Confessions from Washington (WA), Western Australia (WA)

i want to see the playgirl thing with levi johnston haha

I've married for a year now.  That day, when I said I do, I ment it.  I really did.  My husband and I were together for two years before we got married.  He come out from no where and he rescued me.  He helped me with my tuition, room and board and even got me a green card.   I'm 14 years younger than him. He's been taking care of me from day one and never complain a thing. 

I love him, I really do............ I just never want to have intimany with him.  He says I love you everyday and treats me like a queen.  He just want me to be happy. 

I can nevery tell him the truth is that he is the reason I'm not happy.................

I don't deserve him.  I can't tell anyone I know what's really in my mind.  Sometimes I wish he didn't love me this much.  Sometimes I wish we didn't even meet. I want to run away from him, before I destroy him.

Who am I kidding!

I have no where to go..................

...and after many years together, my first love left me for a man.  I did not dislike him, but warned her that he was a scoundrel.  She could not listen because she had fallen in love.  He died of AIDS, and she recently followed.

The love of my life left me to become a man.  Her beautiful countenance died in order for "She" to become "He."  Then "He" was murdered because of who he was.

Do we ever really survive this thing called love?

It's hard to think of what in your life is interesting, or means anything in any way at all. Someone on here asked "what happens if you fail at commiting suicide, what happens", and that reminded me of what happened when I tried to commit suicide, and (obviously) failed.

This was in March of 1987, and I was working as a nurses' assistant. My job was becoming more hectic and I was wholly unable to cope with it -and I knew I was going to be fired. I didn't think that I would be able to survive being homeless, and I didn't really want to; so with no family to turn to, I decided to commit suicide by over-dosing on sleeping pills.

I bought a half case of reinlander (sp?), which is pretty amazing since I was 19 at the time and two bottles of OTC sleeping pills. I was living in a two bedroom victorian house with a lesbian couple for room-mates.

I don't remember saying much to them, I think I probably snuck past them so I wouldn't have to share my beer. I remember I let them know I wasn't going to be around that night, however.

So I settled into what was my bedroom. There was a mattress on the floor, clothes and whatnot scattered around all over the floor because I didn't have a dresser or laundry hamper. I listened to pink floyd and black flag on my boom box as a drank my beers and before long I opened both bottles of sleeping pills and forced them down my throat.

OD'ing on pills is harder than you'd think -they clump in your throat, and they suck up any other moisture -and beer doesn't help to wash them down that much, either. Finally, I got both bottles down and drank my beer.

What's strange is that I doubt I got very far in my half case -I couldn't have had any more than 4-5 beers, tops. I'm pretty sure my room mates must have had the rest.

Whatever the case may be, the beer and the sleeping pills eventually pulled me under, and I laid down and slept.

I woke up three days later and saw gay guy I knew from work sittin on the side of my mattress looking down at me. He and I didn't get along that great, but not that bad either. I was touched that he was there (I was also mostly out of it).

He and I talked about what was going on, he seemed supportive in a very weird sort of way, and realising that I was OK -he got up and left.

I found out later that he had asked to sit with me because he wanted to see someone die. Since it was three days later, I think he was kinda late to the party.

There's more to the story than I'm telling, because I don't remember. Apparently I blacked out and my room mates tried to take me to the psych ward, but were turned away because I was intoxicated.

I wound up losing my job, losing my home and living on the street after staying in the hospital for a month. I've made what they call "suicidal gestures", but that's one of two times I worked as hard (and, apparently, as misguided) as I could to kill myself.

 I am suck a dirty *****... i let myself fall prey to the first guy who seemed to be interested in me. I have strong moral values and can't stand to break them, but for some reason within 3 months this guy was able to make me break them.

I promised myself that i would never ever do anything to mess up a girls relationship with a guy. but i met this one guy and he completely made that kaput... after 3 months i have let him kiss me (doesn't seem that bad i know but if you were me its catastrophic) and now i just feel dirty and disgusting

i moved to washington from california to get away from the crazy reckless life is was living and and here i am 100 pounds heavier and cant figure out what was worse

I think I may be starting to hate him, I don't know why but everything he does or says I just  want to hit him, he s such a know it all and the one that has to say the last word even when he's wrong! and even though i've known him for 16 yrs and he's been the same person its just recently that his personality is literally grating to my nerves I hate his voice his moods the way he treats my kids and me.. I can't leave him cuz its my house but he sure won't leave my kids would be devastated so I just suck it up but the more i'm around him the more I think i hate him am I wrong?

...I must try to remember I'm an awesome girlfriend...even when the world looks so bleak.  I will tell myself  I'm:

a massage therapist, a good listener, a good lover, funny, pretty good at cooking, warm, someone who loves to laugh, an intuitive person, a compassionate person, a geek, a overall good person with good energy.

I confess...the world has gotten me down for so long it's easy to forget what to be proud of and what to like about myself.

In my current job, I work as part of a large 20+ member team that consists of only 3 girls. We are currently separated into three smaller groups. I'm the lone girl in my group. Coming from another job that mostly consisted of girls, I'm strangely satisfied, if not esctatic, that I'm the only set of boobs in my general area.

Is it unusual to find this a bit arousing? Don't get me wrong, I do not plan on trying to score with every single guy on the team, especially since some of them have girlfriends or boyfriends or are married. I absolutely respect those boundaries. But I just think it's so intriguing that I'm the only one that can giggle like a schoolgirl and not be looked at funny.

Plus it seems like all the guys on the team generally like me. I don't know if it's because I am a girl, a girl interested in video games, or am generally a funny and happy person. Or maybe it's all three. In any case, I haven't heard yet of anyone saying that they freakin' hate my guts. And bless their hearts, they all respect me and don't look at me like a piece of meat!

I guess to sum it up, I love where I work and I love the people that I work with. If anything, they help give me awesomely passionate dreams at night. ;)

I am here, because i was looking around the internet for some kind of release of pain, which I carry on a constant basis. It has been a long time since my first time in the then Soviet union.  After arriving at the cold and weeping Country, I was in a mode of eagerness, that was starting to cause me to shake and shiver. Thankfully the icey cold weather hid all my symptoms of an eager yet scared, about to be first time hitman. You the reader are right now giggling and you probably think I am full of crap.. Well this is when I will let you in on something. This confession is for me and for me alone to hopefully release some long carried pain. Right now I am using an anonymous email that I will quickly discard, imediately after I am done with sharing my first and hopefully my only one time confession. I also type very fast so as not to extend my time in one spot too lengthly. Now back to my confession. I was so eager and my adrenaline was causing me to shake uncontrollably. This was not such a good presentation of my body language, for when I arrived where it was going to be much warmer indoors at the airport security check. As I started to utilize what my teacher had taught me, I could hear her voice calm and sure. I started to respond as I was taught. my nerves turned to steel. I was A young man that was on a mission and I was in this actor like state, that I am sure was one of the most real performances any one actor could display. After I breezed through the security check, I waited for my luggage, which arrived exactly twenty one minutes and forty seven seconds to the second from when I stepped away from the security personel. With luggage in hand, I continued through the exit doors. Now outside, I was then accompanied by my first of three contacts. I wont get into too much detail about how I knew who was my contact, as I refuse to divulge any tricks of my trade. We drove off and My first look at my unaware victim was a slow look upon the face of a soon to be dead mans photo. The photo memorized, it was then destroyed. All relative info was quickly shared and I was on my own once again. The second contact was six days, four hours and nineteen minutes after my last memorized mark of time. This second contact was, I will just say, very sure of them self. I received all that was needed from this contact, and our ways were parted. Now, my final contact was with me, at what I can only tell you, was a very confusing and inter woven peice of artestry of it's finest.  The hit was done with one of my most exhausting struggles, that I can only describe as brutal.  He was now dead and I was able to soak in all that had just taken place. I have been a shadow of life and death for some time now and I have many freinds that will greet me in the end. I will say one thing of myself. And that is, I love that we all have an end. Thank you for letting me confess. I wonder will this help me to let go of all their shadows, that I have in my luggage? stinu cloveka                                                  just kidding ...