I Wrote A Poem I Want Feedback On

You can read the poems in this group as long as you comment on them. Please comment because that's the reason this group was created, for feedback. No negative things unless the author tells you itsOK 41 People

    "where The Fish Reside"

    This poem's what I call a "surrealist" poem. I'm OK with constructive criticism.   "Where the Fish Reside" Deep, dark water. Greenish in color. Floundering in the water. Graceful, writhing snakes. Covered in diseased spots. Leading to a...
    ASGPwriter ASGPwriter
    Nov 5, 2009

    Words You know you can’t help it,

    Don’t let them see, What stupid thing you’ve done to me, I carry the scars, Feeling so selfish, Wanting to be perfect damn close to elfish, I want to scratch it in, Carve it deep, Breaking the promise I said I would keep, I want to see blood, Or even my bone, Knowing I go...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Jun 7, 2015

    Somewhere Only We Know Thinking of the place,

    where I could see your face. Perfect as can be, just for you and me. Love at last forever, since we'll be together. My vision always hazy, because your so amazing. Sharing little secrets, forgetting all the regrets. Mentioned only there, the place that just us share...
    PainOnPaper PainOnPaper
    18-21, F
    May 16, 2014

    THE BEAUTY OF HER EYES She was standing away

    from me in the crowd I caught a glimpse of her eyes that were proud Shining through the sun it made my heart felt warm taking me away from this world by her charm The radiance on her face making her eyes glow Making me feel exquisite from her unique flow I ramble towards her to...
    deleted deleted
    Sep 17, 2015

    “Magnificent life’s a mystery” Says a

    homeless man in a dark alley Not too certain, my brain was thinking As I look in the enigma of the man’s glass eye Around a corner looks a detective Finding locked rooms, hearing foreign sounds Echoes bounce water about a round rusty sewer Draining over bones and the lake...
    Allez13 Allez13
    26-30, M
    1 Response Dec 29, 2013

    I wished I had known not to love him.

    To not get so close. I wish I couldn’t trace all my problems back to him. I swim through the water as if it were his lies. I dive down intoxicated in them. Filling my lungs with what he calls love. No more yelling. No more running. No more empty stomachs just to fill his...
    Melaniend Melaniend
    18-21, F
    May 18, 2015

    I called it "Death's Girl" She dances in the

    field of flowers, Laughing and joyful, uplifted for hours, Singing and screaming her soul starts to soar, Her feet as they dance lift from the floor, Higher and higher she dances and flies, Paying no attention to shouts and goodbyes, She dances for weeks maybe months maybe years...
    deleted deleted
    5 Responses May 5, 2015

    Farewell ------------ I know what you were

    planning to do, Break me down and leave me no glue. So this is why I must leave, The worlds to cruel, I cannot breathe. You fooled me once so shame on me, Then it was twice, so I started to plea: "Stop, stop, leave me alone, I did nothing, just go home." But you just...
    EmmaBirchall EmmaBirchall
    18-21, F
    Dec 4, 2014

    Flint sparks in the black of night.

    An ember glows small yet bright. Tinder burns and a fire grows. Far in the distance a ferryman rows. Slowly his craft goes across the stream. Intent on finding an end to this dream. But no such luck is found this night. For the fire has grown, crackling delight. Trees fall and...
    LaFidelisMiles LaFidelisMiles
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 16, 2015

    Love wasn't put in your heart to stay.

    Love isn't love till you give it away When I first saw you I was afarid to talk to you When I first talked to you I was afraid to like you When I first liked you I was afarid to love you Now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you Love is gentle Love is kind Love is when...
    Phoenix2014 Phoenix2014
    18-21, M
    3 Responses Dec 31, 2014

    Goodnight sleep tight Tomorrow will bring

    light Dream well of good things Maybe of having an angel's wings If you're dreams are filled with fright Let me comfort you through the night Tomorrow when you wake Promise me your smile won't be fake But if it is, there is one thing I can do I can try and brighten your...
    Crowley138 Crowley138
    18-21, M
    Jan 3, 2014

    The Midnight Fox - Written At 9 Years Of Age

    Tiptoes as easily as a feather flying in the wind,    Holly-green grass that the midnight fox leaps over,   Ever-still motions as she sniffs the air,     Marvellously thick silky fur,   Identical eyes that sparkle so bright,   Diamonds twinkle in...
    StephanieManoso StephanieManoso
    31-35, F
    1 Response Feb 16, 2012

    I don't wanna post publicly,

    msg me if you care to read.. it's called in love with a memory, and it's really deep..
    brayhix brayhix
    22-25, F
    1 Response Sep 16, 2015

    I'm kinda self-conscious about my poem,

    but I want to know the truth.. ~~ The Lone Dancer -- Surrounded by mirrors and golden pillars, A lone dancer, Dances through the night, On a glistening ballroom floor, The dancer twirls in delight, Con moto, A dainty piece, The pianist plays, With swift movement's, of...
    Karrot187 Karrot187
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 5, 2014

    In the middle of a lake On a sinking wood

    raft Unsure whether to go forward or Back Cold water creeps to your toes Ripples prove useless Misguiding you in which way to go The bright sun is obscured The army of lazy clouds stumble across the sky Ankles now submerged Under the murky liquid You hesitate once more Shifting...
    Allez13 Allez13
    26-30, M
    Dec 11, 2013

    For a Whim The sky expands its large blue

    belly My stars are diamonds strong this evening I walk down my endless brick driveway The full moon is a wax candle that, Illuminates the sweet dewy grass Eternally that my eyes won’t see It is a fine night to be grateful Cherish simple beauty through your eyes Woeful dye...
    Allez13 Allez13
    26-30, M
    1 Response Dec 29, 2013
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