I Will Give You Useless Advice Here

Do not under any circumstances write anything remotely close to this:

funkymonkey2024 said:
Hey there! I'm looking for girls with common interests. I'm a 22yo university student, and consider myself a handsome guy. I love to have...

When you hear your love saying that- they have had too much to drink. When you're the one that is saying it- please put the drink down. *note to self*

..........unless you're just as drunk as they are.

Case in point- enter drunk brother. He has been just rambling about- i really dont know what cause i stopped paying attention.

The last thing he says (in his "wrestler's voice...

This is all about me

Treat a relationship as if it's a two way dirt road. Understand that there are going to be pot holes, speed bumps, sharp turns, and washboards to slow you down. But you MUST understand how this works is that you MUST acknowledge that it...

..........we will fukk you with a rake and smile about it the entire time:

chumbachumba Aug 10, 2012 3:01 PM

so are we cool now yes i am a girl u hurt my kitty and that upset me can we be friends?
EdiezLush - 26-30 years old - female...

If you dont smoke cigs then dont sit next to people that do smoke cigs- especially, when said smoker is on their cig break.

Example:

I sit in the area where smoking is allowed (because the mayor has decided that i cant smoke near the...

Tab A into Slot BAgitate.The resulting frothy mixture is useful as a face cream, a snack, or lubrication for Slot C.Slot B will also be much easier to insert Tab A or other Tabs into after having been Agitated with a Tab.

Dear future con artists..... errrm.....i mean, dear future leaders of America,
When you're leaving a law firm and are planning to screw said law firm over by stealing their clientele, refrain from using up our paper to print out...

# If you wanna keep a girlfriend a secret from your family, make sure your privacy settings on Facebook don't show any posts hinting at the fact you have a girlfriend to your very nosy sister (yours truly).
# If you have hot/handsome...

Never walk away from a stringer of fish that you are cleaning to get another beer out of the fridge. Especially if there are cats around.

leave your quarters on the machine @laundry matt-- even for a second :(

Check them skillz

 

When I was younger, my dick got hard if the wind blew.

When I was younger, I would have screwed a knothole if it weren't for the slivers.

As I have aged, my dick still gets hard when the wind blows....but now.....I carry sandpaper.

For the past while I've made a note of complimenting women when they look good. It seems normal to say something nice, especially when they've put some effort into their appearance.  That doesn't mean I'm coming on to them, just that...

1. There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: "Im upset that you LIED about me" Response: "am really upset that you cant see past this lie i made up...