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thru the 17 years he has gotten progressively worse.. i am a pretty,intelligent woman...yet when i tell him i need a partner he tells me to go out with my children who are grown!! im sick of this and now i am 50 years old i want someone who wants what i want!! am i wrong??? i love my husband yet its not enough!!
habesgirl habesgirl 46-50, F 28 Answers Sep 29, 2012 in Marriage

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No. You are never justified in having an affair. If you are done with the marriage, then be done with it; otherwise, abide by your word which you gave when you got married.

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Good answer. Not that divorce is a good thing. But if you're going to toss away a marriage, at least do it openly and honestly.

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you're not wrong for wanting more, but u would be wrong for the affair. if you're not happy anymore...sounds like you've got decision to make...maybe you should tell him what his neglect is doing to you?

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having an affair says more about your values and personal self worth. It'll only make you look bad and make your husband the victim.<br />
Just get a divorce and move on with your life. Don't keep him around to justify your behaviors......just sayin'

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I believe that to be respectful you should divorce him and then attempt to find love elsewhere rather than to do it now.<br />
I also think it would be wise to seek counseling to help you through this troubled time.<br />
Who knows you may come up with a solution that does not involve divorce.<br />
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Do you already have someone in mind for the affair? Have you sort of made up your mind?

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The Dalia Lama teaches that there is a big difference between “pleasure” and “happiness”. Affairs create pleasure but generally not happiness. Particularly if you were raised with strong values. I think it’s critical to fully comprehend that concept. <br />
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I’d recommend that you sit with your husband and explain that you need more and give him the choice of A) working on your marriage or B) ending it. Furthermore he needs to understand that C) wallowing in the current state is no longer acceptable. When you have this discussion don’t do it in a threatening or demanding way. Do it with love but be firm nonetheless. If he chooses A than seek out a good therapist and work hard at making positive changes. And of course you need to be willing to live with “B” if that is the outcome. Good luck…

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I don't understand where the affair part comes in.

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I would say leave him. Walk away and hell soon realize what he lost. YOLO- go get yours!

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I guess love is not enough in your case.

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Don't do it. You'll utlimately regret it. If you feel that unhappy, try a trial split. You'll know after a while if it matters that much that he won't go out with you. If he's good to you and he's a good family man, get some friends that you can go out with. But it's not worth hurting him and your children by having an affair. I've been on the receiving side of an affair and it's a terrible feeling. Good luck

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I will treat you like a princess and give you the royal treatment...you deserve it

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Having an affair won't solve anything. It will only add a la<x>yer of complexity to your situation. You have three logical options: live with it, change it, or leave it. Any other option would be emotional, and this isn't the time to be led by your emotions. For now, forget that "follow your heart" crap that we women tend to dish out to each other. Instead, let your intellect guide you. Behave like a smart, grown-up woman. This means keeping your eye on the long-term consequences and not doing anything you wouldn't want done to you.

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It sounds like you have a roommate, not a husband.<br />
Time to work on the marriage or get rid of the marriage.

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There's no black & white answer to this I'm afraid.

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Absolutely not! But you are justified in questioning is love for you. I mean does he want a house mate or a relationship with someone that loves him. You have to be happy and do what makes you happy and a true partner will compromise and do what the other partner enjoys in all aspects of the relationship. Having an affair will not solve the problem and will only compound the issues that are truly at hand.

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Only you can decide that

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Think it's best if you lay your cards on the table.... warn your husband if he doesn't pay you some attention then you will seek it elsewhere.... tell him in plain English

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Ultimatums never work. They tend to make the other person defensive and it backfires.

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it's not stricktly an ultimatum.... you put your cards on the table... as in this IS what I'm going to do... then the opther person cn act accordingly

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I think you should lay out the rules on him, and if he reacts badly, divorce him! Why stay in this relationship and cheat?

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The same thing with my wife.She won't even go to a concert with me.She won't even play in bed,lol!Sex maybe 4 times a year and it's always "Well if you have to, just hurry up."Wow, that'll get a guy stimulated (not)!<br />
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I love my wife but I need the loving touch of a woman.It's been so long I think I could use a refresher course,lol!I would love to find a woman in a similar situation.<br />
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I understand your situation and I feel your pain.Have an affair.I can only wish that it was with me. Good luck!

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