Confessions from Pennsylvania (PA)

What a great day!  I have energy.  The weather is perfect, the windows are open with a few fans blowing around the balmy air.  The song of the cicada coming in along with the random beam of sunlight.

Cleaning, listening to music, eating lunch with my boys.  My man off to work.  I could really get down with this stay at home mom stuff.

I went thru a terrible divorce from 1995-1998, I lost my home , pets,and alot of money...I wwas only married (38) months,I owned the home for 10 years,no children ,is anyone at this point wondering how I lost my home ====If I don't do anything about it ,can I live with that...Or doing something about it ,can I hold up mentality and physically...I.ll  you'se 3 words to tell yowhat happen, corruption,criminal, conspiracy..I wonder how many of you are thinking , he's bitter,upset, and making this story up, there lyes the problem, I.m not !!!!!

I cheated on my girlfriend several years ago with a new 'friend'.  It was a glorious affair.  Amongst our new, wide circle of friends no one knew that she and I traveled from our respective cities to secretly meet one another.   If they found out it would be so scandalous!  To this day my girlfriend asks me about my relationship with this friend and I continue to deny, deny, deny.  Problem is I've now become psycho paranoid that SHE'S now cheating on ME.  Her actions are suspicious (they mimic what I did when I was cheating!) and I can't tell if she's actually cheating on me or if my guilt is making me this way.  Either way it's eating away at me and I can't figure out how to make it stop.  Karma.  Sigh.  I'm trying to keep it all in perspective so I don't lose my relationship, or my mind.

I've been out of rehab now for 2 months.  When I got home from rehab, I was completely clean off of all drugs.  I found my suboxone in my bedroom, and I pocketed about 10 of them.  I took all of those, then kept off of them for a week.  I felt a little crappy, but then I started feeling normal again.  5 days ago I found half a suboxone laying on my counter.  I instantly felt that rush and excitement that I knew how it was going to make me feel.  Today is the last day that I took a little peice of that 1/2 of a pill.  It's eating me away inside because I know I shouldn't be taking it.  I need to be completely clean of all drugs.  Even though subxone is no where near as bad as herion, it's still able to lead me down that path again.  I needed to vent this, and hopefully soon I'll have a sponsor whom I can speak with about this.  I felt horrible now getting my 30 and 60 day NA keytags, because deep down I feel like i truely wasn't sober.

Ok...so here's the skinny; i'm pretty sure I have feelings for my best friend's boyfriend (which she is recently my room mate) and her boyfriend is my boyfriend's room mate. This is really screwed up. I am going crazy.

To better understand, here's how the feelings go on my end. I really do love my boyfriend. He's just so difficult all of the time, with everyone. And I understand he came from a different family situation than mine, so he is extremely independent and private. I dont want to break up with him, i'd rather work it out. Although, when I bring situations up to him, it is always an attack never a talk with him. I'd do anything for him to get it. His friend has always lent a helping hand when my boyfriend wasn't there to do it. This always seemed innocent to me, with no underlying intent. Before HE and my friend were officially dating, he had asked me about her. You know- for advice, and I told him to jump ship. Wait...What?? I'm so confused thinking back about everything...Why would I say THAT?

I am so upset that I am even thinking of this other person. For SO many reasons. He is not really even that physically attractive to me, but for some reason it grows and grows. Last year, my mother came out with my friends and I to dinner (which boyfriend and HIM were there). Apparently mum comes to the conclusion that she thought HE had a "thing" for me, payed more attention to what I said, and was genuinely caring for me. Never gave it two thoughts until recently my boyfriend brought up a similar subject about HIM having feelings for me.

Now, things are getting weird. But I have a feeling it's only in my head, and I dont want to freak out. I just need a way to get over this. I like my relationship and I dont want this notion to take over my head. I'm starting to almost push away from my boyfriend, and my best friend because I dont want to hurt either of them by giving myself away.

Although it seems as if everything in my life is breaking down, this cannot be the final straw. Family issues, bad bad bad finances, health problems, roommate is a slob, ahhh.

Anyone, tell me what the HELL can I do about this???

Please :( ???

I am a gay male who keeps this from just about everyone I know, with a few exceptions. About two years ago I started having feelings for my best friend. I had no feelings at first but his joking around went way to far and was even past flirtation. I began to want more than just a friendship. Throughout the years I've seen him date and hook up with girls and it kills me. Ive confessed to him how I feel but to no avail. It didnt affect our friendship much but my feelings were not returned nonetheless.



Recently he made the decision to join the Army which knowing the kind of person he is, is a bad idea. In the past few weeks I had been going to therapy for my anxiety and was making progress, I had even gotten over him completely and was unaffected by what or who he did. After his announcement he became a lot different. He was moody and emotional. One minute asking if I'd write to him while he was in basic training and the next telling me to leave him alone and that I was never that good of a friend to him. Still, we remained on good terms. But when I told him I thought his choice to join the Army was a bad one he completely shut me out asking me not to talk to him anymore.  I was devastated and my old feelings returned. About a week ago he left for basic training and now I'm left here thinking about him literally all the time.



I have no idea on what I should do, knowing him hes going to come back and try to act like nothing ever happened. The thing is I'm not sure if I want to be his friend anymore. While I'm worried about never seeing or talking to him then again I almost feel this is for the best. Any advice?

I am crying as I am typing, I do not know how I am going to handle this. My husband is going overseas for extended business trip, and he is taking my son with him. So , for the next million +++ seconds - SIX~MONTHS!!!!HALF A YEAR!!!!!! - I will be alone, all alone.

I am so shocked at my breakdown, it is totally illogical. There are so many pros for that trip!

1. It is a huge step up carrier-wise for my husband

2. It will be a good experience for my son.

3. I will have some break from them, will work extra hard on finishing my degree&getting teacher certification, without an interruptions, etc.

I keep repeating that in my head, but it just stopped working, and now even when I see plane on TV, I start choking.

I am afraid, that without me looking over them, something horrible might happen, like that time when my husbands tiny  infection landed us in the middle of the night in the ER... because he LET IT GO for such a long time!

I was looking forward for peace and quiet, to be able to finish all my  projects, immerse in studies ( it is not easy to go back to college, and I also work) but ....now I do not want to be free from them

What if I start drinking? right now I cannot even go to sleep without driving myself to total exhaustion...like right now I took my dog for a walk... at 2.30 am... and this is after working full shift...

How other people handle separation? What about sailors wives... army wives... the real ones, NOT the TV ones?

 It's been two years since we broke up and several months since I saw him, yet I think of him countless times within a day. We were 16. Our relationship was nothing physical... I was just crazy about HIM. No hormones involved.  I loved his soul. He made me the happiest person alive and no one else can compare to the way he made me feel or the warm feeling I get in my soul when I think of the memories now. I want him to be happy, and I've heard that he is.  He broke my heart by pretending to want to get back together only to turn me down. I was so hurt I cried for weeks and wanted to die.  I stopped talking to him and cut off all communication. He's dating his best friend and I'm dating someone new. His relationship is long distance while mine is not. He asked to see me the other day knowing that I have a boyfriend, but I told him I was busy... maybe another time. I was on a date with my boyfriend. Is that terrible?!?!  I tell this man I love him, while I still have feelings for my ex. My boyfriend is a sweet guy. A WONDERFUL person. Perhaps, I love him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him (at times).  The sparks that I had with my first love have yet to be replaced. I miss him like hell. I don't know if I should follow through with seeing him. There are some things that I've always wanted to know. After my feelings were crushed I never let him explain his actions, nor did I return his calls. I need closure so I can move on with my life. Maybe I should see him and get all of this resolved. I don't want to hurt the man I am dating by telling him any of this. I can't tell him I'm planning on seeing my ex-boyfriend, can I??!!? 

I am a forgiven sinner and am trying to do my best in treating outhers as i would want them to treat me.

The thing i dont understand is i have cronic back pain that seems to linger on so why doest my pain go away because i am forgiven of my sins and pray dailey for my familey,friends and the world.

Praise GOD For Saveing Me