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I Use to Be a Self Mutilator

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50 People

    A Long Short Story

    The first time I cut was the first time I heard that no one cared about me. All the family and family friends we're talking around me but would never offer me any criticism. It wasn't the only reason but it was the final push. I didn't even know what I was doing, like I was...
    SequoiaCM SequoiaCM 18-21 3 Responses Apr 27, 2010

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    Endurance- Poem

    Endurance A knife lays beside me, Robbing my veins, My ghost lies inside me, Bringing me pain. My soul is reaching for happiness,but it is too far- So my fingers are leaving me with yet another scar. My eyes aren't crying, There searching for hope- My blood is draining, To help...
    TheSunshineheart TheSunshineheart 18-21 1 Response Nov 23, 2011

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    8-|

     I used to do it almost every night when i was 12. I stopped at the age of 16, and sometimes I do miss it. It was just so calming for me at the time, but it now breaks my heart to see it on other people. I feel ashamed for putting my mum and dad and my little sister through...
    thegirlwiththefatcat thegirlwiththefatcat 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

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    Maybe?

    I do it time to time... like years in between so does that count as I used to be? Probably not... oh well
    CrazyHappySad CrazyHappySad 22-25, F Jun 12, 2012

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    When I Was Younger

    I started cutting after breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, I'd kinda been curious and it made me feel better, after that i would whenever i was sad or angry at myself. I haven't in a while and now i look down at my leg and i hate my scars i never know...
    hotmess713 hotmess713 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Scars of Betrayal

    Well the first time I cut myself was after I read a book about a girl who cuts. I was fully intrigued for some reason and wanted to do it, so the next time I was angry or sad I did. And it was the worst thing I have ever done to myself. Because I was hooked. I did it...
    BlazzinBebe88 BlazzinBebe88 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 21, 2008

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    Too Old to Be So Messed Up!

    To say that I used to be a self-mutilator isn't 100% accurate. I sort of still want to.  I just realized that picking at scabs is considered to be self-mutilating.  And I am a picker.   I started self mutilating when I was very young.  It stopped...
    toooldforthis toooldforthis 51-55 1 Response Nov 29, 2008

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    Escape

    When i first started self mutilating it was out of anger and i was depressed, my father being an alcoholic and my parents always constantly fighting making my sister and i feel so out of place, my sister became bulimic and between watching my parents and my sister struggle and...
    blackskys blackskys 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 12, 2012

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    Used To

    I used to cut my self about 4 months ago. Thanks to one of my good friends, I quit. I used to take long baths, and go in there with a plastic knife, and cut my self. I still have scars to this very day, but always stressed of people finding out. Every once and a while I cut my...
    toughchick101 toughchick101 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2010

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    I

    its still so tempting i dont know how long i will last. when i started cutting i guess i kind of built myself up to it, got brave enough. one day i stepped on a mirror in my room and instead of cleaning it up, i left it there. it layed there on that floor for a month...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 3, 2009

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    Related Experiences

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    I used to self harm.. It was bad. For a long time I felt and still feel as if I ruined my self. My boyfriend taught me how to love myself again the way I used to when I was little...
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    I am very self destructive. I eat too much...or used to...used to cut myself, had sex with numerous people & didn't know most of them...didn't really care at the time. I gamble...
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    I remember who I was before I turned into the person I am now. I used to be nice, innocent and selfless until my parents divorced, i got cheated on by my past boyfriends and lied...
    99Problems99 99Problems99 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 22

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    There was a time when I used to self harm, yes. I looked at a blade as a distraction from the hell we call a mind, but all it seemed to do was cause drama among friends, family...
    KellySweetzz KellySweetzz 13-15, F 1 Response Sep 29

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    I use to cut my self to try an get my mum to notice me. It never worked I even got to the point were I was cutting my arms in front of her, she never once tried to stop me, I even...
    10hayleigh85 10hayleigh85 26-30, F a week ago

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    I'm two months clean of self harm.. Yet I've always wanted to find a guy who does/ is recovering from self harm.. So we can help each other and get stronger together..
    xxshishixx xxshishixx 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    On the 21 Oct it will be exactly 1-year since I moved out. I'm thinking a lot about this year. It's been the hardest year of my life! Everyone said that divorce is tough. But I...
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    Im not a native english speaker so sorry for mistakes. Well where do i start? In the beginning i was just extremely extrovert and wanted to know everything. I've teached reading...
    IncarnationofRealism IncarnationofRealism 16-17, M 1 Response Oct 5

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    As a person who is absolutely proud of being able to deal with difficult or unpleasant people with grace, I have hit the wall with dealing with my mother in law. Here is a woman...
    Xiramat Xiramat 26-30, F Sep 22

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    I've slowed down on taking selfies... I used to take a lot more.
    aparadiso08 aparadiso08 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 22

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    It used to be for a reason, which I prefer not to state yet. But now it's like a drug, an addiction. Like I'm yearning for it, I want to cut. I want to feel the blade cutting my...
    CurvyBones17 CurvyBones17 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 28

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    Used to. Used to.. Kicking the habit.. Uff..
    akaKitten akaKitten 16-17, F 3 Responses Oct 2

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    I use several highly restrictive browser addons for parental controls at maximum settings and save them with a deliberately mistyped password. This blocks me permanently from...
    waterfoxer waterfoxer 16-17, M 1 Response Oct 4

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    I don't know if any of you will read this but anyways. Hi, i am Melanie, 15 years old, and i used to be a really happy girl. Probably the happiest you've ever seen. I've never...
    MelanieLeClair MelanieLeClair 13-15, F 8 Responses Oct 6

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    People always use to say **** about me at school, now I reckon I struggle with a lot of things in the fear of being judged. I associate to no1 who did this to me, yet I still...
    mattys1 mattys1 18-21, M Oct 9

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    yesterday i took a test in my math class and i literally couldn't get past the third question. My knowledge on the subject is not enough. i had no idea how to solve the problems...
    eAngeliqueXX eAngeliqueXX 13-15, F Oct 11

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    I used to self harm.. When my parents found out they made fun of me. And yelled at me.. So if you're sad that you disappointed your parents just be happy they didn't make fun of...
    oxoxJillianxoxo oxoxJillianxoxo 13-15, F a week ago

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    I'm so frustrated now because I feel so lost and just useless and worthless and I need to cry! My bestfriends all have their own issues and I don't want to pressure them. Also when...
    Dyingdolphin Dyingdolphin 16-17, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Does he care about me? I understand he needs to be there for hid family but if he's so busy I don't understand why he's keeping me around when I'm probably just a burden he says he...
    sammipudd sammipudd 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    I'm so glad, Im stronger and more self confident and I can look at my self in the mirror again and not want to look away ashamed at myself. I'm slowly improving as each day passes...
    tigersfan195 tigersfan195 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I really want to get in to Healing Crystals. I think it's really interesting but I don't have enough money for large crystals. Does anybody know of a website that has small sized...
    gglz18 gglz18 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I used to self harm. I haven't since August and I've been trying so hard not to since then. But sometimes, the temptation comes back and I find it nearly impossible to keep my...
    LexyMarie LexyMarie 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Gentle is weatherproof with black powder coated aluminum housing and durable UV resistant polycarbonate lensThe connector can only go on one way. The wedge is towards the Computer...
    Anthony825d5cr0 Anthony825d5cr0 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 23

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    Used to be. Used to have real insecurities about how I looked. Or stuff if say. Then one day. I realised that I'd never been in trouble with the law. I'd never cheated on anyone. I...
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M Sep 24

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    I used to be so sure about myself! There was a time in school and college and even after that, I used to feel I could conquer the world. But now everyday I get up I don't feel any...
    TotallyDrowning TotallyDrowning 26-30, M 1 Response Sep 25

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    Any person who has truly found God in their life would have to say the same! Once you are “born again,” your life takes on a new meaning. It is a spiritual cleansing that...
    QuickandtheDead QuickandtheDead 46-50, M Sep 26

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    I'll be honest, I am depressed and an unhappy person, but when I think about how I was an a**hole only a few years ago, I am happy I changed my life. I lost my self trying to fit...
    Ozz210 Ozz210 26-30, M 6 Responses Oct 7

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    I've already shared a few stories on this experience but one more won't hurt. As some may know, if they've read my writings from the past, I use to cut myself with little remorse...
    ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola 22-25, F Oct 9

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    Hello so as most of you no i am a strict dad that has 6 kids. When my kids misbehave they earn there self a over the knee spanking with my hand now most of the time the spankings...
    stevens975 stevens975 36-40, M 1 Response a week ago

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    Green Day I heard it all before So don't knock down my door I'm a loser and a user so I don't need no accuser To try and slag me down because I know you're right So go do what you...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I know, or think I know, that I'm not really "selfish," at least not any more than most, and probably (maybe) less than most. But I also can't help feeling that that bar is much...
    shannonymous shannonymous 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I think this is an issue many women have gone through some time in their life. When I was young I hated the way that I looked I was the tall scrawny looking girl in my elementary...
    Morenita79 Morenita79 31-35, F 2 Responses Sep 24

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    I started selfharming August 27, 2013 It was just a few little scratches on my wrist and I liked it, so I kept doing it. They hardly even bled but it helped alot my mom saw them...
    Fatteristheshit Fatteristheshit 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 27

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    Most of the time, I just wanted to be here I know it's not the right thing to do but I needed an escape. My sister just tried to come over and talk but I don't want anyone to come...
    Concerto Concerto 22-25, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I never wanted to self harm. I thought "This is stupid, why would anyone do this?" Then at sixteen, after an awful fight with my stepfather about an ex-boyfriend, I knew why. I...
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F 2 days ago

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