Confessions from Virginia (VA)

ok, i have to vent because if i don't then i am going to crack.  a few months ago my husband took our son over there to help her move some things into storage.  he showed up about 3 hours late because he worked till 5 am.  anyways, when they finally got to her house she blew him off.  didn't say a word to our son or my husband.  when he called and told me what had happened i called her and left her a message telling her that what she did was wrong and i would apprecieate it if she apologized.  i also told her that i wanted her to be a part of her grand childrens lives but in order to do so she would have to treat my family better.

about 3/4 days later we get a call from my brother-in-law and his message basicaly said that i was wrong and way out of line.  that i needed to apologize to her and make this right.  it took me a few weeks but i finally called and left her messages on all of her phones that said i was sorry for how i spoke to her but not for what i said.  i don't think i was wrong and i just stood up for my husband.

she never called back and she never told my brother-in-law that i called to apologize.  now he is hounding my husband and i since its the holidays.  he wants me to sit down with her and his girlfriend (as a neutral party) and "hash it out."

i have tried to keep my calm and maintain my words becasue i was raised to respect my elders, but to not let people walk all over me.  now tonight, he sent me an im and basically chewed me out and told me i was childish.  i got to say somethings to him but i still held back because he is part of my family. 

he wants he wants he wants he wants.  why is he putting his nose in this?  it has nothing to do with him.  why is it always my fault for things when it comes to his mom. 

when she first met me, (in the hospital while her other son (not my husband) was laying becasue he had a massive heart attack) she introduced herself as chris's mom...not hi, i'm will and chir's mom.  she completely left out my husband.  when it came time for us to see chris, she told me i coldn't come in becasue i was not "family."  when i was the one sitting there at 1:30am calling her to get her to come up to the hospital.  when i gave birth to her only blood grand daughter, she didn't even tell me "happy mother's day"  when we were over at her house for dinner.  when christmas rolled around, she left me out completely.

and now chris keeps saying that after the day my husband showed up late and i called her to tell her off, she just now doesn't want anything to do with me.....  please help me deciede wether or not they need to be in my familys life!!!! i can't stand to be the one who is always "wrong" and have to be the one to bring the family back together when i don't believe i was wrong to begin with.

 MY BEST COLLAGE BUDDY WERE AT A DEAD SHOW IN GREENVILLE N.C.1987. WE GOT SEPARATED IN THE THE PARKING LOT. I HAD HIS TICKET AND I WAITED  FOR  HIM.THE MUSIC STARTED FIRST SET THEN THE SECOND SET.I MET THIS SWEET GIRL LOOKING FOR A TICKET.I LOOKED AT HER AND IN WE WENT INSIDE THE SHOW WAS  GREAT NOT THINKING ABOUT MY BUDDY.THE SHOW ENDED THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS GREAT GIRL AND ALL.WHEN I FOUND MY BUDDY HE WAS IRATE AND VERY MAD AT ME.IT WAS LONG 5 HOUR RIDE HOME.I CARRY THIS GUILT  .TO THIS DAY I CANT FORGET WHAT HE SAW AND FELT OUTSIDE THE STADIUM.TO THIS DAY AFTER, ALL THESE YEARS I HOPE MY BROTHER R.W.B.IIIrd HAS FORGIVEN ME.M.S.C. Peace Bro.

I actually somehow believed that I could survive a summer relationship without getting too attached.  After three months of an incredibly intimate relationship, I was so much more emotionally tied up to this guy than I could ever have guessed, and when the predictable end of summer came, I felt like my heart was going to crumble and never really work again.

Two weeks later, I'm not feeling a lot more confident in my ability to get over it.

I thought that Summer Lovin' was reserved for high school sweethearts.

he has been my only true love in this life. and he has hurt me like friends did. but i forgive him. and i still love him. and i still want to be with him. i ache with pain and cry myself to sleep thinking of how it was all my fault that we can't be together. iwant him to be happy. that is how i know i really did and always will love him. you know it is love when you just want the person to be happy in life. but i miss him. and he has a girlfriend.

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up like a year ago. He broke my heart by telling me he was ready for a relationship, dumping me the next day, and then getting in a relationship two weeks later. He was my best friend and things are so awkward now!! But the wierd thing is is that I still fantisize about what it would be like if we were still together...I don't think i still like him but I always think about him:(

When I was 20 I dropped out of college and joined the air force. I had no idea which direction to go. As was the norm I abdicated the decision to the military.

I hated my jog. I did my job. I did my job exceedingly well.

I met my first husband in the air force. He proposed. I accepted. I got of the air force. I followed him to next duty station as his bride.

We settled in California. I couldn't find a job. He got me a job with the company he worked at. I hated my job. I did my job. I did my job exceedingly well.

I decided I wanted to love my job. I quit my job. I went to school. I loved school.

My husband got laid off. I quit school, again. My mother decided we should move across the country. We packed up out belongs. We got in our car. We moved to Virginia. I was not happy. But I went along with it because it seem like the right thing to do.

My husband and I got jobs in Williamsburg, Virginia. My husband got a job working on airplanes. He loved his job. I got a job working in a restaurant. I hated my job. I did my job. I did my job adequately.

My husband talked me into putting an ad in an aviation magazine in the positions wanted sections. I posted the ad to appease my husband. I got the job. I didn't want the job. I did the job. I sucked at the job.

Eventually I went back to school, again. I loved school. My husband seem to get more argumentative the closer I got to finishing my schooling. My grades were affected. I was miserable. I left my husband. I moved in what man I thought was my landlord.

My landlord was very helpful while I was in my emotional haze. He was so helpful, we began to sleep together. Five years later we married.

My former landlord, former friend and former husband's behavior became erratic. He had violent mood swing. He became abusive. I left him.

Today I look back at the decision I've made and realized I have made some really stupid mistakes. Every decision I made, at it's core, were made to satisfy someone else.

The most difficult thing for me to do at this point is to accept the mistakes of my past and forgive the girl who had no sense of herself.

It's a process. My bad days -- the days I'm angry with myself -- still out-number the good. I keep trying to forgive myself. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I keep hope forgiveness will come soon. I ready to become the woman I know I can be.

How cruel the world can be. I am a post op trans born XXY (Klinefelters) and have never felt any way other than female. I love so intesely yearn for the soft hands of a lover, cry alone at night for another girl to share my heart and soul...

Some wonder why have surgery if you love girls. Why indeed. Had I not I would have died as the stress of trying to be "male" was tearing me aoart emotionally and physically.

Problem is I am lesbian. I have to confess too I am not turned on usually by other t girls. I want a GG woman who can accept me as I am for the person I truely am. This is a selfish dream. To want so intensely, desire so totally and become focused on this as a goal. Yet being alone makes me cry at night.

So my confession is that my lonelyness is driving me crazy with desire and that I need a cute girl to hold. That I am not always the strong leader others see but the lonely girl in need. By day and in public I am a leader of the transgender people. I lobby for our rights. I help others and lead at conferences. Yet here in the night I am so so alone....

 

I am 79 years old and just found out with a  biopsy I have cirrohis of the liver. I have not dranked heavely for at least 20 years. I had 25 lbs of fluid and 5' larger waist line. My weight was up to 226 at 6' 1 tall. I am now down to 206 lbs and waist is about 3' less. I am elated!

Yet, my past life has and haunted me., even thought I took care of my family and had a good business. it still bothers me more then the cirrohis.

So my confession is., I've been living a life of deciet, especially to my self. I'm working on it and beginning to feel better about my self.

Any comments

I have never liked who I am and what I looked like, so I got online and stole a girl's pictures because I thought she looked prettier than me and posted them on a new MySpace. I stole her identity and added a lot of people as her to get attention.

I talked to my friends using the account and told everyone I knew her in real life and we were really friends. I always felt they liked her more than me. I soon became jealous of her and told everyone she was moving to another state.

It worked, but I still have to talk about her as if I really did know her.