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I Want to Die, But I Won't Kill Myself, I Promise

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 147 People

    Promise After Promise But I Want To Quit

    Will someone please tell me why I keep promising to continue in my life when all I want to do is die? It would be so much easier but I don't want to hurt my friends so I guess thats the reason why I keep promising
    kthimm12 kthimm12
    18-21, F
    Mar 14, 2011

    I Just Want To Die.

    I am a college student, with a girlfriend, good grades, a nice place to live, and a great family. I have above and beyond all the tools necessary for someone to become successful and have a happy life. Yet for some reason I want to die more than anything. It's bizarre, I have...
    cantevenpickagoodname cantevenpickagoodname
    Nov 28, 2012

    I Used to Think I Was Somebody

    i was a biker, a soldier, a parachutist, whitewater canoist, moutaineer, rockclimber, a runner, a man, father, grandfather, husband, lover, NOW, i am no more than a joke someone to be laughed at by my huge family, have no friends, whats thye point?
    deosilmage deosilmage
    51-55, M
    1 Response Sep 18, 2009

    Every Day I Pray To Die, But I Can't

    I am bipolar and have spent my entire life since age 13 mentally ill, though I did get a break between the ages of 19 and 32. I'm 61 now, and self-medicate with alcohol plus all of my many psyche drugs. Up until the age of 58, I had a lot of professional success, but somehow...
    Bwettergreen1 Bwettergreen1
    Nov 17, 2013

    I Used to Think I Was Somebody

    i was a biker, a soldier, a parachutist, whitewater canoist, moutaineer, rockclimber, a runner, a man, father, grandfather, husband, lover, NOW, i am no more than a joke someone to be laughed at by my huge family, have no friends, whats thye point?
    deosilmage deosilmage
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Sep 18, 2009

    She Is Engaged ...

    i'm a bore , dull , dry , dumb fellow... i've seen people coming and going out of my life - professional life , personal life  ... in prof some settle to much better position than mine some settled to worse off but important is "settled" ! i never planned for settlement. i...
    ss44 ss44
    31-35, M
    5 Responses Jun 23, 2010

    I've decided on how. I failed last time using

    morphine. I've sust a fool proof wY that's doable in UK. I shall fall on my sword. I have my granddads old sword. It's sharp. Hold the tip to my heart and fall forwards. Quick with a hint of nobility, of honour. I wonder why I didn't think of it before, fool that I am.
    verybadman01 verybadman01
    46-50, M
    1 Response Nov 26, 2015

    Packed And Ready..

    I won't kill myself but I will think about it... Way too often. I accually go through my stuff every few months to get rid of exess so that if I die It won't be hard to get rid of my useless ****. If it wern't for my boyfriend and his daughter I would just drop everything but the...
    c4tscr4tch c4tscr4tch
    22-25, F
    Dec 4, 2012


    I am just tired of life i think I am beginning to hate life in fact.
    sissygurlmaidannabelle sissygurlmaidannabelle
    36-40, T
    2 Responses Dec 10, 2009

    I Hate The Logo For This Group- So Cliche

    A pretty girl with black angel wings. I already hate the fact that I am, at least inwardly, what some would refer to as "emo" and I hate having it reaffirmed. I'm not proud to have this identity. ...just saying... and just to clarify, I'm not offended by the...
    hateithere hateithere
    1 Response Dec 10, 2009

    The Human Body

    The human body is a resilient thing You can burn it You can cut it You can keep the electrolytes in constant imbalance You can take liters of blood from it You can deprive it of sleep You can substitute carbon monoxyde with oxygen to a certain extent You can fill it with...
    Cici88 Cici88
    22-25, F
    13 Responses Dec 3, 2009

    I Think Im Having A Nervous Breakdown.....

    Im am not sure whats one feels like, but something is really bad wrong. I cant eat, I cant think, I cant concentrate, I dont want to talk ponder, not a minute more... to anyone, I dont want anyone around me. I feel like I cant take this anymore, not suicidal today just sooo...
    Anto815 Anto815
    46-50, F
    Nov 24, 2010


    I mostly promise to that. Because I am always undecided on it. I'm sure there are people with more than my reasons to kill themselves. But that doesn't mean I don't feel the need to. Escape. Then again I most likely won't now because my mom tried and failed and what my family...
    relleaine relleaine
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 7, 2010

    I want to call the suicide hotline,

    but i'm scared they will show up. I just need someone to help me through this
    artsydarling artsydarling
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Nov 28, 2015

    Grown Up From That "Emo" Kid.

    I was a very depressed kid. Even though I was repeatedly diagnosed by several different doctors my family refuses to use terms such as "bi-polar" and "borderline personality disorder". My sister's allowed, but not me. Not the good one. Not after I od'ed on a friends anti...
    thekatydidnt thekatydidnt
    26-30, F
    Nov 12, 2013

    For A While...

    For a long time I've wanted to die. So much. I always said (mostly to myself) that it's not that I want to die. I just don't want to live. In my mind, I'm choosing the lesser of two evils. Or i'm not choosing right now but that's what I'd rather have. And I just can't bring...
    hurts2much hurts2much
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 10, 2010


    Life can be so frustrating. Frustrating to the point where I just don't even want to keep existing anymore. I don't feel like my existence matters. I often share my journaling with my therapists and recently i wrote that if I were to fall off the face of the earth, no one...
    lifestinks1228 lifestinks1228
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 10, 2009

    I Promise

    I promise not to kill myself even though it is so tempting.  I have attempted multiple times but never have been successful (obviously).  I have been through a lot lately that many wouldn't dream of going through and yet I would rather try to live through this than...
    writingislife writingislife
    18-21, F
    Apr 11, 2010

    Just Too Overwhelmed

    I don't know why I still keep trudging along.  I am so tired of all the obstacles in my path. Tired of putting on a good face for everyone.  Tired of people just smirking and ignoring when I ask for help, when I tell them I just can't handle any more.  I just don't...
    Peregrinita Peregrinita
    3 Responses Nov 22, 2010

    My Promise....

    My Promise to my Fiance, my friends, and My Ep family is one that has been very hard for me to keep, but just because it is hard to keep,d oesn't mean I haven't kept it. I have kept it, and I will always keep it. I will do my best to keep it, and I will do what I can, to make...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Feb 17, 2010

    I Think About Ending The Pain

    I have to battle with the urdge to kill myself, i go through phases where i think about hanging myself all the time from my hallway stairs or the light fitting in my room as i have a lock on my door. I look up suicide forums on the least painful way to go, i think about the busy...
    Broken4eve Broken4eve
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jul 20, 2011

    I Will Not Give Into The Crazy

    i find it exhausting constantly having to reassure myself that i am strong that it is defeating the purpose of me being strong. for as long as i remember i ve wanted to die or to just fade out of life so no one would miss me but I've managed to get myself together in the last...
    MollyQ MollyQ
    18-21, F
    Apr 4, 2011


    Why would I kill myself? Then I would have failed my purpose in life.  I want to go out by saving the life of another; Wether through jumping to push one out infront of a speeding car, or taking a bullet for someone. These are tails that are to be remembered; To be remembered...
    cattuxedo cattuxedo
    Jan 15, 2011

    I Have Periods

    Where to have an act of whatever happen on me, like a plane crash or just not wake up the next morning happen with me.... I am not thinking about killing my self cause I know I would mess that up too..   And I am just not lucky enough to die in a crash or have the plane...
    mtvlm mtvlm
    41-45, M
    1 Response Dec 3, 2009

    Let Me Try and Explain This to Everyone....

    While, I do get suicidal, and do have the urges to cut myself, or take a bunch of pills and just end my life. I won't do do. I may cut myself from time to time. However, I am going to make a promise to each and everyone of my EP friends, and Ep family members, that I will...
    deleted deleted
    12 Responses Jul 30, 2009

    If I were given the choice right

    now to live or die...I would choose die. And I don't think I'm being selfish, I really don't. It's my life and I feel like I should be able to decide if I want to live it. (Which I don't) I'm just entirely too exhausted, too overwhelmed, too stressed. I'm over it. I feel like...
    LB1911 LB1911
    31-35, F
    Jan 14, 2014


    Even thought there is nothing more than I would Love to do is die, and to escape this world, I won't kil myself, because I won't leave the ones I Love to deal with the mess the doubts, the questions, the everything. I won't ******* do it to them.... So till my time comes...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Dec 14, 2010

    I Used to Think I Was Somebody

    i was a biker, a soldier, a parachutist, whitewater canoist, moutaineer, rockclimber, a runner, a man, father, grandfather, husband, lover, NOW, i am no more than a joke someone to be laughed at by my huge family, have no friends, whats thye point?
    deosilmage deosilmage
    51-55, M
    1 Response Sep 18, 2009


    Who else finds this site EXTREMELY confusing. I want to kill myself but the guilt is too much. I really dont have anything to live for. But other than posting here, i can't figure out any other thing on this site. Does that hold this site accountable?. guilty in some way for not...
    moonshadow68 moonshadow68
    5 Responses Aug 13, 2009

    I Won't

    At a point, I WANTED to die.  I don't want to DIE now.  I have everything to live for.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr
    36-40, F
    Aug 19, 2011

    Since These Feelings Disappear

    Anymore..... suicide is on my mind every other day. But I refuse to kill myself, but I have days where I really and truly just hate myself. I'm annoying, and moody, and hardly anyone ever wants to be around me. I've had friends just give up on me, I made one friend here a...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious
    26-30, F
    Nov 14, 2012

    I Promised.

    ive promised freinds an family that i wont go back to that dark place agian,but i think about it consently, i think about it would be easyier for every if i wasnt here. my mates wouldnt consently have to keep an eye on me(cause i do drugs and they consently are nagging me not...
    runningtonowhere runningtonowhere
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 13, 2010

    I Want To Die Like Everyone Else Here, But I Cant Do That, Not Now.

    I am really depressed recently... i used to love life so much that it was just ridiculous, now I cant seem to be happy ever. My hardships are nothing compared to say starving children in Africa or homeless people, but I cant help feeling so sorry for myself. I just want to sleep...
    hanzhalibut hanzhalibut
    2 Responses Sep 11, 2011

    There's Just Some People I Can't Leave

    I really do want to die. I hate this life, and most of the people in it. I know three people who have killed themself, two of them I was really close to. My brother, and the guy that I loved. Love. They both killed themself, and I wish I could too. If I could, I most definitely...
    xxitwaswritteninblood xxitwaswritteninblood
    13-15, F
    1 Response Sep 19, 2010

    I Used to Think I Was Somebody

    i was a biker, a soldier, a parachutist, whitewater canoist, moutaineer, rockclimber, a runner, a man, father, grandfather, husband, lover, NOW, i am no more than a joke someone to be laughed at by my huge family, have no friends, whats thye point?
    deosilmage deosilmage
    51-55, M
    1 Response Sep 18, 2009

    Sometimes I think about killing myself.

    I think about the different ways I could do it, how much it will hurt, how slowly it will take, where I'd go after and what will happen to my peers etc once I'm gone. I cry so much and sometimes its so painful but something is keeping me here. I don't know for sure what it is.
    smurfinaround smurfinaround
    18-21, F
    Nov 11, 2014

    Story Of My Life....

    Thats the Story of my life. Made a damn promise, and now I have to live with it. I promised a bunch of people, that I would never kill myself, or attempt to again, and I am working my *** off trying to keep that promise. Although its gets very hard at times. Just by being...
    deleted deleted
    Dec 3, 2009

    I Wanna Die, But I Wont Kill Myself.

    All the time i wanna just kill myself. && i just cant do it anymore, but i wont kill myself. I used to cut, but now i sneak pills. When i wanna kill myself, but dont, i feel like a *****, so i take pills to get that **** off my mind. Then my dad is always on my back saying...
    ixdontxcare ixdontxcare
    13-15, F
    May 4, 2011

    Here Is My Promise

    I promise to not kill myself cause My daughter needs me. She is my life. She keeps me living even when I feel like I can't anymore.
    eyeslikestars eyeslikestars
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jan 13, 2011

    I have bipolar disorder.

    Fall and winter for most people tend to bring on depressive episodes. For me, I tend to lean towards the mixed/manic end this time of year. I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to be someone else for a few days just to get a break. I feel like no one gets it ... it's hard to...
    Helenahandbasket79 Helenahandbasket79
    36-40, F
    Nov 28, 2015

    For Once Can It Be Me Cryn?

    i hate this feeling this feeling of hurt and the tearing of my heart i know its weird for you all to see me this way i mean everyday ive got a smile on my face and im bouncing off the walls im always happy... but your wrong all of you each and evryone of you why cant you notic...
    nicnac43 nicnac43
    13-15, F
    1 Response Oct 12, 2010

    I'm Not Going Anywhere. :)

    I am making sure to write a story for this group because I know there are people who will flip **** if they think I'm that depressed all the time. Flip **** as in get really caring-ly scared. There are times where I get just so depressed that I don't want to live, but suicide is...
    Ariesgrl21 Ariesgrl21
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Sep 26, 2012

    I Just Dnt Want To Live

    I m a engg.i just completed my degree but dnt have any job.i always tried hard put a bit extra effort while i was there in college.but the result always came with 2 3 backs in each semester.i am the only jobless guy in my friend group my gf also doing a job.i am a failure nd i...
    guruof guruof
    2 Responses Jul 6, 2011


    I hate my life. I have no friends. I have a crap job. I live in a country where I have no family, they all live elsewhere. I have no one to talk to about my problems. I want to stop living every day. I cry ALL the time. I've tried anti depressants but they don't work. I'm alone...
    MaddisonK MaddisonK
    1 Response Apr 12, 2012

    If I Die

    I hate me most of the time. I want to die most of the time. I'll walk in the kicthen and I'll see the knifes and I could just see it. I could picutre myself taking the knife and stabing myself. Or if I walk past a tree I could see myself hanging myself. Of if I'm up high I...
    deleted deleted
    Nov 19, 2010
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