I know your situation well. Actually I know it too well and from her side of it. How to word it.... I've lied to my husband, he knows. I've cheated on my husband, he knows. (not saying she has cheated on you or ever will just going with my case) In the interest of preserving our relationship and rebuilding it in a healthy way I put up and acquiesce to several things which some may view as controlling and over protective but I understand where he is coming from. He's been hurt beyond belief and needs to feel like he knows what is going on in my life. He has all my passwords and I'm fine with that, but I still tend to get my back up when he goes nosing around even though there is nothing to find (it's a natural response)<br />
Now your reaction is natural (given the information I have) but so is hers. I don't know what you guys believe about the mechanics of a relationship and spousal roles etc. so it's hard to say what you should do. I would try explaining your hurt, and your worry, that you want to work towards building a better relationship and having the thought in the back of your head that she may be lying to you etc. will wind up hurting your relationship long term. Explain you want to trust her, you want to move forward etc. Personally I wish my husband and I had gone to counseling before things escalated in my case. So that may be a good idea. <br />
Try and be understanding and know we women are not always reasonable.
Sorry but you ARE trying to control her, and this will lead to her feeling trapped and looking for trust elsewhere.
You shouldn't focus on that, but rather on the quality of your relationship in the real world, do you feel happy, does she feel happy?
If the two of you can't come to a mutual understanding may be time to part ways.
dude, if she's your spouse and you've sworn to love and behold each other through thick or thin, I don't see what control you still have of yourselves. you should be giving of each other fully if i understand how love goes.<br />
with that said, there's no reason to point fingers. I think full honesty and communication is lacking a bit here. why don't you sit her down and talk with her? I don't see why she can't share things with you as long as you're rational about it and as long as she's not legally bound to not tell you in some way.<br />
It is natural to feel some distrust after you've been lied to but part of love is to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Of course it is natural, and if she has nothing to hide, then she should be open and truthful to you, and show you her extra accounts, however, if she still refuses, then you may have a problem in trusting her, a fact which has been "fanned" by her reluctence to be fully open.
in my experience (tho limited as to others) if there's nothing to hide, why be so secretive? i have been the one who is careful where i put my phone and if my bf knew or didn't know my passwords. i never wanted him to get close to or touch my phone or my computer or my facebook. i had things to hide. but i grew up, i came clean. he has my passwords to everything and i to his. i have nothing to hide.
I wouldn't ask for her password, but what's wrong with asking her to log in with you sitting there? What's to hide? Given the past indiscretion, you just want confirmation that trying to trust her again is a good idea. This may be embarrassing to her, and she may go on the offensive about how you should trust her more and not be so controlling... But she needs to remember that she brought the suspicions on with HER actions. If she loves you and wants you to trust her -- and if she isn't pulling the same crap -- she'll cooperate.
If you were lied to in the past by her, then i can see where you would naturally be suspicious of her motives/actions. i cant relate to this. I believe that a husband and wife shouldn't keep secrets like this from one another and if they do, then there is obviously something there to hide. <br />
my mama always said, "if they lie to you once, they will do it again."
hello, idolno1 <br />
it seems that you find no place for privacy in your relationship.<br />
maybe you are correct<br />
........................................ but that would kill me<br />
i need my own space and having private snailmail and email is part of that<br />
i wonder, what makes you need to be in control of everything?<br />
respect to you, from robbie
thank you for your open honesty .... i truly respect that. it seems that you have a is real mistrust of you wife... do you think she is having an affair....??? or is she maintaining a private place for her sense of self... but not doing anything that goes against her marriage commitment ? seems like the two of you need to hold a conversation.. truly listen to each other. maybe profession input would help.... relationship therapy helps couples to understand each other better. i hope this helps... feel free to message me if you want to talk further. respect to you, from robbie
It is natural and she should be doing everything humanly possible to win back your trust.
She is not satifisfied with something in her relationship with you. Maybe you are not paying enough attention to her?
How long have you two been together? Maybe your relationship has dried out. She needs some excitement in her life. You two should go on a exotic vacation or something. A women will never tell you she's bored.