They stoped making Chuck Norris movies because you don't watch Chuck Norris he watches you
Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
Chuck Norris uses barbwire as dental floss.
Chuck Norris can unring bells.
The mountain didn't go to Mohammed. It would have for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' lawnmower is equipped with a battery of hellfire missiles.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first...
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
Chuck Norris' pet piranha, Steve, likes to catch fresh Rainbow Trout for Chuck.
On April 17, 1953, Mickey Mantle hit a home run that traveled about 565 feet.
Chuck Norris matched that feat the next day.
Chuck was 13 years old at the time.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris eats out only at buffets; no one serves Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Santa... Santa believes in Chuck Norris!!
A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always: "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to close it down because no one dared cross Chuck Norris.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
I feel like watching Gossip Girl again!! Miss Serena, Blair, Chuck, Dan, Nate, etc etc...!!
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a picture of himself and won.
Toll takers PAY Chuck Norris to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.
Michael Jordan was recently asked who he thought was the greatest basketball player in the world.
Chuck Norris can turn even the safest firework into an instrument of mass destruction.
Chuck Norris did not play high school or college football, thus sparing hundreds from injury.
The Swiss all own a Chuck Norris Army Knife.
Noah had two of everything and ONE Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.
All of Chuck Norris' limbs act as natural particle accelerators.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
People go UFO sighting, outer space aliens go Chuck Norris sighting.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Q: What's the difference between REM and Chuck Norris?
A: One sings "Everybody Hurts", the other just hurts everybody.
Chuck Norris breeds twelve-thousand horsepower horses
Chuck Norris thinks outside the box,then roundhouse kicks the box into oblivion.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris speaks in capital letters.
Chuck Norris does not open the door, the handle bends down before him.
Even Force majeure is powerless against Chuck Norris.