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I Wish I Was Dead Most of the Time

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 630 People

    My 5th post. If you are reading my posts I just

    need to say that if any part of my story sounds like a blame game, that's not the intention. Throughout the last 21 years of my life, I have always been in a frame of mind, where I could have made any decision I wanted that may have prevented me reaching where I am today. I...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Wishing I Was Dead Every Day

    I am more afraid of failing and ending up in hospital where they will surely lock me up and throw away the key than I am of succeeding and accomplishing my own suicide. The Eagles... "My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim…. I had to stop for the night." rings true after...
    absolom absolom 41-45 2 Responses Jul 18, 2013

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    So I may as well start tonight.

    I don't think I'll be sleeping soon and I need to start sharing sometime. I was born as the first child and my parents had another 2 kids after that. Both boys, the second one born when I was 11 was given 2 weeks to live. I still remember my father coming home a broken man...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Nov 11

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    There Are Times

    There are time,Wish I was dead,Life's so rough,Had enough,Can't take no more.
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M 1 Response Feb 1, 2012

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    Nurse68 Nurse68 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 20

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    13th post. "Fool me once shame on you,

    fool me twice shame on me." I wish it would end, I wish it would end, I wish it would end. My life that is, and I can't seem to stop thinking it. Just a few things about me as a person. I am not beautiful or gorgeous, I don't have an amazing body and I'm not thin, I'm very self...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Can't Take Any More

    I spent some time last night imagining what it might be like to die.  I think I'd have to take pills.  I tried slitting my wrists when I was a teenager but didn't have the guts to do a good enough job at it.  Maybe I could hang myself.  Just nothing too...
    cssoulsearching cssoulsearching 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 5, 2010

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    Why Are Doctors So Fixated On Medication?

    for the last few days ive been feeling very low in my depression and i cant even bring myself to going to college because of it. my dad keeps asking if im ok, which i hate. i hate talking...and my friends are annoyed because i didnt go to a party, yet i couldnt get out of bed...
    MissDeBudlieAY MissDeBudlieAY 18-21 2 Responses Sep 26, 2011

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    8th post. I almost decided yesterday not to

    continue my story, and then I thought it would not be fair to myself. It just seems a huge task, and then my mind started playing those tricks where it tells me I've blown it out of proportion, and maybe it wasn't as bad as I imagined. Is that why abuse victims stay, because...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 3 days ago

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    I Can't Take It.

    I give without receiving. I love without keeping. Every breath I take lacks meaning. My smile can be deceiving. I fake it till I make it, but there is no end, there is always another bend. I find myself wishing I was dead. I hate myself to my core, I want something to soothe my...
    JewBoss JewBoss 18-21, M Nov 5, 2013

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    Life Is Good. Why Am I Depressed?

    I am 26 year old mechanical engineer. I am smart, creative, strong and muscular, good looking, excellent at sports, have lots of friends, a loving family, and a happy wonderful girl friend. I have a nice car, lots of money, and an excellent job that pays well where I get to make...
    superstellarian1 superstellarian1 26-30, M 9 Responses Aug 1, 2013

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    This is the first time

    that I felt so alone. I know that in just a few minutes I'll be with my friends again cause I'm actually waiting for them. But I just don't know why I feel this way. Maybe because I don't know where to go and the place that I used to go to that has a crowd is even so quiet. It's...
    officialwanderer officialwanderer 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 8

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    Waking up each day becomes more

    and more of a chore, sometime's I can't think of a valid reason to wake up. I'm stupid, lazy, fat, worthless, and can't do anything right. Failure seems to follow my pathetic life. It's easier to see my self dead than to actually succeed. People tell me that...
    xDeadspacex xDeadspacex 16-17, F 4 Responses Mar 28

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    Some times I wonder??

    ? Are a person that dies from the inside sloping upwards every day from the curve of deprecion and down al the way with in seconds,does it to himselfs??? Or what may be the course??? Is it that true 3de generation sins that huant you? Is it your choices of becoming greater?? Is...
    TheJayBoer TheJayBoer 31-35, M a week ago

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    11th post. This isn't really a past story just

    how I'm feeling at the moment. I hate myself so much and my life even more. I feel dead inside, I'm just so tired. Rehashing the past is killing me, but I don't know if it is worse in or out. I'm so angry at myself,at the world, at my life. I just want to go to sleep and not...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 3 days ago

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    Degenerate Gambler

    I have been gambling my whole adult life. I attempted suicide several times. i tried to hang myself but i pulled myself up. my neighbor shot himself last winter, leaving behind two teenage children. i hear his 17 year old daughter cry @ scream. i have 2 young children and without...
    rocktaz rocktaz 41-45 1 Response Oct 9, 2012

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    Okay well I've been thinking lots

    since posting my initial thoughts and this is what I've decided.I have been looking for a website where I can tell my story freely. Where I can just get it out and maybe, just maybe I can help some people recognise early warning signs, so they don't get to where I am now. Maybe...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Nov 11

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    Darkness Consumes

    Heh. They say "kids are to young to be depressed." They tell us, "you think life is hard now, wait till later." **** what they say. I'm a worthless 15 year old girl who let's darkness consume her. I have been self harming for years and even starved myself to feel pretty which...
    StormyStabber StormyStabber 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 19, 2013

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    What Have I Done

    I am very unsure of me i have been down 90% of my life tried taking it a few times when i was younger only to wake in hospitals or the floor alone the false security i feel when at work or around people instantaneously disappears when i am alone i constantly make bad decisions...
    justend justend 36-40, M 2 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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    I have always had this feeling plague me

    since I was a child. I don't want to feel it. But I do. I went through years of therapy and Rx meds. But I stopped it all, realizing I'm the only one who can fix me now. I'm trying. But it's easy to fall back into what I'm used to doing. I made it a comfort zone. When the...
    Ludavin Ludavin 46-50, F Aug 10

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    16th Post. One of my favourite songs of all

    time is Free by Rudimental, but you really have to go into youtube and watch the clip to appreciate the song. The theme of the song reminds me of me through and through. The biggest difference though is the ending. That should have been my life right now. I should have been...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Loneliness In A Sea Of People

    I feel as though I'm some kind of cosmic mistake because I don't fit here. I find the world to be a very ugly and hideous place that hides behind a superficial facade of beauty that is truly only an illusion for me. I have loved and cherished many people but I don't feel I was...
    steffany85 steffany85 51-55, F 2 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    9th post. My second daughter was born in 1997,

    very cute, but then again babies are so adorable. Their innocence always gets me. I discharged early from hospital, like I had done with my first, and we were home the next day. As I had chosen the early discharge, a nurse would come by for a few days and check on me and the...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 3 days ago

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    Maybe not most of the time.

    ... But a lot recently. I feel like a teenager again. Some days I think of little else, it's so hard to understand when your not in that frame of mind. Here I am again... Where's the exit?
    Ladybuddha1 Ladybuddha1 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 25

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    Right now is one of those times.

    I'm sick of life. Why was I even born? I feel like I never do a thing right. I'm mentally ill. Depressed. Waste of life. No one understands me and I'm alone in this world. The things I want to happen never will. I'm too weak and too worn out from life. I hate being here. God...
    Ludavin Ludavin 46-50, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I don't really want help.

    I can't talk to anyone else about it. I did try to get help once, but they recommended group therapy. I don't want group therapy. I really don't want 1 on 1 sessions either, but some people depend on me. I'm just tired and bored and fed up. I want to blink out of existence...
    jmasters12 jmasters12 36-40, M 5 Responses Aug 12

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    Yesterday I Wrote A Note...

    ...and left it for my wife to find. I went and laid down on my bed. She wouldn't't be home for another 6 hours; plenty of time to stop breathing and slip away. I realized no one would be there to hold my hand when I passed. My health has been failing for the last 10 years and...
    Embrel Embrel 26-30, M 5 Responses Apr 5, 2010

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    The Guiding Sickle I must admit,

    this current stretch of time is not going well for me. I've come to understand something serious though: if I wished to leave any kind of note to my family or friends before I kill myself, I would have to write it when I'm not feeling actively suicidal, and keep it on hand in...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21, T 3 Responses Aug 28

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    10th post. I feel so guilty sharing my story,

    as I feel like I'm dissing someone behind their back. I'm telling our story, but this other person can't defend themselves, so please if you're reading this don't judge anybody I mention in my stories. They are not bad people, this is the way I understood situations, and my...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 3 days ago

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    "temporary" problem?

    I have been more or less depressed, even on meds, since I was 10. I'm 40 now. ...It gets better briefly, then it gets worse again. ...Right now I'm going to have a shower, take the happy pills that aren't even remotely making me happy, and go get more tomorrow that might actually...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 4 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Mum Died

    This may sound silly, but since my mum died I just wish I could stop breathing, I can't carry on. I'm 47 and my mum was 69 when she died 5 months ago. I work with homeless teenagers and lately I feel I just have no care left in me to support them and do my job properly. I'm so...
    alonegff alonegff 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 1, 2013

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    Unhappy

    Well believe it or not, I am REALLY unhappy with myself... I always think I'm too fat, not pretty at all, and not good enough for anyone.. And whenever I talk about this with others, the always think I'm crazy. I mean, people do tell me that I am pretty, but I just don't believe...
    BeautifulNightmarex BeautifulNightmarex 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2013

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    Why I Need Therapy Life is a miserable thing,

    a constant succession of assaults, minor or major, that assails one without respite or remorse. Fully aware that other people, societies, or nations have it worse in many respects, I still feel pain inexhaustible. Most of my worst experiences, some repressed or otherwise...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21, T 3 Responses Aug 10

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    "Faith is seeing light with your heart

    when all your eyes see is darkness." 7th Post. Back to my story. Just need to mention that if you don't like to hear real stuff then stop reading my posts now. From here on in there might be some pretty intense stories for some people. But then again maybe not everyone is as...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 5 days ago

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    If knowing you no longer want to go on

    or can go on means hitting rock bottom then I am there. I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate everything around me. I feel so mentally exhausted I just don't want to do anything, I want to lay down and go to sleep and never wake up. Life hurts, people hurt and the world is...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Nov 11

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    My boyfriend who I thought I was going to spend

    the rest of my life with left me. We lived together, slept with each other every night. Took baths with each other made dinner for each other. He got me a ring and said he promises to be with me forever. My heart is broken: he said the relationship is not something he wants. He...
    Mangocupcakes Mangocupcakes 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 14

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    I've been struggling with depression

    as long as I could remember and I've been in and out of talk therapy since I was 9. I'm 32 now and seeing a counselor but lately my depression feels like it's only gotten worse especially over the past two months. In March I got in a car accident that inflamed my sciatica and...
    aapjm aapjm 31-35, M 1 Response Aug 20

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    JustASkinnyDream JustASkinnyDream 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 20

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    I have little friends,

    of which even those whom I have, they are not close enough to discuss my problems. I can't focus at work... or anywhere. Just feel like a soul stuck in a robot. "Yes Boss!", "Yes Mom!", "Yes Sir!"... but really? No. But it's work. It's life. It sucks. I'm just anxious all the...
    BrainDead321 BrainDead321 26-30, M Dec 9, 2013

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    Misery That Goes On And On, 20+ Years Now

    I'm 43 years old and have felt miserable for very many of my days since I was 14. I don't get the people that say that feeling this bad is temporary. Really, it's my life. Feeling good is temporary; horrible misery is reality. I've been on various anti-depressants for probably...
    sleeo sleeo 41-45, M Nov 30, 2013

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    Why

    Well i been like this most of my life. U know i think about it everyday. I thought if there was a robbery they told you to do something i would do the opposite so maybe they would kill me or i think how hard would i have to drive my car into a pole or a tree to die.I come very...
    kmn4 kmn4 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 9, 2012

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    15th post. My panic attack yesterday left me

    emotionally and physically drained. The way I'm feeling today, there is no was in the world I am going to beat this fight. I would much rather be done with it. I'm at a point where I don't even care who I will hurt in the process,whether that be my kids, family, friends or my...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    There's really no reason

    for me to be alive. I'm an apathetic idiot and a waste of air. I have no passion, interests, or joy. I'll probably never have friends again. I've given up on ever being happy. I'm mostly just a failure incapable of doing much of anything right. And I've found that most people...
    bambionroids bambionroids 22-25 2 Responses Feb 14

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    I moved across country

    for my fiancé to go to the uni of his choice in hope that a new start would cure my negativity and hopelessness. I was wrong...I've never felt so alone. For the past month I've slept on the floor in our spare room and we are struggling to pay the rent. I'm starting to hate him...
    GlumCandy GlumCandy 26-30, F 1 Response Oct 13

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    14th post. Tonight I had the mother of all

    panic attacks, and it was the second worst one I've ever had. Yes I do remember them because I hate each one with a passion. For anyone who suffers panic attacks, you will totally understand what I mean. For those who don't let me explain.I was at home chatting to a friend, it...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 day ago

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    Ahhh... I've been a sad creature ever

    since I can remember. As a kid I always felt unloved and unwanted. I hated my life, my siblings, my parents... I was isolated, lonely and always bored. I created a fantasy world to get away from my terrible life... and it worked for a while. I always felt different... felt like...
    sadnina sadnina 26-30, F 2 Responses May 3

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    I'm 53 and have wished I were dead my whole

    life. I used to try to commit suicide but after failing 4 times I have given that up. I am resigned to the belief that I will live like this until I finally die. I have tried getting help but it has not helped. I have been seeing a shrink for over 25 years and I'm just as...
    depressedrobin depressedrobin 51-55, F 4 Responses Sep 26

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    One Bad Day

    Being depressed isn't new to me. I grew up with a lot of repression from a lot of bad experiences, lived in terrible places where everyone is some brand of messed up, and on top of it, I come from a long line of chemically depressed people as well, so even if I didn't have these...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21, T 1 Response Aug 3, 2013

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    I woke up an hour ago from sleeping

    since saturday night... its monday morning. I am sick and on my period-- not helping. i couldnt even get up to let my puppy outside to use the bathroom :( so there is **** everywhere in my house. All i want to do is swallow my bottle of antidepressants but i can never fully...
    knbrickh knbrickh 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 25

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    I wonder what it's like to not wish I was never

    born constantly throughout the day. I can't have always been like this...
    Verndari Verndari 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 24

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    Kill Me Please..

    I just want this end. I want to die and just be a peace and not have to deal with these thoughts in my head anymore. But I'm too much of a coward I don't even have the guts to take my own life. Everyday I wish I could trade places with someone who is dying and let them live on...
    xBrickWallx xBrickWallx 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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