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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 187 People

    Caterpillar jokes What does a caterpillar do

    on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf! What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat! What has stripes and pulls a tractor? A caterpillar tractor! What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 6

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    I used to be in a band,

    we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 28

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Q: What does a blonde do

    when someone says its chilli outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 11

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 25, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Q: Why are baseball players

    so cool? A: They always have their fans around.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 1

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    Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes

    so big? A: He saw the phone bill.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 9

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 31, 2014

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    Tree Menace Q: What is green

    and fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it drops from a tree? A: A pool table.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Q: What do you call a rabbit

    that has fleas? A: Bugs bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 21, 2014

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Blind Dinosaur Q: What do you call a blind

    dinosaur? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

    "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree

    called, Tommy? Tommy: Don’t Know. Teacher: Bark, Tommy. Tommy: Woof, Woof.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 6

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    EYESONLYFORU EYESONLYFORU 41-45, F Jan 27

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    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Said the officer to the soldier,

    "Private, why did you salute that refrigerator?" The soldier replied, "Because it was General Electric." "And that jeep?" the officer asked. Replied the soldier, "Because it was General Motors."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 8

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 23, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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    Math terrors: Why was six afraid of seven?

    Well, after all, Seven eight nine
    goodpttr goodpttr 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 11

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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