I Will Never Look Back Forum & Chat Board | Through the fog of life

If you have ever suffered the pain of child abuse as I have, If you have ever been forced into situations as a child just to survive as I have. If you have come out the other side scared from head to toe as I have I want to share with you.

It all started in 1968 for me. I was with my mothers step brothers wife, she was 28, I was 8. She was watching me for the weekend while my parents where away.....Also that summer I was very curious why my real father never wanted me, I asked my grandmother, my real fathers mom, why. She told me my mother left my father. I found out later he was 18, in the military, and a cheater. My mother was only 16 when she got pregnant with me. But at the time I blamed my mom because I didn't have my dad like my step brothers did. So I chose to be mad at my step father. His way was to just beat the hell out of me, not spank, fist to the stomach, belt buckles, beatings. If you have had one as a child you know what I am talking about. Back to the aunt, well she decided that I also was old enough to smoke pot with her, and drink beer, It made it more fun for her I am sure, So At the age of 8 I was being beating, molested, and feed drugs and alcohol. All the time I was mad because now not only do I not have my dad, but this guy is beating me, I am a big boy now, I am having sex with a older woman, and I smoke pot and drink...Believe me my anger, and attitude was out of control. This went on for a few years getting worse by the day....1972, 12 years old I run away to Seattle. Man did it get sick quick! This world was no place for a 12 year old to try and survive on his own. Any way, I learned real fast if I just let them they will pay me. So I did, I also got hooked up with some family. I found out where they live. They were IV drug addicts, I was around them for about a week before they hooked me up. I was hitting myself about a week later. So here I am 12, on the streets, and now I know how not to feel anything about anything. It got very sick after that.. When I mention sick I mean perverted, deadly, and wrong. This lasted until I was 16. Busted at 16, breaking into a gun store. I am a changed person by now, I am allot bigger, meaner, and chose to survive on the streets in a new manner, with violence, and fear, intimidation. I was a full fledged junkie now, I had my girl now, she was a year younger than me and a prostitute also a junkie. Funny but that was my longest relationship as sick as it was, 10 years it lasted. Or better yet, dysfunction's. It was all over  after I went to prisonin1984.

I will add more later, I am tired of thinking about this.