Confessions from Ontario (ON)

He's an *******. He's mean to his friends. He lies. He has no convictions. He is going to go nowhere with his life. He drinks and smokes. He listens to bad music. He broke my heart.

I think about him almost everyday. It drives me nuts.

A sad sequence of events brought me to the point where I felt I no longer wanted anything to do with him. He asked me to explain why, so I did, and he respected my wishes.

I think I may be in love with him.

I contemplate calling him, or even just sending him an anonymous message. But I know he hasn't changed, and he never will.

But for some reason I have this delusion that I can save him, that we could be perfect for each other. I know that's not the case, but it doesn't stop me from wondering.

JR...I've never forgotten you, and you always show in my life at the oddest times. You come and go, like a quick wind. I don't know the purpose in this. I've heard that I was the one you shouldn't have let go, I've heard you love me still. I'm with someone, and my circumstance does not allow me to leave with ease...and you've never asked it.  I never wanted to let you go in the first place. I have never stopped loving you, and that has stopped me from loving anyone else fully. I pray, to let you go, and I never can. You are my soul  mate...and I pray that divine powers allow it once more.

I have no one to talk to, so I talk to you, my notebook. Right now it feels as though my heart wil burst from my chest, the pain truely unbearable. My heart is large and my intention are great, but I have no one to attend to, and truely I am more along now than I ever have been. I think about the let-ups and let-downs and they consume me to the point where I am simply terrified to feel anything for anyone for fear that they might stab me in my weakest part. Chance encounters don't seem to bring me anyone who could even fathom the torment I go through or be sympathetic to it.

I pray to the sky, to the air to bring me someone who might love me truely for who I am, but this, I know is a tall order, and may never happen, and the thought of living a life of pain is simply unbearable. I constantly fantasize about putting myself to sleep eternally and sparing the pain, but I am too salient a person to toss such a precious gift as life to the wind, and so my struggle goes - my torment runs life into the ground where I am consumed by pain. Please someone deliver me from this hell that I am in and free my soul to a higher purpose. Bring me some sort of lasting comfort rather than an occasional turn to the light which grow dim as the hour expires. I have so much love to give, and no one to give it to.

I confess that I am haunted by regrets about really bad decisions that have caused my life to implode over the last dozen years. I hear people say that you should not live with regrets, I just can't get past my own stupidity. I am at a place where I am ashamed that five years from retirement age, my wife and I have a negative net-worth. It haunts me night and day, I am fearful and suffer anxiety attacks. I feel trapped in my own self-made prison. I have nothing to show 40 years of hard work. There are only three (important) worthwhile goals I have met.  1) I am still married to the same woman for over 35 years in relative happiness. 2) I have two grown children who are authentically good people. ( 33 yrs + 28 yrs unmarried no children .. a tiny regret here). 3) I spent all of my retirement money educating them. (I should have borrowed against my equities.) In 1996, I had $136,000 in investments and only a $60,000 mortgage on my home. I repeat, I now have a Negative Net Worth. How is that for stupidity ?? Could anyone, given the same situation not have regrets ?? Man!! I really blew it .

Here in Canada we have many PRIVILEGES such as health care, whether its free or not, Food Stamps, Government Assistance Programs Like Social Housing and Welfare, Subsidized rent, and childcare, free Education for our children, tax benefits, employment, employment insurance, disability, street teams for the homeless, shelters for the homeless, there is always a place to go when you think you have no where. We never can go hungry with free running water in our parks and recs and all the free food events that are held and hundreds of up and running food banks. We also have Internet and can get free access at local youth cent res almost any where and Internet has networking like facebook and kijiji and craglist .. so if you can't afford something brand new then at least you can get it lightly used. The most valuable thing we have out of these things is our FREEDOM!

Its sickens me to hear us crying over spilled milk. Complaining about every measly thing possible. Like ungrateful kids always wanting the next best thing cause my friend has it. Portraying that some of our people are living in a so called poverty and whining that I can't afford this and I can't afford that, when we still got shoes on our feet, clothes on our backs and decent meal even if its only once a day. We as the lower class citizens are not in poverty we just have to accept our position in the food chain or work harder to change it! There is so much opportunity in this country that there really is no excuse not to be able to feed your kids or buy them new shoes .. after all, shoes are as cheap as 5.00/pair on sale at walmart!

Third world country citizens know all about poverty! Everything there has a price including their life! You know that cardboard box we see children sleeping in on those TV ads is no joke! That's when you really can call yourself broke! There is no safety net, no security and no freedom! Bombs dropping literally at your front door and there's no where to take cover! Living on nothing but water and grains for weeks, and there are thousands who are too weak and just starve to death! Parents work day in and day out just to afford a cup of rice, Recruiting their babies because they are left with no other choice. Who is their voice? They cant just throw in their towel and give up because that would of course be suicide. A parent who has two mouthfuls of rice and three children, knows poverty! Never mind health care, cause there is no medications. No opportunity for education, No shelters to get in from the cold, no retirement homes for when they grow old. With only darkness at the end of the tunnel there is No brighter future and no hope!

MJ said it best in this song! Not everything can change but every little bit helps! And that goes for Canada too .. Lend each other a Helping Hand!

"Heal The World, Make It A Better Place

For You And For Me, And The Entire Human Race

There Are People Dying, If You Care Enough

For The Living, Make A Better Place

For You And For Me



If You Want To Know Why

There's A Love That Cannot Lie

Love Is Strong, It Only Cares For

Joyful Giving

If We Try, We Shall See

In This Bliss, We Cannot Feel

Fear Or Dread

We Stop Existing And Start Living"

Micheal Jackson Rest In Peace along with every other Fallen Angel who finally gets Eternity with no suffering!

There is a girl who I know well
She's not like any other
My confidant, and my best friend,
(be still my heart) my lover.
I cannot keep my favorite belle
as we're both sworn to another
But I'll adore her 'till the end
For comes what may, I love her

 "During the debate over the Columbus Quin centennial in 1992, left out of the discussion were the vast heirs--or rather--the product of the conquest of the Americas, the mestizos. We concluded then that the Americas will heal its racial wounds when mestizos not only stopped hating Indians, but stopped hating themselves. Part of the healing requires that we all start to view mestizos as one group, with multiple identities, cultures and histories, albeit begotten of war and conquest.

Mexicans and Central Americans going north to the United States die in boxcars, car trunks, crawl across mountains, and trust the rivers and deserts with their lives. They must risk this hazardous journey because U.S. laws have made it a crime for them to work here, and have branded them as criminals not worthy of human rights--in a land that was formerly theirs.

And a man can still go free for shooting a Mexican in the back--as U.S. Border Patrol Officer Michael Elmer did in 1994, after killing an immigrant and then burying his body in the desert.

In indigenous culture, migration is part of a people's evolution and spiritual journey. Certain places are deemed sacred because a people once passed through there. In ancient picture books that show the founding of Mexico, migration was depicted symbolically as footprints leaving seven caves, an area which many believe to be the present-day Southwest.

We are sometimes hated because our Indian faces are reminders that we once owned the land--that we were dispossessed and made illegitimate by an unjust war. 

It reminds us of our own childhoods, of thinking we were ugly because we were dark and Indian, washing our skin furiously, hoping we would wash our color away. A friend of ours remembers going to bed at night and praying she would wake up blond. Another friend says that's why some Latinas dress with garish clothes, makeup and baubles--to cover up the Indian.

We see Chicanos and Latinos as people from four directions because most of us are a mixture of Indian, European, African and Asian. This mixture, however historically has generally been viewed by both Spaniards and indigenous people as contaminated blood".

By Patrisia Gonzales & Roberto Rodriguez

Tell me, what do you honestly think of this article ? Post it. You will not be looked down upon. Just give your opinion. There's nothing wrong with that.

i was borth with this birth defect and sometimes it really upsets me. my right hand looks bad, it never formed. i also have no chest musce on the right side. i am a 16yr old male and sometime it makes my life terrible. but because of this problem i have no self confidence i have a few friends that care about me but i still feel like **** sometimes. usually im a happy person but then i stop and realize how i am and i just want to go to sleep forever. i have a habbit of hiding my hand that i cant fix and i dont like to take my shirt off. i feel really alone like noone knows how bad it feels.

一个很奇怪的梦。

有个朋友很多年不见了，就是回国也不一定去见其实却很想念的朋友。昨晚没有任何征兆却梦见了他在楼下象是在跳舞，我在楼上看见的时候很惊讶，最后相遇了，人家主动说跳槽了，还离婚了，我说你看你姑娘都十岁了，干嘛离啊。说合不来，她家人开销太大，养不起，好多钱都给丈人家了。然后我们就一路聊，聊了很多，就是不记得聊些什么，很可惜。然后半梦半醒之间好象LG起来干什么去又回来了，我就接着做梦，接下来的梦LG竟然也出现了，当时还挺害怕LG见到我这个朋友，不知道怎么解释（其实什么都没做），然后LG和我的朋友还见面了，似乎是在一张桌子上聊，梦中的我惊讶的发现LG和我的朋友很像，朋友变的白白胖胖，他应该是很有型不胖的那种，梦到这里门怦地一声打开，不用看，准是俺家的臭小子，一看表，才不到六点。