Confessions from Augusta

....

I have lost my cousin when I was 5 yrs old.. i remember clearly still, I loved her.

I lost my brother when I was 12 years old. He got hit by a car... that same day I learned that I had a sister before I was born who was also hit by a car.

I lost a close friend I knew for about a year in HS. I was 16. I was the last person he called before he died. I knew he had called but didn't call him back because it was late. I had a crush on him also.. I knew when the machine picked up. They were drunk driving... what if I had called him right back?

I lost my father at 20 yrs old. I hugged him as I got on a plane to move to Germany for 3 years... It was so exciting starting my new life as a Military Wife. That was the last time I saw him. He was hit by a car and he died.

My uncle who was dad's bff and whom was a father figure to me, got cancer. I drove up to see him in the hospital and found him dying in his room. He was only diagnosed for a few weeks.

I named my son after my uncle, my father and brother. John Robert we call him "Jack". All three. I wish they could see him. I wish I could see them.

I am married to a Soldier.  He could die too.

I have 3 kids so far and I want one more. I want them to have each other so that if something happens to me, they will never feel as alone as I do sometimes...

Being pregnant almost kills me sometimes... hyperemisses is no JOKE. Your body is starving... yet still tries to purge...

But I still want one more to make my family complete. They need their partners in crime.

Maybe it's to fill the voids in my life. I don't ever want to die but I don't want to be left behind either.

I am approaching 30 yrs old. If I am going to have one more I have to do it while I am still younger... not sure I can handle it as I get older. But I have 3 kids to take care of now... Soldiers can't call out sick if their wife is too sick to move. Not even with HG. Soldiers leave for months, a year. Year and a half. He left me while I was pregnant with the last one. I had him without my husband there. I don't want to do that again.

What do I do? I think about it every day....

I think Konrad is hot. anyone else out there you think the samne thing? HE IS SUPER HOT!!!

While growing up, my mom used to tell me to stay out of the cookie jar. Of course, that was the first place I went. People tell me to stay away from a certain friend, I can't! I want to be with him. I want to help him, care for him, and show him what love is really supposed to be. I'm not saying that I am the best lover in the world, but I do know how to hold and care for a man. I love this man and he knows it. Not much else I can do about it now.