Confessions from Oklahoma (OK)

I wish I was brave enough to tell you those three little words, but the moment I do, I get bored.

I am a broken man. Well... Not really a man I suppose. The law recognizes me as an adult but I don't know if I do. I'm lonely. Its not like there's anything preventing me from seeking a relationship. I'm not overly busy. I'm not too poor to spend money on someone. My body isn't great, but it could be worse. I'm fat but not confined to Big&Tall only. I'm just afraid. I got hurt last time but I don't think that's what's stopping me. I dunno. I just wanted to get this out. I just wish I had someone to love and to love me.

Guess whose backkkkkkkkkkkkk :) yeah its me I missed ya Conrad, NavyBrat, MagYummy :)

I AM TIRED OF YOU LYING TO ME OVER AND OVER. AND YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO THINK I DONT CATCH THEM. I AM TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER FOR OUR SON AND BECAUSE I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND THEN SOME BUT I DONT THINK ITS THE SAME AND IF YOU LIE TO ME ONE MORE TIME I THINK I WILL EXPLODE. YOU ARE A JERK (TRYING TO REMAIN LADY LIKE OR ELSE I WOULD SAY SOMETHING DIFF) WHY DO YOU TALK TO YOUR FEMALE FRIEND EVERYDAY AND LIED TO GET OFF THE PHONE WITH ME TO TALK TO HER AND THEN THE SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL THAT YOU STARTED TALKIN TO BUT CLAIM NOTHING GOES ON YET YOU STILL TALK TO HER 17 YEAR OLD SELF AND JUST SENT HER 3 PICS OF YOU TODAY. YEAH I SAW THE PIC SHE SENT YOU AND THE PIC YOU SENT HER JULY 25TH, AND I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN USING YOUR BROS PHONE TO TALK TO THE FEMALES NOW SINCE I CAN SEE WHO YOU TALK TO ON OUR PHONE PROVIDERS WEBSITE SINCE WE DO SHARE A PLAN DUMBASS. I CAN ALSO SEE YOUR PIC MAIL SENT, RECEIVED AND SAVED. YOU ARE A LIAR AND YOU DONT EVEN blink TWICE AND YOU WILL NEVER ADMIT FULLY EVERYTHING ONLY THE THINGS I FIND OUT WILL YOU TELL ME ABOUT AND EVEN THEN YOU WILL STILL LIE ABOUT IT. I AM PAST FED UP WITH YOUR SELFISHNESS, LYING, INCONSIDERATE BUT YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAM AND NOT US. UR MOM AND SIS AND BRO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND U DO THE SAME TO ME. U ARENT THERE FOR OUR SON OR ME AND SAY ITS NOT ABOUT OTHER FEMALES BUT THATS A LIE LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU OPEN IT I NEED TO GET OVER YOU AND GET AWAY I DONT THINK THINGS WILL CHANGE THAT MUCH AND U TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE AND GROWING OLD WITH ME YOUR SICK AND I HOPE ONE DAY U WILL SEE WHAT YOU HAD AND THAT U FEEL EVERYTHING THAT U DID TO ME I WANT TO GET AWAY TO GET OVER YOU AND BE FREE FROM THIS FEELING I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND B WITH SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES ME AND MY SON AND LOVES ME AND ONLY WANTS ME AHTE IS A STRONG WORD BUT EVERYDAY U DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME SICK OF UR MESS. EVERY SINGLE DAY. U CHEATED U LIE AND I KNOW ABOUT IT. I WANT THE TRUTH ONE DAY BUT DONT THINK I WILL EVER GET IT STOP LYING TO ME I WISH I DIDNT LOVE U AND WANT TO BE WITH U SO BAD AND WANT TO MARRY U HOW DO I JUST LET GO AND NOT LOOK BACK 

Okay...I can't stop thinking about him. I have had dreams about him. I hate that fact! He's married, he's 38-39 years old (I'm 21), and being Christians, it's obviously an even worse idea! I can't stop thinking about him! He makes me laugh all the time-even more than the guy that everybody wants me to be with, including me. I know that I can't be with this married man, but I can't stop my feelings. I'm terrified that I'll end up acting upon them, which would be really bad. I was talking to him today at church and we just had our hands on the same chair, which is no big deal, of course, but I just kept wishing that our hands would touch. I kept thinking of how strong and muscular he looked through his shirt, and how, just once, I would love to see him with his shirt off (and that's it). I do whatever I can to be around him. I have done so much for him since he started working with our youth group. I typed up about 50-60 songs to impress him, and now I'm starting to play piano again (which I haven't played in about 2 years now, but I do miss it), just to impress him. I'm wanting to play keyboard in the youth for him. When I used to play piano, I was pretty good, but I always sucked at chords, so now I'm writing out music for a few songs that he has e-mailed us in the past. I do so much to impress him. I get all dolled up for him and everything. I dressed up for the other guy, too, before the married one started working with the youth, but now it seems to be like I'm dressing up more. I'm terrified that others are able to tell that I like him, which would not be a good thing, obviously. I hate liking him, but I can't stop. I wish these feelings would go away. I don't want a relationship with him, since he is married, but I don't want him to have a divorce or anything either. I wish he had never been married. Maybe if we had met earlier in our lives, something could have happened, but I don't know. His wife is amazingly sweet, and they're lucky to have each other. I really need to stop these dreams and focus on the single guy. Hopefully that will be possible soon.

 I'm an 18-year-old college student with a raging crush on one of my professors.  The sad thing is, even though he's fairly old and not really attractive, I still know that he's too good for me.  

 I'm an 18-year-old freshman in college with a raging crush on my English professor.