I Want to Tell You Humor Is the Best Medicine

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 60 People

    Cat Lover's Rules ( From Cindy)

    1) The cat is not allowed in the house. 2) Ok. The cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3) Ok. The cat is allowed in all the rooms, but must stay off the furniture. 4) The cat can get on the old furniture only. 5) Ok. Fine. The cat is allowed on all the...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 19, 2009

    Aging

    When u stop lying about ur age and start bragging about it.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Oct 29, 2009

    Wise Person's Prayer

    Lord, Please keep your arm around my shoulder and ur hand over my mouth. Amen
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 29, 2009

    Star - Art Therapy

    What do dieters breath? Thin Air
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 29, 2009

    The Affair

    Two elderly women were sitting on a park bench. One said "I am having an affair." The other asked "who is catering it?"
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 11, 2009

    Cat Definitions

    Cat Definitions Aquarium: interactive television for cats.   Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.        2. a four footed allergen.     ...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jun 22, 2009

    The Art Of Conversation

    To say the right thing at the right time  but remembering to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 29, 2009

    While Working In The Field

    Deja Moo- The feeling that u have heard this bull before!
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    Oct 29, 2009

    The Taxidermist

    A man took a pair of monkeys to the taxidermist. Taxidermist asked "Do you want the mounted?" The man said. "No. Shaking hands will be fine."                   ...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    5 Responses Jun 20, 2009

    Dilbert's Laws of Work

    1) A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 2) You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. 3)To err is human. To forgive is not our policy. 4)Everything can be filed under " miscellaneous" 5) Eat one live...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jun 19, 2009

    Best Verbal Rx Women Can Give Men

    This is the Best Quote I've Ever Heard in My Entire Life! I Squared My Shoulders And Commenced A Verbal Counter-Attack Which She Immediately Defused! Here in Canada we have the Victorian Order of Nurses who do home visits when we are really sick--they dress as civilians but...
    harvard2 harvard2
    61-65, M
    Aug 26, 2013

    Tori - Fear Intern - Psi

    Sign in the front window of a business in Whiting, Indiana "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 10,000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER." The sign appears in the front window of a funeral parlor.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 17, 2009

    I'm Pregnant

    A couple had been married for 60 years. The wife called up her husband at work and yelled into the phone: "YOU S.O.B.- YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!" The husband answered."I am sorry. To whom am I speaking?"
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jul 11, 2009

    Erin- Criminal Psych

    What juice to monkeys drink? Orango - Tang
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 29, 2009

    Words From My Father

    "If you think there is good in everybody,you have not met everybody."
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Oct 29, 2009

    Where Did I Put That?

    The  easiest  way to find something lost,is to replace it.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    Oct 29, 2009

    Four Stages of Life

    1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 19, 2009

    Great Truths Adults Have Learned

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut who held his ground. 4) Laughing is goos exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    Jun 19, 2009

    Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato. 3) NEVER ASK DOGS TO WATCH YOUR FOOD. 4)If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 5) When your mom is mad at your dad, don...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    5 Responses Jun 19, 2009

    Same Songs That Didn't Win the Cma This Year(thanks to Ronnie Tater)

    1) She got the ring and I got the finger. 2) I'm so miserable without you, it's like your still here. 3) It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your *** all day. 4) If the phone don't ring, you will know it's me. 5) If I shot you when I first wanted to, I'd be out of...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    Jun 20, 2009

    I Will Laugh My Way to the Funny Farm . . .

    Really I would be able to find humor in being carted off to the loony bin, although that may be considered a sign I need to be there in the first place.  I can't think of anything else, that can bring me out of a funk more than a good laugh. 
    piscesgal piscesgal
    31-35, F
    6 Responses Jun 20, 2009

    You Can't Argue With Science

    Scientists have demonstrated in careefully controlled tests if we drink one kilo of water a day, at the end of the year, we would have absorbed more than a kilo of Escherichia coli .(E.coli) bacteria found in Fesces. In Layman's term we are consuming a kilo of poop. However, we...
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 20, 2009

    HUMORR

    i agree 100% nothing makes me feel better than laughing 
    Gallimaufry Gallimaufry
    13-15, F
    1 Response Jun 20, 2009

    Pyschology of Laughter

    Brought to you by the summer interns of Retiredfathers psychology group. Specifically - Billie,Jack, Erin and Peter. We will proof that Laughter is the best medicine!
    retiredfather retiredfather
    61-65, M
    Jun 19, 2009
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