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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 194 People

    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 20

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 21

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    Q: What does a blonde do

    when someone says its chilli outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 11

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    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    Q: Why are baseball players

    so cool? A: They always have their fans around.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 1

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    Q: What kind of horses go out

    after dusk? A: Nightmares!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 9

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    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to

    catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 May 2

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    EYESONLYFORU EYESONLYFORU 41-45, F Jan 27

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes

    so big? A: He saw the phone bill.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 9

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    Math terrors: Why was six afraid of seven?

    Well, after all, Seven eight nine
    goodpttr goodpttr 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 11

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 28

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    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 21, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    A: Where do sick horses go?

    A: The horsepital
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 9

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    Q: What do a tree

    and a dog have in common? A: Bark
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    Three old men are at the doctor

    for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 6

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    Q: Why did the T-rex go to the doctor?

    A: Because he had a Dino-sore!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 29

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 5

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3, 2014

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    Q: When a knight in armour was killed in

    battle, what sign did they put on his grave? A: Rust in peace!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 30

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    Blind Dinosaur Q: What do you call a blind

    dinosaur? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 22

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    A: What is the noisiest game?

    Q: Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 6

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    Q: Where do fish wash?

    A: In a river basin!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Caterpillar jokes What does a caterpillar do

    on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf! What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat! What has stripes and pulls a tractor? A caterpillar tractor! What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 6

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    Q: What is it that

    even the most careful person overlooks? A: His nose!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 19

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    Q: What do you call four bullfighters

    standing in quicksand? A: Quattro Sinko
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 28