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JayJay11801 JayJay11801 36-40, M 10 Answers Nov 29, 2011

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For better or worst in sickness or in health..til death do us part....we said this before a room full of our family, peers and God. It has been nothing like the movies, or a Spielberg novel we both have been through hell and back. Presently we are on the up side of a healthcare mountain that promises to be an endless trek to the top...God help me..get there with him. I really suggest getting some time alone with yourself. Write down exactly what you need. spell it out. Read it back and then say it out loud so it is what you heard your own self say. I need A. B.; C. period and I STOPPED LOVING MY WIFE BECAUSE Then get ready to explain your needs to your significant other just what changed. You need this because. A____, B_____ C______make it clear. then the response will be.. I can do that, OR I cannot do that.<br />
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Then listen to her she has some A. B C stuff too...that she needs. Get through the crying, the yelling and the angry feelings get through them.Keep a safe distance if things get physical. Remember to Turn off all phones, take no bathroom breaks, no TV or radio or neighbors asking for sugar. Get and give her complete attention and above all silence is the clue when someone is listening If they are screaming, and yelling they are not listening.<br />
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I hope this helps by the way we celebrated our 45 year anniversary in June 2011

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i think its wonderful that you are so involved in your child. but you also deserve to be happy, & if you feel that you have done everything you could do to improve the relationship, but it hasn't helped, then maybe its time it ended. <br />
the first thing i recommend would be to speak with an attorney, & make it clear your priority is your child, & the amount of time you have with your child. if you move out of where you live now, but still in the same school district, & provide your child a bedroom of his/ her own, you could have your child for 50% of the time. i know its not the same as every single day. but perhaps your wife would be open to you having the child over for dinner, bringing him/ her to school, & there is always extra-curricular activities that you can attend, if your child participates, for days when you don't have him/ her with you. my brother & sis-in-law are divorced, & he has my nieces for 4 overnights/ wk. they are probably not the best example to go by; they are both petty, spiteful people, & my nieces suffer because they can't work together. in some states its a law that if you have children & are getting divorced, you are required to take parenting classes. maybe start looking into classes. your child will most likely be upset over the divorce, but if you are open & honest with your child & you & your wife can get along, work together, & compromise, it doesn't have to be this big traumatizing event. he/ she probably already sees you are unhappy, & is waiting for the ball to drop. <br />
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you deserve to be happy, & its easier to be the kind of parent your child needs you to be when you take care of yourself, too. good luck.

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Talk to your wife or go for counseling on your own and if you both need counseling s/he will tell you.

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Ask your wife. Not us.

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I might be to young to have a clear view in the matter.<br />
But to me the age of the child is also important.<br />
If it's a young child (0-12) it's better to divorce, because children notice when their parents are unhappy and it's better for them in the long run, which is my guess if your profile age is correct :)

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It is best to divorce when the child is very young or an adult. I learned this in child developmental psych.

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In my case my child is 10, and while it's true about children being better off in the long run, just the thought of not being here for my child as i am on a daily basis kills me, do you know what i mean?

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I can understand it's a choice between two evils.
My parents had issues to, it got worse and then a little better and then a little worse and so on.
I can tell you I did not feel safe as a child, never knowing what things would be like when I got home.
I'd be to long of a story to tell all the detaills.
But I can't help but wondering if my mother would've been happier before she got ill and passed away if she had given herself a chance on a new life (not that she was constantly unhappy).
And I still have the same issues people have when their parents had a rough divorce (trust issues, over controling, fearfull).
But if your still very doubtfull I'd suggest counseling at leat once, so you can see the look in your wifes eyes if/what it means to her, and she can look into yours.
People do change even if it's only a one in a million shot.
I hope you'll figure out what's best :)

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Well if your not feeling for some one else. Its best that you either go through marriage couseling or try to sit there and rekendle somethings you did with your with when you two first started or spice up your sexual life try new things or talk to her into getting a new look but the love should be there if not then there was never love to begin with hun good luck

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I think the worst part of my situation is that i know deep inside what my next step should be, and it's not rekindiling old flames, in that part of ny marriage things are actually ok, i've always considered getting proffesional help, but just knowing that my wife ignores so many red flags leaves me feeling like i should't waste my time.

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do you love someone else?

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I wish!! but the answer is no

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Proceed slowly and with great care. Your decision in this matter concerns more people than just you. Good Luck

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