I saw someone for a little while, nothing serious wasn't going anywhere...
But i find my self missing that guy.. Even tho im back with my partner .. Things arnt great ill admit, but i do love him
I just CAN NOT STOP missing the other fella at all
like the world is just out to get you?that the tears fall down your cheeks and cover the pillow? just curled in a ball wondering what you did wrong? no explanations. that the hurt is all you feel from your heart to your bones? that everything aches?
and I just want to give my head a shot so that I can past out immediately. I smell weeds someone passed by and immediately i understand why people wants to drug themselves because it is so painful to being awake.
and distort logic. I want to stop this in order to have a reasonable view on life and situations. It is taking me too long to get an understanding to make logical decisions in scenarios that arise in life.
everyday I wake up and I just feel so much pain a deep sorrow a sense of pain that I can't explain no matter what I do it won't go away it slowly consumes me. I wish I could just stop feeling everyones emotions its so draining.!
Can't I be apathetic for ever? I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be involved with others. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to stop feeling. I want to live my life and never think about other people.
and now I'm dealing with consequences that tear at my insides. Picking between your future, job, schoolwork, versus trying to hold on to a relationship that's falling apart because of the other events in your life make it hard to see each other. Even though I made the decision...
I want to stop feeling.
I don't want to care so much.
I hate taking every little thing personally, so personally that I dwell and dwell and dwell on it until I've totally blown it out of proportion.
I want to stop feeling scared.
I want to become a machine. No emotions...