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I Want to Cut Again

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 56 People

    Craving The Numbness

    I want to feel the release of air from my chest that I hold tight as the blade touches my skin and leaving a trail of rubies. The feeling is ecstasy. Powerful. Rebellious. Control. Everything I love. It's the gasp of air when being under the surface for too long. But I'v held the...
    canyoutellmetheanswer canyoutellmetheanswer
    Mar 7, 2013

    Such A Fool

    Its long and complicated, but at this point in my life, I don't have a whole lot going for me. I had gone almost two years without cutting but I made a bad financial decision that left me completely broke and I have nobody to blame but myself this time. I've been alone for the...
    berryjoel berryjoel
    Sep 10, 2012

    I Still Do.

    i relapsed not long ago, a few weeks i think. ive been having the urge to cut everyday but i try to control it, not stop it but not cut everyday like i use to. im having that feeling right now.....i have it EVERYDAY. maybe not all day but i think about it. im good at faking happy...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Sep 29, 2009


    I'm so paranoid. So depressed. So worried. I hide in my room while my parents watch a movie, I just hunted for my pocket knife, but remembered it's in my dorm room. My boyfriend is six hours away at his home, and I can't help but worry that he's going to drink too much and do...
    hammersandstrings hammersandstrings
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Nov 26, 2010

    Urge To Cut...

    im 18, i stopped cutting for like 6 months it was all going well until things turned bad. i need to cut soo bad feel the rush of relief swallow me whole into the numbness. I threw away my blade months ago now i want it soo bad im desperately trying to find a new one in my house...
    lostanddelirious1 lostanddelirious1
    18-21, F
    May 12, 2012

    It's So Hard

    lately i've been so anxiety-ridden, and I want to do SOMETHING when I'm having panic attacks. I don't want to cut though because I'm afraid what my fiance will say and think when he sees the cuts, which he woul definatly see. I'm really running out of ways to release my stress...
    AngelaDark AngelaDark
    31-35, F
    Nov 22, 2007

    It Wasn't A Sickness For Me.

    It's really hard to explain, but back when I was cutting, I got such a thrill out of it.  Yeah, I started because I wanted to punish myself for being a what I thought was a bad person, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I wasn't punishing...
    RazrGoth RazrGoth
    22-25, T
    1 Response Dec 7, 2009

    I Can't Do It Again

    Because then I would be a total failure to myself. I tried so hard to get out of it, I worked so hard, for so long... But sometimes that urge is so hard to ignore.
    possibly possibly
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 2, 2008

    Anger And The Rollercoaster

    on mood stabilizing medicine, i've been wanting to cut everyday all day anyway. it's the toughest when i get as angry as i am right now. cutting is the only release i've ever known. but now i cant do it freely. my mom, psychiatrist, counselor, family, they're all aware of it, IM...
    ShadowsAndLights ShadowsAndLights
    18-21, F
    Aug 13, 2012


    I have this urge. Just to grab my box cutter, and cutting today. Its like, something I so badly want to do, something that will make me focus on something else, something that will make me feel alive. I am so numb, yet hurting so much at the same time. I just want to cut so bad...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Aug 13, 2010

    HELL No. ...

    HELL no. I've never cut, never will.
    sondosia sondosia
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 2, 2007

    I haven't cut since April

    or so, but right now, I'm feeling really bad urges to do it. Really bad ones. I just sat in my shower for thirty minutes listening to music and staring at what I was going to use to do it. But I didn't. But I still want to. Really badly. I want more scars, I want deep scars, I...
    deleted deleted
    Oct 26, 2014

    I Can't...

    The last 7 months would have been useless, if I wouldn't have stopped cutting. And now I should start again? No, I mustn't. I simply must not do it again.
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jan 13, 2008

    I Thought I Got Better..

    It's been almost 4 years since i last cut and I've never wanted to cut so bad until today. I don't know why but I've been so sick i don't know whats going on with me. I started getting nauseous and so i started to take anti nausea, well not really it was just walgreens dramamine...
    amurphy999 amurphy999
    22-25, F
    Dec 10, 2012

    I Get Like This At Points...

    I get to the point that I sometimes I just want to cut myself, and let all the pain and suffering go away. Cutting has always been something that makes me feel better, sure its not always the safest way of getting things out, but it does help, it gets my mind off the other pain...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jun 7, 2009


    I want to cut again soooo bad. It had been 8 months since I've done it. and now I'm really lonely and feel like i have no control over whats going on in my life...i need to cut. I want to feel again. i want to feel in control again. i need to feel something. I am so...
    artistofharmony1986 artistofharmony1986
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jul 25, 2009

    Twisted Wishes

    I want it so badly now. THe trouble is...doing it wth anything blunt like a regular kitchen knife makes me queasy. The feel of the skin rolling before it cuts freaks me out. My best friend in the world was the box cutter I bough just for this reason but Dracos took it and hid it...
    bellflowerjedemase bellflowerjedemase
    Feb 11, 2011

    In Short...

    I want to bad..I haven't for a while. I've been really trying to stay away from it. But nothing else is working. I'm so drained. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate. I feel like I'm stuck in this hopeless cycle. Like I shouldn't even try to stop it because it...
    behindthescenes1 behindthescenes1
    18-21, F
    Nov 1, 2012

    I Want To Cut. Right Now. So Bad

    i havent cut, in almost 5 months, i broke the habit but now i got used and played with AGAIN and i want to cut bad its a horrible urge....i cant control it anymore. i dont want to cut i dont want the scars im only 16 its so much pressure but i feel like i have too
    hiddenbabe hiddenbabe
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 3, 2011

    I Want To Cut The **** Out Of My Arm

    Just got a new job.. can wear long sleeves. cutting my wrists is the only escape. i only get the desired effect cutting my arms and wrist. i hate this i want to..i neeed to cut. i am addicted to drugs and alchohol but i have been sober for 62 days today so i cant do that to...
    tsafbrat tsafbrat
    Mar 8, 2011

    Why Is It So Cold?

    I was fine this whole weekend, even at that ******* choir camp, but noo, then I had to go and see a ******* PICTURE of him on the campus website. I guess this is just whatever god's way of rubbing it in my face that I am a pathetic musician and that HE will always be better...
    lntel lntel
    Apr 29, 2012


    Why does the feeling of a freshly sharp blade, lacerating through my skin seem to be the one thing that makes me feel better right away? i haven't cut in about 2 years. two long years. yet it is still the one thing on my mind every time i get mad, sad, overly happy, depressed...
    Winniebug13 Winniebug13
    22-25, F
    Jul 2, 2013


    I'm in a really dark place. I want to start cutting again, it's the only thing besides...... I'm trying really hard not to. I'm trying to fight it, but i feel useless...
    sodark sodark
    22-25, F
    Dec 17, 2009


    I've been self harming for over 7 years now. I deal with anxiety and severe depression. I haven't cut in about a week now, I even gave away my tools to my friend so I couldn't. But I found a new one. I'm sitting here having a panic attack, sobbing, feeling so alone. I need...
    melissurrz melissurrz
    Dec 14, 2012


    I push myself for you to keep you happy, to see that smile on your face you don’t seem to ever appreciate it you probably can’t imagine how tough it is for me to put my emotions behind your needs you push me into a corner till I have to lie just to get some space for my...
    ShadowsAndLights ShadowsAndLights
    18-21, F
    Aug 14, 2012

    But I Dont

    i dont want to go back there. im begging myself not to push me back there. i cant. it hurts so much. i cant do it all again. i cant go through stopping again. im just not coping anymore. all i seem able to think about is the rape. its been so long since i did it. january i...
    Tesse Tesse
    18-21, F
    5 Responses Apr 27, 2008

    Ah I See

    wanna cut agian tho my familly is around me so ill do it tonight before i pop off to sleep heheheh :D
    ccdo ccdo
    22-25, F
    Nov 18, 2009


    i want to cut. i want a release! i can keep getting drunk every night and day when i feel like this or i can give in and make it go away for another 6-12 months...  and see that look in Patrick's eyes again. that look will break me if seen again. IT, would make it go...
    lifeispoetry lifeispoetry
    18-21, F
    Aug 19, 2008

    I Want To Feel

    I get so down, I have PTSD and depression and I try to stay active so it wont bother me. I've cut before but it always progresses to more, like burning or tearing my skin. Life seems so dull and numb, I want to feel...
    wyoutlaw wyoutlaw
    22-25, M
    Sep 18, 2012


    I couldn't resist it. The urge was too much. Even this summer, when I was in a bathing suit around pre-teens who I was responsible for (as a camp counselor), I looked at the scars on my thighs with a kind of pride (mixed with the shame of being a bad example to those kids...I...
    AnnieSki AnnieSki
    1 Response Feb 20, 2012

    My History

    I started when I was about 14. I didn't even use a knife, I had a bracelet with a sharp edge that I rubbed back and forth until the skin broke. Back then I thought that horizontal lines were suicide, so I did vertical lines...which obviously excited a TON of concern with my...
    AnnieSki AnnieSki
    Feb 20, 2012


    I found this site a few weeks ago when I started thinking about cutting so much more than I have in a long time. I promised my therapist this week that I wouldn't do anything. I haven't in years now, but have really, really wanted to lately. As soon as I promised, I regretted it...
    treese treese
    Sep 24, 2010

    Black Rainbows.

    I feel as though I’m trapped in a city of lifeless emotions and black rainbows. The clouds seem to shine more than the atmosphere of this place. The smell of judgment and pain is filling my nose. The streets are all clogged with broken images of who I am. I’m so lost in a...
    ShadowsAndLights ShadowsAndLights
    18-21, F
    Aug 14, 2012
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