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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 166 People

    Q: Why can't pirates play cards?

    A: Because they're always standing on the deck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 18, 2014

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    TheAnonymousTroll TheAnonymousTroll 13-15, M 3 Responses Nov 21, 2014

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Q: What did the green grape say to the purple

    grape? A: "Breathe, stupid!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 21, 2014

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3, 2014

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    if yo have , reason ,

    knowledge , intelligence , then go catch degrees and selling popsicles. But it is a fact.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Oct 22, 2014

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    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 6

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 23, 2014

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    Double Parked Frog Q: What do you call an

    illegally parked frog? A: Toad.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 29, 2014

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Q: If April showers bring may flowers,

    what do mayflowers bring? A: Pilgrims!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Q: What does a blonde do

    when someone says its chilli outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 11

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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    A. Because it was dead! Why did the 2nd monkey fall out the tree? A.Because it was tied to the first one!!! Why did the third monkey fall out the tree? A. Because he thought it was a game!
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M Oct 17, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

    "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    EYESONLYFORU EYESONLYFORU 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile

    of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 17, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 25, 2014

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    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Question: What do you get

    when you cross a computer with an elephant? Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    Tree Menace Q: What is green

    and fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it drops from a tree? A: A pool table.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    Said the officer to the soldier,

    "Private, why did you salute that refrigerator?" The soldier replied, "Because it was General Electric." "And that jeep?" the officer asked. Replied the soldier, "Because it was General Motors."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 8

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    Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?

    A: Because their belts are on their hats.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 27, 2014

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    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 21, 2014

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    I used to be in a band,

    we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor's

    office? A: It was feeling crummy.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    Q. How do you make seven an

    even number? A. Take the s out!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 21, 2014

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    Math terrors: Why was six afraid of seven?

    Well, after all, Seven eight nine
    goodpttr goodpttr 56-60, M Jan 11

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