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I Want to Tell You a Silly Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 181 People

    Q: What do you call people

    who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Q: What do you get if you divide the

    circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? A: Pi a la Mode.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 23, 2014

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    Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on

    an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    Q: What did the Cat say

    after eating two robins lying in the sun? A: I just love baskin' robbins.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    Q: If April showers bring may flowers,

    what do mayflowers bring? A: Pilgrims!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Q: What is a dogs favorite food?

    A: Anything that is on your plate.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    Question: What do you get

    when you cross a computer with an elephant? Answer: A 1000 lb know-it-all.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18, 2014

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    A Halloween joke Why are teachers happy at

    Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit! A demon joke What do foreign devils speak? Devil Dutch! A ghost joke What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits! A skeleton joke What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks? They had a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    Teacher: if you had one dollar

    and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total? Student: One dollar. Teacher: You don't know your maths. Student: You don't know my dad!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Math terrors: Why was six afraid of seven?

    Well, after all, Seven eight nine
    goodpttr goodpttr 56-60, M 1 Response Jan 11

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    A family of three tomatoes were walking

    downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

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    Bathtime for Criminal Q: Why'd the robber take

    a bath A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    Tree Menace Q: What is green

    and fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it drops from a tree? A: A pool table.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Caskets Q: What did one casket say to the

    sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3, 2014

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    Q: What does a clock do

    when it's hungry? A: Goes back 4 seconds!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?

    A: Because their belts are on their hats.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 27, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Said the officer to the soldier,

    "Private, why did you salute that refrigerator?" The soldier replied, "Because it was General Electric." "And that jeep?" the officer asked. Replied the soldier, "Because it was General Motors."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 8

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    Q: Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

    A: Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Profweird Profweird 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 8

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    Double Parked Frog Q: What do you call an

    illegally parked frog? A: Toad.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 29, 2014

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    The summer band class was just getting under way

    when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    Q: How do you count cows?

    A: With a cowculator.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 6

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    Q: What did the windmill say

    when she met her favorite movie star? A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!" k
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree

    called, Tommy? Tommy: Don’t Know. Teacher: Bark, Tommy. Tommy: Woof, Woof.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    Mickey and Donald in a Foxhole Q: Why did

    Mickey Mouse get shot? A: Because Donald ducked.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    Q. What did the police officer say to the

    midget complaining that someone picked his pocket? A. I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is a healthy person like the United States?

    They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck Arnold! What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage? The Liberty Bellhop! What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty! What was General Washington's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    A: Where do sick horses go?

    A: The horsepital
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 9

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    Q: Why did the taxi driver give up his job?

    A: Because people kept talking behind his back.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

    A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 30, 2014

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    Q: Why did the barber win the race?

    A: Because he took a short cut.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 28

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    Q: What do you call a rabbit

    that has fleas? A: Bugs bunny.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 2, 2014

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar.

    ... One was a salted. LOL
    EYESONLYFORU EYESONLYFORU 41-45, F Jan 27

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    Q: What does a blonde do

    when someone says its chilli outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 25, 2014

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    A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.

    "Look in the lions mouth," the vet told him."How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 17

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 20, 2014

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