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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 184 People

    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3, 2014

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    A: What is the noisiest game?

    Q: Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the

    softball team? A: Because she ran away from the ball.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the

    slacker tomato? A: "You better ketch-up.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 21, 2014

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    EYESONLYFORU EYESONLYFORU 41-45, F Jan 27

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 17

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    Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes

    so big? A: He saw the phone bill.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 9

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 6

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 25, 2014

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    Q: Why are baseball players

    so cool? A: They always have their fans around.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 1

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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    I used to be in a band,

    we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

    "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 23, 2014

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    A: Where do sick horses go?

    A: The horsepital
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 9

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    What ghost haunted King George III?

    The Spirit of '76! Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army? He was a Yankee doodler! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry! What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Q: What do you call a rabbit

    that has fleas? A: Bugs bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    A tourist is traveling with a guide through one

    of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 22, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 28

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    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?

    A: Because their belts are on their hats.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 27, 2014

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    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 24

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Q: What does a blonde do

    when someone says its chilli outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 11

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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