Confessions from Tennessee (TN)

 I am confessing this moment that I think I am beginning to despise my so called "friend." What kind of friend avoids another person seeking them to simply wish them a calm day and fun weekend? What kind of friend borrows money and utilizes the resources of another and than disappears when they are done? 

The event marking the beginning of this chapter occurred yesterday evening. My husband and I were parading down the main foyer of our PX that day. We had just finished sharing a delicious sherbet fruit cone desert so you can imagine I was all sticky fingers and such. I dismissed myself to go to the rest room and while I was occupied with cleanliness my husband, who was waiting patiently outside the latrine saw my "friend" walking towards him with another young lady. Their demeanor was jovial and content but as they walked closer and she soon recognized who he was she paused hastily, grabbed her friends arm and made a 180 in the opposite direction. 

Slightly alarmed by this apparent disregard for courtesy my husband just acted as if he didn't know her. They both saw eye to eye, neither of them could even protest to not have an inclining of a clue as to who the other was. She has broken bread with us multiple times, we even baby-sat her beautiful daughter. I gave her and her husband money that I needed for myself to help them get to where they needed to be in their lives. Any time, money, or resources I invested into the lives of this beautiful family I do not regret but trust I will reap the benefits in the future when it is I who is in need of a helping hand.

I am angered by this display of total rudeness. She has ignored my "I just called you to see how you were, call me back whenever you can" voicemails,  text messages, and even emails for MONTHS. I'm hurt. This is someone I hold very dearly to me. We have walked through some tough times together. I never ask of people anything I wouldn't ask of myself especially in friendships. 

The worse part is that I was friends with her husband far before I ever met her. He is nowhere near as insensitive as she is. He has been a kind person to me for years and I am indebted to him for the show of kindness he AND his family have displayed. But why this does not transcend down nor reflect the relationship I HAD with his wife I don't know. 

People change, people move on. I understand this but at what point do we cross the line from natural out growing of others to simply having no empathy towards how our actions or lack there of affects those around us? It is simply too easy to say "I no longer feel I have room for you in my life" but it is not easy to say "see as I am and let's grow together." This young lady is a wonderful person who has come from the lowest of depths in her life to greatness. I am blessed to say I could at one time call her friend but no more will I allow myself to get pulled in and out of the lives of others on their schedule. No more. 

I am too forgiving of others when they hurt me. Unfortunately sometimes I feel as if I rather be hurt and amongst the company of others than have the most beautiful heir of solace and be alone. I can't do this anymore.

Friends are few and far between. I can only hope this will be a lesson to her as it has been to me. For  HER (mostly) to not abuse the willingness and choice-driven vulnerability of others towards her. A friendship based on convenience is as fickle as a house built on sand. As of this moment I will no longer subject myself to the dissapointment and sadness of being ignored and taken advantage of by my dear former friend. I love her but no more. 

If she needs me she knows where I live and what number to call. I don't allow wounds to determine the value and blessing it is to have others in my life. If I did I would spend every moment alone and unfortunately that is not a fate I desire.

I have always wanted to taste breast milk from a womans breast is that wrong?

It has been 8 years since i last saw him. the last thing he said to me was "i know". a reply to my statement. "i could never be as cruel as you!". He had just called our child the antichrist! The child (boy) is dead because he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy so i did! I had prayed that after 7 years of togetherness we would pull through that, deciding we wanted to get more "mature" before starting a family, especially with out being married. Four months later he married some woman who had kids! WTF! Then, to my honor, she, his new wife, started calling me accusing me of being the one he was cheating on her with. I had to call him to tell she was doing this and she needed to stop. I had moved 200 miles away by then. He loved me and i still love him! i compare every man i have been with to him because nothing can compare to that connection. He was, is, and will be my longest relationship. I still think about him everyday, curious to know if hes happy, what his son looks like, if his tiling business is successful, wondering if he ever thinks of me! i have even considered hiring a private dect. to just get pictures of him, but there is no use in that. People used to think we were married, saying we were made for each other! I miss that kind of pride you have when you love someone. All i can say know is that I am lucky to have loved that way and be loved that way! Although its only a memory for me now! i have an absurd notion that he will return to me, but i wouldnt return to me! I never got over him, or the horrible decision to terminate the life of our child! Its has ruined me, for myself and anyone else. I want to move on, but i cannot seem to! I have become a shadow of the woman i used to be.......all because of my love for him. I truly believe that we do not get to chose who we love, and now, its been an 8 year prison sentence that will go on for life, unless i can let him go! I prayed to god for years to get him out of my head, to let him go, but he is still there, in my heart of hearts. OMG! I want to be happy that I knew him, but he is a deep knife wound that fractured my soul! Please forgive me D**** P***!I shouldnt have listened to you when you asked me to abort! Still, that was no guarantee we would have stayed together!~

I need reconciliation from you sir! please tell me i didnt deserve this!

My grandfather died last October. It was very sudden and it upset me quite a lot. The funeral was a 13 hour drive away and my husband did not go with me...Because he had to work... This month we found out that my husbands grandfather has cancer that has about a five year survival outlook. We also found out that i am pregnant this month. His grandfather has always been nice to me and i do love him, but his grandmother is a very bitter woman and has never said a nice thing to me or about me. She has stated that when his grandfather dies she wants to live with my husband and I. (Even though she has two children of her own who want her to live with them). This woman is in great health and has another 15+ years left. My husband and i  are in our late 20s and are just getting our own family going and i cannot imagine this woman living in my house until into my 40s! I am also having trouble being sympathetic to my husband about his grandfather since he didn't even attened my grandfathers funeral with me. I am pregnant and emotional and i feel like no one cares about anything that i am feeling. At the same time i feel like i am a bad person for the way i am feeling:(

I want to change everything about me i dont even know where to start.... i dont want to look at myself in the mirror anymore i see someone i dont want to be.. i think that noone will ever love me in the way that i want to be loved and i am also in love with someone who is not in love with me... we are very good friends and he is about 3000 miles away we talk everynight and he tells me about this girl who means the world to him and it make me so jelous and so upset at the same time but i dont want to let him know that. i dont want our friendship to ever go away..... i love him for unexplainable reasons...... he makes me feel like i reall matter...like noone else does he gets me more than anyone ive ever met.... the other thing that i would change if i could would be the fact that i have no self esteem. i think so low of myself that i dont like anything about me. my looks my attitude my personality my friends my job my school i want to do better i want to change...... where do i start?

When I saw the alcohol on the table, I told my dad I had other plans tonight so he would take me home and I wouldn't have to hear him and my step mum fight again. I didn't have the heart to tell him that when they fought drunkenly at 1 in the morning it sent me into a panic attack.

It was the first time I had seen him in 6 years and Im already running away...

My most recent ex girlfriend, she broke up with me less than a month ago and yes I am a girl dating a girl (lol), and she recently sent me multiple death threats, started cussing me out, told me that she was going to talk someone she knows and he is going to pay someone to kill me, told me I should either move or get a bodyguard, called my mom and told her I was still shooting up drugs when I've been sober for a month or two now (I'm on probation so she knows she's lying on that on), blowed up my mom's phone with texts talking **** about me AND my mom for some reason, can't even think if that's all or not.

She is a 31 yr old drug addict and also just got out of jail three or so months ago.

I'm a 19 yr old addict that had her one attempted drug paraphinelia possesion excused with a 6 months probation sentence and a garuntee that my charge will be removed in six months if I don't get into any more trouble. (I feel asleep in the school parking lot next to my parents house. Should have so thought harder about what was in my bad. I call that a bad surprise!)

I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER want to become like her! I am more motivated now than ever to stay clean, get my GED, and keep moving forward/up with my life. Why was I ever ok with wasting every single day of my life away by being high every time!? It's so not worth it!

Forgive any grammatical and/or spelling errors. I'm just rambling and roughing it.

<3 + XOXO

Well, like the title says, it has taken me three years to do it, but I have finally gotten over my first love. She continued to use me even after she got herself another girlfriend- her ex (and now they've been together for over two years). I will not degrade myself by being the "other woman" anymore because I deserve much, much better. While trying our hand at being best friends, I went up and beyond my duty as one by doings things I will not disclose (though I will tell one; such as letting her live with me- free of charge- when she decided she didn't want to move away after all ::so stupid::). I don't owe her anything, and I've more than made up for breaking up with her (which I had later thought was a mistake for years)! I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders, or removed from atop my heart is more like it. I'm free to love again!