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I have male/female twins that are 27 years old. Have always been real close to my daughter in all areas of life. I am close to my son, yet he is more reserved about his personal life. My son and I only live 30 miles away from each other and talked about 2-4 times a month. My daughter lives 2000 miles away and talked every day on the phone. About 6 months ago, my daughter just stopped taking my phone calls and stopped calling me. Out of the blue, she just stopped. No explanation, no nothing!! The first week, I got a little concerned not hearing from her. I panicked thinking she was sick or something had happened. I called her work to talk to her to make sure she was okay, to find out that she no longer worked at this job she has had for 7 years. At the end of that week, I mailed her a letter. I called her twin brother to see if maybe he had talked to her. To find out that he changed his phone number. 6 months later now.. Am I out of line feeling I deserve an explanation?
sunny22always sunny22always 41-45, F 11 Answers Nov 8, 2011

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That is very sad! ... Children often cause a rift between one another and all i can think of is this is what has happened... I hope they come to reolise that life is short - I hope they come round soon.

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something is going on and maybe you will need to take a little trip to your daughter and straight things out. Good luck hope you guys be able to fix the relationship, I know this can be very painful for you but hold the faith!!

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Yes, you certainly deserve an explanation. It sounds like they have been communicating with each other. Were you a good parent to them? I feel like significant details are missing. They can't just stop communicating with you for no reason. You should have some idea about what they are upset about.

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Thank you for the reassurance. If I was nothing at all, I have always been a good parent! To the best of my ability. Parochial schooling, church, youth group, band and many sports. They have told me years ago that I sheltered them and was too perspective as a parent. I have absolutely no idea why they would be upset. I'm not surprised with my son, as he chooses to be in a relationship with an insecure, controlling, not so friendly young girl. I seen that one coming... I had just talked to my daughter a week prior (late April) we were ordering things for her off line together on the phone. No indication of any sort of any problem or being upset!

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its hard to say why they would do that but it cant be good,one thing ive noticed,when parents treat their children like they can do no wrong, give them everything without working for it ,allow them to talk down to them,never question what they say ,it always turns out bad for them,parents think if i do this or that they wont love me id rather have them in my life at any cost,bad idea,kids are not your buddies, the best thing you can do for them is give them the tools the need to be sucessful in life,be honest to them about life, by saying you can do anything you put your mind to isnt enough, teach them about sex drugs make them aware of the evils that exsit if they start to show signs of out of control behavior, take them to see a professional, if your kid broke his arm youd rush them to a doctor if they act crazy rush them to a doctor get help if you dont feel things are going well at 27 it s kinda late

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That must be so painful. Is it the norm in your family to not address family issues?

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No! Normally we are pretty open about our family issues. I guess that's why I'm so hurt, not to mention shocked. This has never happened in all their 27 years. I have talked to many people about this situation, and I realize that I have failed in the areas of pampering them, and may not of given them more responsibilities to earn there respect. I'm just guessing at that TireSoup, I just don't know!

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from your responses i feel that you are far too much of a presence in their adult lives and i believe they have taken flight as a result. perhaps i'm wrong to presume this but some of your answers come across as overbearing and continuing to *parent* your adult children. perhaps they have been trying to tell you they are adults for some time and are growing tiresome of your interference in their adult decisions.<br />
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i don't mean to sound mean here either but your son is in a relationship with someone who reminds him of you. perhaps you don't like how similar the two of you are.<br />
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"They have told me years ago that I sheltered them and was too perspective as a parent. I have absolutely no idea why they would be upset. I'm not surprised with my son, as he chooses to be in a relationship with an insecure, controlling, not so friendly young girl." <br />
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- perhaps you are friendlier than this girl you mention but you are still exerting your power as a parent just by stating how you feel about this. if you have shared these thoughts with your son i'm not surprised he has bolted. i had to stop talking to my own mother frequently because at 34 years old i get tired of her trying to *fix* any issue i have or giving me ill-advice. my upbringing was largely different in that my mother was rather neglectful... her shame and embarrassment has caused her to be overbearing and more caring than ever now that i'm an adult but the truth is, i've had enough.

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Thank you Arelya. You don't sound mean at all. I appreciate you honesty and your option. You could be right about being overbearing. I do understand they are adults and have their own lives now. I do respect that. If that is really how they feel, I just wish that they could be adult enough to just tell me to back off. Anything! My son knows how his girlfriend is. He has came to me in the past and complained about her and admitted he thinks that he is just "settling". I reminded him of being young and life is too short to settle with someone if your not in love with them. She don't want him to have family or friends! He's a totaly different person since he's been with her. I have had his life long buddies call me and ask about him. He chooses to be in that relationship though, so I do stay out of that, and again, Not real surprised that he shut me out.

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Of course you deserve a reason....but are you absolutely sure they have never given you one? Could you guess what it might be?<br />
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If you have absolutely NO idea whatsoever what has happened, then I think you should be very concerned; if it were me, I would call a detective agency and ask for a location and background check to see where they are and what is going on.

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maybe you were too close?

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I'm really starting to agree with you, fifilapoo! I have heard that from many people. Thank you for your suggestion. I do appreciate it!

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That's very strange how they would disappear like that. I'd stop by your son's house and see what's up. If he isn't there... make a trip out to your daughter's house. I wouldn't say you were out of line. I'd say you are a concerned parent. Best of luck!

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I have left so many phone messages with my daughter telling her how concerned I am, and reassuring her of my unconditional love that I have for my children, and letting her know that I will always be here for her no matter what!!

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Im so sorry this has happened! It must be extremely unsettling for sure!<br />
I do not feel you are out of line to be able to get a reason from your kids as to why they have shut you out.<br />
Is there anyone in the family who still talks to them?<br />
Did you ever get a hold of your daughter?<br />
Im sorry..<br />
hugs

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Thank you so much. It is beyond unsettling! My heart is just broke. I talked to my mother and my mother-in-law. They both said that they have left messages also with no returned call. I know that my children are adults now. They have their own lives. I guess it hurts because we were always open and close and now I feel like they don't need me anymore......? Hugs to you! Thank you for your companion!!!

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Okay yes they are adults but I dont feel that is how we treat others, especially our family. It's rude to make others worry.. at least they could say Im okay. Im sorry!!

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