20 year marriage gone cuz i cheated! cld i ever get him back?

i agree with RedDragon. there must have been a reason that you cheated, whether it be out of boredom of the relationship, or loneliness. i had a fiance that i had broken it off with for all of the right reasons (he was controlling, selfish, made me feel awful about myself, and had cheated on me, etc and i'm no saint, i found myself cheating on him to spite him) but after i had done it i was overwhelmed with a sense of panic. would this be the only love that i ever had? what if i end up alone? i started thinking that all of it was my fault (and of course, he tried to nurture that idea) and i am so glad that i was strong and found the courage to move on. i know that you are going through a lot right now. the comfort of the idea of having someone (sometimes anyone) sometimes dulls our other senses a bit. i wish you the best in your life, and i hope for a bright future, with or without him.

would you forgive him and love him back if he cheated on you, whether once or twice?

Well if he doesnt love you and to me it sounds vice versa. Do yourselves both a favour and move on.

Sounds like a personal problem to me. I'd take a few months off and try to find out what made me do all of this in the first place. Only then would I try to repair the damage...if he wants to repair the relationship.

I think you've already done it.

20 years is a long time but if you love each other and it was a mistake and you know in your heart that it will never happen again whether you were under the infulence just once or if you had an affair on him! If it was an affair then I would have to say it is not worth trying to get your marriage back as you did it over and over again and didnt care but if it was a one off and you are extremely sorrowful then I believe there is no reason why you cant try again as long as he will forgive you and you can trust yourself and him - that he wont take revenge

It's good that he left you. He deserves to be with someone who's honest and who will love and respect him. You need to grow up. Two words: SELF CONTROL.

Would you take him back if he cheated on you, you gave him another chance and then he turned around and cheated again with the same person?

I don't think you really want your husband back (admittedly, I don't know you) because if you did you would have taken the second chance that he gave you and done everything you could to make amends and work on your relationship with him. Instead, you found yourself doing the same thing again with the same person.

The only thing that is more powerful than love is history and after 20 years, you and your husband have a history. Maybe it's not him you want back, maybe it's the security of that known relationship. You cheated for a reason so you have to think about what you want to do next in your life without your husband.

Maybe you shouldn't have cheated. Idiot.

If you're committed to making it up to him then yes but only if he does deep down love you. The best thing is not to defend what you did. Let him know you know you made a mistake. Let him know how much he means to you and listen to him when he tells you how it made him feel. This is key. You have to listen without getting defensive. If he at some point want to hear your reasons for cheating then feel free to tell him what was going through your mind but not in a way that lays the blame at his feet.

Probably because you took him for granted before and now you got caught and NOW its an eye-opener to you.

Go back to your dish on the side. Sounds like you deserve each other.