I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 195 People

    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 13, 2014

    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 31, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 5, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 28, 2014

    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 4, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 23, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 31, 2014

    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 17, 2014

    Q: Why did the T-rex go to the doctor?

    A: Because he had a Dino-sore!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 29, 2015

    Q: What is it that

    even the most careful person overlooks? A: His nose!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 19, 2015

    Joke credit - Amelia age 5 Q How do you make

    a tissue dance? A You put a little BOOGEY in it. ... still makes me laugh! :)
    easypeasey easypeasey
    26-30, F
    1 Response Sep 20, 2015

    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 28, 2015

    A: What is the noisiest game?

    Q: Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 20, 2015

    Caterpillar jokes What does a caterpillar do

    on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf! What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat! What has stripes and pulls a tractor? A caterpillar tractor! What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 6, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 24, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 17, 2015

    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 3, 2014

    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 2, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 20, 2014

    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 18, 2014

    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Dec 21, 2014

    Blind Dinosaur Q: What do you call a blind

    dinosaur? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 22, 2015

    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2014

    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 23, 2014

    Q: What do you call four bullfighters

    standing in quicksand? A: Quattro Sinko
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 28, 2015

    Q: Where do fish wash?

    A: In a river basin!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2015

    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 7, 2014

    One of my customers told me this the other night

    and it had me laughing my arse off. "What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? - 'Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary *******!'" Pretty sure I died when I heard it.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jul 9, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 24, 2014

    Q: What kind of horses go out

    after dusk? A: Nightmares!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 9, 2015

    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 3, 2014

    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 1, 2014

    Q: What do a tree

    and a dog have in common? A: Bark
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 27, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 21, 2015

    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jan 27, 2015

    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2014

    Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree

    called, Tommy? Tommy: Don’t Know. Teacher: Bark, Tommy. Tommy: Woof, Woof.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 4, 2015

    Q: When a knight in armour was killed in

    battle, what sign did they put on his grave? A: Rust in peace!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 30, 2015

    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 30, 2014

    A: Where do sick horses go?

    A: The horsepital
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 9, 2015

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to

    catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    May 2, 2015

    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 31, 2015

    Q: Why are baseball players

    so cool? A: They always have their fans around.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 1, 2015

    what does a pirate say

    when he turns eighty? Ay matey!
    Bethy1234321 Bethy1234321
    18-21, F
    Jun 29, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 30, 2014

    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 19, 2014

    Three old men are at the doctor

    for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 6, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 16, 2014

    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one

    of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 22, 2014

    Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes

    so big? A: He saw the phone bill.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 9, 2015

    Q: Why do farmers put bells on cows?

    A: Their horns don't work.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 11, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 11, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 20, 2015

    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jan 6, 2015

    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 4, 2014

    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 12, 2015

    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 20, 2014
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