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I Use to Be a Self Mutilator

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50 People

    I

    its still so tempting i dont know how long i will last. when i started cutting i guess i kind of built myself up to it, got brave enough. one day i stepped on a mirror in my room and instead of cleaning it up, i left it there. it layed there on that floor for a month...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 3, 2009

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    Escape

    When i first started self mutilating it was out of anger and i was depressed, my father being an alcoholic and my parents always constantly fighting making my sister and i feel so out of place, my sister became bulimic and between watching my parents and my sister struggle and...
    blackskys blackskys 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 12, 2012

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    Maybe?

    I do it time to time... like years in between so does that count as I used to be? Probably not... oh well
    CrazyHappySad CrazyHappySad 26-30, F Jun 12, 2012

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    8-|

     I used to do it almost every night when i was 12. I stopped at the age of 16, and sometimes I do miss it. It was just so calming for me at the time, but it now breaks my heart to see it on other people. I feel ashamed for putting my mum and dad and my little sister through...
    thegirlwiththefatcat thegirlwiththefatcat 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

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    Too Old to Be So Messed Up!

    To say that I used to be a self-mutilator isn't 100% accurate. I sort of still want to.  I just realized that picking at scabs is considered to be self-mutilating.  And I am a picker.   I started self mutilating when I was very young.  It stopped...
    toooldforthis toooldforthis 51-55 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Endurance- Poem

    Endurance A knife lays beside me, Robbing my veins, My ghost lies inside me, Bringing me pain. My soul is reaching for happiness,but it is too far- So my fingers are leaving me with yet another scar. My eyes aren't crying, There searching for hope- My blood is draining, To help...
    TheSunshineheart TheSunshineheart 18-21 1 Response Nov 23, 2011

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    When I Was Younger

    I started cutting after breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, I'd kinda been curious and it made me feel better, after that i would whenever i was sad or angry at myself. I haven't in a while and now i look down at my leg and i hate my scars i never know...
    hotmess713 hotmess713 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    A Long Short Story

    The first time I cut was the first time I heard that no one cared about me. All the family and family friends we're talking around me but would never offer me any criticism. It wasn't the only reason but it was the final push. I didn't even know what I was doing, like I was...
    SequoiaCM SequoiaCM 18-21 3 Responses Apr 27, 2010

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    Scars of Betrayal

    Well the first time I cut myself was after I read a book about a girl who cuts. I was fully intrigued for some reason and wanted to do it, so the next time I was angry or sad I did. And it was the worst thing I have ever done to myself. Because I was hooked. I did it...
    BlazzinBebe88 BlazzinBebe88 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 21, 2008

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    Used To

    I used to cut my self about 4 months ago. Thanks to one of my good friends, I quit. I used to take long baths, and go in there with a plastic knife, and cut my self. I still have scars to this very day, but always stressed of people finding out. Every once and a while I cut my...
    toughchick101 toughchick101 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    Let me just start by saying I'm a parent of two girls age 5 and 8. Before I had children I was pro spanking (oblivious to the severity of your idea of the humiliation and severity...
    deemag6040 deemag6040 31-35, M 7 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    This is my first time using this app. The first time I really even heard about it. But I Googled something that brought me here. I am a self-harmer. For ten years now (and still...
    NovaSixx NovaSixx 22-25, F 8 hrs ago

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    DO MEN SCREW THE SAME GARBAGE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM AS MEN? THIS GOES FOR BEING MARRIED TOO SH.T WIVES WITH NO MORALS IN OUR SOCIETY
    PHONEBURNALLDONE46 PHONEBURNALLDONE46 51-55, F 57 mins ago

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    I feel totally stupid useless I don't know I don't care lost lonely understatement I just want to give up I don't want to be here anymore I'm so done I hate it I hate people no...
    jaxpdx jaxpdx 41-45, F 5 hrs ago

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    I've been self harming since 7th grade. I'm currently a sophomore in Highschool and I don't do it as often but I still get strong urges to do it all the time. My mom knows that I...
    Gerardfuckinway Gerardfuckinway 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 18

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    I'm honestly tired of people glorifying self harm. I'm done and I need a good rant. Depression is NOT fun, it's NOT a choice, and more importantly self harm is NOT beautiful. It's...
    Whathi Whathi 16-17, F 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    There is this guy in my school who we'll just call Adam for privacy's sake. We used to be really close friends when we were little but the only thing that I think I've ever even...
    HypoallergenicUnicorn HypoallergenicUnicorn 13-15, F Feb 18

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    I used to self harm , I'm scared to go back but I can't Control myself , I feel the need to hurt myself so I won't feel what my heart wants
    angie314 angie314 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 18

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    I used to cut my left wrist freshman year of college because I thought it felt good. I didn't know why it felt good... I used to hate myself at that time very much! 18 was probably...
    Theworldisminenow Theworldisminenow 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 21

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    I struggle with the right things to say in almost any situation. I think I have lost a good part of my mind, and I'm trying to figure out how to get it back. Maybe writing...
    EpilepticOne EpilepticOne 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Hello Internet world- it's been a good year or two since I've posted, so I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy (name will be unknown) I loved him, moved in with him, and as...
    Foreveranangel Foreveranangel 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 12

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    i used to have self confident when i was younger but when i hit puberty it changed. all the other girls had better developed bodies and got boyfriends so easily and i never got any...
    avalily avalily 18-21, F Feb 14

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    My bf and I been in a long distance relationship, for more than two years now. I believe that we have gone through many things just to get this far. We met once and in two weeks we...
    crisseth crisseth 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Not surprisingly, the challenge is in finding the best emulator. But if you recognize where to look, you could find it in just a couple seconds.As you can see in the above...
    Ethan3088hnz9 Ethan3088hnz9 31-35, M 1 Response Feb 26

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    Modern world has started to become more and more on line. Folks logging into their social websites accounts, sending out emails, observing films or Dwell streaming or chatting with...
    coledenny166 coledenny166 26-30 1 Response Feb 6

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    So life sucking!!! I can't win.. What are you doing to me? I see you and get shy, yet all I want to do is talk to you, wrap myself in your arms... But I can't... Anxiety controls...
    catho catho 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 8

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    I just had someon txt me something really selfish and I thought they were my friend. I have been missing off of FB for a week now and I got a txt from someone that first went into...
    ClickCloser ClickCloser 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 9

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    well i have lots of scars. i started cutting in grade 7. i guess you can say i've been self-harming since i was young because i would pinch myself until i bled and just watched...
    aishastewie aishastewie 13-15 2 Responses Feb 18

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    I want my self confidence back. My life is so stressful that I have put myself on the back burner, focusing on my kids and husband. I give 100% all the time and get nothing in...
    ddoss18 ddoss18 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 18

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    How do I make people see how bad I'm feeling without starting to self harm again? I always try but no one is really ever there to help me and I don't want to worry my mum by asking...
    BellaE15 BellaE15 16-17, F 3 Responses Feb 18

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    50 days more and I'll be 1 year self harm free
    rtprt rtprt 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 18

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    When I was severely depressed I used to self harm ever single day. Some days it was really bad and other days it was just light cuts. It moved from my arms to my legs. Especially...
    gm126 gm126 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    I've never really said it but I now I think about it, it might be helpful. Until last year I used to cut. A broken piece of pen was my sharpie but I would do it everywhere and I'd...
    thedimone thedimone 13-15, F Feb 25

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    I use to not feel self conscious about myself until someone pointed out that my boyfriend was a lot skinnier. I feel like a fat ugly troll now.
    Headlights Headlights 18-21, F 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    Seriously, keep it in your cyber pants. You don't love those guys and they don't love you. In fact, just ask the questions you want to ask, instead of letting yourself be used. I...
    cillasavage cillasavage 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 11

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    I get sad at remembering how excited I use to be by life, everything was an adventure or magical, I saw beauty in all kinds of unexpected places and people that weren't deemed...
    Alwaysundecided Alwaysundecided 22-25, F Feb 11

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    I am not the same person I used to be. I used to be happy and laugh all the time and now I feel like I don't even know how to laugh. I have stopped talking to my friends because...
    briannalynn190 briannalynn190 16-17, F 3 Responses Feb 12

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    My life has not been easy. It made me hard. Selfish. Emotionless. I trusted no one. But then things changed and I trusted someone. And it's been downhill ever since. I wish I...
    dissolution dissolution 22-25, F Feb 18

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    But rather, sometimes, abit, maybe, perhaps, somewhat and so on... But i/we so dearly want something solid. Few, if any prefers the answer "Maybe" when asking something, "Come...
    mirkwood86 mirkwood86 26-30, M Feb 22

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    The online market place is something that we need to use to go every day of our existence. We are unable to envision our times Along with the aid of the online market place. There...
    karani70 karani70 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 23

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    In my life if there was a time I thanked god and asked him to give more life and challenges then it was for the two years during 2003-2005 I was one of the class top students...
    FightingTillTheEnd FightingTillTheEnd 31-35, M 3 Responses Feb 24

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    I am ashamed of it because it never helped any, I just thought it did. For me it was punishment for allowing myself to get in certain situations, letting things fall apart, or...
    Essence972 Essence972 18-21, F 6 days ago

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    I used to be a isolated co dependent selfish and other defects in the severe aspects. today's I am apart of kind supportive and others. I learned this through a 12 step program for...
    bgirl1978 bgirl1978 36-40, F 1 Response