A not-so-hypothetical question...please answer.?

I, personally, would wait until after the surgery - let him get back on his feet and then go.

**** him.

Maybe you could go ahead with your moving plans, yet be supportive during his hosp. stay. Find a middle road. If you can't then don't..It's your life too!!

Foremost, is he still your friend? (that seems like a facile question, I know) but the point is, do you still at all care about him? It will be physically and emotionally traumatic for him to go through this surgery, so you have to consider if it is at all worth it to you to still support this person?

Regardless of everything, you have to take care of yourself, so an unreasonable drain or strain on you is not acceptable for someone you do not care about at all. However, if you still care about him as a person (despite the relationship problems over the years) then it would be right to consider how much involvement you would want to show in supporting him. Draw boundaries if you have to: for instance, are other members of his family around, or who else is there if it isn't you? Could you act as more of an organiser rather than the flesh and blood 24/7 nurse-by-his-side role? Lastly, if you have to, limit what you give to protect yourself, but be careful about using this situation as payback (as would be normal to consider in your case!), as it could leave you emotionally worse off later.

All the best and congratulations on making those difficult decisions so far and forging the way ahead!

I grew up in the Christian faith and I was taught that only death should make you apart. Divorce only in extreme cases of adultery or abuse and even so, if it became unbearable... also divorce is the real break of the institution of marriage. I'm always hoping that Christians will rise to push divorce illegal in this country as much as they fight against same sex marriage on basis of following the Bible. It just does not seem right to me to voice against a type of sin while performing other equally wrong in the eyes of God.
But I'm not a Christian anymore so I become much more tolerant and I don't judge as much so I just hope you find the right answer for your problem. You are being decent by caring for him but by the end of the day everybody deserves happiness-- the ones trying to get in a marriage and the ones trying to get out of it. I would say go for yours. (happiness)

Your husband is not in a position to make good decisions about divorce proceedings, and undoubtedly his passing has taken an emotional toll on you as well. It would behoove you to wait until his medical issues are resolved before adding a divorce to them. At a minimum, it will be MUCH easier for him to argue that his imminent death somehow contributed to your desire to leave him if you do not wait, as others have noted.

Certainly, you can proceed in whatever ways don't involve notifying him of the impending divorce. I'm sure there are plenty of legal hurdles and red tape you can clear between now and when you can make your next move.

Wow, if it were me, and I left, then he died, I would probably regret it immensly. If anything, he is a human who is very ill, and the right thing for any person is to stay beside them as a friend or even concerned human! You know when you leave he will suffer stress and more health problems. I would wait an extra month or two. A dying man deserves to die with some peace, right?

If he doesn't know you are leaving, and finds out before the surgery he might just use it to rope you in. wiseowl has a good idea maybe you could give that some thought?

Not sure. I think you need to be honest with yourself. Depends if your really miserable at the moment how would you cope with being by his side as his wife when you just want to leave? I would love to say wait until after the surgery but can you cope with that? You could be honest and tell him now, as well as family so that everyone knows where you stand so that if you are around to support him there are no expectations on you as a wife. I think just be honest no point in dragging this on. I think the sooner you let him know the better for everyone involved why wait? Yourve made up your mind your going to leave him so tell him. Personally I think this will give him time to come to terms with it. If you wait until after the surgery and he recovers this would be yet another major event that he has to deal with. On the other hand if he does not pull through you may be left feeling guilty that perhaps in some way you contributed and this may impact on you negatively. However if you are honest and do all you can to support then I think it would be ok. I wish you all the best and him.

The mere fact that you have doubts in your mind about leaving before the surgery means that somehow you feel the need to stay with him through this surgery. I think that you owe it to him to do this one (hopefully not the last) good deed for a person who is and will-be-soon a was once part of your life. I know that he has not been very good to you but for me it is better to err on the good side. Am sure you would do this for a person who needs help, think you can do this for a soon-to-be ex. Also, not sure if leaving him before the operation in the manner that you are planning will make him more stressed and do more harm to him. Not to make you feel guilty but if things really went bad, I am sure you cannot find it in your heart to think that you could have done something to help. In the end, it's still your decision though, do what you think will be the best.

If you leave now, he may die because of it. But I am a cold-hearted bastard, so I say continue. Let him know what you are doing. And why. That way, when he's recovering from surgery he knows the score. Personally, I think it would be crueler to break it to him afterward. But maybe I've been living alone too long. But I think I'd do better knowing what was going to happen. Doesn't mean you can't help him through it, if you want to. Just beware the snares.

No one here would follow the exact same steps as you, you've already said that you're not going to change your mind. So it's seems to me that you are looking for someone to give you a pass....to ease your conscience....none of us have that power or right...you have to make the decisions and live with the consequences....

Take a broad look at the situation...What has he done to you, and for you. Has he been abusive to you? Or has he just got on your last nerve? What you do should depend upon how the marriage was, not how he feels. I know he's dying or whatever, BUT, if he's a cold callous s.o.b then by all means, LEAVE! Or, wait till he's good n groggy and get him to sign the will! lol!
If on the other hand, the guy is just annoying as fck, feel a little sympathy and stick with him till the surgery is over. Hope this helps.

i like to think i wouldn't leave someone who could be dying. but then again, if i really hated him i might.

Send him a get well card.

Wait until after the surgery to see if he survives the surgery if not cash in on his life insurance and party on sister!