17 years married and husband refuses to go out anywhere with me am i justified in having affair?
thru the 17 years he has gotten progressively worse.. i am a pretty,intelligent woman...yet when i tell him i need a partner he tells me to go out with my children who are grown!! im sick of this and now i am 50 years old i want someone who wants what i want!! am i wrong??? i love my husband yet its not enough!!
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17 Answers to "17 years married and husband refuses to go out anywhere with me am i justified in having affair?"
Posted by TheSquirrel Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:23AM
No. You are never justified in having an affair. If you are done with the marriage, then be done with it; otherwise, abide by your word which you gave when you got married.
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Posted by rlynnd32 Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:16AM
you're not wrong for wanting more, but u would be wrong for the affair. if you're not happy anymore...sounds like you've got decision to make...maybe you should tell him what his neglect is doing to you?
Like (6)
Posted by Keyzgerl Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:15AM
having an affair says more about your values and personal self worth. It'll only make you look bad and make your husband the victim.
Just get a divorce and move on with your life. Don't keep him around to justify your behaviors......just sayin'
Like (5)
Posted by Apsenniel Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:36AM
Is he a good hubby otherwise? Maybe he's tired from working hard all week and just wants to relax in his house and trusts you to do things w/o him.
Like (3)
Posted by easternshorebuzz Mar 27th, 2013 at 6:28AM
I believe that to be respectful you should divorce him and then attempt to find love elsewhere rather than to do it now.
I also think it would be wise to seek counseling to help you through this troubled time.
Who knows you may come up with a solution that does not involve divorce.
Do you already have someone in mind for the affair? Have you sort of made up your mind?
Like (2)
Posted by triguy84 Nov 4th, 2012 at 4:22AM
The Dalia Lama teaches that there is a big difference between “pleasure” and “happiness”. Affairs create pleasure but generally not happiness. Particularly if you were raised with strong values. I think it’s critical to fully comprehend that concept.
I’d recommend that you sit with your husband and explain that you need more and give him the choice of A) working on your marriage or B) ending it. Furthermore he needs to understand that C) wallowing in the current state is no longer acceptable. When you have this discussion don’t do it in a threatening or demanding way. Do it with love but be firm nonetheless. If he chooses A than seek out a good therapist and work hard at making positive changes. And of course you need to be willing to live with “B” if that is the outcome. Good luck…
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Posted by MasterMix Sep 29th, 2012 at 12:11PM
I don't understand where the affair part comes in.
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Posted by ahotchick209 Sep 29th, 2012 at 12:03PM
I would say leave him. Walk away and hell soon realize what he lost. YOLO- go get yours!
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Posted by jatpack3 Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:19AM
I guess love is not enough in your case.
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Posted by TarzanNeedsJane Mar 15th, 2013 at 8:35AM
I will treat you like a princess and give you the royal treatment...you deserve it
Like (1)
Posted by moonwatcher321 Nov 3rd, 2012 at 7:22AM
Having an affair won't solve anything. It will only add a layer of complexity to your situation. You have three logical options: live with it, change it, or leave it. Any other option would be emotional, and this isn't the time to be led by your emotions. For now, forget that "follow your heart" crap that we women tend to dish out to each other. Instead, let your intellect guide you. Behave like a smart, grown-up woman. This means keeping your eye on the long-term consequences and not doing anything you wouldn't want done to you.
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Posted by rusted Sep 29th, 2012 at 1:11PM
It sounds like you have a roommate, not a husband.
Time to work on the marriage or get rid of the marriage.
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Posted by geoffersp Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:42AM
There's no black & white answer to this I'm afraid.
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Posted by cellamaxx Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:23AM
Absolutely not! But you are justified in questioning is love for you. I mean does he want a house mate or a relationship with someone that loves him. You have to be happy and do what makes you happy and a true partner will compromise and do what the other partner enjoys in all aspects of the relationship. Having an affair will not solve the problem and will only compound the issues that are truly at hand.
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Posted by ChipmunkErnie Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:16AM
Only you can decide that
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Posted by Sean8342 Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:16AM
Think it's best if you lay your cards on the table.... warn your husband if he doesn't pay you some attention then you will seek it elsewhere.... tell him in plain English
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Reply by Keyzgerl Sep 29th, 2012 at 12:04PM
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Reply by Sean8342 Sep 29th, 2012 at 12:28PM
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Posted by klaatu888 Sep 29th, 2012 at 11:16AM
I think you should lay out the rules on him, and if he reacts badly, divorce him! Why stay in this relationship and cheat?
Like (1)