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I Write Down My Thoughts

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,087 People

    You know what's a stupid question?

    It's when the psychiatrist asks you, "How are you?" as she ushers you in. What am I supposed to say, SPECTACULAR?! I wouldn't be here if I was, B!tch!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 23

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    I send emails as if the country's peak business

    operation were at night, as if the whole college administration were to comply to my own ******-up schedule of wakefulness. But then again, they request my presence as if I were actually able to transport my stranded self to their office, as if the telephone and the radio and...
    EmbracetheInfinite EmbracetheInfinite 18-21, F 2 days ago

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    What kind of woman writes to her bf: Do you

    still want me? Will I see you again? Is this the end? This was such a bad, bad time to go off the meds. I wish I could write poetry. You can sound stupid and pathetic and needy in writing and people are disgusted but if you make it poetic, they praise you. Wtf, man.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response May 26

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    When the going gets tough i usually write a

    long front and back paper on how i feel at the moment about everything..about life. It helps me a lot with my emotions rather than keeping them bottled up its like letting it all out on the paper and then i could finally get some sleep cause those thoughts are oute
    marnssss marnssss 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 27, 2014

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    "Sometimes I love you,

    sometimes I feel blue" http://youtu.be/kg4oLLlCD4o What are the chances this song would come on right after a breakup (is it a breakup? Can we last?)
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Jun 17

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    You state you've never heard of beards

    or tattoos killing someone, but you have heard about people with guns killing; I can only hope that you missed the irony and weren't intentionally hoping that others would miss it as well. I have to ask. Have you ever seen a gun without a person kill someone? Have you never seen...
    Triundi Triundi 26-30, M 4 Responses Dec 12, 2013

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    Logged in meaning to write about my giddy

    feelings for someone but thinking instead about the death of a friend's loved one. Life is so unpredictable. Good times appear to be so short compared to the sad ones. The ones forever lost, they still haunt us. Our memories. Perhaps I am running away from it all. Or perhaps...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Mar 25

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    How Strange

    We are a troubled people, rotting in a time when delusions of grandeur are as common as our dependency on the constant monitoring of people wealthier than ourselves is rampant. We follow routines in the fashion that our media broadcaster of choice dictates. We are wholly...
    Triundi Triundi 26-30, M Sep 14, 2012

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    I like to write down my thoughts

    and how I'm feeling, it helps me understand them. usually I write about 3 pages and then I burn the paper because I don't want anyone else to read them.
    Jodieeee95 Jodieeee95 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 27, 2014

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    EP is like a diary to me.

    Now I must start writing my journal again.I may not be here forever though what I write about here ,I may not like to reveal in my real life as it hurt people close to me.
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 2 Responses May 4

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    I am a very emotional

    and emphatic person. I can be walking down the street and a situation or a person will inspire me randomly. It will move me enough to log onto EP and write about it. It is a lifeline for me and a way of sharing and connecting with others which is of course the beauty of this...
    Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 2 Responses May 29

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    I haven't always been a happy,

    confident person. In fact Im not always a happy, confident person. Long ago, during one of my darkest times, I was really, truly broken and I was lost. Don't want to focus on how I got there, most of us know how we end up in darkness, not all of us know how to move towards the...
    SagSunshine2014 SagSunshine2014 41-45, F 2 Responses May 23, 2014

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    My ex guy friend treats me in a dirty way

    which i realized its a reflection of what my ex talked behind me,how can i prove to his friend that i am a good girl and his friend was the *******?
    amandaa10 amandaa10 22-25, F May 20

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    Today was suppose to be a good day.

    . w/e.. everybody can **** off.
    dubbalyzz dubbalyzz 22-25, F 4 Responses May 18

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    It will come soon.. very much soon.

    . There are no considerations, whether you are young or old, poor or rich, a good person or the bad ones. You just have to wait for that day to come, do not rush it and while waiting you can do things, make a life, make love, make friends, make mistakes, make your time worthy...
    msj02 msj02 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 2

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    come quickly, I'm calling piercing the

    silence sounds falling upon deaf ears they can hear, but choose not to listen
    annalea annalea 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 14

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    He gets jealous when I tell him about my past

    experiences with other couples. He's helped me stop depending on anti depressants. He's made me believe in coincidences again. He'll take long walks with me over uprooted trees and barely there trails, just to spend time with me. I hear his compassionate words and thoughts...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses May 30

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    I understand this past week was rough

    and you were hurt but you need to understand: I'm an inconsistent, wavering, impulsive, obsessive, mistrustful being and yes, nothing will be constant as long as we try to make it work in our present circumstances. I'm sorry but there it is. I'm writing this in the event he...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 21

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    Gestalt Prayer...Something To Think About.

    "I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped." (Fritz Perls, 1969...
    catwhiskers catwhiskers 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 13, 2011

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    My eyes were locked on his.

    I licked my way up and down his ..... He couldn't look away even if he tried. When I reached the top my lips wrapped around him. I paused, he held his breath waiting for the moment I would take him all in.
    HiddenGems HiddenGems 46-50, F Jun 8

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    I really feel bad for young people.

    Mainly teenage girls. A lot of people push their problems to the side, mostly by their parents. They get degraded by boys, men, and perverts. They are victims of abuse, and it really does affect them when they are older.
    trovatobravo trovatobravo 18-21, M 6 hrs ago

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    When you've lost your heart,

    it's damn hard to keep the head from following suit.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 8

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    She's the girl that believes what comes around

    goes around. The one that hopes for a better day. The one that won't give up on you. She's the girl that's unlike the rest. The one that spent her her days smiling, and her nights crying. She's the girl that would love to be loves. The one that looks so damn strong, but...
    Jhayz Jhayz 26-30, F 9 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I come from USA I am apart of the American

    indian culture. but for some reason mom doesn't know that we do. and my stepfather is white and comes from a different culture. I was not raised white the white culture even though I am legally white. its confusing bc I have been exposed to different cultures while growing up.
    beachboy14u beachboy14u 18-21, T 1 Response Jun 26, 2014

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    I must be a psychopath.

    I broke someone's heart and I don't feel a thing. Half of it is the bloody meds I'm on, the other half is exhaustion. I can't do this to his wife, I can't live with myself being "the other woman." I want total transparency. If that means being platonic friends, so be it. At...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 17

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    I can't believe I'm laughing out loud at the

    SpongeBob movie. I must be drunk...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response a week ago

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    I try to be patient. I'm not good at waiting.

    I want to see him more than ever. But for now I sit in silence consumed in my thoughts.
    HiddenGems HiddenGems 46-50, F 1 Response Jun 14

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    A Few Things On My Mind

    Okay so recently I've been very stressed because of school, my friends, and some of my Internet friends. I'm just sort of typing what I think as I think it and I apologize in advance if this offends anybody because that's not my intention, the last thing I wanna do is hurt anyone...
    BrokenDreamer14 BrokenDreamer14 16-17, F 2 Responses Sep 8, 2013

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    I can't seem to dispel my sadness,

    I can't find it in me to "live" and "be happy"—I am simply a shell because all I do is exist...maybe life isn't meant for everyone.
    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F 2 Responses May 16

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    The days...they run together.

    ..like notes of a song...but my heart is so empty...I cannot sing along. ~ Tim M.
    Mencrytoo Mencrytoo 46-50, M 2 Responses Nov 6, 2014

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    i have not felt so awkward before,

    the pain of losing some one for ever, remind me how weak are we, i can't do anything to save him, his memory has overwhelmingly pinned my heart , and this pain of his departure is unbearable. i have realized this life is too short, i wish it could have been longer together.
    notagain4u notagain4u 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 21

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    As I watched the headlights

    and taillights stretch out ahead, I thought about how each of those cars contained someone with their own story.
    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F Aug 5, 2014

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    I am constantly trapped between my conscious

    and subconscious; a girl with deluded determination and a mind often overridden by thoughts... I am a dreamer living in reality...
    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 19, 2014

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 26

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    msj02 msj02 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F 4 days ago

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    It's amazing what warped views we sometimes

    have of ourselves. When someone who knows me is nice to me, i always wonder why. It's unfathomable that perhaps they're reciprocating my gestures.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 12

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    Never thought I'd feel like a teenager again in

    my 40s, where he jogs by my house in the hopes of getting a glimpse of me. I'm not a romantic but.. that's cute as hell. :)
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F May 24

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Jun 22

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    May Blessings

    1. 18th anniversary of living 2. Family, friends (both in real life and online) 3. GPA 4. Amusement park (especially the bump cars) 5. Books
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response May 22, 2013

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    I learnt so much about myself

    and others these past several months - it surely has been crazy! The most important lesson for me is to trust my instincts as they are always right! So if it feels weird or wrong or can’t explain the sudden change of feeling then pay attention! I guess I didn’t listen...
    LittleMilwee LittleMilwee 22-25, F Jun 19

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    Sometimes, I really feel like leaving all the

    gakkai's group chat. There are at least 10 group chats in my whatsapp. It's not that I don't want to practice this Buddhism. I just feel like too much of messages and get irritated when people keep informing bout the activities. Sigh.
    EasyOrange EasyOrange 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The 5 Secrets Of A Happy Woman

    1. It is important to find a man who shares with you all the responsibility and tasks of your home.  A man that has a good job. 2. It is important to find a happy man,  who enjoys to dance,  romantic getaways and able to makes you laugh. 3. It is...
    MyNameIsCecilia MyNameIsCecilia 46-50, F 16 Responses Mar 4, 2010

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    I think, there for I thought it.

    ..yea...Uh huh! Who gets you, understands you as you are? Sees you in your light and darkness. Desires as much as you do just to feel complete acceptance faults and all. Whose love is to dive deeper beyond your mind and soul but as far as you could possibly go...who is it that...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Mar 3

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    GreyMattertome GreyMattertome 18-21, F Jun 27, 2014

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    People don't get how powerful antidepressants

    are. If they work, it's the best thing that's ever happened to them. If they don't, it's no different from where they were before. But getting off them.....is hell. Especially if you've been on them for a while. Because all the emotions the meds suppressed are coming back...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses May 26

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