... When i started i was like. How can people have cuts all over there body like over 200+ scars? Well that person is me now...
    Nick54 Nick54 22-25, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    When i was a kid i use to be over confident and full of energy and never had a problem socializing after years of being picked on and betrayed i isolated my self and contained my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses a week ago

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    The last time I self harmed was around 9 months ago. Today, my best friend (aka my dad) got into a huge fight, and he didn't understand at all. So, the person who I usually talk to...
    kylieadams kylieadams 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 25

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    used and manipulated. I don't understand the manipulation part. I feel sad and lonely when I realize that I once again allowed my self to be used. that they don't care. that my...
    evolnillef evolnillef 70+, F Jun 24

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    the person I use to be is still inside being protected from the haters, of this world, They have brought out a side of me I don't like, smile as I pass by but as soon as you pass...
    sweetfragrances sweetfragrances 51-55, F 1 Response Jun 23

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    It's days like today when I feel a strong urge to cut, or harm myself. Trying to keep busy and keep myself from thinking about it. Although I feel I'm going to end up losing this...
    saram1985 saram1985 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 23

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    So, I was out jogging this past saturday night and when I took my break at this little bench I usually stop at, I met this guy named Dallas. He was nice, we had loads in common and...
    GraceIsAlone GraceIsAlone 18-21, F Jun 22

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    It sure as hell is not a choice. I just read a lot of judgemental a$$hole comments from people who lack factual knowledge on mood disorders. There is a reason they do cognitive...
    krazeekatie krazeekatie 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 22

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    We live in a world full of selfish people, so I don't feel like telling anyone what's going wrong in my life, just because I don't feel they will care. I feel it's better to shut...
    AllieLe AllieLe 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 21

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    I hope this helps anyone that reads it in some sort of way. So this morning I decided to take a look at my EP account that's been abandoned since, I don't know, three years ago...
    vodkaflesh vodkaflesh 13-15, F Jun 21

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    Dear Dr Stephanie I'm very thankful for all the time ,advice and therapy you ve given me ..I have benefited very much from those session and my life is much darker without your...
    Powerlesss Powerlesss 31-35, F 1 Response Jun 20

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    I want to start again, but the reason I did it makes me feel like doing it would be extremely disrespectful to those who actually self-harm as a coping skill against depression...
    2l4t 2l4t 13-15, M Jun 20

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    Can I say used to? I've been clean for a few months.. I just hit a really low point and ended up cutting over 40 times.. And now I refuse to even use use a knife or blade (I don...
    UnderTheSleeves UnderTheSleeves 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 18

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    I haven't self harmed for year and half now. I stopped after I cut a 30 cm long, 1 cm wide and deep wound across my right thigh, with scissors. I bled so much and I can still feel...
    lenna99 lenna99 16-17, F Jun 18

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    Who you define yourself as is not what you say or think , it's the actions you take to back the thoughts up . I use to think that I would never do anything great in life , I came...
    Ellis1993 Ellis1993 18-21, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    I purchased this book years ago titled "Breaking the Chain of Low Self Esteem," and I am just now getting around to reading it. Within the first couple of chapters is a...
    Mala1718 Mala1718 26-30, F 4 Responses Jun 18

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