Confessions from Connecticut (CT)

I started a new business 20 months ago.I just love my shop and have lots of great customers.It is a dream come true.However I have managed to put myself in debt in excess of $80,000.00.Mostly credit cards to purchase inventory.I can't help trying to satisfy all my customers and have tragically overspent. I have lived this man for 25 years and have not told him about this.He is a true worry wart and actually can make himself physically ill over money issues,

A couple we know well is having trouble.  Turns out she wants more than what he is willing to offer and is searching for it now.  I have had some private time with her, she flirted a little.  I found out she cheated with some other dude.  I'm happily married but I am jealous she didn't cheat on her husband with me.  She's not super hot, I've never thought about her in any way other than a friend until I found out she cheated with some other guy.  Why did I want her to cheat with me?  I don't really think much about cheating, although I did kind of want my wife to cheat on me with her husband.  I don't know why.  Anyone else experience this?

I know that in order for me to move forward in my life emotionally I need to let go of blame. I need to accept responsibility for my decisions as an adult woman and stop blaming my father for screwing me up. I'm working on it. I think. I don't know, actually. Am I really "working on it"? Probably not. I don't give it much thought. But it's in my DNA. It has permanent residence in my head. In my heart. What there is of it. There's a lot of self-loathing. Can't seem to like myself. Sometimes I feel there is progress. Other times I feel like I'm 16 again. If I want to be happy, I have to be willing to do the work. But the work is not easy and I guess I want it to be. I need it to be easier.