Confessions from Republic Of Ireland

I was not looking for anyone, in a long term relationship unhappy, but arent we all. He swept me off my feet and I needed to be loved like I used to be.

He is married also unhappy 3 kids and I have 1.He said he loved me like he never loved a woman before.

I was prepared to walk away from my long term partner and start with him. He asked me to run away with him.A bit drastic I thought.

Ifell head over heals in love with him, thought of him from minute I woke till I went to sleep.

When I told him I would leave my partner he started saying he had to make sure his kids were ok and he could not walk away , give me time he said.

The 20 times a day ph calls went down to 3 or 4 and the 50 texts a day went to 5 or 6, the I love yous stopped even the x nite nite stopped 

He used to go miles out of his way to see me, guess what now once a fortnight is what it has gone to,

I made a fool out of mysef I am slowly realizing that I was just a bit of fun and now I sit here sad as sad as can be and wonder how I could of been so stupid. 

I have a man at home who loves me even though the passion that once was is gone ,but he respects me and loves me and my part time lover he does not care for me like that, even though I once believed he did.

How stupid have I been and I know he will ring or text me and want to meet up and I hope I can find the strength to say no.

I'm in love with you J. I think you love me too, but of course its not something I can be sure about unless one of us has the courage to come out and say it. You helped me through so many rough times, and you were there for me when no one else was. I asked you for help when my marriage to your brother was in trouble. I know you did everything you could to help us. You answered my calls and came over to talk to your brother...no questions asked. And you told me about your difficulties at home too. I want to be there for you J. I don't want you to leave your wife for me. Yes, I do think you should leave her, but not for me. You have sacrificed so much for your family and you deserve to be happy too. I love your kids and I know you love mine. You know that I tried every option to get your brother back on the right path. I never told you that he said he knew you and I could end up together because we made a good match. If my own husband and your own brother can see that we are good for each other, then it must be obvious to others as well. And if he said that to me, did he say it to you too? I know you caught me looking at you many times this weekend, because every time I looked at you, you were looking at me too. I love it when you look at me. When we were sitting in the hall, you rested your arm on my leg, just for a few seconds, but I knew it was intentional, and I loved that too. And you knew that I touched your shoulder for the same reason. Most days you are the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. And I imagine countless ways of letting you know that I want you in my life, not because your brother needs you, but because I need you. He's been gone now for 2 years, and we are doing a pretty good job of having an amicable seperation. I know you feel like you cant leave your wife because of her mental instability and because of the kids. But I wish there was some way to let you know that this can't be all there is for us. There's no point asking for a 'sign' from you that we should be something more to each other because I got all the signs this weekend. I hope you got mine too.xoxo