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I am in a marriage that I really need to exit ASAP, yet I don't have any resources of my own. Instead I'm spending thousands in student loans to get through grad school so that I can have a professional career and support my kids. Between work, school and the kids I will have no time for much else during the next 2 years, but it's important to me that I'm self-sufficient. My husband comes from an affluent family and yet I don't want to ever ask him for anything, including alimony and child support. I just want to be done with this and move on.
lottalatte lottalatte 36-40, F 16 Answers Nov 4, 2012 in Community

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Get a lawyer, pay attention to what he/she tells you and let him/her handle it however they feel is best. Don't just throw darts at the phone book either; ask around, get a good lawyer.

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Nope, not the right way. You have picked up some assumed "in-dependency" that getting professional job is easy after education. Education for long has been a scam and hardly 30% of those who pursue the education, gain employment. Remaining just end up sponsoring the school & other students. Education loans are another scam in partnership with schools, so people start paying higher fees since loan is available. So on one side be sceptical that you are entering a financial crisis, which can impair your normal life.<br />
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Also since your husband wants his freedom, I don't think he would mind sponsoring you money. It need not be an alimony but a friendly monthly income which you can ask until you stabilise. So ask him for his support for about two years OR until you are stable , where on a later date you can also return his money. Treating him as a friend and take a clean exit.

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Right or wrong it will be your way. Your way will be the way that you can take care of your children the best in the long term. You didn't ask for this burden. I am sure you will shoulder it the best way you can. Your soon to be ex gives the rest of us a bad rep.

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I never think of him giving anyone a bad rep actually. I have never encountered anyone else like him and will never completely understand what makes him "tick." I do know that I don't hold any resentment, despite the severity of his conduct. To hold resentment would only further place a burden on me rather than allowing myself to truly be free.

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I don't have kids but I have been through a divorce. I really think that becoming self sufficient is the best thing you can do, but let him at least pay child support. The way it works, you have to spend it on the kids and it is not taxed on your income but on his (alimony, on the other hand, is income to you and a deduction for him). That way, you really know it is not for you. But being personally self sufficient will help give you the strength to move on. Of course, I don't know the situation, but even if he has done nothing wrong to deserve this, he will be better off without a wife who wants to leave him anyhow...

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He's having an affair and is abusive. Enough said.

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yeah... he's a bastard. ugh. I hate men!

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That is your pride talking. I suggest you wait till your on your feet before you reject child support.

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Why do you need to exit the marriage? Are there things the two of you could work on? Unless it is abuse (physical/emotional) or serial cheating on his part, it maybe worth trying to work things out. I grew up in a single parent household, did not want it for my children yet here I am married but separated, not easy at all.

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I do need to exit the marriage for both of those reasons stated.

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Sorry, same here. You are doing the right thing continuing getting your qualifications but 2 years is a long time to be stuck in that kind of situation. As Hermey said, child support is not asking for something, the children require it. You need support in the real world, any family that can help you? Also document the abuse, it will help you when you are ready to break free of him. So sorry.

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It allcomes down to a few things. What do your kids have to give up so your self-sufficent and your pride stays in tact? can you handle the next two years? can you and your kids live through you going through a break down with you streched so damn thin? can you forgive yourself down the road? I like to say live with no regrets. Thats not always possible but they can only ask your best. Includeing god. So what do you believe is your best? dont sacrifice yourself for nothing either. Make sure your the happyiest you can be given the situation. Just dont put yourself or anything else above you kids. Good luck. I am here if you need someone to talk to to get through it. Or if you nee dmore advice. ANyway have fun.

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Thanks. Not sure if I'm actually "having fun."

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the wonderful gift of sarcasm.

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That seams the right way to go if u can get a quality job if not u need the money

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Alimony.. but fair about it at teh same time. Imagine 2 more years as you are right now... can you handle it?

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I don't know if I can to be quite honest.

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You're trying to better yourself, nothing wrong with that.

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