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I Wish I Was Dead Most of the Time

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 463 People

    Degenerate Gambler

    I have been gambling my whole adult life. I attempted suicide several times. i tried to hang myself but i pulled myself up. my neighbor shot himself last winter, leaving behind two teenage children. i hear his 17 year old daughter cry @ scream. i have 2 young children and without...
    rocktaz rocktaz 41-45 1 Response Oct 9, 2012

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    Ahhh... I've been a sad creature ever

    since I can remember. As a kid I always felt unloved and unwanted. I hated my life, my siblings, my parents... I was isolated, lonely and always bored. I created a fantasy world to get away from my terrible life... and it worked for a while. I always felt different... felt like...
    sadnina sadnina 26-30, F 2 Responses May 3

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    Pratik

    Today someone knocked me down..broke my trust I guess i did the same to a very dear friend of mine..so its coming back to me... I am sorry pratik You are an amazing person..never let anyone make you think otherwise.. Pratik..i hope you find a very beautiful and sensible girl who...
    kiaradesai14 kiaradesai14 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 10, 2013

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    superstellarian1 superstellarian1 26-30, M 3 Responses Mar 21

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    I used to, but not much anymore.

    You may have downhill moments in your life, but listen, we're all strong enough to resurface. If I was, you all are. The grass is always greener on the other side and you'll make it out of you're depression and lead a peaceful, joyful life once more. If there is anything I've...
    left4deadspace left4deadspace 16-17, M 1 Response Feb 6

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    Laurenlovesyou1000 Laurenlovesyou1000 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 20

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    There Are Times

    There are time,Wish I was dead,Life's so rough,Had enough,Can't take no more.
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 1, 2012

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    There are times where I assume most people wish

    they were dead but, unlike most people I wish I was dead all of the time. I guess the main reason for this is the untimely death of my uncle. It really isn't in the fact that he is dead that bothers me it's the fact that I feel very much responsible for his death. My Uncle was...
    thuffman15 thuffman15 26-30, M 3 Responses Feb 15

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    One Bad Day

    Being depressed isn't new to me. I grew up with a lot of repression from a lot of bad experiences, lived in terrible places where everyone is some brand of messed up, and on top of it, I come from a long line of chemically depressed people as well, so even if I didn't have these...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21 1 Response Aug 3, 2013

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    Oh boy, where do I start.

    I hate myself and my life, and I often cry. My dad is successful and has big dreams about me continuing his business. But not only can I not excel in school, hopefully I haven't failed my exams too badly, but I'm not even sure I want to work in a boring job earning a lot of...
    Shket Shket 16-17, M 2 Responses Jun 25

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    Just..

    That's right. No one gives a ****! We live in a world where everything is driven by interests.. No one cares.. But also they don't want us to die. Are they shellfish? Or am I? I don't know.. I have lost all hope in humanity. Maybe that's just the human nature. Either way, if...
    Onemorestep Onemorestep 26-30, M 4 Responses Nov 5, 2013

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    Loneliness In A Sea Of People

    I feel as though I'm some kind of cosmic mistake because I don't fit here. I find the world to be a very ugly and hideous place that hides behind a superficial facade of beauty that is truly only an illusion for me. I have loved and cherished many people but I don't feel I was...
    steffany85 steffany85 51-55, F 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    Wish I Was Dead Most Of The Time

    when I was 2 my mom left me when i was 3 my dad went to prison and didn't get back till I was 6 when he did he got a girlfriend that abused me (hit, kick, lock me in room for up to 3 days, and cut me with sharp objects) then my dad started doing more drugs and went in and out of...
    morgirocks morgirocks 13-15, F 3 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    I want to commit suicide I just don't want I

    live anymore please help me
    suicidalkid suicidalkid 18-21, F 17 Responses Jun 25

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    I Can't Think Of A Clever Title - Sorry

    It feels kind of stupid to write this. Like: "Hey internet strangers obviously whinging to you about my life will make everything better!" But it doesn't and I just... I can't - explain. It feels like everything is crashing down on me and I just can't take it. Waking up everyday...
    brainbow brainbow 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 1, 2013

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    My Parents Hate Me.

    I wish i was dead, so do my parents. They could get on with their life without me. I'm there biggest burden, thats what they said, and i want to cut myself to ribbons and completely outta their life forever. I hate them, and they hate me.  But am I in the wrong for being...
    blackbart865 blackbart865 22-25 8 Responses Aug 3, 2009

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    It doesn't get better,

    it never gets any better. I've wished I was dead pretty consistently for since I was fourteen, that's nineteen years now of hoping I'll die in my sleep, get hit by a car, maybe some sort of random violence. That's how much of a coward I am, unwilling to pull the trigger on...
    tanimn tanimn 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    I already did this but it did not work

    so I am repeating myself. I am so tired of trying to be normal. I try and try and try and keep doing to the same to be like I was. But I am not and I cannot find it. Elusive. Maybe not worth the effort any more. I am waiting to be saved at this point because I cannot save...
    sdemeuse sdemeuse 56-60, F 2 Responses Jan 29

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    Can't Take Any More

    I spent some time last night imagining what it might be like to die.  I think I'd have to take pills.  I tried slitting my wrists when I was a teenager but didn't have the guts to do a good enough job at it.  Maybe I could hang myself.  Just nothing too...
    cssoulsearching cssoulsearching 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 5, 2010

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    "temporary" problem?

    I have been more or less depressed, even on meds, since I was 10. I'm 40 now. ...It gets better briefly, then it gets worse again. ...Right now I'm going to have a shower, take the happy pills that aren't even remotely making me happy, and go get more tomorrow that might actually...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 4 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Darkness Consumes

    Heh. They say "kids are to young to be depressed." They tell us, "you think life is hard now, wait till later." **** what they say. I'm a worthless 15 year old girl who let's darkness consume her. I have been self harming for years and even starved myself to feel pretty which...
    StormyStabber StormyStabber 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 19, 2013

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    Burned.. All Burned

    Imagine all that you have created. Something that would create a mark of your passage here in life. All those materials things that meant some intellectual connection to you. Well, all of mine, that I have created.. I just burned them. For some people, leaving something that...
    Onemorestep Onemorestep 26-30, M 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    Why

    Well i been like this most of my life. U know i think about it everyday. I thought if there was a robbery they told you to do something i would do the opposite so maybe they would kill me or i think how hard would i have to drive my car into a pole or a tree to die.I come very...
    kmn4 kmn4 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 9, 2012

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    The Phone Call That Ended My Life

    One phone call took everything I had away from me. I thought everything was alright until I got that one phone call and ever since that one phone call every single night I have prayed to stop breathing in my sleep so I would not have to wake up and deal with the pain...
    theezy5 theezy5 26-30, F 2 Responses Nov 6, 2013

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    Misery That Goes On And On, 20+ Years Now

    I'm 43 years old and have felt miserable for very many of my days since I was 14. I don't get the people that say that feeling this bad is temporary. Really, it's my life. Feeling good is temporary; horrible misery is reality. I've been on various anti-depressants for probably...
    sleeo sleeo 41-45, M Nov 30, 2013

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    I have no reason to. I have a relatively easy

    life. I wake up in the morning in a warm and clean bed. I have hot and cold running water. And yet, I can't bring myself to have the motivation to live. The urge; it's strong, so strong. Sometimes I feel it grabbing my feet, wrapping around my ankles and pulling me down. I...
    Patronusmagic Patronusmagic 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 6, 2013

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    Mum Died

    This may sound silly, but since my mum died I just wish I could stop breathing, I can't carry on. I'm 47 and my mum was 69 when she died 5 months ago. I work with homeless teenagers and lately I feel I just have no care left in me to support them and do my job properly. I'm so...
    alonegff alonegff 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 1, 2013

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    Kill Me Please..

    I just want this end. I want to die and just be a peace and not have to deal with these thoughts in my head anymore. But I'm too much of a coward I don't even have the guts to take my own life. Everyday I wish I could trade places with someone who is dying and let them live on...
    xBrickWallx xBrickWallx 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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    A Painful Laugh

    I spoke to a old associate of mine today and she said "I am happy things are better for you now" I thanked her, laughed, and in my head I thought "Man I must be getting real good at hiding the way I really feel" as soon as we finished our conversation and I was alone I curled up...
    theezy5 theezy5 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    5 Years Of Torment.

    Where do i begin, had a great life, wife, 2 great kids a thriving business and the world seemed to by my oyster but this has turned out to be a clam. A big legal case sent the business under followed 2 weeks later by the death of my mother from cancer. Wife then had an affair...
    despair4life despair4life 41-45 5 Responses Nov 14, 2012

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    Why Are Doctors So Fixated On Medication?

    for the last few days ive been feeling very low in my depression and i cant even bring myself to going to college because of it. my dad keeps asking if im ok, which i hate. i hate talking...and my friends are annoyed because i didnt go to a party, yet i couldnt get out of bed...
    MissDeBudlieAY MissDeBudlieAY 18-21 1 Response Sep 26, 2011

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    The past goes, the present comes,

    and the future awaits, yet I wish it didn't. I've never been a people person, always in the background. I am the wallflower of the world. I am young, 14 years old. Everyone gets this depression at some time, or so they say, but have they ever felt like us? Have they ever felt...
    UnwantedShadow UnwantedShadow 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 11

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    I have little friends,

    of which even those whom I have, they are not close enough to discuss my problems. I can't focus at work... or anywhere. Just feel like a soul stuck in a robot. "Yes Boss!", "Yes Mom!", "Yes Sir!"... but really? No. But it's work. It's life. It sucks. I'm just anxious all the...
    BrainDead321 BrainDead321 26-30, M Dec 9, 2013

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    Waking up each day becomes more

    and more of a chore, sometime's I can't think of a valid reason to wake up. I'm stupid, lazy, fat, worthless, and can't do anything right. Failure seems to follow my pathetic life. It's easier to see my self dead than to actually succeed. People tell me that...
    xDeadspacex xDeadspacex 16-17, F 4 Responses Mar 28

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    I Can't Take It.

    I give without receiving. I love without keeping. Every breath I take lacks meaning. My smile can be deceiving. I fake it till I make it, but there is no end, there is always another bend. I find myself wishing I was dead. I hate myself to my core, I want something to soothe my...
    JewBoss JewBoss 18-21, M Nov 5, 2013

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    Life Is Good. Why Am I Depressed?

    I am 26 year old mechanical engineer. I am smart, creative, strong and muscular, good looking, excellent at sports, have lots of friends, a loving family, and a happy wonderful girl friend. I have a nice car, lots of money, and an excellent job that pays well where I get to make...
    superstellarian1 superstellarian1 26-30, M 8 Responses Aug 1, 2013

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    Yesterday I Wrote A Note...

    ...and left it for my wife to find. I went and laid down on my bed. She wouldn't't be home for another 6 hours; plenty of time to stop breathing and slip away. I realized no one would be there to hold my hand when I passed. My health has been failing for the last 10 years and...
    Embrel Embrel 26-30, M 5 Responses Apr 5, 2010

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    ever since around puberty I would wish i was

    dead a lot. But me killing myself wouldn't be fair for a lot of people. I might as well improve everyone else's lives while i'm alive. Currently majoring in physics so I can hopefully give the Earth's inhabitants nearly infinite energy. Planning on staying alive until everyone...
    phliphlop phliphlop 18-21 Feb 2

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    Nurse68 Nurse68 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 20

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    I find it difficult to put into words.

    Most days i regret that i am alive. At the present time i feel so ill, i want and wait for something to happen. I don't know what i want to happen but don't care if it is good or bad. I find it hard to talk and get angry, when my partner or family try to talk to me it is almost...
    mmtyisaf mmtyisaf 41-45, M 1 Response Feb 10

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    What Have I Done

    I am very unsure of me i have been down 90% of my life tried taking it a few times when i was younger only to wake in hospitals or the floor alone the false security i feel when at work or around people instantaneously disappears when i am alone i constantly make bad decisions...
    justend justend 36-40, M 2 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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    I have been depressed

    for as long as I can remember. My mother died of cancer when I was just 12. My father was always extremely distant and cold. I have survived 57 years of depression and I wish it was all over. There is no joy in my life. I put my fingers (as a gun) to my temple at least 20...
    toddcody toddcody 56-60, M 3 Responses May 13

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    Why Choose A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem?

    reading and writing stuff on a random website can only help in certain ways in certain circumstances . . .I feel MORE overwhelmed when I see all this grief and pain than when I was alone! I wish everyone who is in pain peace and relief I send them all love and hope Please get...
    dispossessed dispossessed 46-50, F 4 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Unhappy

    Well believe it or not, I am REALLY unhappy with myself... I always think I'm too fat, not pretty at all, and not good enough for anyone.. And whenever I talk about this with others, the always think I'm crazy. I mean, people do tell me that I am pretty, but I just don't believe...
    BeautifulNightmarex BeautifulNightmarex 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2013

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    My good friend comitted suicide 3 months ago ,

    i cutt my wrist and i am depressed i need help i want to smile again ! Rumors go around at school about me and i have had enough now at night i spend my time searching on how to comitt suicide
    alisonmay alisonmay 16-17, F 5 Responses Jun 20

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    Gone

    I hate myself.If you really knew me you'd probably hate me too. I long for death like someone drowning is desperate for air. I've already attempted suicide. I'll never forget the taste of charcoal gaging me, stealing me back. I'd kill myself now, but I don't want to make others...
    Everlong1841 Everlong1841 16-17 1 Response Mar 26, 2012

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    There's really no reason

    for me to be alive. I'm an apathetic idiot and a waste of air. I have no passion, interests, or joy. I'll probably never have friends again. I've given up on ever being happy. I'm mostly just a failure incapable of doing much of anything right. And I've found that most people...
    bambionroids bambionroids 22-25 2 Responses Feb 14

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    Wishing I Was Dead Every Day

    I am more afraid of failing and ending up in hospital where they will surely lock me up and throw away the key than I am of succeeding and accomplishing my own suicide. The Eagles... "My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim…. I had to stop for the night." rings true after...
    absolom absolom 36-40 2 Responses Jul 18, 2013

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    I'm Too Chicken But

    I fantasize about it a lot. Getting a gun and holding it in my mouth and just shooting the trigger, going to the tracks or finding a bridge. Those would be my top 3 ways. I even think about posting an add on Craigslist to look for a gun. I fantasized the other day taking one from...
    Alinge Alinge 31-35, F 7 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    Today is the worse day well I should say the beginning of the day was good at work but then I come home and **** hits the fan. Just because I sad I did not like the color of the...
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