1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato.
3) NEVER ASK DOGS TO WATCH YOUR FOOD.
4)If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
5) When your mom is mad at your dad, don...
1) The cat is not allowed in the house.
2) Ok. The cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3) Ok. The cat is allowed in all the rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
4) The cat can get on the old furniture only.
5) Ok. Fine. The cat is allowed on all the...
Really I would be able to find humor in being carted off to the loony bin, although that may be considered a sign I need to be there in the first place. I can't think of anything else, that can bring me out of a funk more than a good laugh.
Scientists have demonstrated in careefully controlled tests if we drink one kilo of water a day, at the end of the year, we would have absorbed more than a kilo of Escherichia coli .(E.coli) bacteria found in Fesces.
In Layman's term we are consuming a kilo of poop.
1) She got the ring and I got the finger.
2) I'm so miserable without you, it's like your still here.
3) It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your *** all day.
4) If the phone don't ring, you will know it's me.
5) If I shot you when I first wanted to, I'd be out of...
Sign in the front window of a business in Whiting, Indiana
"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 10,000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER."
The sign appears in the front window of a funeral parlor.
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Today's mighty oak is just yesterdays nut who held his ground.
4) Laughing is goos exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
This is the Best Quote I've Ever Heard in My Entire Life!
I Squared My Shoulders And Commenced A Verbal Counter-Attack Which She Immediately Defused!
Here in Canada we have the Victorian Order of Nurses who do home visits when we are really sick--they dress as civilians but...
1) A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
2) You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
3)To err is human. To forgive is not our policy.
4)Everything can be filed under " miscellaneous"
5) Eat one live...
A couple had been married for 60 years. The wife called up her husband at work and yelled into the phone:
"YOU S.O.B.- YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!"
The husband answered."I am sorry. To whom am I speaking?"