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My exhusband is an addict has had numerous stents of being clean and of relapsing. He has recently relapsed and is shooting coke. My kids love him and im torn whether to keep them happy now amd allow him to see them n then when theyre grown n have memories of their father looking like a walking wounded corpse n know the real reason why....or watch my kids hurt missing him now to spare them haunting memories when theyre older. My kids are 5&6. Are they too young to realize any difference in him n its just me exaggerating the situation bc i do know what he is doing? Theres a thoysand more things to add n idk where to start or whay would be relevant for my main issue. What do i do thats best for my kids? Please help!!
aubylu aubylu 26-30, F 4 Answers Feb 2 in Parenting & Family

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Keep the children away from him, he is not in a position in his life right now to be of any positive effect on the children. The children do not need to see him this way either...when he's on a high, he will not be able to make rational choices or anything when the children are with him and this is dangerous. Talk with him, tell him how you feel and let him know what is going to happen. He must want to clean himself up permanently before seeing the kids and if he wants this bad enough, he will and can do this but until then...personally, I would keep the children safe, not subjected to this type of lifestyle. They are young and need the best environment they can possibly have....one good parent is most important. If they ask you why....you could tell them that dad is not feeling well and is fixing a lot in his life....make it appear his fixing things is like a long job for now until they get older and have a better understanding of why.

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Im rolling my eyes at myself right now as i get ready to type bc i know how cliche and ridiculous this sounds:<br />
Im not sticking up for him but... Has anyone ever or rather if youve ever, bc its a personal question to answer, but if you've ever done coke you know the effects and youre still coherent, for lack of a better word. Its not like pot or opiates. Aka he wouldnt drive them in a car idk its hard to explain. And he is a good dad to them. In oct he started and i said from the beginning its the drugs or your kids, he lied through his teeth that he wasnt getting high, keeping kids from him is going to make him get high... But ive dealt with him for 16 years, i know all the tell tale signs, the behavior changes, etc. Ohhh and the excuses are infinite...back on track, he didnt see the kids until a few days before christmas. It broke my heart that they werent enough to clean up. It broke my heart hearing my kids cry, seeing the disappointment n hurt. I was at a loss for excuses...id try to bring up something else when they asked and then i did come out with daddy is very very sick and he needs rest so he can get better again. It silenced their questions but didnt silence their pain. So since Christmas things have been great. Hes been with the kids hes been clean...until recently when the tell tale signs started to rear its ugly head. It killed me seeing my kids for the two months of his absence, n then to have him ripped away again? Idk if i can do it. But on the other side of the token, which is one of my huge points, is im done enabling him. Im not gonna let him get high then when he starts to come dowm a few hours later let him swing on over to hang out with the kids.easiers no bring an active addict AND active daddy. Its one or the other. I hate having to make such a big decision that will greatly effect someone other than me esp when those someones are my kids. <br />
Please do not take this the wrong way, i mean no disrespect nor am i trying to dismiss your opinion, but as with anything it is easier to give an opinion when its not you. Your boyfriend treats you like crap? Oh break up with him, its that simple. Only its not. If you think about past crappy relationships youve had then it dawns on you....ahhh like a light bulb clicked... I remember! Thats why i was hoping for insight from moms who have gone through this, who were forced to make this decision. How thry did it, how thr kids turned out etc.

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It's best to protect your kids from that behavior period. Allowing them to be around a known drug user CAN get YOU charged with neglect in most states! It doesn't matter if he's the father.<br />
Don't reward his bad behavior. Make it known not seeing his kids is a consequence of his actions.

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