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I can't fully understand being a user I couldnt live with myself
harisheldon harisheldon 36-40, M 4 Answers Nov 22, 2012 in Romance & True Love

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The way I see it, if you have low self esteem and you allow people who pray on that sort of thing to get close to you, then the world seems full of "users". If you develop a strong sense of self, develop emotional intelligence and learn to love yourself and others from a healthy place, those people cease to exist in your world

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That's true. Still even the most kind and loving women can trust too easily and be used before they know the person. A lot of times kind and loving women can't always see the flaws in others

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I know what you mean, but trusting to easily is also a sign of weak boundaries. If a woman gets used or hurt, her next step should be to learn from the process so that she can avoid that pain in the future. If she does this, then there's only ever really one user. The first one. If she doesn't and remains kind and trusting, allowing these men to pray on her, then she's not doing her best to respect or protect herself, and that is a sign of psychological damage or extreme low self esteem. I don't mean to sound blunt, I'm just big on personal responsibility. Excellent question by the way

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The way I see it, there are users in all levels in the animal kingdom. The fact that humans, either male or female can behave this way relegates them to nothing more than cattle or insects in my book.

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It seems to me that woman are more accepting of users.



Seems to me that woman are better communicators especially amongst themselves. it is therefore strange that after a woman gets used and she tells all her female friends about the guy that the guy would then have a hard time winning over another woman for him to use.



But the strange this is that the users in this world seem to have no trouble getting woman to use. Women seem to be falling over each other to get in line for their chance to be used.



So a lot of woman get to have the "i have been used" experience. Because of a few very successful male repeat offenders whom they seem to be hopelessly attracted to. So they end up with the false impression that all men are users. When in actual fact it is a minority of men who are just using lot of woman.

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Interesting never thought of that

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pretty dead on. I like this response. As I wrote in my answer, healthy women don't even manifest users into their lives. For example, when I stopped drinking, I found a pronounced lack of alcoholics in my life...

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good point ill pass this onto my friends. I feel bad for them actually. The ones I work with seem to have the worst of trouble lately

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Not just women, some men are too. That's just the nature of some people.

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Yes I meant men these women were trying to date. These poor women seem to keep finding them to date

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Ooh I know. I think some people just have this saviour complex and want to turn these users into kindhearted souls. Sometimes that works, mostly not, I suspect!

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Oh so the women have the savior complex and want to save them. I see what you mean. Then they aren't equals and lovers at the same time. I see the problem
I sometimes try to do a lot for others in ways they need to help them out. A lot like over the top sometimes probably. Not in a romantic way but I do sometimes feel used. I wonder if I have something up there or some complex

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