I Usually Don't Like Blonde Jokes But

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 22 People

    A blonde decides to learn

    and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Mar 17, 2014

    Why are you yelling that?

    A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!" In the second room, she told the painter she would like it...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 15, 2014

    Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

    A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 18, 2014

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe

    and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    Jun 22, 2015

    Still SingleFred is 32 years old

    and he is still single.One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."His friend thinks...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Dec 21, 2013

    The Interview A blonde goes

    for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' The interviewer tries another straightforward one to...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 9, 2014

    Two blondes were driving along a road by a

    wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 28, 2014

    Do you know where you were going?

    A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 15, 2014

    Why?

    Why do some blondes only think about sex? Because they're dirty blondes
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 30, 2013

    One-eyed Blonde

    One-Eyed Blonde Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one o
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 24, 2013

    Blonde Goes Flying

    A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 24, 2013

    How do you kill a blonde?

    Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 11, 2014

    The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask

    how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready. A few weeks later she was back in the store and the salesman asked her how...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jan 22, 2014

    Three women are about to be executed

    for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 17, 2014

    A blonde police officer stops a blonde driver,

    Officer: Can i see your drivers license? Driver: yeah i think i have one of those, what does it look like? Officer: It's rectangle is shape and has your face on it. Driver: Oh, okay, *pulls out mirror*, here you go. Officer: *looks at reflection*, I'm sorry ma'am, i didn't know...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 27, 2014

    Q: Born that way How do you confuse a blonde?

    A: You don't. They're born that way.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 16, 2014

    Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a

    nightclub but why couldn't they get in? A: The sign said "must be 18 to enter".
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 9, 2014

    "TGIF"

    Q: Why do blondes have “TGIF” on their shoes? A: “Toes go in first.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 25, 2013

    Two blondes went to the pound

    where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 17, 2014

    On a TV quiz-game the presenter asks a blonde

    participant: - Now here come the question for you from a science and nature field. The question is: if you were in a vacuum and someone called your name, could you here it? The blonde thinks for a little while and asks: - Is the vacuum ON or OFF?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 9, 2014

    A brunette goes to the doctor

    and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts." He asks "What do you mean?" So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!" The doctor looks at her and asks, "Your really blonde, aren''t you...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 19, 2014

    There was a boy who liked a blonde

    and so one day he finally got the courage to ask her out. He said "Would you go out with me?" She looked confused and said "Where are we going?"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 8, 2014

    Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

    A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 7, 2014

    A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking

    about what they would do if they went to space. The redhead said, "I would adopt a martian." The brunette said, "I would give Pluto some steroids." The Blonde said, "I would go to the sun." The redhead replied, "But you would burn up and die." The blonde responded, "Not if I...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 9, 2014

    Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?

    A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 9, 2014

    A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific

    accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 17, 2014

    The Outback Virgin! A woman of 40 wants to

    get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 6, 2014

    Q: What's the difference between a blonde

    and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 18, 2014

    Three blondes were walking through the forest

    when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 17, 2014

    Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

    A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 21, 2014

    Q: What did the blonde say

    when she saw a herd of elephants with sunglasses on? A: Nothing, she didn't recognize them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 19, 2014

    On the JobThree women

    who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 21, 2013

    M & M Factory Q: Why did the dumb blonde get

    fired from the M&M company? A: Because she throw away all the w's
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 12, 2014

    Blonde Sunday Q: Why did the blonde think it

    was Sunday? A: Because the sun was out.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 18, 2014

    Q: What does a blonde have in common with a

    noodle? A: They both wiggle when you eat them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 18, 2014

    A blonde goes on a hot date

    and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 23, 2014

    A blonde get's in her car

    and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 10, 2014

    Two blondes are driving to Disneyland.

    As they get close, they see a road sign that says, "Disneyland, left." So they turned around and went home.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 17, 2014

    A blonde was speeding on the highway

    when a police car pulled her over. The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse ma'am, could I please see your driving license and registration." The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 6, 2014

    Playing Solitaire A blonde got a deck of

    playing cards as a gift but she couldn't find anyone to play solitaire with.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 13, 2014

    Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer,

    down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 8, 2014

    What's in the bag? A redhead,

    a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 15, 2014

    Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of

    frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 21, 2014

    Gloria the blonde once heard

    that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk. When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order. Gloria came to the...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 17, 2014

    She was tired of everyone thinking

    that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart. In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 28, 2014
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