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This girl has done nothing but let me down. I have given her many chances to be a good friend. She's let me down every time. This was the last straw and he's told me he'll always have my back but I want him to cut her off completely how to I do that without sounding or coming off controlling? ??
bperry1990 bperry1990 22-25, F 11 Answers Oct 17, 2012 in Broken Hearts & Betrayal

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I would approach it from the point of view of a mature adult and behave as such. People make mistakes and they have to learn things for themselves, if the disowned friend made a mistake befriending your enemy and the enemy is as bad as you say then they will come to the same realization you did after a while and try to seek you out. The boyfriend did not knowingly seek out the other friend you disowned so he should be cut some slack, if you explain you do not want him hanging out with them due to the past, then you should explain the whole situation to them and hope that they act like a mature adult knowing all the information and how it makes you feel and "choose" to avoid the situation and possibly work out a way to talk to your disowned friend to convince them of the enemy. If you do explain everything and this resolves nothing then I would just either make piece with it or move on. Drama is for those who have no lives to spend time on family and friends. <br />
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An inspirational quote I find handy for this situation.<br />
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Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. described bigotry in the following quotation: "The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract.

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When your friend insists on friending someone they KNOW is your enemy, they are NOT your friend! If they were, they would refuse to hurt you in that way! <br />
I've been done this way, too, and I've found out who my friends really were after such incidents!

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Thats exactly how I feel that's why I can't b her friend. Cuz I know that other girl talking about me n shes just listening n agreeing that's not a friend. I'm the type of feiend.who.will never do that I would set that person straight.

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We think a lot alike! :-D I've ALWAYS felt that way- if a person decides to be a friend to another who has consistently caused you harm, then they are NOT your friend! I have had former friends become friends, again, and say "you were right about him/her! They're AWFUL!" The truth will always come out in the end! :-)

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Thank u. U have eased my anxiety a lil lol. I also feel that way about my bf being friends with her she's now my enemy too! I don't wanna tell him anything but I feel he should just kno

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Yes, set him straight about how you feel. And after that you will know who is your true friend, and who is not.

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i definitely will I see him tomorrow. N imma talk it out. I'm not gonna b like u can do this or that imma give him a choice. If he loves me he'll chose me.

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Its good bcuz he told me w.o me even bringing it up that he valued our relationship more then a "friend" whose nvr there for him any way. He said all he needs.is me n his daughter and he's.happy.

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Make sure he's being honest with you about that. People can tell you anything, and mean absolutely nothing in what they say. Just "test the waters thoroughly".

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I've been through the exact same thing over the last month or two! :-(

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I ono I gotta b careful n ill only know once he's out. Then ill c his true intentions

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6 More Responses

I don't really know what this girl has done to you all these times, the only specific you cite is befriending your enemy. Honestly, I would seriously consider this position. Why do you have an enemy? Is it right to do? Are you better off by not holding this person as an enemy?

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Ok well many times she has betrayed me by telling people things that are untrue. Telling people that I'm a ***** bcuz I danced with.guys at the club. Spreadef rumor at our job . Another time she told everyone my secrets. Things that I trusted her with.its been five years so really I can't remember all bcuz I had forgiven her. N this other girl just doesn't like me. I try to b nice..n she talked smack to my boyfriends uncle if she dis that with my family I can only imagine what she's saying to my exbest.friend.

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Providing that there was no reason for them to do that, it seems people just inherently want to do mean things to you. Perhaps they don't like you, but they are obviously being nice to your BF. The first thing I would do is ask him if she has said anything bad about you to him.

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Providing that they didn't have a reason to do those things, it seems that some people just inherently do not like you. They are obviously being nice enough to your BF though since they are friends. The first thing I would do is ask your BF if she has said anything about you to him. If she has, tell him your worried about her lies (if they in fact are lies). Also ask him, why they are friends. Maybe there some things you're not aware of.

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The thing is.he's in.jail. so this all started happening wen he got arrested. He told.me he.has.my bak..that if n e one says anything he would.stick up for me.but I don't trust her cuz there's gotta b some reason neither one wants to b my friend ..

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That's weird, my post got put up twice. Oh well. Also, your bizarre use of punctuation makes me think that you are drunk since I know that you usually have an adequate grasp of the English language. I'm going to bid you adieu and will only say that burning bridges can be very costly.

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That's controlling...no way around it.

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At one point they have had sex way before me and him were ever a thing..so in a way I guess I'm jealous but he says he loves me n I.feel he should choose bcuz she's done nothing but stab me.in the bak

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I've done it for him..why shouldnt he?

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Bur you're in essence telling him whom he can and cannot be friends with. Frankly, I'd leave a woman if she did that.

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No it isn't. I disagree!

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I didn't say he couldn't I've given him a choice which relationship means more. I don't feel I have any right to tell him wat to do that's y I was asking this question. N if he left me cuz her its obvious he doesn't love me.

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So I can't (ask) him to defriend SN ex lover...ya ok that's how u get screwed over.

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you straight up ask him how does he really feel about you! and if your relationship means more important to her than you ! i say fool me once shame on you second time shame on me!

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always their two sides of a pancake ! yes indeed ! get her on here so we can actually hear her side is what i am saying!

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You sound awfully immature and unreasonable , the universe doesn't revolve around you .

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Nor does it revolve around you!

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I have given up alot for my bf! The least he can do is take my side...n about my ex friend idc bcuz to b honest my. Bf is my Best friend. I sacrificed alot for him. I left my family got my own place so he could have safe place to sleep. I gave up my beat Guy friend bcuz he.believed his intentions were bad. I sacrificed alot for him. I ask this one thing of him? How.is that immature? Or self centered? Lol if anything my world revolves around him"

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Certifiable must be pretty immature, too.

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The first mistake was defriending the girl for befriending your 'enemy'. The second mistake will be trying to force him to 'cut her off', because it is a form of control (Just like what you did to your friend was), and most people will rebel against that. Now you will have 3 'enemies' when originally you only had one.. what if you overcame the problems with the initial enemy, asked for forgiveness from the friend who is now an enemy... then you will be the 'bigger person' instead of the insecure one. and you will have 3 friends instead of 3 enemies.

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So I just sit bak n.let them all hang? While the one girl don't like me...u guys made it clear that I'm."controlling" maybe I.should just leave him n forget the problem all together.

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No, I'm suggesting you take a more enlightened approach.. it is so much stronger to be a 'bigger' person, to have compassion (for the ignorant), strength (not letting those who put negativity out there to affect you, even if its about you), and honor (not allowing fear to control your behavior)... cultivating these types of qualities will really help you out in the long run.... it will earn respect.. and people wont use your emotions to cause reactions like this, they wont be able to, they wont be able to 'touch you'... That's all.

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How.am.I insecure? Why should I apologize. U don't kno how nice I was to this girl n she just doesn't like me.

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With some people simply cutting them off this the ONLY answer, because they are hard-headed and hard- hearted as well.

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Not to mention that rarer than diamonds feeling of being happy for the happiness of another (which true Love should be actually be all about...)...

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2 More Responses

That's what happens when you expect more than just plain good sex from certain relations...

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Explain

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Come on, that speaks for itself. It's just that humans are curious little creatures. Their minds often tends to rush in opposite direction to their bodies' tendencies...
You cannot possess another being. CANNOT. Accept this simple fact of life and you future will uncloud more suns for ya...

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HOWEVER, this does not take some very real variations into account.

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