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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 159 People

    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
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    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one

    of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The...
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    Doggone It Q: What did the dog say

    when it sat on sandpaper? A: Ruff!
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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30

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    Q: Why can't pirates play cards?

    A: Because they're always standing on the deck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 18

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    Double Parked Frog Q: What do you call an

    illegally parked frog? A: Toad.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 29

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
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    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 21

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    Q: What did the green grape say to the purple

    grape? A: "Breathe, stupid!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 20

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13

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    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 14

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    A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking

    along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 6

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    I used to be in a band,

    we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 23

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3

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    Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?

    A: Because their belts are on their hats.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 27

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2

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    Q. How do you make seven an

    even number? A. Take the s out!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 21

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    Q: What did the termite say

    when he walked into the bar? A: Where is the bar tender?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 21

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17

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    Question: What do you get

    when you cross a computer with an elephant? Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18

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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    A. Because it was dead! Why did the 2nd monkey fall out the tree? A.Because it was tied to the first one!!! Why did the third monkey fall out the tree? A. Because he thought it was a game!
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M Oct 17

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    Q: If April showers bring may flowers,

    what do mayflowers bring? A: Pilgrims!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 26

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3

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    Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?

    A: To get to the body shop.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 22

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    Q: What did the cobbler say

    when a cat wandered into his shop? A: Shoe!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 16

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    Q: What did the Island Gobbling Sea Monster

    say? A: These islands aren’t Philippine me up. I need Samoa Tahiti!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 23

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    Q: What do you call a nun

    who sleep walks? A: A roamin' Catholic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 2

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    Q: What do you call a rabbit

    that has fleas? A: Bugs bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 2

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