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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 75 People

    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4

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    Did You Hear...?

    Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire? ... He melted. Did you hear about the dog called Joiner? ...He made a bolt for the door. Did you hear about the dog called Carpenter? ...He was always doing little jobs about the house. Did you hear about the cannibal...
    Gladtobescottish Gladtobescottish 61-65, M Apr 12, 2013

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    Q: What do get if you mix a key with a lime

    and multiply it by 22/7? A: A close approximation for Key Lime Pi!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Question: What do you get

    when you cross a computer with an elephant? Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Tarzan

    What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here comes the elephants If you find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, what do you find at the other end? A rainbow factory.
    katysboy katysboy 56-60, M Mar 25, 2011

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13

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    What Do You Call....

    What do you call an elephant in the refrigerator?...............Stuck!
    Plaid Plaid 31-35, F 1 Response Nov 9, 2011

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    The Energizer Bunny Got Arrested

    And was charged with battery.
    Nanoose Nanoose 51-55, M 3 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    My Silly Joke

    A guy was at the doctors and the doctor told him he had a tape worm. Then the doctor told him don’t eat breakfast tomorrow and come to my office at 8:00 am with 3 cheese sandwiches, 2 chocolate covered cherries and a hammer. The next day at 8:00 am the doctor told the guy...
    Nanoose Nanoose 51-55, M 1 Response Aug 16, 2009

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 27

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    Q: What's the first bet

    that most people make in their lives? A: The Alpha bet
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 22

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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    She Asks Too Many Questions

    Wife: "Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?" Husband: "Of course not." Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" Husband: "Ok, I would marry again." (annoyed) Wife: "Oh..." (sad) Husband: -silence- Wife: "Would you live in our house?" Husband: "Sure, it's a...
    morganonnet2 morganonnet2 51-55, M Jul 16, 2012

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot",

    I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 17

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    Q: what's orange, hairy,

    has 800 teeth and 4 tails? A: Nothing
    samgrahamynwa samgrahamynwa 13-15, M 3 days ago

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    What's brown and sticky?

    ..........A stick!
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M 4 Responses Jul 13

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    Q: Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

    A: To get to the other tide!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 22

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    Q: What is blue and goes ding dong?

    A: An Avon lady at the North Pole!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

    Unique Up On It. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 21

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    EmmaBirchall EmmaBirchall 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 4

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3

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    A Higgs boson goes into a church

    and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs bosons here." So the Higgs boson says, "But without me there is no mass."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 29

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    Why can't you here a Pterodactyl's pee?

    Because they have a silent 'P'
    EmmaBirchall EmmaBirchall 13-15, F Jul 4

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Take Anything You Want

    An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes “Nice bike. Where did you get it?” The first student says, “The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes...
    morganonnet2 morganonnet2 51-55, M Jul 16, 2012

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    The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile

    of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 17

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    I am quite offended. One thing I hate about this site is when you become honest to people and show your true self and then you have nice conversations for long periods of time...
    Renshiin Renshiin 18-21, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    I want to tell you how I've spent near on 9 years trying to forget about you. How I was doing ever so well, how I kept you locked deep down for as long as I could. But there have...
    TearsAlwaysWin TearsAlwaysWin 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 25

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    I have had stalkers and of one I will tell you about. She never makes me angry or sad. She never makes me scream even though she's bad. She's faithful in her quest, this much is...
    blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti 36-40, F Jul 6

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    i'm writing this story for people to read and learn about something that so many ask about and rather then repeatedly writing about the same thing I'm going to put it all here I'm...
    tom67890 tom67890 46-50, M 2 Responses Jul 12

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    A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, “I don’t think I know you, but you must...
    wendu44 wendu44 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 25

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    I'll only tell you my opinion of you want it I won't just tell you my opinion right of the bat only if you ask for it or start messing with it
    Zalbaar Zalbaar 13-15, M Jun 27

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    It was during my School's Dance. 🎉My BFF, Haley and I were at my🏡getting dressed and ready. I told her about how I would reveal my feelings to my crush, Justin, that night...
    BossiRossi BossiRossi 16-17, F Jul 7

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    I would tell you how your eyes could light the darkest of alleys, how your voice echoes in my hears and bounces off the corners of my mind long after you're gone. How each word...
    terribletaytor terribletaytor 18-21, F Jul 17

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    PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU YOU ARE WORTH IT Let me tell you are worth it through the heartache and the pain through the storms of life through the heat and the cold through the...
    imgreywlf imgreywlf 56-60, M 4 days ago

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    PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU YOU ARE WORTH IT Let me tell you are worth it through the heartache and the pain through the storms of life through the heat and the cold through the...
    imgreywlf imgreywlf 56-60, M 3 days ago

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    I so wanna tell you that I love you madly, before you go and get in touch with that girl you are thinking of settling down with. The thought of you being with another girl crushes...
    EternalWanderer EternalWanderer 31-35 Jul 8

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    So I'm only telling you apart of what I'm doing. For 2 weeks I'm going to NJ to visit my family which I am sooo excited for! That's where I'm from and i love it there, I'm going to...
    klm15 klm15 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    Only if you ask or if I feel the need to give it. I have friends that tend to do the wrong things in life so if I feel the need to give it in fear that you are screwing up, I will...
    RealNFake RealNFake 18-21, M Jul 7

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    Hi my name is Violin Chandika. I'll tell you 10 things abt me. Here we go ;) 1. I'm so HOT - I make fire! 2. I have a disease called AWESOME. Kiss me I'm contagious! 3. I don't...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 5 days ago

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    1. I am 21 2. I am in love with a wonderful man 3. We have two cats! 4. Did I tell you I love cats? 5. I work with the elderly at a nursing home 6. I have had bulimia for two and a...
    Pixie00 Pixie00 18-21, F 3 days ago

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