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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 153 People

    Q: What did the Island Gobbling Sea Monster

    say? A: These islands aren’t Philippine me up. I need Samoa Tahiti!
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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
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    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Cat Jokes Q: What do you get

    if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? A: She's got that down in the mouth look! Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary? A: A peeping tom! Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite...
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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
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    Double Parked Frog Q: What do you call an

    illegally parked frog? A: Toad.
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    Question: What do you get

    when you cross a computer with an elephant? Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7

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    AlwaysAnonnymous AlwaysAnonnymous 13-15, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20

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    Q: Why did the calf cross the road?

    A: To get to the udder side.
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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    These Chickens Want Books A pair of chickens

    walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 14

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    Doggone It Q: What did the dog say

    when it sat on sandpaper? A: Ruff!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 27

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    Q: What did the green grape say to the purple

    grape? A: "Breathe, stupid!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Q: Why can't pirates play cards?

    A: Because they're always standing on the deck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 18

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    Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor's

    office? A: It was feeling crummy.
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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13

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    Q. How do you make seven an

    even number? A. Take the s out!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 21

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    Q: What did the termite say

    when he walked into the bar? A: Where is the bar tender?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 21

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    The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile

    of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 17

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    Q: A plane crashes and every single person dies

    who are the survivors? A: The couples!!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Sep 20

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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    A. Because it was dead! Why did the 2nd monkey fall out the tree? A.Because it was tied to the first one!!! Why did the third monkey fall out the tree? A. Because he thought it was a game!
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M Oct 17

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    A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking

    along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 6

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    Q: What did the cobbler say

    when a cat wandered into his shop? A: Shoe!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 16

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    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one

    of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The...
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    Q: If April showers bring may flowers,

    what do mayflowers bring? A: Pilgrims!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Old Man: "Are you the young fellow

    who sold me this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?" Clerk: "Yes sir." Old Man: "Well, I tried for half an hour this morning and I couldn't get my teeth to stick in."
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    if yo have , reason ,

    knowledge , intelligence , then go catch degrees and selling popsicles. But it is a fact.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Oct 22

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18

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    The businesswoman, in town

    for an important meeting, checked into her room at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags. Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for pressing. Almost immediately after she...
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    What are prehistoric monsters called

    when they sleep?A dinosnore!What is the fruitiest lesson?History, because it's full of dates!
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 3 Responses Sep 12

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    Q: What do you call a nun

    who sleep walks? A: A roamin' Catholic.
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