Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Want to Hear Your Funny, Clever Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 446 People

    Knock Knock...

    for some reason when i made this group, the only joke i could think of is the one from rocko in boondocksaints.... "i'll have a coke then"... i just didnt want to start the group with that so..... if you have any funny's yoke it up LOL! the world needs to laugh more...
    lifeispoetry lifeispoetry 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 14, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fair Prize

    One year the neighborhood hardware store decided to open or rent a booth at the town fair. Leading up to opening day the owners would encourage everyone to visit their booth at the fair. The owners told everyone they would get adoor prize. the manager really had to talk old...
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M May 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Train

    there was a train coming out of the hills of Kentucky and there was a priest sitting by himself and he had a ca st on his arm. Well there also were two hillbillies on the train a couple of seats behind the priest. They had never seen a cast before so after a little while one...
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M May 25, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    what goes up and never comes down?

    ... .... ... .... age!
    godofgreekgods10 godofgreekgods10 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nursery Rhymns

    Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her cutfd and whey Along came a spider and dat down beside her and said what do ya got in the bowl *****
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M Jul 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mice

    Hickory dickory dock the mice ran up the clock The clock struck one and the other two got away
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M Jul 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Casino Strategy

    Ive been spending a lot of time in casinos because, apparently, I have a gambling problem. But I have learned something important to pass on to you about how to deal with casinos when youre there. Go get $100 in quarters when you arrive. Then, go to your room, lock the door; go...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe

    and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Irish Drunks

    Irish Drunks A man walks into a pub. He greets the barman and orders a pint. As the barman draws it, the man begins to hear two noisy young men at the end of the bar. "What county did you say you where from?" asked the first. "Why, County Clare." the second replied. "Well, I...
    abritishgirl abritishgirl 70+, F 1 Response May 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Confessional

    A guy went to the church after a lengthy absence of several years and decided to give his confession.When he entered the confessional he found a padded chair that was the most comfortable he had ever sat upon, a fully stocked wet bar, some crystal glasses, an assortment of snacks...
    MichaelDuMaine MichaelDuMaine 36-40, M 3 Responses Mar 1, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What do you call Batman

    when he leaves church early? Christian bail
    jasonoker jasonoker 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In Memoriam

    With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for...
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 1 Response Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Funny Story

    T he other day my friend was singing the song "Do you know the muffin man the muffin man, do you know the muffin man, who lives on drooly lane!" I felt upset by his singing, so he asks what's wrong. So I go to tell him what happened to me last night. I...
    Dust329 Dust329 16-17, M 6 Responses Sep 3, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Don'T Want Your Money

    A multi millionaire was having a party for all his friends. Mostly to show off his pet shark. After most everyone was there and enjoying themselves he gathers them all up and leads them to the pool too show off his shark. About half kidding he says he'll give anyone that swims...
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response May 25, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Oi, Flies In My Beer!

    One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his...
    abritishgirl abritishgirl 70+, F 2 Responses May 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    deleted deleted 26-30 Apr 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What Should You Give A Man Who Has Everything?

    A woman to show him how to work it.
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 6 Responses Feb 4, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Both

    Alex : Hey, Mike! Long time no see. Mike : Good to see you back, Alex. Alex : So, you got married now or still doing the dishes on your own? Mike : Both - Married AND doing the dishes on my own.
    rocketfingers rocketfingers 22-25, M Apr 4, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two riddles with a deeper meaning: 1) Three

    birds sit on a wire and one decides to fly away. How many are left? 2) If you call a cat's tail a leg, how many legs does it have? Answers are in my first top level comment.
    Gentle153 Gentle153 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Im sitting in this internet café,

    and there is the biggest ******* ****** I've ever seen, watching every word I ty
    jollygoat jollygoat 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Thought Of The Day

    Friends........  Friends are like butt cheeks.   $hit might separate them,   But they always come back together.                                
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 4 Responses Jul 30, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Atheists?

    More likely atheists proclaim "Oh Baby" or "Oh (the name of their lover)" or "Oh My Goodness" would be my guess.  When did single Christians get the go ahead from their diety to have pre-marital sex anyway assuming they actually wait...
    Shaylon Shaylon 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Children Cussing

    there's a blind bunny hopping through the woods and it trips on a blind snake.. now the snake doesn't know it's a snake and the bunny doesn't know that it's a bunny.. so they get to talking and they discover that neither of them know exactly what they are. so they decide the only...
    katiekayy katiekayy 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 14, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Decoding Personal Ads

    Understanding WomenDictionary For Decoding Women's Personal Ads:40-ish.......................49Adventurous........Slept with everyone.Athletic...........................No breast.Average Looking.................Moooo.Beautiful..............Pathological liar.Emotionally Secure...
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 6 Responses Sep 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Penis, 3 Studies

    The Penis - 3 Studies In 1991, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex...
    abritishgirl abritishgirl 70+, F 2 Responses May 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's old and wrinkled

    and hangs out Granddads trousers
    Zombiearegay Zombiearegay 51-55, M 1 Response Mar 11, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How Is Colonel Sanders Like The Typical Male?

    All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 11 Responses Feb 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE

    PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 4. "This employee is really not so much...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Tee Hee

    It was really something else, man!" said the cadet policeman to his partner. "When I was off duty Saturday night, I went to this big party, see, and pretty soon I noticed this fabulous little bird giving me the eye. Then she asked me to take her home. And just as soon...
    lifeispoetry lifeispoetry 18-21, F 5 Responses Jul 14, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    While the barber is lathering the man up

    for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks. The barber replies with a solution and pulls a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer. "Place the wooden ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and you...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man walks into a bar

    where steaks are hanging from the ceiling. As the man orders his drink the bartender hands him a stone and says if he hits the steaks he can get all his drinks for free, but if he misses he has to buy everyone's drinks. The man declines and the bartender asks why. His response...
    Madscheers512 Madscheers512 16-17 1 Response Jan 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Annulment

    Ole and Lena had married under none too happy circumstances, and their married life had not been anything to brag about either. But when, after they had been lived together for thirty five years, Ole went to the local judge to ask for an annulment, the whole of Middleton gasped...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Generous Lawyer

    Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at...
    abritishgirl abritishgirl 70+, F May 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Windy Day

    I was traveling with my wife in Kanyakumari, India, one of the windiest places on Earth. Braving our way through the crosswind, we made our way to the tollbooth where I asked a bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?" Adjusting his rims...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Switch

    Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing. They were approached by two aliens. The...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Funny Joke

    Wat do u call a fight between two mexicans? A Juan on Juan!! hahahahahahahaha
    idioso idioso 31-35, M 1 Response May 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Young Larry

    Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each "How much does that come to?" asked Larry. "Twenty-two...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    To 200 In 60 Secconds...

     Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and...
    lifeispoetry lifeispoetry 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 14, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Woman

    What ever you give a woman, she will make greater.If you give her *****, she'll give you a baby.If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.She multplies and enlarges what is...
    ceywat ceywat 51-55, F 5 Responses Jun 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rene Descartes

    Rene Descartes sits down at a diner for  a sumptuous meal.After the meal, the waitress asks him if he would like anything else.Descartes replies, "I think not".and vanishes in a puff of logic
    DarknessCalls DarknessCalls 41-45, T 9 Responses Jun 4, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Where do kids who have ADD

    and or ADHD go for the summer? A concentration camp...
    ValhallaAwaits ValhallaAwaits 22-25, M 5 Responses Jan 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Harumph!

    I'm not your monkey! You want to see me tell a joke? Come to Pittsburgh! LOL ;)
    drcynic drcynic 26-30, M 2 Responses Nov 13, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel
    MariaAmor1 MariaAmor1 18-21 2 Responses Feb 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    Q: Why did the cowboy die with his boots on? A: Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Back and forth . . . . Back and forth . . . . In and out . . . . In and out . . . .A little to the right. A little to the left . . . . She could feel the sweat on her forehead...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    1. Hugging trees 2. Hugging the people I care about 3. Respect 4. Freedom 5. Equality 6. Having someone to love 7. Being loved 8. Little revelations 9. When my family are happy 10...
    TheOriginalDarkHorse TheOriginalDarkHorse 18-21, F 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel