like the world is just out to get you?that the tears fall down your cheeks and cover the pillow? just curled in a ball wondering what you did wrong? no explanations. that the hurt is all you feel from your heart to your bones? that everything aches?
I want to stop feeling.
I don't want to care so much.
I hate taking every little thing personally, so personally that I dwell and dwell and dwell on it until I've totally blown it out of proportion.
I want to stop feeling scared.
I want to become a machine. No emotions...
and now I'm dealing with consequences that tear at my insides. Picking between your future, job, schoolwork, versus trying to hold on to a relationship that's falling apart because of the other events in your life make it hard to see each other. Even though I made the decision...
everyday I wake up and I just feel so much pain a deep sorrow a sense of pain that I can't explain no matter what I do it won't go away it slowly consumes me. I wish I could just stop feeling everyones emotions its so draining.!
I saw someone for a little while, nothing serious wasn't going anywhere...
But i find my self missing that guy.. Even tho im back with my partner .. Things arnt great ill admit, but i do love him
I just CAN NOT STOP missing the other fella at all
and distort logic. I want to stop this in order to have a reasonable view on life and situations. It is taking me too long to get an understanding to make logical decisions in scenarios that arise in life.
Can't I be apathetic for ever? I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be involved with others. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to stop feeling. I want to live my life and never think about other people.
and I just want to give my head a shot so that I can past out immediately. I smell weeds someone passed by and immediately i understand why people wants to drug themselves because it is so painful to being awake.