Confessions from North Carolina (NC)

 If I can't get into art school this year I'm going to do as Enid did... I'm getting on that bus and going as far as I can.

Hello,

I am writing this to get some things out that I can't tell anyone I know.

I met my wife seven years ago and have had a really great relationship as far as the two of us go.  We have had a lot of bad things happen around us though.  So many things that it has really taken a toll on us.  Well, first my wife's father passed away from cancer a little over six years ago.  We found out she was pregnant about a month after.  I know that hurt her that her dad would never meet our daughter.  Our daughter was born and passed away two months later.  After that, things got really bad... she attempted suicide.  After some treatment she began to feel better.  We were on a road to recovery and happiness.  I enlisted into the Marines and that did a lot of good for us.  My dad suddenly passed away at an age far too young a year and a half ago.  It has been really hard on me and I have unfortunately treated my wife bad.  Since my dad passed away we have lost several good friends.  Then my grandpa passed away this summer.  After my dad, he was the only man I could ever talk to.  I have not been able to talk to anyone else about my true feelings.  My dad and grandpa were the only two that wouldn't get worried or upset when I was having problems.  They would tell me how to deal with it and move on.  Anyone else I talk to just worries... and that's the last thing I want, someone to be worried about me.  Over time, dealing with tragedies, I started drinking a lot.  I also continued to treat my wife badly.  This summer, it was time for me to get a job because I was getting out of the Marines.  I failed at getting one and so we decided to move to my home town where we would both finish college.  Soon after the move, she told me she was leaving.  It really came as a complete shock.  After she left, I have quit drinking completely.  I have gone to anger management.  I have been working on all of my inefficiencies.  My wife has told me that she was coming home only to change her mind soon thereafter.  I am doing all I can not to fall down.  I just want to give up.  I know that isn't the right thing to do... sometimes it feels like it would be easier though.  I love life and want to live for a very long time.  I want to be happy (like everyone else) and make people happy.  I wish I could take back so many things that I've done... but I can't.  So all I can do is try to be good now and try to make up for all the things I have done.  I don't know why I decided to write this.  I feel like if I tell someone about "my problems" I am just feeling sorry for myself.  Maybe I am, I just wanted to get this out though.  I hope it helps me...  Thanks for letting me post this on here.

Sincerely,

:O)

what to do...what to do?? I had a three year old little girl and she was great. Then I had another baby. I was perfectly happy with my one. I love my second child but she is NOT like my first. My second child will be three in a few weeks and she is driving me absolutely insane. Am I supposed to be on drugs for the rest of my life? Am I supposed to be like my mother who wasted her entire life on drugs and still not being happy. I could honestly hurt her sometimes. I have come close but just cant do it. I love her to death but I can't handle her. She CAN be the sweetest thing ever but when she is pissed......I can't handle her. Telling me no and purposely doing things that make me mad and then just staring at me.......waiting for a reaction.

I dont get it. My oldest was and is not like that. She is now 6 and she gets the leftovers sometimes. I am so lost. She takes all my energy from me. Its gotten to the point where I don't want to get out of the house b/c the day just tires me out. I have become lazy and distant and just plain out mean! I don't want to be this person. Staying in the house doesn't make her better and it sucks for my mood. We also just moved so I have no friends or family around me. No one to give me a break. My husband works all the time and when he isn't working he has made plans to do something else. UGH.....what do I do? How do I change me? Do I go to another doctor and get more pills for anti-depression? Some pills to chill me out.....i would be popping them like candy I am sure. I don't know. I am lost and at the end of my rope. I want to just run away! 

I have always felt close to nature and other wordly spirits since I was a child.  The strange thing is, if I really pay attention to what I feel and hear, I normally end up the better for it.

I was told quite a while ago that I was an old spirit.  Has anyone else ever been told this or felt close to being part of something much, much bigger than yourself??

LadyKathleen

 I am a woman who just turned 40 my husband left me for another woman. We have four teens who are acting out because of this. My ex husband does not communicate with me. he picks and chooses what he will pay and dotes on 2 of our four children, making the other two feel left out. He is angry and is not very nice to me. Every weekend he goes to see the other woman who lives 3 hours away they go to festivals and stay at nice hotels. She sometimes comes to our town and stays at a local hotel. He does not support the children like he should making it very difficult for me to manage. he did the same thing to me when I turned 30. I tried to get a separation from him. He will not agree to any of my simple terms. I have changed the terms 3 seprate times, only to find out he was sending the papers to "Her" to change and edit to his wishes, leaving him with nothing to be responsibile. He was the main bread winner, I worked part time. I have no support group[ and no one to love me. I feel very alone. The kids have cars and are never home. they do not want to deal with it.  I can't win, I have tried everything, lawyer, Private eye, pictures, threats ect. He just makes my life Miserable, I hate him! I wish I feel like i am dead  this is not a life.  Going on 4 months now. I just wish he would give me a separation and be responsible to our kids. They should not suffer.

i dont know were to go from here in my life, dont even know if i want to........if it was for (sandy) my poodle i dont know if i could go on....he's always been there for me for 12 years when no one else has been,,

because of being hurt im afraid to get close with anyone afraid of being hurt again,even though i got this great guy that i know that loves me im afraid of showing my full feelings for him...

Mine never has, unless I am being the good Christian girl. I seek out relationships with other older women, hoping they will mentor me. I sometimes wish I could place a want ad, seeking a mother to re-adopt me.

I have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) since I was about 13 years old.  I developed a compulsion (the only one I still have b/c I am almost OCD free) called Compulsive Skin Picking.  I pick at my arms, chest (breasts), legs, face.  It leaves scars and marks that are embearassing.  I dont wear certain shirts because of it.  Its the only compulsion i have left to beat.  I am tapering off my medication and I really want to stop skin picking.  I would love to be able to wear any shirt without worrying about the marks.

The new boy in school only last a week before having to transfer to another school.  He got on the rong side of older boys that were set on getting back at him. Everyone is out on the fields during PE period and there's hardly anyone in the lockers. Some how they lured him into the girls lockers, took his clothes off and duck taped him to one of the benches and ran out with all his clothes. He got caught by the mob of girls cuming in after they were done with volleyball. So humiliating I left school a week later.

Something funny that happened recently -- I thought I was listening to music on my headphones in a cafe. For about 5 minutes I was bobbing my head up and down while I worked. But then I realized everyone could hear the rap coming from my computer, which had the volume turned all the way up. I looked around and everyone pretended not to notice. How embarrassing!