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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 200 People

    Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree

    called, Tommy? Tommy: Don’t Know. Teacher: Bark, Tommy. Tommy: Woof, Woof.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Mar 4, 2015

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 6 Responses Jan 6, 2015

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    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Dec 21, 2014

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jan 12, 2015

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 24, 2015

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    Q: Why do farmers put bells on cows?

    A: Their horns don't work.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Aug 11, 2015

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    Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes

    so big? A: He saw the phone bill.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 9, 2015

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 21, 2015

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    Q: Why did the T-rex go to the doctor?

    A: Because he had a Dino-sore!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Apr 29, 2015

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    One of my customers told me this the other night

    and it had me laughing my arse off. "What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? - 'Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary *******!'" Pretty sure I died when I heard it.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 9, 2015

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    Q: Where do fish wash?

    A: In a river basin!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jun 28, 2015

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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    Three old men are at the doctor

    for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses May 6, 2015

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    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Feb 28, 2015

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    Q: Why are baseball players

    so cool? A: They always have their fans around.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Mar 1, 2015

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses May 20, 2015

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    A: What is the noisiest game?

    Q: Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2015

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 5, 2015

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    Blind Dinosaur Q: What do you call a blind

    dinosaur? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Apr 22, 2015

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to

    catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 May 2, 2015

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 3, 2014

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 23, 2014

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 27, 2015

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: What do you call four bullfighters

    standing in quicksand? A: Quattro Sinko
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Apr 28, 2015

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    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jan 31, 2015

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Feb 11, 2015

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Mar 17, 2015

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    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one

    of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The...
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Sep 22, 2014

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    Joke credit - Amelia age 5 Q How do you make

    a tissue dance? A You put a little BOOGEY in it. ... still makes me laugh! :)
    easypeasey easypeasey 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 20, 2015

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