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I Wish I Was Dead Most of the Time

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 663 People

    64th post. So sad tonight.

    I was sitting around with my husband and a couple of family members. He was talking about how everything is going to change in the New Year, and I just sat there listening and looking at him. He was talking about me going back to look after the businesses because he wanted to...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 23, 2014

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    My good friend comitted suicide 3 months ago ,

    i cutt my wrist and i am depressed i need help i want to smile again ! Rumors go around at school about me and i have had enough now at night i spend my time searching on how to comitt suicide
    alisonmay alisonmay 16-17, F 7 Responses Jun 20, 2014

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    65th post.. Totally unrelated

    but I was looking in the mirror earlier to apply my old ladies face cream, when I noticed something scary. A grey hair. No, not on my head like most of you are probably thinking. I have a whole bunch on my head, only in the front area, but I have had them since my late twenties...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 23, 2014

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    9th post. My second daughter was born in 1997,

    very cute, but then again babies are so adorable. Their innocence always gets me. I discharged early from hospital, like I had done with my first, and we were home the next day. As I had chosen the early discharge, a nurse would come by for a few days and check on me and the...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Nov 19, 2014

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    69th post. Hey everybody.

    I'm in Sydney and we are three hours away from 2015. All I can say os bring it on. I can feel the good times in my bones so lets all put 2014 behind us. Pretty good feeling to be the first into 2015, sorry rest of the world who is hours behind us. To every single person out...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 31, 2014

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    74th post..Well you might have noticed I

    haven't been posting here in a while. I'm still around. The 20th passed and I'm still alive. Had a bad week struggling all week with the bad thoughts and feelings. It is now the 22nd here, and I made it past my so called use by date. Now that I feel like I'm no longer on a...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    One Bad Day

    Being depressed isn't new to me. I grew up with a lot of repression from a lot of bad experiences, lived in terrible places where everyone is some brand of messed up, and on top of it, I come from a long line of chemically depressed people as well, so even if I didn't have these...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21, T 1 Response Aug 3, 2013

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    71st post. I feel great

    because I have no feelings. No emotions at all. Love it when I get like this because anything is possible. Nobody can touch me and I don't give a crap about anything. Nothing and nobody matters. I call it my self destruct button. Nobody can do to me what I can do to me. More...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    Wishing I Was Dead Every Day

    I am more afraid of failing and ending up in hospital where they will surely lock me up and throw away the key than I am of succeeding and accomplishing my own suicide. The Eagles... "My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim…. I had to stop for the night." rings true after...
    absolom absolom 41-45 2 Responses Jul 18, 2013

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    53rd post..OMG HOSTAGE SITUATION OUT OF HAND.

    .GUNFIRE WATCHING LIVE...HOPE NOBODY WAS HURT..woman carried out bleeding..most hostages out..don't know about the last few or gunman..police inside the building..
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Dec 15, 2014

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    67th post...Helloooo world.

    Deliriously happy today. The world is a beautiful place and I can't stop smiling. Like I've said before would like to bottle up these feelings. They would be priceless. Generally speaking my feelings of wanting to end my life have halved in the recent weeks. I am no longer in...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    68th post. What is this feeling?

    It's back again, the dread and hollowness inside. I don't understand why..I was starting to feel better. Today it's here with a vengeance. I feel like I'm swimming in dark murky waters. Little vines on the bottom of the water bed are grabbing at my ankles, trying to stop be from...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 29, 2014

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    It really is the best thing

    for me to die. I have zero friends, nothing to live for, I'm poor, harassed, my mother's "love" is conditional and I'm obese and ugly. I have no family either. If I died my mother wouldn't find me until maybe the next day or two. If she died no one would ever find me. That's...
    1lonelydaisy 1lonelydaisy 41-45 3 Responses Dec 17, 2014

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    59th post. A few years back I used to work

    for a major insurance company. I had just gotten a transfer into the city, and I had been appointed to the new position of a learning and development trainer for Human Resources. I would train new staff and I would arrange any training courses or seminars for the employees...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 19, 2014

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    I've struggled with these feelings forever it

    seems like. I hate so many people and things, including myself. I'm not smart enough, artistic enough, or good enough. I'm unhappy with my life. Death seems so sweet to me. Every night when I cry myself to sleep, I think, I can't wait to die. Sometimes I like to fantasize about...
    dakota762 dakota762 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 8, 2014

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    I am constantly depressed now.

    I wish I was dead but I'm too weak to kill myself yet. Hopefully I will gain the strength I need to end this miserable existence. I hate this world at the core, I hate how we live as people. I love children and they're a lot of fun, but I never want to have children because I...
    quorker quorker 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 16, 2014

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    Life Is Good. Why Am I Depressed?

    I am 26 year old mechanical engineer. I am smart, creative, strong and muscular, good looking, excellent at sports, have lots of friends, a loving family, and a happy wonderful girl friend. I have a nice car, lots of money, and an excellent job that pays well where I get to make...
    superstellarian1 superstellarian1 26-30, M 9 Responses Aug 1, 2013

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    Why Choose A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem?

    reading and writing stuff on a random website can only help in certain ways in certain circumstances . . .I feel MORE overwhelmed when I see all this grief and pain than when I was alone! I wish everyone who is in pain peace and relief I send them all love and hope Please get...
    dispossessed dispossessed 46-50, F 4 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    58th post. I'm back to my story

    and it's back. The wanting to die feeling. I hate myself, I hate this world, I am ugly, I am a doormat, I am pathetic. Nobody loves me. Such a failure. I want to tear my skin off. Everybody is better off without me. I want to jump in front of that train today, and stop this...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 16, 2014

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    73rd post. Today his brother was asking me to

    take him back. Not directly saying he wanted to come back, but more saying I need to make up with him because I always do, so why prolong it. He never actually directly asks to come back but he will create other situations and pressure that I will buckle under. Doesn't anybody...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 6

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    Why I Need Therapy Life is a miserable thing,

    a constant succession of assaults, minor or major, that assails one without respite or remorse. Fully aware that other people, societies, or nations have it worse in many respects, I still feel pain inexhaustible. Most of my worst experiences, some repressed or otherwise...
    SourPennies SourPennies 18-21, T 3 Responses Aug 10, 2014

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    Nurse68 Nurse68 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 20, 2014

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    66th post. I just wanna wish every single one

    of you amazing people out there a very Merry Christmas. Don't ever lose hope because you never know what is around the corner. Please be kind to one another, because you just might change someone's life!!
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 24, 2014

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    Right now is one of those times.

    I'm sick of life. Why was I even born? I feel like I never do a thing right. I'm mentally ill. Depressed. Waste of life. No one understands me and I'm alone in this world. The things I want to happen never will. I'm too weak and too worn out from life. I hate being here. God...
    Ludavin Ludavin 46-50, F 3 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    56th post..This will be my last post on the

    Sydney siege. 2 innocent lives were lost early this morning, as a selfish individual stormed a coffee shop and decided to play God for a few hours. I pray that their souls rest in peace, and their families can find comfort in knowing these innocent souls are with God. Gunman is...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 15, 2014

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    Darkness Consumes

    Heh. They say "kids are to young to be depressed." They tell us, "you think life is hard now, wait till later." **** what they say. I'm a worthless 15 year old girl who let's darkness consume her. I have been self harming for years and even starved myself to feel pretty which...
    StormyStabber StormyStabber 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 19, 2013

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    THOUGHTS OF SEEING AN AFTERLIFE WITH NO PAIN IS

    SO BEAUTIFUL. SO I SAY **** LIFE ALOT!!
    lovelinessbathes lovelinessbathes 31-35, M 2 Responses Dec 31, 2014

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    I have little friends,

    of which even those whom I have, they are not close enough to discuss my problems. I can't focus at work... or anywhere. Just feel like a soul stuck in a robot. "Yes Boss!", "Yes Mom!", "Yes Sir!"... but really? No. But it's work. It's life. It sucks. I'm just anxious all the...
    BrainDead321 BrainDead321 26-30, M 1 Response Dec 9, 2013

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    60th post. I hope everyone takes the time to

    read this post. This happened about half an hour ago, but let me start at the beginning. It's Sunday 2.20am when I started writing this post. A few hours ago he went out to dinner with his sister, my brother and my brothers family. He didn't even bother asking me to go and I...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 20, 2014

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    70th post...Well here I am,

    first day of 2015, sitting in my lounge, typing on laptop, and crying like my heart is breaking. I don't even know what happened, it happened so fast. My legs feel like lead and my body is so heavy, I feel like if I stand up I'll fall down. I feel helpless and so so sad. We had...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 1

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    He didn't stop me sinning at all

    and didn't do anything. Haven't felt him at all. Feel so free! He let me go and didn't care one bit. So I'll go to hell now. But oh well! The devil told me as a little girl I would. At least I'll be in good company. I don't want it this way but faith is not working for me. I've...
    1lonelydaisy 1lonelydaisy 41-45 3 Responses Dec 17, 2014

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    18th post. For anyone

    who has been following my posts this one is a must read. I am shaking and my hands are sweating bullets because I know this is the truth of it all. The actual truth. I am going to tell you all about the topic I've been avoiding till now because I don't like to talk about it much...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 4 Responses Nov 24, 2014

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    I Can't Think Of A Clever Title - Sorry

    It feels kind of stupid to write this. Like: "Hey internet strangers obviously whinging to you about my life will make everything better!" But it doesn't and I just... I can't - explain. It feels like everything is crashing down on me and I just can't take it. Waking up everyday...
    brainbow brainbow 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 1, 2013

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    Laurenlovesyou1000 Laurenlovesyou1000 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 20, 2014

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    Life is so boring...i used to play on my PC a

    lot to feel good but now...even that is not working anymore...4 weeks without cutting and now it´s all back...i wish i could destroy all mirrors in my house...i hate mirrors...it´s bad to feel so empty but to look at the mirror and face this ugly body is even worse...only...
    anderlr anderlr 13-15, M Jan 20

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    27th post. So basically my husband bashed me

    for years and years. There were things thrown at me such as plates, glass ashtrays, tables, punches, choking, whatever he felt like at the time. Much of it was intimidation, but I didn't realise the worst was yet to come. When he slowed down on the beatings and focused more on...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    55th post..Sydney Siege.

    .Gunman dead and 2 hostages now dead.. 2 more in serious condition..what a devastating turn of events
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Dec 15, 2014

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    Waking up each day becomes more

    and more of a chore, sometime's I can't think of a valid reason to wake up. I'm stupid, lazy, fat, worthless, and can't do anything right. Failure seems to follow my pathetic life. It's easier to see my self dead than to actually succeed. People tell me that...
    xDeadspacex xDeadspacex 16-17, F 4 Responses Mar 28, 2014

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    Misery That Goes On And On, 20+ Years Now

    I'm 43 years old and have felt miserable for very many of my days since I was 14. I don't get the people that say that feeling this bad is temporary. Really, it's my life. Feeling good is temporary; horrible misery is reality. I've been on various anti-depressants for probably...
    sleeo sleeo 41-45, M Nov 30, 2013

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    63rd post. Now I'm going to start delving into

    the issues that have caused me the most anxiety over the years, and which I believe have led to who I am today. Firstly I will talk about my weight issues, or my body confidence. Actually I should say my lack of body confidence. Over the years I have looked at myself quite...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Dec 23, 2014

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    Ok so here we go again.

    I'm ready to go on with my story. Just for those who have not read my previous posts, this is my fourth one. Anyway, so I was almost 18 when me and the guy I was dating decided we were going to get married. Simple right? No, not so simple. When my dad found out about the...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Nov 16, 2014

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    54th post..Sydney Siege.

    ..5 people taken away on stretchers. Police officer shot and injured, also taken to hospital. 2 people have died so far, unconfirmed who exactly they are. Could be more fatalities to come. So devastated. Thanks to everyone who helped pray for the hostages. I think you all helped...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F Dec 15, 2014

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    57th post..I said last post on Sydney siege one

    post ago, but I'm compelled to write one more. Final hostage count was 17. Crowds gathered at Martin Place in Sydney. Laying flowers and crying. Sydney is heartbroken, and has been left feeling confused and empty. Everybody feels the same way, like somehow Sydney's innocence has...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 15, 2014

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    WHY just why. That was awful

    and I feel even worse about myself than I already did feel. I had to go otherwise my money would've been cut completely and I would starve to death. I needed to go. I felt like an idiot, a piece of s***. I felt so absolutely awful. Like a child. Like a bad human being. Like a...
    1lonelydaisy 1lonelydaisy 41-45 1 Response Dec 18, 2014

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    Ahhh... I've been a sad creature ever

    since I can remember. As a kid I always felt unloved and unwanted. I hated my life, my siblings, my parents... I was isolated, lonely and always bored. I created a fantasy world to get away from my terrible life... and it worked for a while. I always felt different... felt like...
    sadnina sadnina 26-30, F 1 Response May 3, 2014

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    72nd post. I know what he is trying to do.

    He is trying to come back. To get me to call him and tell him I'll change and ask for him back. I'll explain. I sent him a text yesterday telling him I cared about him and was here for him as a friend. I also told him firmly it was over between us, it wasn't working, and never...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 3

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    61st post. Just walked up to the doorway of the

    guest bedroom. Stood staring at him as he slept peacefully. He was softly snoring and I just stood there looking at him. A million thoughts went through my head. I wanted to end his life, because in my heart I knew it was either me or him. I knew in a few short minutes if I...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 20, 2014

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    I told my friend I love him

    and he stopped talking to me. Most of the time I wish I was dead. It seems everybody else is able to hug their friends and tell them they love them, but I can't. Somehow it comes out all wrong? I don't understand what is this curse. Why can't I express my feelings without being...
    quorker quorker 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    01.This is my first post.

    I hope it's not my last. I could not sleep last night because I feel like a reject. Nobody wants me. Why does silence hurt so much? I don't know what to do with myself anymore...
    CharlotteTeller CharlotteTeller 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 10

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    62nd post. Well here I am again,

    and I live to see another day. Nobody killed me and I didn't kill anybody, and I guess today I feel like it was all just a dream. It's easy to forget when that's all you're trying to do. Today there was all sorts of drama with other family members, and I sat there thinking was...
    rana3434 rana3434 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 21, 2014

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    I have always had this feeling plague me

    since I was a child. I don't want to feel it. But I do. I went through years of therapy and Rx meds. But I stopped it all, realizing I'm the only one who can fix me now. I'm trying. But it's easy to fall back into what I'm used to doing. I made it a comfort zone. When the...
    Ludavin Ludavin 46-50, F Aug 10, 2014

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