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I Want to Cut Myself Now

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,685 People

    I've been clean for two months,

    but honestly I don't want to be anymore, I need to, or at least I feel like I need to, I just need it ti stop, I need to feel okay again at least for a little while. I know I should think of what'll happen if I cut again after this long clean (longest clean I've been in three...
    irishlassy98 irishlassy98 16-17, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I don't even know why.

    I think seeing the scars and newest cuts on my hip set me off. I just...I don't know!!! Music can only help so much. I want to sit here and scratch at my hip but I can't exactly do that in class. I feel the need to carry my blade with me everyday now, but I don't think I can...
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 18-21 1 Response May 6, 2014

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    Sigh. This just isn't getting any easier,

    is it? I'm so tempted to take that nice fresh new blade out of the only pencil sharpener that I have that's never been taken apart... I keep trying to find enough reasons not to cut that it outweighs the crushing desire to do so, but I'm running out of reasons here... :/
    Yourguardianangel9613 Yourguardianangel9613 18-21, F 2 Responses May 6, 2014

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    I just don't care anymore.

    I'm starting to not care if people know. If people see. I just don't care. I feel like everyone already judges me and hates me, it wouldn't make a difference. Maybe if they knew, people would actually care. I doubt that though. The more time goes on, the worse it gets. People...
    thoughtfulstars thoughtfulstars 13-15, F 1 Response May 16, 2014

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    I lost my razor and was about a good 2 month

    since I have cut myself. I felt like part of myself was missing when I lost it. I sometimes have this urge to cut myself. Then I don't. But I suddenly did. And it felt empty and whole. Like a happy medium. It feels right and yet I know it's so wrong.
    NocturnalMiss23 NocturnalMiss23 26-30, F Feb 27

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    merrianneyeah merrianneyeah 13-15, F 4 Responses Jun 8, 2014

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    Beautiful

              I'm possessed. My whole life is focused on this one thing: cutting. when I'm not doing it, I'm wondering when i will again, how to hide the scars, the scabs. where am i going to get new bandages, Neosporen, razor blades. I started carrying a blade with me in my...
    screamingsilently screamingsilently 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

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    Any one has a razor .

    i really need to cut myself and see my blood . I am sick of always hurting myself from inside if I can't stop myself from inside I will do it on the outside.
    Silentsuffer Silentsuffer 13-15, F Apr 4, 2014

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    lileva lileva 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    not even going out on a Friday.

    not been to work can't face anything. FML
    CheatingTracy CheatingTracy 22-25, F 4 Responses Mar 6

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    jackalfredthegr8 jackalfredthegr8 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 17

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    I took off my bracelets

    and saw my scars and my bracelet marks too
    elephant17 elephant17 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    I have never self-harmed.

    I have delay with depression for about five years now and this is the first time cutting has ever crossed my mind. I have the sudden urge to do it and I'm very scared. I really don't know what to do.
    Tiledoqueen Tiledoqueen 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 18

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    Its been two days i cant keep it up.

    I really wanna cut and its hard to control this urge. Today wasnt the best of days and I hate myself for it. My parents hate me, im gonna flunk in my courses, and i will never be worth something for anyone to be in a relationship with. Im going to sleep, and i pray i dont wake...
    LifeOnAThread LifeOnAThread 18-21, F 8 Responses Oct 12, 2014

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    I wanna cut myself now.

    ...I messed up on so much I thought I knew things thought I had it figured out turns out I was all wrong and things r worser then what they seem
    lostbrokeheart lostbrokeheart 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 6

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    Screw pretending to be happy.

    This is EP. I can be as depressing and miserable as I want. I can't stand this. I want to slash my arm open but I can't because I have to pretend to be fine. I have to wake up each day and smile and laugh and make jokes and act like the happiest freaking kid alive when all I...
    kaleidoscopic21 kaleidoscopic21 13-15, F 5 Responses Mar 21

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    I was caught cutting

    and had no option but to stop. I'm 41 days clean and I am so triggered. I'm going insane, I really need to cut. I just don't know where. I can't cut on my wrist otherwise they'll catch me again. I'm just way too scared that they might find out again. It was bad enough the first...
    smgasf smgasf 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    There is so much **** going on with me.

    That and i done some vary ******* wrong things i feel like i deserve that pain
    Frozenfireflies Frozenfireflies 13-15, M 4 Responses Jul 12, 2014

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    There's always moments like this

    where I just have the incredible urge to cut myself. Thanks family. I love you too.
    PrincessPolarBear PrincessPolarBear 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 5

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    Being yelled at really makes me want to cut.

    My life also really makes me want to cut. And lately it's been difficult to find something that would cut deep and cause a lot of blood shed. Sometimes I feel as if I deserve the pain and blood loss. Sometimes I cry when I cut, other times I don't. I usually use scissors to cut...
    NeonPurple NeonPurple 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 9, 2014

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    Here It Goes..

    I don't know what this is.. Or who reads this, but hello! Within the past two weeks, I've started cutting. I haven't cut in four years, but now it's coming back. And the ability to be able to show what I'm feeling on the inside, on the outside, is amazing to me.. I was also...
    MaddelynneJannessa MaddelynneJannessa 18-21, F 15 Responses Oct 18, 2013

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    Can someone talk to me?

    ??? I'm feeling so alone......
    Cocosavethetatas Cocosavethetatas 22-25, F 9 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    I've gained an addiction to cutting,

    and now I HAVE to do it whether I'm sad or angry or even happy at times, when the urge hits me no matter where I am or who's around I have to do it. I do, do it.
    Tamika123 Tamika123 16-17, F 3 Responses May 9, 2014

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    Me Vs Razor

    I sat in my room staring at "my razor blade" for about 10mins feeling so lost'd and having loneliness eatting away at my soul and heart. It was drowing me and couldn't breath. I wanted to cut so bad... But I called my best friend and talk to her about it.. She cried a lot and...
    DarkAngel0309 DarkAngel0309 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 4, 2013

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    I never in a million years thought I would be

    at the point where I thought hurting myself was the only answer. But I'm there. It is the most real and terrifying thought that has ever crossed my mind. I have never actually done it. I am too afraid of the scars it will leave. But I have started pinching myself so hard that it...
    dressydreamer dressydreamer 18-21, F 6 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    It's been 3 years. I want to

    so bad. My skins practically itchy I wanna see the white flesh. The way it splits. First pink then white then full of blood. Flayed open. It'll take me away. Distract me from how alone I feel. I want to so bad But I'm afraid no one will love me if I do. And I'll be even...
    thebeautifulprincess thebeautifulprincess 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 20

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    really miss cutting so much.

    😕 that's all I've been thinking about lately..
    ashleygrierrr ashleygrierrr 13-15, F 18 Responses Jun 28, 2014

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    4 Am And Its All I Can Think About

    cutting releases endorphins-endorphins relief pain so what do we do when were sad? we cut
    sosick123 sosick123 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 1, 2013

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    Cravings

    There are some days, weeks even, where the thoughts of sliding the smooth blade of my knife into my skin flood my head. There's something so satisfying about the pain. The little teardrops of red running over the curve of my wrist. The way my teeth grit, and my eyes plead with me...
    Girlonwire Girlonwire 18-21, F 13 Responses Jul 3, 2011

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    Know The Feeling?

    I feel alone in a room full of people and cutting just sounds so good right now.
    WanderingRanger WanderingRanger 22-25, M 4 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    yeah well... life is just great.

    like anyone'd care. I'm just depressing to be around. people don't want to be around someone who brings them down. I try to act okay. but it doesn't work. I'm like the ball at the end of everyone I know's chain. I drag them down. If the ball wasn't there.. then they'd be...
    Kmarcum99 Kmarcum99 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 4

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    i cant take everything i hate myself to feel

    the cold blade across my skin see the blood dripping down to get some relief of this daily torment
    givenupforever givenupforever 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 15

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    i promised my best friend

    that i wouldnt cut myself and im 26 days clean but i just feel so empty and sad and terrible and idk i feel like cutting is the only way that i can take care of myself.
    bandsth0 bandsth0 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Hate Myself And Cut For No Reason

    I'm 16. I'm very unsociable and don't like the company of many people. I only have one really good friend, but i go to a really tough school and have to spend most of my time doing homework. I have trouble paying attention to the boring stuff they teach in that awful place, so it...
    invisiblechild0 invisiblechild0 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    I really really want to cut.

    I ****** this guy today and he started getting a little to rough so I told him I was done and to stop but he didn't listen. I kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't. Then when he was done I tried to leave but it took a long time before he would let me leave. He held me down so...
    monstertrainwreck monstertrainwreck 18-21, F 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    I hate myself for being

    so needy. so clingy. I feel so stupid for... being me. I dont want to be alone... but maybe I really am a bad girlfriend. Im trying not to cut but... I feel like I need to punish myself.
    Bigcat1697 Bigcat1697 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Just one, from my wrist to my elbow.

    That sounds like a fantastic idea.
    kimberlykhaos kimberlykhaos 22-25, F 7 Responses Apr 2

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    My daemons are screaming at me telling me I

    need to, I want to, I have to. I scream "NO!" Want to put it down but my hand just won't let go
    Error404nameunknown Error404nameunknown 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    My blade is dull and I'm digging deeper.

    I can't cut my wrist anymore, to many people are noticing. So I'm cutting my thigh.
    Adridee Adridee 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 24

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    I have been going down the list,

    and seeing what people have been posting about this and to be honest it does hurt me to read some of them. I see more post from girls then guys and I know to a point the reasons I did it up until about a year ago, were for different reasons, and I am not putting down anybody...
    mlcockrell mlcockrell 36-40, M 2 Responses Feb 24, 2014

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    Urges, urges. Seeing my scars fade is

    such a huge trigger, it makes me want to remake them. I'm 16 days clean, I miss it. I think I'll take a shower and eat something and take a nap. *******, I wish I hadn't ever started.
    Colourfi Colourfi 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 2

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    I have been clean for about 7 months.

    Ive had this missing cutting feeling for the whole time but like the past couple weeks I've been like CRAVING IT. Like my body's GONNA die without it and ands making me go crazy. I mean I'm trying not to but it's hard and all I wanna do is cut but I know if I go down that road...
    jess965 jess965 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 15

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    It's been 8 months. I still haven't had the

    guts to throw my blades away, they're like my safety blanket, always there when I need them, but I've been doing well anyway. Especially when you consider what I have had to deal with in these 8 months. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness (POTS) and wasn't able to leave the...
    anon1995 anon1995 18-21, F Mar 22

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    Our body feels pain to warn us of danger But it

    also reminds us we're alive that it can still feel That's why some of us seek it out while others choose to numb it Solitude has always been my analgesic of choice But what if feeling nothing is the worst pain of all What if sharing pain connects us to others and reminds us...
    Kate197979 Kate197979 31-35, F 1 Response Nov 15, 2014

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    I finally tell them and they dont believe it I

    show them proof they still dont and they block me over it...hes always gonna get what he wants and say what he wants to me and they wont care because they dont believe hes like that...he egs me on into cutting and tonight ill break and take it to my arms and they wont see...
    lostbrokeheart lostbrokeheart 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 26

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    school is really stressing me out.

    im feeling overwhelmed and im getting mad at myself and im having all these thoughts to just take my anger out on myself and just cut. i feel like giving up on life but i dont want to take the easy way out. i feel like complete crap. i really dont know whats wrong with me. i...
    perksofbeingdepressed perksofbeingdepressed 16-17, F 7 Responses Jan 28

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