I Used to Cut Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 584 People

    My Cutting Experience

    It was a craving that seemed to come from my body itself.  It was at a time when in a year I had lost my second trimester fetus and I had lost my husband in that grief.   I always thought I was especially blessed and I began to question that.  I began having...
    sarahleigh9 sarahleigh9
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Feb 20, 2007

    Trying To Get Rid Of The Scars

    The last few months were a depressing time for me. I binged and I purged, and I'd cut to cope with emotions. Now it's nearly summer and I wear long sleeves in public, but I don't regret it - even though I have some raised ones on one arm that look kind of bad. I still get urges...
    YtilaerEpacse YtilaerEpacse
    22-25, F
    Apr 28, 2013

    Beneath me

    I started cutting to remind myself of the pain I felt. I would draw a straight line on my forearm and watch it turn red. I didn't have the balls to push the blade in too deep, but the semi-soft lines I made still left their mark. Like a tally board they started to add up and I...
    Lonneke Lonneke
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Jul 13, 2007

    I haven't done it in like a year

    and I promised myself I would never do it again. But I did something really stupid that could have ruined everything so I felt like I needed to punish myself So... I did it tonight But I couldn't find the thing that i used to do it with so I had to improvise. It didn't work...
    Pooh1993 Pooh1993
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Mar 1, 2015

    I Haven'T Been Feeling So Well Latley

    It has been 3 years 2 months and 13 days since the last time i cut. That's an accomplishment that i never hoped to come close to. There are long stretches of a time when i don't even think about what i've given up I don't remember that it was a coping technique (and addiction...
    Shierke Shierke
    26-30, F
    Feb 13, 2013

    I Used to Cut Myself

    because i was an outcast and a loner i didnt care bout anything. i still wanna soemtimes because being a mom and a wife scares me.
    LilMama06 LilMama06
    22-25, F
    1 Response Apr 3, 2007

    Hurting, Inside and Out

    Used to or still do? This time I've refrained for almost a month. But it only takes one slip up to throw your progress out the window, having to admit you're an addict again... I know most people who don't cut don't understand that cutting is a serious addiction...
    persnickety54 persnickety54
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Mar 22, 2007

    Pain to Numb Pain

    Self-mutilation. It's an interesting and complex subject, wouldn't you agree? And yet for those of us who cut, the reasons why are so simple..... we cut because we hurt. It's a paradox, no? One that so many have much trouble understanding, but one that cannot be fully understood...
    bluehaiku bluehaiku
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jan 21, 2009

    My Secret Lover (2)

    I Said goodbye to my secret lover a year ago, ready to be finished with his whispered promises and lies. When the night is still and there is nothing around me but silence and questions that cannot be answered, he calls to me. I can feel his smooth cool touch, caressing my...
    Shierke Shierke
    26-30, F
    Aug 16, 2011

    I "just" Quit... That's All?

    I feel like the last day I cut myself was years and years ago but that's not true and it's funny. Or pathetic. Whatever. So about the title. Many people say it was hard to quit cutting and yet I say, "I just quit!". Well yes, I still have that need. And the thought...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Dec 12, 2009

    Walking Frontwards Backwards

    Lately the urge to cut has been overwhelming at times. I haven't done anything serious....just a few little things here and there. Too many people watching me on this end to get away with much. I know it's because I hurt. I know its because I haven't come to terms with my...
    bluehaiku bluehaiku
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Apr 2, 2009

    Once Upon a Time

    I think the first time I cut myself I was about 10 years old. I'd never heard of cutting or anything like that, but I was constantly depressed, and tried to do things like carve a guy's name into my hand. It didn't work because I didn't have anything sharp enough, but I managed...
    Nymor Nymor
    18-21, T
    1 Response Sep 17, 2006

    Lonely Days

    wow where do i start. i guess i was never really the "type" of person who cutted. most see cutters as (don't mean to be stereotypical) Gothic or emo but i was totally pretty and pink smiles and bright eye shadow i did cheer leading and volleyball but on the other side i...
    simplyXcinderella simplyXcinderella
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 25, 2008

    I used to cut myself everyday

    for two years. When my mom finally caught on she said I either stop or she sends me to a psychiatric facility. Thanks mom you were really there when I needed you.....
    Anomaly228 Anomaly228
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 18, 2015

    When I Was Younger...

    Hello, I am not sure when exactly it started or why, but it became quite a problem. To this day only a few close people to me know the truth about all the scars hidden on my body (wonderfully now covered with tattoos). I am not a big fan of discussing why or when or how...
    kenorapilot kenorapilot
    26-30, M
    Jul 16, 2010

    Shards Of Glass

    I guess you could say I "used to cut myself." But then again, you'd probably just say that I do cut myself. It started when I was eleven going on twelve. I was in that awkward stage where you meet people on the internet. I met a girl - now I'm absolutely positive that she was a...
    allisonwonderlandx allisonwonderlandx
    13-15, F
    Jul 20, 2011

    Crying Red Tears.

    In high school I was very troubled. I ran away from home at the tender age of 16, and the although I tried to act tough, I was crying on the inside all along. I  don't know how I first found out about cutting my self, I think it started as a cry for help. I wanted someone to...
    rescueangel rescueangel
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Feb 15, 2007

    Its Hard

    I haven't cut since last tuesday, but I have the biggest urges ever. Right now I have a huge urge, but that's why I'm sharing my story so hopefully it will go away. It's really an addiction and it's hard to stop. It's just a way to cope with your problems, even though it's not...
    flyxleaf20 flyxleaf20
    16-17
    1 Response Feb 4, 2008

    This is the first time I am sharing this with

    anyone voluntarily. I have tried so many times to share what I did to myself, but each time I read everyone else's stories, I becomes so upset and guilty that I run off. not today. I'm not sure why I used to cut, I have a hundred theories, and perhaps a bit of each of them is...
    asa130030 asa130030
    18-21, F
    Jan 30, 2014

      Its been a long time

    since I last cut myself. Though I still get urges now and then, but I have learned to deal with them and hopefully I will never pick the blade to slash my skin again. I have the support of my amazing friends with me and I can't be more thanful for that. Nadz
    apersonlikeme apersonlikeme
    18-21, M
    Nov 9, 2015

    So I used to cut myself

    and at first I thought maybe it was for feeling bad and trying to replace it with pain but now I think that and it could be I like it maybe or it's a way of showing myself I'm real and this life is real. But idk anymore, but I haven't done it in over a year but the want came...
    thad1992 thad1992
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Mar 20, 2014

    One Regret

    It started not to long it was late at night, and I was texting my EX we were arguing over the same **** he always accuses me of cheating or being with another guy anywho. I was really dealing with alot family issues and love life issues, I can't really explain to you what else...
    sewiinxo sewiinxo
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 27, 2013

    My Story

    My entire childhood, I was sort of out of it.  Never really was aware what was going on around me.. Too such an extent that I didn't know what day of the week it was... I just went where people told me to go, when I was told to.  It wasn't until much later that I...
    Lucid Lucid
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Aug 5, 2007

    Pain is the one feeling I am certain exists I

    was taught to know we all have our own pain Never being sure if anyone held happiness Watching the people lugging around empty smiles around their "loved" ones Flashing their true sadness to strangers through distorted frowns and angry outbursts Reminiscing on all the good...
    brickhole brickhole
    18-21, F
    Mar 14

    so, when I was young,

    like in 2nd grade or so, I finally got to use scissors. I loved them. they were so fascinating to me. I took them everywhere I went. so with that being said, I decided I needed a new haircut. snip. I cut some of my hair off. then one day, I was getting hot in my long selves...
    ThatOneBlackGurl ThatOneBlackGurl
    18-21, F
    Dec 7, 2014

    Wonders Of My Heart

    Wonders of my Heart and the Effects on People Who in witch i Love with a deep Love I wonder how bad or how good of an effect would it bee if i was not born how many lives have i effected in both a good and negative way. i really plan on leaving here one day and returning home...
    Godslaoutreach Godslaoutreach
    22-25
    Jan 15, 2013

    Quitting

    I use to cut at least once a day, I want to quit, I am going to quit. Starting to today, I will never cut again, or burn myself, or try to harm myself in anyway, I have a long life ahead of me, HOPEFULLY and I'm going to live it. Happy and pain free. Like I said I use to cut...
    BrokenBrook BrokenBrook
    22-25
    Feb 22, 2013

    Ca Jan 1999

    i think the title says it all.  i wrote this sometime in Jan of '99. Maze of  cuts still healing, A spider-web of lines That once wept tears of scarlet blood, Both pure and unrefined.  A guilty sense of sweet relief Accompanies the pain, Of silver...
    SunnyKris SunnyKris
    26-30, F
    1 Response Nov 28, 2007

    Not A Good Feeling

    I haven't cut since march 10 2010 and I'm so proud of myself cause my journey with self harm has been very tough and stressful and long. I'm going to a good school and I have a good job, and I'm very lonely because I isolate myself and smoke weed. For the last several days I have...
    lovesuckss lovesuckss
    18-21
    2 Responses Nov 5, 2011

    I Was Just Another Emo Kid.....

    I stopped cutting about 10 months ago. I havent done it since. I remember people calling emo all the time. It hurts before you start because the pain is overwhelming that it makes hurting your self an option...it hurts during the cutting; hiding the scars and the pain from...
    lovelybonez17 lovelybonez17
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Aug 20, 2008

    Sadness

    I have not cut myself in a very long time and i never thought i would do it again until this past saturday.  I was very close and if it wasn't for that fact that i got so drunk i think i would have.  My ex-boyfriend came by to get the rest of his stuff.  While he...
    clancyfan clancyfan
    22-25, F
    1 Response Oct 31, 2006

    A New Beginning.

    Im 14. I was 11 the first time I cut. They were little cuts, barely breaking the skin. As time went on, they got deeper. Bigger. I used razors, drawing compasses, knives, anything sharp. I did it everyday for 2 years, sometimes twice a day. I cut my thighs, my stomach, my sides...
    MamaBreanne MamaBreanne
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 11, 2013

    Isn't Worth It

    This feeling's like a drug In which I can't escape It feeds my very senses It seals my very fate No matter what I do to stop it It always comes back for more Till I'm done and exhausted Trying to pick myself up off the floor I hate it that I like it I just want it to...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Aug 22, 2011

    Time Passes But Scars Remain.

    I did it. I cut myself. Over and over, and I thought by doing so I was gaining some sense of control over my whirl-wind lifestyle: binge drinking, sleeping around, snorting white powders. All I gained from the cutting was a permanent reminder of all of the  horrid things I...
    wonderlust wonderlust
    31-35, F
    8 Responses Oct 3, 2007

    I Just Did

    I wish so much I don't do this but sometmes the pain overwhelms me and I do it to calm down. I hate the pain. It feels like a fist grabbing whole of my heart and squeezing so tight that I can't breathe and am gasping. I can't talk to anyone, i.e., friends and family as...
    paperclip paperclip
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Mar 16, 2007

    I use to do it to be able to get the anger out

    from all the stuff what went on at school People saying stuff about you isn't always easy to listen to . You don't always want to talk to people so being able to get the anger out helps Not always the right way but .... Sometime u don no any other way
    Lisalocket1225 Lisalocket1225
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 19, 2014

    The Scars Are There to Remind Me

    it all started when i was 11,everything got really bad(in my mind) and i was always so sad and upset for no particular reason.I started cutting myself so i wouldn't start talking about my problems,I just kept everything inside instead. It started off with a few scratches once a...
    keepitinside keepitinside
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Mar 20, 2007

    I've not cut for years now.

    The coolest part was talking to a tattoo artist who so calmly without any judgement said "I can help you cover those, it'll look great". I was getting a tat on my ankle (my 5th) and we were talking about more skin to tat bc in a professional and can't use my arms. He mentioned...
    bren0413 bren0413
    31-35, F
    Nov 10, 2014

    It's been many years.

    since those bad times. When I was weak Scared I didn't know how to be alone People told me I would see my scars Relive those feelings. But today. I remember. Sure I was ridiculed, told I was crazy. But those were not the people who impacted me. The ones I remember Were...
    thebeautifulprincess thebeautifulprincess
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Oct 2, 2014

    I Miss The Drip

    I use to cut, quite a few years ago. Last time was at a mental hospital ironically. Was with a staple from a pamphlet about STDs. I remember that it wasn't the same as my friend, the razor blade. I don't miss cutting all the time, but on occasion I wish I could do it again. I...
    ToxicLove89 ToxicLove89
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jul 23, 2011

    I first cut myself my sophomore year of high

    school, and pretty much every year after that. But the last time I can't was 15 months ago! Yeah I still have those urges but I don't think I need to cut.
    sasuke2121 sasuke2121
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 30, 2015

    They Call My Name

    I use to cut a lot, over 7 times a day and whenever I could. At school, at home, in the bath, didn't matter. I like pain and it was soothing, comforting, and I was in control of something. I stopped not because I wanted to but because I was 'found out'. Of course I feel like it...
    queerwinter queerwinter
    18-21
    Jan 27, 2012

    I Still Feel The Urge.

    I've been free for almost 3 years now, but I feel the urge often. The other day I was playing around with my boyfriend's knife and I just wanted to slice my skin... it's such a compulsion even now. It's amazing, in a way, that it's still something so strong within me. But I...
    fauxsemblance fauxsemblance
    22-25
    2 Responses Oct 22, 2011

    the Serenity of Blood...

    I never tried to kill myself. Honestly, the thought of dieing scares me. But I have thought of what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. I have been through a lot of stress in my life. Painful times. Always searching for a way to let it out. I used to think that people...
    cinymin cinymin
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Oct 25, 2006

    It's been so long, but the scars are still

    there. Sometimes I forget, and when I look down, I'm taken aback. It's not as if their presence brings back sharp, painful memories... they are more inclined to stir feelings of confusion. I really don't understand how I could have ever done this to myself, to my own precious...
    bowlofsurreal bowlofsurreal
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 23, 2015

    The urge never goes away.

    As a matter of fact, I kind of want to cut right now. Since I quit I never have, but when I feel bad and have no outlet for my feelings, cutting again does get tempting. I get really angry when people dismiss cutters by saying that they're "just doing it for attention." Say...
    SpilledSecrets SpilledSecrets
    26-30, F
    Oct 29, 2014

    I first tested my limits

    when I was a freshman in High School. Call me a drama queen or an attention-***** (because thats what my friends called other people who cut themselves. I haven't told them about me), but I first cut when I was upset after my parents yelling at me. For the next few months, I was...
    CHiVE44 CHiVE44
    18-21, F
    Feb 2, 2014

    I used cut myself. I had a really tough time

    in my life when i was super duper depressed. It was horrible. I did a lot of things that i regret but the one thing I regret most was cutting. I have scars on my thighs. Only a few people know so I can't wear swim suits with out shorts over them. I hate that I have to hide them...
    dorksarecute dorksarecute
    16-17, F
    Jul 19, 2015

    I'm quite a bit older

    than most of you in here but I too have a problem with cutting. It's hard to deny the waves of relief I crave from cutting but I haven't cut for weeks and plan to keep it that way. It's not easy though.
    reluctantamazon reluctantamazon
    36-40, F
    Feb 2, 2015

    I Cut For 20 Years

    I started cutting when I was twelve, it took me till I was 32 to stop. Sometimes I could go for months without cutting but I would always do something else that was self-destructive in its place. If I wasn't cutting I was starving myself or purging. For the first time since I was...
    trhodes trhodes
    31-35, F
    1 Response Dec 13, 2007

    Addicted

    it all started about 2 and half years ago. i was in year 8 at a private school and i was having all sorts of problems with my friends. some hated me, some hated my best friends, some were spreading really nasty rumours. My friend told me she had started cutting herself after her...
    dearlydemented dearlydemented
    16-17, F
    20 Responses Aug 25, 2006

    Show The Pain.

    I have cutmyself on and off for most of my life. Anytime the inner pain i was feeling got too much i used to use it as an outlet. Everyone always told me my problems were silly and that i wasnt really feeling hurt or pain. So it started off as a way of showing them that i was...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jul 21, 2011
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