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Okay, so I have been dating this guy for a while now ( about 6 months) and we have been having our ups and downs. However, I am feeling BETRAYED because I am just now figuring out he and my SHADY best friend hooked up more than once right before we were together. She always disproved of our relationship and I never knew why until now. I had a suspicion they had something before in the past but every time I asked, both would deny it. However, the truth came out and turns out BOTH lied to me and they did hook up (as in more than just make out.) I feel like I look like a complete IDIOT for being lied to this whole time and I just want some opinions as whether or not I have the right to be mad or not. What do you guys think? I know it happened in the past, but they lied in the PRESENT.
justbefree justbefree 18-21, F 17 Answers May 16, 2012

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Did you flat out ask them previously and they denied it or did they just not tell you ?<br />
If you have been lied to then yes you can be mad but if they just didn't tell you then it's really not so bad . <br />
How ever I think you really need to take a good long look at the people you surround yourself , sounds like neither one care a great deal about you .<br />
You should have trusted your instincts but hey this a learning experience for you , you'll be better for it in the long run .

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I did flat out ask them previously because I heard a rumor. I dont like to believe what other people say so I just asked them about it and when they said no, I trusted them enough to just brush it off. But now I see it was really the truth. And the worst thing, is that both of them act like they dont care and went on about their happy lives and I'm the one hurt by this.

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I know it must hurt , any betrayal like this does and it changes the way we trust other people but better now then a year down the track .
Like I said you will learn from this and expect more out of people you associate with .
Be mad , it's good but don't expect them to give you the apology you want . I don't believe people like that will give you one as they are self serving .
Get them out of your life and move on , it's all you can really do .

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I know all too well the betrayal of someone who says they love you and then you find out information that proves their character to be different from what you imagined. It then leaves you questioning your entire involvement with them. I dont think this is a reason in itself to break up but if youre already having ups n downs and trusting isnt easy then just let it go... for now at least....

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Think about this - do YOU value honesty? If you do, your boyfriend doesn't. The more your values align, the happier you'll be. Or, look on your current relationship as a FWB and start planning for a better, drama-free future.

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Oh, good grief? Did they testify on a Bible before a jury of 12 as well?<br />
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What they did before was their business. It's what they do now that matters. They are probably both just trying to prevent your obvious jealous streak from exploding. Forget it. Act like a normal hman being and agree what's past is past.<br />
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If they do it again it's over. That simple.

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What he done BEFORE he meet you is history, HE wasn't in YOUR life so you can't complain about it. It's how he been while he's been with you that you have to judge on. SO they both told lies? Think the reason Why? Was it to hide their shame or protect you from the truth. Was the lie told as a discretion. NOT everybody want s to have their past shwn to the world esp a close friend. If you feelthey done it to protect you AND they have NOT hooked up since then they deserve a smile, cuddle and forgiveness. In this world where people are only to happy to shout abou their sex lives then have some admiration for that discretion and your feeling. I know you are hurting now prob more by being lied to than the "hookup" itself. Take a step back and put yurself in her shoes what would you do? Tell her not to go with a boy cos you had him a while ago and he's your reject? KK

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you are so wrong from the word go. You had that vibe on them and it took you this long...to get to the truth. Wow, I'd be pissed at myself more than them.

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You have all the right to be mad.<br />
But won't it be better if, somehow, you could make THEM mad?

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It was b4 you and he were together...forget it.

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Did your boyfriend or your friend tell you? Maybe they were scared of your reaction, or the "hookup" was a mistake. Obviously both of them don't care much about each other considering they lied about hooking up with each other. Sure it's pretty shady, but maybe you should just talk to each one individually, to figure out why they lied or their side of the story

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Thats the thing, NEITHER of them told me. I found out through a mutual friend of both. And when I confronted them about it, they both admitted it.

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Okay yeah that's a little shady. But I still think they hid it from you for a reason. Communication is key!!

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Worst part is Ive asked them each before if anything ever happened between them when I started hearing rumors but they both quickly denied. She probably didnt want to come off as 'easy' and he said it was the past so it didnt matter. But I feel like it does matter.... Im so confused on what to do. We are already broken up and my best friend and I are in an awkward no talking stage...

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True, but I just wonder what else they kept from me. It's hard to trust them now because it isnt the first time either of them lied about something or "left out" part of the truth.

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Well maybe they thought if you knew about it then you and your boyfriend wouldn't have got together in the first place? Like i know if my bestfriend hooked up with a boy i liked I could never be with him after, it's just kind of a moral thing. But maybe there's more to the story. Anyways did you break up with him BECAUSE he hooked up with her? If so I think that's a little harsh..

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2 More Responses

they may have kept it secret to protect your feelings. it does seem kind of wierd and ingrown though i understand where your coming from

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I would feel betrayed too, you asked and they both denied and together kept a secret from you. Not cool at all.

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This is very true that it happened before you were with him, but the fact that you were lied to by both of them is not cool, and how are you supposed to trust him that he hasn't hooked up with her since he has been with you? Kick them both to the curb I say!

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